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9 Things To Remember When Your Friend is Struggling With Depression

9 Things To Remember When Your Friend is Struggling With Depression

It can be hard to know how to be a good friend to someone who is struggling with depression because it’s such a difficult condition to understand. Even if you’ve experienced it yourself, it can be hard to understand a friend’s depression and to know how best to help.

Taking the time to try to understand how depression feels can be a great start; but it’s not easy. These pointers will help you in gaining a better understanding and becoming a better friend.

1. There may not be a reason

It can be tempting to try and explain depression by finding circumstances or experiences on which to pin it – and sometimes you will be able to identify contributing factors, but just as often there will be no reason at all.

This doesn’t make your friend’s symptoms, thoughts and feelings any less serious or severe though.

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2. Never assume – let your friend tell their story

Especially if you’ve experienced depression yourself in the past, you can sometimes find yourself thinking that you know how your friend is thinking or feeling, but you need to remember that we’re all unique and that your friend’s experience may not echo your own.

You should let your friend tell their own story, in their own words and never assume that you know or understand exactly what they’re going through.

3. They find most days really, really hard

Living with depression is physically and emotionally draining. It may leave your friend feeling completely defeated even before they’ve got out of bed in the morning.

You need to remember this and be as supportive and accommodating as we can. Your friend won’t necessarily start to feel better right away, so you need not to assume that the days are getting easier just because time is passing.

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4. They may not answer your calls

A good friend will keep in touch with no expectation of a response to the calls, texts and emails that you send. Sometimes your friend will find it overwhelmingly difficult to know what to say or how to say in in response to your messages.

That doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the effort though, so despite the lack of response, don’t stop contacting your friend.

5. They think they’re not worth caring about

Depression can leave sufferers stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and self-talk, which may leave your friend feeling unloved and unlovable. No matter how good of a friend you are and how much think it goes without saying that you care about your friend, take time to say it out loud and to actually show them that you care.

6. They can feel aimless and hopeless

Your friend may want desperately to get better, but depression can zap a sufferer’s energy, their hopes and their motivation, leaving them listless and unable to make the changes needed to support their recovery.

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Not following doctors’ orders is a sign of how much someone is suffering rather than a sign that they don’t want to get better – so if your friend seems stuck in a rut, don’t dismiss them. Instead, give them the gentlest of encouragement and hold their hand along the way.

7. They may get worse before they get better

Sometimes, you can equate mental health issues with physical health issues and expect to see more or less linear progress when it comes to recovery. It often isn’t so with depression and you may begin to feel that your friend is getting better one week, only to feel that things are worse than ever the next.

This is perfectly normal and can sometimes be a response to exploring difficult issues in therapy, starting or stopping a new medication or simply the cycle of the illness. Don’t get frustrated or upset by backwards steps, but instead stick by your friend as they continue to battle on.

8. If they have a good day, they want to enjoy it with you

Not every day is a bad day. If your friend has a good day, they may want to make the most of it with you. Never assume that tomorrow will be another such day, and instead, seize the moment whilst you can.

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Depression means a lot of low and often unpredictable moods, but that includes brighter moods at times too.

9. They need you to be the friend you’ve always been

Most importantly, your friend just needs you to be you. There’s a reason you’ve been friends all these years and just because they’re struggling with depression doesn’t mean they’ve fundamentally changed as a person.

Just be the you that you’ve always been and continue to extend the hand of friendship on darker days and on brighter days. Be loyal and listen but ,above all, just be you.

Featured photo credit: Womans hands connected with tangled string, Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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