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50 Red Flags You Should Watch for in Your Relationship

50 Red Flags You Should Watch for in Your Relationship

Red flags can come at any time in a relationship. Sometimes they come within the first week of dating, while others don’t show their face until 6 months in. Not every red flag is as visible as physical abuse either. Here are 50 red flags you should watch for in your relationships.

1. They never apologize for bad behavior.

If they do something wrong or something to hurt you, but never accept responsibility for the issue and rather just throw up excuses to why that behavior is okay or how it’s different in this case, that’s a major red flag. When’s the last time they apologized for their behaviour?

2. They think all their exes are crazy and don’t see the common denominator.

If your partner thinks all their exes are psycho and need a therapist, they probably don’t see the common denominator is themselves.

3. They use ultimatums to get their way.

If they are stubborn and threaten to end your relationship, instead of coming to a compromise, it will get tiring. The same old “maybe I will find someone who will do that instead” or “I will find someone better” story puts nothing but stress on your relationship to the point where you really are unsure of the health or condition of your relationship.

4. When they don’t text you back quick, but are always on their phone.

If you text your partner and it takes them ages to respond, yet when they are with you, they are never off their phone, that may be something to think about. Taking a long time to respond isn’t a big deal, but lying about why you weren’t responding is.

5. You don’t like their friends.

If the people they hang out with are not nice people, you should probably reevaluate things. If their “best friends” are rude (especially to you when you meet them) or if you don’t like how they act, this may be a wake-up call to who you’re actually dating.

6. They keep score about things you’ve said a long time ago.

They keep bringing up old things you’ve said, by mistake or even if you’ve forgotten saying it. Keeping score gets old quick.

7. They are upset when you go and hang out with your friends or family over them.

This could lead to bigger issues down the road. Their discomfort with you hanging out with other people will not deteriorate, it will get bigger. It will get to the point where your significant other despises your friends or family. Additionally, it is also a red flag if they try to keep you from doing anything you love.

8. When they complain or talk about their ex.

It’s hard to move on when you’ve still got your mind on old relationships. They are probably not over it yet and there’s nothing worse than a relationship with the ex still lingering around.

9. If they keep your relationship a secret.

People fall for it time and time again. If you haven’t met their friends, you’re not their partner.

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10. They don’t get along with many other people.

If they are rude and there is a lot of tension between them and other people, there must be a reason why all these people don’t like your partner.

11. They only tell half-truths.

Adults tell the full part of the story, and don’t leave out the parts that will make you upset. If there are parts that would make you upset, that would be a separate red flag.

12. They throw temper tantrums over little things.

Emotional stability is key in a long-term relationship and it’s a lot to deal with. If they have legitimate emotional issues, maybe they should see a psychiatrist. They should not be yelling at you, in person or by text message, multiple times per day.

13. They treat their family poorly.

Someone who is rude to their family, is not long-term relationship material. If you are thinking this relationship could last, they will start treating you like family one day, and that could or could not be a good thing.

14. They make rules over you.

They make rules about who you hang out with, where you go, who you talk to, what you wear, how you do your hair, etc. There’s a point where it all becomes too much, especially if your partner would never want to comply with the same set of rules that they place on you. Don’t let a double standard control your relationship.

15. They refuse to get close to your family.

They don’t make any effort to get to know your family, or the people who are important to you in your life.

16. You are the one who always apologizes to end fights.

People get tired, and there gets to be a point where the fighting is too much. It’s not uncommon for one person to continuously apologize, just to end the fight, regardless if they were right or wrong. If it becomes a routine that one person always apologizes and the other does not, you’re dating a master manipulator.

17. They password protect all of their devices.

If you know their passwords and don’t start questioning you or watching over you while you are on their device, that’s another story. This goes both ways. You have to let your partner go on your phone, just as much as you like to go on theirs.

18. They don’t comfort you in times of need.

They don’t show any sign of care for your comfort, or completely disregard it in situations where your comfort is clearly at stake.

