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Why People Don’t Have To Like You And Why You Don’t Have To Care

Why People Don’t Have To Like You And Why You Don’t Have To Care

We all want to heal the world and make it a better place. And it is vital. However, before you begin to attempt launching on the world stage and getting involved in the lives of family, friends, and, in a few cases, people you do not even know, put a spotlight on yourself.

Are you feeling drained and exhausted with everyone needing or wanting something from you? Our boundaries are mixed when we float on sensitive and caring bubbles.The toxic bubbles start bursting those bubbles. Even if we convince ourselves that is it beneficial, red lights will appear and all comes to a halt. You feel like no one cares when you are the one that really has an issue.

Do for Yourself As You Do Unto Others

Now everybody needs to be liked, but remember that you can easily slip into this mission the wrong way. You first need to focus on liking yourself before getting others to like you. You bend over backwards for other people all the time, and yes, they may like all you do for them. But ask yourself, do you actually like you? With more inner stability, you become less of an emotional roller coaster.

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Change your negativity; control your emotions and your feelings. Happiness does not depend on external factors. It links directly to your sense of contentment. It is possible and easy to be happy by just being yourself. You need to accept who you are to grow. Your mind cannot simply be logged into. People cannot just explore how you feel and how you are doing, they can just assume it.

We are constantly bogged down with the needs of others. Our time, energy, and space leaves no personal productivity. A crucial way forward is learning the gentle art of saying no. It is great to get compliments from others, but if you rely on validation of how good you are from others, you can easily plunge into an emotional roller coaster. When you appreciate yourself, you do not go out of your way unnecessarily and people start to like the real you. There is a lack of genuineness in your gestures if you camouflage yourself according to different strokes for the different folks you’re surrounded by to fit in.

Healing the Scars of Sacrifice

When you are too busy focusing on the needs of everybody else around you, like your spouse, your children, and your friends, you give little thought to yourself and your own needs. The noble tunes of self-sacrifice has a soul rhythm does it not? We are taught, instilled with, and ingrained with doing for others before ourselves.

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Have you noticed that people who self-sacrifice the most always get the short end of the stick when they do decide to do something for themselves and go out and play? They become the substitute and standby players. And the ones who seem the most selfish end up in top ranks. Question that. You have been taught that it is selfish to think about you. It may be desirable putting your loved ones before you, but withholding your own needs will be a backslide for you. It is affirming to the world that you do not matter.

Now, let us examine what emotional needs really are. If you are not clear about your emotional needs to yourself, you are not clear to others. To thrive in the life game, you need to resolve conflicts, be aware of emotional needs, and ensure you get them met.

All around, you take the support you provide for granted, while you perceive your own needs as self-absorbed. If you do not value your needs, nobody can value them. People treat us in the way we demand to be treated. If we treat ourselves as if we have no value, others will treat us that way excessively. And then we get frustrated when we get no respect. Others treat you with no regards for your own needs because ultimately, you do not have regard for yourself.

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The Plan of Action

Do this exercise: picture yourself in a happy personal or business relationship. How would you ideally be treated in that picture? Would they linger around you all the time or give you your own space? Write down in detail what the perfect relationship would entail.

Now, break down the written details with your own needs. An example you may note is that the person of your dreams allows you personal space, meaning that your emotional needs include personal space and someone with other interests that will not smother yours.

What are your needs? Make a note of them:

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  • List your main priorities in the current stage.
  • Examine your key values and if you are living a life aligned with them.
  • What are your immediate goals? What are your goals for the year ahead?
  • How do you prefer spending your time?
  • What is an activity or project that you would like to start?

Ask yourself, what do you get from being the savior and the rescuer to everyone around you or getting caught up in the life maze and dramas of others? If you are too focused on everybody else, what can you do for your own life? In fact, by not helping others, you help them move forward. People need to make their own decisions and find their own solutions and, when you do this for them, you are not really helping them. If you take a step back and get to you know yourself, meeting your own needs will make you happy. And if everyone did this, the world will be a much better place.

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Nena Tenacity

Nena is passionate about writing. She shares her everyday health and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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