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You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

You Don’t Marry A Man, You Marry A Lifestyle. (It’s Not About Wealth Though)

Have you ever had a friend who seemed to change after they got married? Maybe their moods seem different or maybe they’ve developed some new habits? Well, of course they do! When you get married, you’re not just devoting yourself to another person; you’re molding yourself to their way of life, just as they are yours. That’s why we often notice when we see a couple that has been together for 50+ years that they seem to look like one anther somehow. It can be a scary realization, but relax, it’s completely normal.

Why Marriage Changes Us

People can’t be around eachother frequently without rubbing off on eachother. This is evident, not only in long-term romances, but close friendships too. In marriage, the effect is tenfold because not only are you around your spouse every day, but you’re commited to them. You will naturally start adopting aspects of their lifestyle as they will yours.

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The Little Things

The first thing you may notice after you get married is that you start to sound like your partner. The little sarcastic remarks they make or the figures of speach they use will begin flowing off your tongue. Years later, many couples can’t even remember who the orginator of a phrase or an inside joke is. Pay close attention and you may notice that your partner is starting to sound like you as well. Your friends will probably think it’s sweet and just a little bit unnerving when you start finishing eachother’s sentences. Don’t worry. It’s just a sign that you’re getting closer.

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The Bigger Things

You may also notice after your married that the lifestyle you held while you were single is begnining to change, for better or for worse. For example, if you’re serious about excersize and your spouse isn’t you may notice yourself becomming lax in your regular routine. Then again, your partner may change their habits in an effort to keep up with you! There are other things too. You will be impacted by your significant other’s likes, schedule, health, personality, financial security, family and situation. This can be as difficult as it is wonderful. Just remember that marriage is always an adjustment for both of the people involved.

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When it’s Stressfull, Communicate

Remember that all of these forced lifestyle changes are probably just as shocking to your significant other as they are to you. If something frustrates you or worries you about the way things are, don’t let your emotions fester and grow into resentment. Speak openly with your spouse and set the prescedent for safe, open communication channels. For example, if he was used to leaving the kitchen a mess and you’re getting tired of cleaning up after meals, suggest to him that it may be easier if you both took turns cleaning. Remember that your partner won’t know what’s bothering you if you don’t tell them.

If you married someone, hopefully you already accepted the lifestyle to which you were attatching yourself. Try to have fun as you learn more about yourself and your partner. Marriage isn’t perfect but it is supposed to be a joyful experience.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Itaga via unsplash.com

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Marina Richter

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on October 15, 2018

Why Helping Others Actually Helps Yourself

Why Helping Others Actually Helps Yourself

Helping others: it’s a fundamental part of humanity, bonding together and helping a fellow man or woman. In times of tragedy, the stories of those who help others are inspiring, such as helping the nation recover from national disasters and terrorist attacks. Some men and women even devote their lives to helping others, from the police force that protects our cities, to the fire departments who run into burning buildings, to the service men and women who risk their lives for the common good.

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

But helping others isn’t limited to these grand gestures or times of tribulation. Helping others can be done each and every day. And contrary to what you may have heard, helping others doesn’t always have to be a selfless act. It’s important to understand that helping others can actually help yourself. No matter what the motivation, getting out and helping others is the key. So in that spirit of motivation, here are 5 reasons why helping others actually helps yourself.

1. Quid Pro Quo

When you help someone, they will be more likely to help you. This is the basic, unspoken agreement that fuels nearly every move. I’ll spend my entire day lugging boxes, but you owe me. It’s much easier to find help when someone knows you’d do the same for them. They may not always live up to their end of the bargin, and you may not either. But if you help enough people and do many good deeds, it will be given back when needed.

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2. Karma goes both ways.

All too often, the idea of Karma is described in a negative way. If you do bad, bad will come find you. But it works the other way too. When you are a good person and help people, good things seem to happen. And while you may not believe in an inter-connected universe that rewards good deeds, there is something to be said about how helping others changes your perspective. When you’re helping others, you will often feel better about yourself, increasing the likelihood that your next experience will be a positive one, rather than a negative one.

3. Doing good feels good.

It’s maybe the most cited benefit of doing good: you’ll feel great. Helping others is a great way to feel better about yourself. Seeing a smile or even tears of joy makes it all worth it. It’s as simple as that.

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4. Good publicity is the best publicity.

People notice when you’re doing good. It may not be the reason you help out, but someone is always watching. Even the simplest gesture can make an awesome impression.

When I was in college, I had a class that helped out at a school for a full day. I worked with a small group of high school students who were incredibly interested in writing, and I had a great time. I asked the teacher if I could come back on my own time and work with these students to finish this project we were working on, to which she agreed.

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I went two more times that week, thinking nothing more about it. Fast forward a few weeks: I received a letter in the mail stating I had been chosen as a Presidential Grant Recipient for the summer and received a $2,000 stipend to work with a group of students and professors on a research project over the summer. I was floored, as I hadn’t even applied. I was nominated by that teacher who appreciated the work I did with her students. It wasn’t expected, but helping others ended up opening a door I never would have known was even available.

5. Helping others looks good on a resume or application.

Is your resume looking a little thin? Does your college application need a bit of pizzaz? Volunteering your time and energy to help others makes your resume and applications look as good as it makes you feel. Hiring managers look favorably on volunteer work and many acceptance committees use it to separate similar candidates. So read to some first graders, volunteer at the homeless shelter, and volunteer at your local Boys and Girl Club. Your resume will thank you.

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Featured photo credit: xavi talleda via flickr.com

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