Sometimes, we go through life making the same mistakes over and over again. We know something isn’t good for us, but we want it anyway. Maybe it’s that extra piece of chocolate cake every single day after dinner. But that’s easy to identify as unhealthy. What about the other things we’re constantly drawn to even though it’s a mistake? Like bad relationships.
As with most things in life, it’s important to learn to let go if you’re going to move on with your life. Letting go helps you create space for something better.
“No woman could love a cheater and not pay the price for it.” – Rose Wynters
Do you notice a pattern in most of your past relationships? Have most of romantic relationships ended when you discovered infidelity? Why do you continue to be attracted to the same kinds of partners? Well, for starters, we tend to seek out people that feel familiar to us when building new relationships.
Additionally, you might have some unresolved issues from your past. As Rachel Astarte puts it, “in your pattern of connecting to men [or women] with the same troublesome behavior (infidelity), there is an unconscious desire to replay the scenario from your past that didn’t go well (perhaps an unreliable parent who was not “faithful” to your need to be nurtured as a child).”
You are likely to continue repeating this pattern unless you take a step back. Ask yourself what went wrong in your past that makes you feel like something is missing from your life now. Once you identify your unresolved feelings, you’ll be able to let go of them. Letting go allows you to make space in your life for a more caring and respectful partner.
“Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama
In some cases, we just can’t seem to get over our ex. Suddenly everything reminds you of them and before you realize it, you’re missing them. Thinking of them every second of every day and forgetting all the reasons you broke up in the first place. This makes letting go of the breakup and moving on even more difficult.
Scientific research has stepped up to explain this issue and it has to do with neurochemical changes in your brain. According to this research, your brain goes through withdrawals after you break up with someone in the same way that an addict craves drugs. The ventral segmental area of the brain, which is responsible for rewards and motivations by producing dopamine, is activated during a breakup.
Look to your friends and family if you’re having a hard time getting over your ex. Spending time with loved ones can help boost natural opioid production in your brain, making you feel better. Remember, this whole process is helping you learn more about yourself so you can move on to finding your true soul mate.
“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” – Paulo Coelho
While sometimes it seems like breaking up is about only about healing and moving forward, it’s about so much more. Seize this opportunity to learn about yourself, to understand the root of your relationship’s problems, and to practice self-love. It’s similar to getting over a physical injury. Injuries always have a root cause. Figure out the root cause so you can prevent it from happening in the future. Learn to let go, love yourself, and create space for a better future.
None of this is easy. But, you’re taking the right steps just by reading this. Unlearn everything you thought you knew about romantic relationships, breakups, and what’s right and wrong. Not every relationship is meant to be forever, except the one you have with yourself. Embrace that truth as you move forward, creating space in your life to allow better things to come along.
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