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50 Red Flags You Should Watch for in Your Relationship

50 Red Flags You Should Watch for in Your Relationship

Red flags can come at any time in a relationship. Sometimes they come within the first week of dating, while others don’t show their face until 6 months in. Not every red flag is as visible as physical abuse either. Here are 50 red flags you should watch for in your relationships.

1. They never apologize for bad behavior.

If they do something wrong or something to hurt you, but never accept responsibility for the issue and rather just throw up excuses to why that behavior is okay or how it’s different in this case, that’s a major red flag. When’s the last time they apologized for their behaviour?

2. They think all their exes are crazy and don’t see the common denominator.

If your partner thinks all their exes are psycho and need a therapist, they probably don’t see the common denominator is themselves.

3. They use ultimatums to get their way.

If they are stubborn and threaten to end your relationship, instead of coming to a compromise, it will get tiring. The same old “maybe I will find someone who will do that instead” or “I will find someone better” story puts nothing but stress on your relationship to the point where you really are unsure of the health or condition of your relationship.

4. When they don’t text you back quick, but are always on their phone.

If you text your partner and it takes them ages to respond, yet when they are with you, they are never off their phone, that may be something to think about. Taking a long time to respond isn’t a big deal, but lying about why you weren’t responding is.

5. You don’t like their friends.

If the people they hang out with are not nice people, you should probably reevaluate things. If their “best friends” are rude (especially to you when you meet them) or if you don’t like how they act, this may be a wake-up call to who you’re actually dating.

6. They keep score about things you’ve said a long time ago.

They keep bringing up old things you’ve said, by mistake or even if you’ve forgotten saying it. Keeping score gets old quick.

7. They are upset when you go and hang out with your friends or family over them.

This could lead to bigger issues down the road. Their discomfort with you hanging out with other people will not deteriorate, it will get bigger. It will get to the point where your significant other despises your friends or family. Additionally, it is also a red flag if they try to keep you from doing anything you love.

8. When they complain or talk about their ex.

It’s hard to move on when you’ve still got your mind on old relationships. They are probably not over it yet and there’s nothing worse than a relationship with the ex still lingering around.

9. If they keep your relationship a secret.

People fall for it time and time again. If you haven’t met their friends, you’re not their partner.

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10. They don’t get along with many other people.

If they are rude and there is a lot of tension between them and other people, there must be a reason why all these people don’t like your partner.

11. They only tell half-truths.

Adults tell the full part of the story, and don’t leave out the parts that will make you upset. If there are parts that would make you upset, that would be a separate red flag.

12. They throw temper tantrums over little things.

Emotional stability is key in a long-term relationship and it’s a lot to deal with. If they have legitimate emotional issues, maybe they should see a psychiatrist. They should not be yelling at you, in person or by text message, multiple times per day.

13. They treat their family poorly.

Someone who is rude to their family, is not long-term relationship material. If you are thinking this relationship could last, they will start treating you like family one day, and that could or could not be a good thing.

14. They make rules over you.

They make rules about who you hang out with, where you go, who you talk to, what you wear, how you do your hair, etc. There’s a point where it all becomes too much, especially if your partner would never want to comply with the same set of rules that they place on you. Don’t let a double standard control your relationship.

15. They refuse to get close to your family.

They don’t make any effort to get to know your family, or the people who are important to you in your life.

16. You are the one who always apologizes to end fights.

People get tired, and there gets to be a point where the fighting is too much. It’s not uncommon for one person to continuously apologize, just to end the fight, regardless if they were right or wrong. If it becomes a routine that one person always apologizes and the other does not, you’re dating a master manipulator.

17. They password protect all of their devices.

If you know their passwords and don’t start questioning you or watching over you while you are on their device, that’s another story. This goes both ways. You have to let your partner go on your phone, just as much as you like to go on theirs.

18. They don’t comfort you in times of need.

They don’t show any sign of care for your comfort, or completely disregard it in situations where your comfort is clearly at stake.

19. They are rude and inconsiderate to service workers.

How do they treat the hostess if they don’t have the table you want, or waiter if your drinks are a few minutes late? How do they treat the bank teller if they are having a bad day? How do they treat the door greeter or the taxi driver? Narcissism sucks and they will eventually treat you the same way.

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20. They become angry when discussing their mistakes.

It’s not alright when they become angry about discussing anything they don’t like, don’t agree with, or don’t want to talk about. Your partner shouldn’t lose their handle and try to suppress your communication at times when they know they are wrong. Their inability to talk about things that annoy them or strike a nerve is going to cause communication obstacles in your relationship further down the road.

21. When they make a negative comment about everything.

If they are making a negative comment about everything, early into a relationship, those negative comments will eventually shift to you and they will be dissatisfied with everything you do as well.

22. The way they flirt with you when they had a partner.

I mean, if they left their partner for you, they will most certainly do that to you too. The amount of guys that try to talk to exes for a second chance, when they have a partner, really surprises me. If they are willing to be sneaky with you while in a relationship, how will they act when they are with you next?

23. All of their friends are of the opposite sex.

This is a key when it comes to girls especially. This is a textbook red flag that has been told time and time again. If most of her friends are guys, she probably loves the attention from males and is an attention whore. The worst part about this is most of these guys secretly have a crush on her or want to get in her pants, so they hate you as a result. She may not see any of their intentions, either out of pure ignorance or she’s lying. She also may cause too much drama with female friends, which causes them to not want to be with her.