19. They are rude and inconsiderate to service workers.

How do they treat the hostess if they don’t have the table you want, or waiter if your drinks are a few minutes late? How do they treat the bank teller if they are having a bad day? How do they treat the door greeter or the taxi driver? Narcissism sucks and they will eventually treat you the same way.

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20. They become angry when discussing their mistakes.

It’s not alright when they become angry about discussing anything they don’t like, don’t agree with, or don’t want to talk about. Your partner shouldn’t lose their handle and try to suppress your communication at times when they know they are wrong. Their inability to talk about things that annoy them or strike a nerve is going to cause communication obstacles in your relationship further down the road.

21. When they make a negative comment about everything.

If they are making a negative comment about everything, early into a relationship, those negative comments will eventually shift to you and they will be dissatisfied with everything you do as well.

22. The way they flirt with you when they had a partner.

I mean, if they left their partner for you, they will most certainly do that to you too. The amount of guys that try to talk to exes for a second chance, when they have a partner, really surprises me. If they are willing to be sneaky with you while in a relationship, how will they act when they are with you next?

23. All of their friends are of the opposite sex.

This is a key when it comes to girls especially. This is a textbook red flag that has been told time and time again. If most of her friends are guys, she probably loves the attention from males and is an attention whore. The worst part about this is most of these guys secretly have a crush on her or want to get in her pants, so they hate you as a result. She may not see any of their intentions, either out of pure ignorance or she’s lying. She also may cause too much drama with female friends, which causes them to not want to be with her.

24. They don’t show interest in what is important to you.

This is such a basic stepping stone; however, so many relationships move forward even when they don’t value what is important to each other. This will just lead to problems in the long run.

25. They don’t pay compliments or thanks.

If you regularly do favors for your partner, your partner gets used to them and your favors start to become expectations. They also don’t see what you do for them, so you’re unappreciated and shouldn’t put up with this. Someone else will appreciate what you do for them.

26. They preach that they are independent.

It’s a common thread for people who continuously call themselves independent to be selfish.

27. They have a history of drinking too much.

Binge drinking is a red flag for more things that just a relationship. It often masks other problems. Have you had to carry her home, while she drunkenly yells at you until she finally falls asleep? Regular excessive drinking will not help your relationship, and a past of it is not a good sign.

28. They are extremely moody.

One minute they are pissed off at you for making a minor mistake, and the next minute they want to take cute photos and post them to Facebook.

29. They hold double standards.

If they don’t want to be treated the way they treat you, perhaps it’s time for a wake-up call.

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30. They Facebook stalk too much.

If they are still stalking their exes on a weekly basis, you have a special one on your hands. You need someone who is more secure with the idea of being with you, and is not living in the ashes of their past.

31. They are obsessed with fairy tale endings.

It comes to the point where they just expect too much from you and it’s too much to handle. You get what you give in a relationship, but some want the world just because of the fantasies they’ve fallen in love with.

32. They don’t care about things that don’t directly affect them.

If they don’t care about things that went on in your day, or the things you care about, you’re dealing with a selfish partner.

33. How they act when they are drunk.

Being drunk removes inhibition. If a person is friendly to others, but rude when drunk, they hold a wall of inhibition to hide that side of them and pretend to be friendly when sober. How your partner acts when they’ve drunk too much will tell you who they are, regardless of what they try to tell you.

34. They like to head play games when they are upset.

Are your relationship fights like you’re in an episode of Gossip Girl? Are you always the first one to initiate conversation when there is a fight? Do they like to ignore you and put minimal effort into resolving conflict? Ignoring phone calls, text messages, or even flat out ignoring you when you talk to them in person, are immature ways to handle conflicts and will result in communication problems down the line.

