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You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

Have you ever had a friend who seemed to change after they got married? Maybe their moods seem different or maybe they’ve developed some new habits? Well, of course they do! When you get married, you’re not just devoting yourself to another person; you’re molding yourself to their way of life, just as they are yours. That’s why we often notice when we see a couple that has been together for 50+ years that they seem to look like one anther somehow. It can be a scary realization, but relax, it’s completely normal.

Why Marriage Changes Us

People can’t be around eachother frequently without rubbing off on eachother. This is evident, not only in long-term romances, but close friendships too. In marriage, the effect is tenfold because not only are you around your spouse every day, but you’re commited to them. You will naturally start adopting aspects of their lifestyle as they will yours.

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The Little Things

The first thing you may notice after you get married is that you start to sound like your partner. The little sarcastic remarks they make or the figures of speach they use will begin flowing off your tongue. Years later, many couples can’t even remember who the orginator of a phrase or an inside joke is. Pay close attention and you may notice that your partner is starting to sound like you as well. Your friends will probably think it’s sweet and just a little bit unnerving when you start finishing eachother’s sentences. Don’t worry. It’s just a sign that you’re getting closer.

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The Bigger Things

You may also notice after your married that the lifestyle you held while you were single is begnining to change, for better or for worse. For example, if you’re serious about excersize and your spouse isn’t you may notice yourself becomming lax in your regular routine. Then again, your partner may change their habits in an effort to keep up with you! There are other things too. You will be impacted by your significant other’s likes, schedule, health, personality, financial security, family and situation. This can be as difficult as it is wonderful. Just remember that marriage is always an adjustment for both of the people involved.

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When it’s Stressfull, Communicate

Remember that all of these forced lifestyle changes are probably just as shocking to your significant other as they are to you. If something frustrates you or worries you about the way things are, don’t let your emotions fester and grow into resentment. Speak openly with your spouse and set the prescedent for safe, open communication channels. For example, if he was used to leaving the kitchen a mess and you’re getting tired of cleaning up after meals, suggest to him that it may be easier if you both took turns cleaning. Remember that your partner won’t know what’s bothering you if you don’t tell them.

If you married someone, hopefully you already accepted the lifestyle to which you were attatching yourself. Try to have fun as you learn more about yourself and your partner. Marriage isn’t perfect but it is supposed to be a joyful experience.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Itaga via unsplash.com

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Marina Richter

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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