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You Will Create Space For Something Better When You Learn To Truly Let Go

You Will Create Space For Something Better When You Learn To Truly Let Go

Sometimes, we go through life making the same mistakes over and over again. We know something isn’t good for us, but we want it anyway. Maybe it’s that extra piece of chocolate cake every single day after dinner. But that’s easy to identify as unhealthy. What about the other things we’re constantly drawn to even though it’s a mistake? Like bad relationships.

As with most things in life, it’s important to learn to let go if you’re going to move on with your life. Letting go helps you create space for something better.

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“No woman could love a cheater and not pay the price for it.” – Rose Wynters

Do you notice a pattern in most of your past relationships? Have most of romantic relationships ended when you discovered infidelity? Why do you continue to be attracted to the same kinds of partners? Well, for starters, we tend to seek out people that feel familiar to us when building new relationships.

Additionally, you might have some unresolved issues from your past. As Rachel Astarte puts it, “in your pattern of connecting to men [or women] with the same troublesome behavior (infidelity), there is an unconscious desire to replay the scenario from your past that didn’t go well (perhaps an unreliable parent who was not “faithful” to your need to be nurtured as a child).”[1]

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You are likely to continue repeating this pattern unless you take a step back. Ask yourself what went wrong in your past that makes you feel like something is missing from your life now. Once you identify your unresolved feelings, you’ll be able to let go of them. Letting go allows you to make space in your life for a more caring and respectful partner.

“Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

In some cases, we just can’t seem to get over our ex. Suddenly everything reminds you of them and before you realize it, you’re missing them. Thinking of them every second of every day and forgetting all the reasons you broke up in the first place. This makes letting go of the breakup and moving on even more difficult.

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Scientific research has stepped up to explain this issue and it has to do with neurochemical changes in your brain. According to this research, your brain goes through withdrawals after you break up with someone in the same way that an addict craves drugs. The ventral segmental area of the brain, which is responsible for rewards and motivations by producing dopamine, is activated during a breakup.[2]

Look to your friends and family if you’re having a hard time getting over your ex. Spending time with loved ones can help boost natural opioid production in your brain, making you feel better. Remember, this whole process is helping you learn more about yourself so you can move on to finding your true soul mate.

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“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” – Paulo Coelho

While sometimes it seems like breaking up is about only about healing and moving forward, it’s about so much more. Seize this opportunity to learn about yourself, to understand the root of your relationship’s problems, and to practice self-love. It’s similar to getting over a physical injury. Injuries always have a root cause. Figure out the root cause so you can prevent it from happening in the future.[3] Learn to let go, love yourself, and create space for a better future.

None of this is easy. But, you’re taking the right steps just by reading this. Unlearn everything you thought you knew about romantic relationships, breakups, and what’s right and wrong. Not every relationship is meant to be forever, except the one you have with yourself. Embrace that truth as you move forward, creating space in your life to allow better things to come along.

Featured photo credit: Nikolaj Erema via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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