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You Don’t Marry a Man; You Marry a Lifestyle

You Don’t Marry a Man; You Marry a Lifestyle

Marriage is often portrayed as the joining of two people who love and care for one another. You probably grew up being told by family and well-meaning older friends to find someone who makes you happy and who shares your interests. This is sound advice, but how many of us really acknowledge that how you live the rest of your life may hinge on the sort of person you marry? It’s important to think not only about how someone makes you feel, but the kind of life the two of you will share.

What exactly do you need to consider before agreeing to walk down the aisle? Perhaps the two key considerations are where the two of you will live and whether you will have children. If you want to live in an urban area for most of your working life but your fiancé yearns to live in the countryside, you may have to accept that you want to lead opposing lifestyles. This will require that one or both parties compromise if the relationship is to survive. You should also think carefully about how many children you wish to have, because this will affect the kind of place in which you will live, the amount of disposable income you will have, and the degree of personal freedom you will enjoy. For the sake of any children you may have, you both need to commit fully to the idea of being a parent if you wish to start a family.

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Financial matters are another area in which it is vital to clarify before getting married. Check that your attitudes towards spending, saving, and debt management are compatible. If one of you has a “live for the moment” attitude but the other is an ardent saver, this could cause friction in your relationship. You also need to decide on whether you wish to own or rent your home, as this will affect your financial future. For example, if one person wants to buy a house and get a mortgage as soon as possible but the other wants the flexibility of renting, some kind of agreement or compromise is warranted. You should also think about everyday money management. For instance, will you have a joint account or combine finances?

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Day-to-day practicalities also need to be addressed. For example, who is going to be responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and general upkeep of the home? If the two of you want to have children, who will be their primary caregiver? You should also think about how you will handle your leisure time, and how often you expect to spend an evening or weekend with your spouse. Make sure that your leisure preferences are such that you can look forward to building a mutually enjoyable lifestyle. If you like to spend your weekends on short trips but your fiancé much prefers to pass the time at home, consider whether you are content to go by yourself. Some couples are happy to spend a significant amount of time apart pursuing their own hobbies and interests, but if you are the kind of person who likes to share as many experiences as possible with your significant other, the marriage and lifestyle on offer may not be right for you.

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Remember that marriage is not simply a case of picking someone who seems like a good fit and then hoping love will smooth over any cracks. Take a long, hard look at the ways in which marriage to this particular individual are likely to impact you in the future. Taking time to get a realistic picture of what you and your would-be spouse want for the future will allow you to determine whether the two of you are truly right for one another.

Adapted from Quora

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More by this author

Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

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It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

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3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

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Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

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6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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