35. They like the drama of fighting.

Every once in awhile, you’ll come across a girl who likes the drama because it adds excitement to her life. This is a bit more uncommon with guys. Sometimes it may seem like they push something minor into a fight, just because they want to. You don’t need this stress in your life. You don’t have time for it.

36. They cannot respect themselves, you, or your relationship.

Respect is key in a relationship. If your partner cannot respect both of you, or your relationship, you may have a piece of work on your hands.

37. Their relationship history is rocky.

Dating someone with no relationship history is just as risky as dating someone with a patchy relationship history. If your partner has had a large number of relationships, it wouldn’t be unreasonable of you to start guessing where yours will fit into the mix.

38. They project their traits onto you and don’t see it.

Projection is a killer in relationships. If your partner is being sneaky, they will likely accuse you of being sneaky. If your partner is selfish, they will likely accuse you of being selfish. Whether or not they can see it and admit it, is key to moving forward.

39. Their family doesn’t think it will last.

If their family calls you crazy early on for trying, or doesn’t think you’re the one, you’re just wasting your time.

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40. You are constantly a victim of verbal abuse.

How many times have you been called an idiot or an a**hole? Have you spoke to your partner the same way or is it just a one-way street of verbal abuse? It doesn’t matter if they love you and 6 days of the week are good, this will only get worse.

41. They religiously delete texts.

Deleted texts usually come with other red flags. Does your partner also project that you are being sneaky? Do they have suspicious friendships with people of opposite sex? Do they fly off the handle when you ask questions about them?

42. They are a completely new person after the honeymoon phase.

Everyone is a little overly soft in the first month or few weeks of dating. Once you get through that, you start to see the real person. How much they change will set the course for what they’ll be like in the future.

43. They said “I always get what I want.”

It might seem hot when they use it as a pick up line, but 3 months down the line, you’ll understand that they were serious and they are very demanding and expect a lot from you.

44. They are sneaky on Snapchat.

Snapchat is a neat app. It tells you their best friends and deletes everything sent and recieved after it is viewed. It’s easy to forget that it received its popularity from how scandalous it was when the news covered it.

45. They tell little lies.

If they tell little lies about mundane things, they certainly tell lies about bigger things. Don’t overlook this.

46. They are nervous about texts or calls they receive.

Do they always place their phone face down? A quick Google search about why people place their phones face down brings up nothing but suspicion and shadiness.

47. They grew up with an unstable family life.

It can be quite intimidating knowing their role models in their younger years were not the best examples of a healthy relationship. The apple will not fall far from the tree.

48. They constantly scream and yell when angry.

We all great angry but most of us have ways of coping with it. When people repeat the same sentence, but in a louder voice, they are likely about to get violent with you.

49. They have an excuse for everything.

Cheating is never okay under any circumstance. Lying is never okay under any circumstance. Don’t let your partner use excuses to cover these or other mistake they’ve made.

50. They thought World War II took place in the 70s.

Come on, you can’t fix this kind of stupid. It’s time to move on.

Featured photo credit: Elizabeth Ashley Jerman via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 5, 2020

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

We are given life with many opportunities to make it everything we want it to be and more. If you find that you’ve slipped into living a boring life, it’s time to take a hard look at what you’ve been doing and what you can start doing now to make it more interesting.

Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list can definitely make any day or life more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaningful) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

Imagine being a young child. Life was never boring, was it? That’s because children harness every ounce of creativity they have in order to try new things.

What would your 7-year-old self want to do in this moment? Maybe they’d pick up a paintbrush and try to paint the landscape around them. May they would go outside and build something with random materials around the yard. Maybe they would raid the fridge and put together a dish they’ve never seen before.

Just because you’re a grown-up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play and use your creativity to its fullest.

2. Go Play With Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own (or a niece or nephew), go play with them!

Kids are absolutely hilarious, so it’s simply impossible to be bored when you’re around them. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this, but this is a great way to avoid a boring life. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one, and (if it feels right) call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch-up session or, at the very least, remind someone that you’re thinking of them. Neither are boring.

4. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

This is a great part of a gratitude practice. We often forget to thank the people who do things for us, especially if we have come to expect those things. For example, have you ever thought about thanking your mom for that weekly phone call? Or thanking your sister for always sending you a homemade gift on your birthday?

Take time to think of at least 5 people you would like to say thank you to and write out a card. You could even write them out for random people in your neighborhood, like the local librarian, a teacher at your child’s school, or the accountant at your bank.

Anyone and everyone appreciates being thanked for their efforts.

5. Sign up for a Class

Nowadays, there are classes for everything. To make it as interesting as possible, try finding one that you wouldn’t normally consider doing, like salsa lessons, improv, or boxing.

Otherwise, try to find a course on something you’ve always wanted to learn, like pottery, photography, or a foreign language course.

What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people, which will add even more interest to your life!

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6. Talk to Your Grandparents About Their Lives

We often underestimate how interesting the elderly are. You can rest assured that any elderly person you talk to will not have had a boring life! Take some time to talk to them and hear their interesting stories. You may even find that this motivates you to go out and find your own interesting experiences.

7. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage. If you’re not into comedy, find an open mic that focuses on reading poetry or short stories and bring your own. These groups tend to be incredibly supportive for anyone who is willing to be brave enough to get up and try.

8. Do Something for Someone Else

Showing kindness automatically makes you feel good, but doing these small acts will also help to ensure that you don’t have a boring life. Try doing one or two things each week that are outside your normal routine.

For example, you could make a batch of cookies for the mailperson or help your elderly neighbor organize one of their rooms. There are a million ways to show kindness to those around you. Tap into your creativity and find your own or use some of the ideas from the image below[1].

Do random acts of kindness to avoid living a boring life.

    9. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

    If you have your own place, there is always a project that needs to get done. Many people simply pay for someone else to do it in order to avoid the hassle, but taking on a DIY project can make a boring life much more interesting.

    It doesn’t have to be super complicated. Maybe you repaint an old vase or build a spice shelf out of used pallets.

    If you need ideas, you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

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    10. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

    This will give you something to look forward to. One study actually found that most travelers are happiest before a vacation[2]. Therefore, simply planning a trip will boost your mood, even if you can’t actually take the vacation right now.

    Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is also fun and relaxing!

    11. Go People Watching

    Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops, and train stations are great for this!) and just observe[3].

    People are infinitely interesting. Try to imagine what their lives are like, what they’re thinking, or where they’re going. You’ll never know if you’re right, but it will give you something to focus on and also help you practice empathy.

    12. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

    You can try that new Moroccan restaurant down the street and pick the most interesting dish on the menu. Or, you can raid your own fridge and throw together a dish you’ve never made before.

    If you’re up for a trip to the grocery store, try picking up a new fruit or veggie from the produce section. You may find a new food that you love!

    13. Dance

    You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

    If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public or join a flash mob.

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    14. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

    Reading a good book can keep you occupied for hours. It will also transport you to a life that isn’t your own, and one that likely will be the opposite of a boring life. You’ll be amazed by what you can learn from those pages.

    Pick on of these inspirational books to start reading: 10 Best Inspirational Books That Can Change Your Life

    15. Spend Some Time With People You Care About

    Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. Call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or bring a coffee over to your parent’s place and catch up. They’ll appreciate the gesture, and you’ll avoid boredom.

    16. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to

    Some people are bored by museums, so if that’s you, skip to the next one. However, if you love art, history, or culture, this one is for you!

    17. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

    This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

    Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then, start taking your first step to make it happen.

    Now, go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

    More on How to Quit a Boring Life

    Featured photo credit: Alex Alvarez via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] FECAVA: Random Acts of Kindness
    [2] Applied Research in Quality of Life: Vacationers Happier, but Most not Happier After a Holiday
    [3] Psychology Today: The Expert’s Guide to People Watching

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