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You Don’t Marry a Man; You Marry a Lifestyle

You Don’t Marry a Man; You Marry a Lifestyle

Marriage is often portrayed as the joining of two people who love and care for one another. You probably grew up being told by family and well-meaning older friends to find someone who makes you happy and who shares your interests. This is sound advice, but how many of us really acknowledge that how you live the rest of your life may hinge on the sort of person you marry? It’s important to think not only about how someone makes you feel, but the kind of life the two of you will share.

What exactly do you need to consider before agreeing to walk down the aisle? Perhaps the two key considerations are where the two of you will live and whether you will have children. If you want to live in an urban area for most of your working life but your fiancé yearns to live in the countryside, you may have to accept that you want to lead opposing lifestyles. This will require that one or both parties compromise if the relationship is to survive. You should also think carefully about how many children you wish to have, because this will affect the kind of place in which you will live, the amount of disposable income you will have, and the degree of personal freedom you will enjoy. For the sake of any children you may have, you both need to commit fully to the idea of being a parent if you wish to start a family.

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Financial matters are another area in which it is vital to clarify before getting married. Check that your attitudes towards spending, saving, and debt management are compatible. If one of you has a “live for the moment” attitude but the other is an ardent saver, this could cause friction in your relationship. You also need to decide on whether you wish to own or rent your home, as this will affect your financial future. For example, if one person wants to buy a house and get a mortgage as soon as possible but the other wants the flexibility of renting, some kind of agreement or compromise is warranted. You should also think about everyday money management. For instance, will you have a joint account or combine finances?

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Day-to-day practicalities also need to be addressed. For example, who is going to be responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and general upkeep of the home? If the two of you want to have children, who will be their primary caregiver? You should also think about how you will handle your leisure time, and how often you expect to spend an evening or weekend with your spouse. Make sure that your leisure preferences are such that you can look forward to building a mutually enjoyable lifestyle. If you like to spend your weekends on short trips but your fiancé much prefers to pass the time at home, consider whether you are content to go by yourself. Some couples are happy to spend a significant amount of time apart pursuing their own hobbies and interests, but if you are the kind of person who likes to share as many experiences as possible with your significant other, the marriage and lifestyle on offer may not be right for you.

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Remember that marriage is not simply a case of picking someone who seems like a good fit and then hoping love will smooth over any cracks. Take a long, hard look at the ways in which marriage to this particular individual are likely to impact you in the future. Taking time to get a realistic picture of what you and your would-be spouse want for the future will allow you to determine whether the two of you are truly right for one another.

Adapted from Quora

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More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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