Advertising
Advertising

5 Reasons Why It Is Okay Not To Be Nice

5 Reasons Why It Is Okay Not To Be Nice

In a society where “do unto others what you would have them do unto you” is drilled into us from a very young age it is no wonder that not being nice often doesn’t come naturally to most of us. Many of us go through life as if we are walking on eggshells; but sometimes it is necessary to tread on the shells even if it leaves a nasty mess behind. Let’s consider 5 reasons that justify not being nice.

1. It is ok not to be nice in the name of self-preservation.

If you are protecting yourself from harm and making sure that your sense of being stays intact, then it is definitely ok not to be nice. If you are a person who can only embark on a relationship that you know is going to be deep, then be true to this part of yourself. If you feel, for example, that someone is being frivolous and not taking your relationship with them seriously, then I say go ahead and be as mean as you like. People should learn to value who you are and what you hold dear.

Advertising

2. Being genuine is a must even if this requires you to be mean.

If you are standing up for what you believe in and ideals that you hold close, as far as I am concerned, there is a green light saying do what needs to be done. If you are say a passionate supporter of animal rights, then being genuine to this cause is a must and if this means being harsh or unforgiving to those who harm animals then do so. Often when we are genuine, people respect us more. So even if you have to tread on a few toes in the process, the end result may be worth it. It may be advisable to be mean, if you end up having people respect you and your values in the end.

3. Self-defense is definitely not always nice; but often necessary.

It is not just ok, but I would go as far as saying it is imperative to not be nice when someone is attacking you. Be it physically or emotionally, one should not give in to an attacker. Say someone is screaming at you in a parking lot, telling you that you stole his parking space, this is an example of a form of abuse. You must muster up your strength and be nasty. It is not always nice to admit but the world is filled with people who wish to do harm and in the name of self-defense it is always ok not to be nice.

Advertising

4. Being assertive means declaring your needs even if this is not the nice thing to do.

Life can be a struggle between our needs and the needs of others. Often it is about finding a balance between giving and taking. But what if we always find ourselves on the giving end of things. You may, for example, find it hard to tell your boyfriend that you need him to support your decision to take time apart so you can travel abroad. Sometimes it is necessary to do some taking, even if this means you may offend. It may not be essential to have all of your needs fulfilled but ensuring that you have a fair share of needs ticked off your list is a must. You should feel satisfied and you cannot do so if you are left feeling deprived.

5. Conflict is sometimes necessary and often demands an unkind persona.

Sometimes conflict is necessary. You may be having an argument with your colleague about the project that he or she took that was meant to be assigned to you. Shying away from this kind of confrontation scenario to keep up appearances is often the easy option. Putting your foot down and saying this is my project, this is where I draw the line, may be unpleasant for those of us who have had the ‘be nice’ mantra drilled into us, but being a pushover should not be an option. Don’t feel skirmish if a conflict situation arises, stand up and do what is needed.

Advertising

Although it may go against our instincts and intuition not being nice is often imperative if we are to maintain a healthy sense of who we are and what we believe in. We have seen 5 reasons why being mean is often necessary and there are sure to be many other reasons out there. So next time you find yourself holding back in order to be nice take a second to question your motives. Consider: Are you doing so out of habit? And Is being nice the right reaction here? You may find yourself answering: The time has come to be a bit mean.

Featured photo credit: Psychologies via psychologies.co.uk

Advertising

More by this author

Rebecca Beris

Rebecca is a wellness and lifestyle writer at Lifehack.

Science Says Silence Is Much More Important To Our Brains Than We Think 16 Unhealthy Habits You Should Get Rid Of By 35 Years Old How To Get Rid Of A Headache Without Medicine 7 Surprising Benefits Of Drinking Warm Water In The Morning Typical Day of A Minimalist vs A Maximalist

Trending in Communication

1 What’s the Easiest Language to Learn for English Speakers? 2 Need Morning Motivation? 30 Routines to Help You Start Afresh 3 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit 4 How to Practice Positive Thinking And Change Your Life 5 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

Advertising

2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

Advertising

Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

Advertising

Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

Advertising

Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

More About Finding Yourself

Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

Read Next