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You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

Have you ever had a friend who seemed to change after they got married? Maybe their moods seem different or maybe they’ve developed some new habits? Well, of course they do! When you get married, you’re not just devoting yourself to another person; you’re molding yourself to their way of life, just as they are yours. That’s why we often notice when we see a couple that has been together for 50+ years that they seem to look like one anther somehow. It can be a scary realization, but relax, it’s completely normal.

Why Marriage Changes Us

People can’t be around eachother frequently without rubbing off on eachother. This is evident, not only in long-term romances, but close friendships too. In marriage, the effect is tenfold because not only are you around your spouse every day, but you’re commited to them. You will naturally start adopting aspects of their lifestyle as they will yours.

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The Little Things

The first thing you may notice after you get married is that you start to sound like your partner. The little sarcastic remarks they make or the figures of speach they use will begin flowing off your tongue. Years later, many couples can’t even remember who the orginator of a phrase or an inside joke is. Pay close attention and you may notice that your partner is starting to sound like you as well. Your friends will probably think it’s sweet and just a little bit unnerving when you start finishing eachother’s sentences. Don’t worry. It’s just a sign that you’re getting closer.

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The Bigger Things

You may also notice after your married that the lifestyle you held while you were single is begnining to change, for better or for worse. For example, if you’re serious about excersize and your spouse isn’t you may notice yourself becomming lax in your regular routine. Then again, your partner may change their habits in an effort to keep up with you! There are other things too. You will be impacted by your significant other’s likes, schedule, health, personality, financial security, family and situation. This can be as difficult as it is wonderful. Just remember that marriage is always an adjustment for both of the people involved.

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When it’s Stressfull, Communicate

Remember that all of these forced lifestyle changes are probably just as shocking to your significant other as they are to you. If something frustrates you or worries you about the way things are, don’t let your emotions fester and grow into resentment. Speak openly with your spouse and set the prescedent for safe, open communication channels. For example, if he was used to leaving the kitchen a mess and you’re getting tired of cleaning up after meals, suggest to him that it may be easier if you both took turns cleaning. Remember that your partner won’t know what’s bothering you if you don’t tell them.

If you married someone, hopefully you already accepted the lifestyle to which you were attatching yourself. Try to have fun as you learn more about yourself and your partner. Marriage isn’t perfect but it is supposed to be a joyful experience.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Itaga via unsplash.com

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Marina Richter

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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