24. They don’t show interest in what is important to you.

This is such a basic stepping stone; however, so many relationships move forward even when they don’t value what is important to each other. This will just lead to problems in the long run.

25. They don’t pay compliments or thanks.

If you regularly do favors for your partner, your partner gets used to them and your favors start to become expectations. They also don’t see what you do for them, so you’re unappreciated and shouldn’t put up with this. Someone else will appreciate what you do for them.

26. They preach that they are independent.

It’s a common thread for people who continuously call themselves independent to be selfish.

27. They have a history of drinking too much.

Binge drinking is a red flag for more things that just a relationship. It often masks other problems. Have you had to carry her home, while she drunkenly yells at you until she finally falls asleep? Regular excessive drinking will not help your relationship, and a past of it is not a good sign.

28. They are extremely moody.

One minute they are pissed off at you for making a minor mistake, and the next minute they want to take cute photos and post them to Facebook.

29. They hold double standards.

If they don’t want to be treated the way they treat you, perhaps it’s time for a wake-up call.

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30. They Facebook stalk too much.

If they are still stalking their exes on a weekly basis, you have a special one on your hands. You need someone who is more secure with the idea of being with you, and is not living in the ashes of their past.

31. They are obsessed with fairy tale endings.

It comes to the point where they just expect too much from you and it’s too much to handle. You get what you give in a relationship, but some want the world just because of the fantasies they’ve fallen in love with.

32. They don’t care about things that don’t directly affect them.

If they don’t care about things that went on in your day, or the things you care about, you’re dealing with a selfish partner.

33. How they act when they are drunk.

Being drunk removes inhibition. If a person is friendly to others, but rude when drunk, they hold a wall of inhibition to hide that side of them and pretend to be friendly when sober. How your partner acts when they’ve drunk too much will tell you who they are, regardless of what they try to tell you.

34. They like to head play games when they are upset.

Are your relationship fights like you’re in an episode of Gossip Girl? Are you always the first one to initiate conversation when there is a fight? Do they like to ignore you and put minimal effort into resolving conflict? Ignoring phone calls, text messages, or even flat out ignoring you when you talk to them in person, are immature ways to handle conflicts and will result in communication problems down the line.

35. They like the drama of fighting.

Every once in awhile, you’ll come across a girl who likes the drama because it adds excitement to her life. This is a bit more uncommon with guys. Sometimes it may seem like they push something minor into a fight, just because they want to. You don’t need this stress in your life. You don’t have time for it.

36. They cannot respect themselves, you, or your relationship.

Respect is key in a relationship. If your partner cannot respect both of you, or your relationship, you may have a piece of work on your hands.

37. Their relationship history is rocky.

Dating someone with no relationship history is just as risky as dating someone with a patchy relationship history. If your partner has had a large number of relationships, it wouldn’t be unreasonable of you to start guessing where yours will fit into the mix.

38. They project their traits onto you and don’t see it.

Projection is a killer in relationships. If your partner is being sneaky, they will likely accuse you of being sneaky. If your partner is selfish, they will likely accuse you of being selfish. Whether or not they can see it and admit it, is key to moving forward.

39. Their family doesn’t think it will last.

If their family calls you crazy early on for trying, or doesn’t think you’re the one, you’re just wasting your time.

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40. You are constantly a victim of verbal abuse.

How many times have you been called an idiot or an a**hole? Have you spoke to your partner the same way or is it just a one-way street of verbal abuse? It doesn’t matter if they love you and 6 days of the week are good, this will only get worse.

41. They religiously delete texts.

Deleted texts usually come with other red flags. Does your partner also project that you are being sneaky? Do they have suspicious friendships with people of opposite sex? Do they fly off the handle when you ask questions about them?

42. They are a completely new person after the honeymoon phase.

Everyone is a little overly soft in the first month or few weeks of dating. Once you get through that, you start to see the real person. How much they change will set the course for what they’ll be like in the future.

43. They said “I always get what I want.”

It might seem hot when they use it as a pick up line, but 3 months down the line, you’ll understand that they were serious and they are very demanding and expect a lot from you.

44. They are sneaky on Snapchat.

Snapchat is a neat app. It tells you their best friends and deletes everything sent and recieved after it is viewed. It’s easy to forget that it received its popularity from how scandalous it was when the news covered it.

45. They tell little lies.

If they tell little lies about mundane things, they certainly tell lies about bigger things. Don’t overlook this.

46. They are nervous about texts or calls they receive.

Do they always place their phone face down? A quick Google search about why people place their phones face down brings up nothing but suspicion and shadiness.

47. They grew up with an unstable family life.

It can be quite intimidating knowing their role models in their younger years were not the best examples of a healthy relationship. The apple will not fall far from the tree.

48. They constantly scream and yell when angry.

We all great angry but most of us have ways of coping with it. When people repeat the same sentence, but in a louder voice, they are likely about to get violent with you.

49. They have an excuse for everything.

Cheating is never okay under any circumstance. Lying is never okay under any circumstance. Don’t let your partner use excuses to cover these or other mistake they’ve made.

50. They thought World War II took place in the 70s.

Come on, you can’t fix this kind of stupid. It’s time to move on.

Featured photo credit: Elizabeth Ashley Jerman via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 28, 2020

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

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2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

  • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
  • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
  • Answer a few Superpower Questions

Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

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This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

  • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
  • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
  • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

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7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

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“You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

Final Thoughts

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

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Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

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