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14 Body Language Skills that make the Popular Popular

14 Body Language Skills that make the Popular Popular

We’ve all heard the statistic that up to 90% of communication is non-verbal in nature. Body language is important. But what actually is “good” body language? How do we learn to “speak” body language? How do we understand and use this powerful method of communication for mutual benefit?
We all know popular people for whom this good body language seem to be effortless. Let’s discover more by taking a look at the secrets of body language masters.

1. They understand the importance of intention

Actions are generated by beliefs, thoughts, and feelings.

What are you doing and thinking before presentations or meeting new people? Worrying? Stressing? Replaying past failures? Imagining worst case scenarios? If so, you may need to do some inner work. Popular people often take the time to prepare for meetings and new engagements by visualising a happy, upbeat outcome. This sets their energy level and the tone for their body language.

2. They stand up straight, but not too straight

Do you enter meetings ramrod straight? Or hunched up and small in the hope no one pays you any attention? Popular people stand up straight, projecting confidence and competence. But they don’t overdo it; this would come across as stiff and unnatural.

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3. They relax their shoulders

Our shoulders can display the level of tension we are feeling. Have you noticed how relaxed the popular and socially confident look? If you want to appear more relaxed and confident to others, take the time to relax your shoulders and move them gently back and down. This will aid your whole body in achieving a relaxed and natural upright position.

4. They make eye contact, but not too much eye contact

Looking at the ground? Looking at the ceiling? Looking anywhere but into peoples’ eyes? Popular people make good steady eye contact, and in doing so connect with their audience and build trust. Good eye contact is foundational to good communication. But don’t lock on to conversation partners with a permanent stare; this goes beyond ‘building trust’ into ‘building fear’! When making eye contact, also be careful of the protocols of the culture of the person you are interacting with, as different cultures have different rules for how much eye contact is appropriate and non-threatening.

5. They are not afraid to take up space

Stood with legs pressed tightly together? Or sat with legs tightly crossed? Popular people tend to stand and sit with their legs gently apart; this makes them look open, relaxed, and interested in those around them.

6. They don’t turn away from those they are speaking to

Talking to the blackboard or powerpoint slides? Conversing with the wall rather than wannabe friends? You won’t see the charismatic making these mistakes. Facing your audience when speaking is very important in engaging them. Turning away not only muffles your speech but communicates a lack of interest in audience and confidence in self.

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7. They nod when listening

Staring? Frowning? Impassive? Silent? The popular instead communicate positive interest in those that are speaking by nodding and smiling, and occasionally feeding back by affirmative noises and supportive statements. An attentive listener is a good listener.

8. They smile and laugh, but not at their own jokes

Having a stone-like face communicates seriousness. The audience takes their cues from you. So the popular smile to communicate openness and friendliness, and laugh to relax and bond with their audience. Like the other skills in this list, this is a matter of degree; rictus-like grins are not in order, and being quick to laugh at your own jokes in the beginning can make you seem needy.

 
9. They scan the horizon, not the floor

Looking at the ground makes you seem lost or unconfident. Instead, notice how popular people keep their heads upright, even when not talking. Their attention is mostly either on the conversation, or on the horizon.

 
10. They take their time

Speeding up delivery to get through a public speaking engagement as quickly as possible doesn’t impress the audience. Rather, the socially skilled pace themselves and slow down both their movements and their rate of speech. Remember, when the attention is on you; relax, breathe deeply, and slow down.

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11. They gesture with their arms, but not like a duck!

Fidgeting with your hands makes you look distracted and unfocused. Moving just your lower arms from the elbow can make you seem uptight.

Popular people know how to use their whole arms to illustrate their points through gesture. They also know not to go overboard on the gesturing; this would distract from their speech and the impression they are making.

12. They focus their body on who they are talking to

Ever try to talk to someone who turned their head around to acknowledge you while their body continued to be focused on something else? It’s an off-putting barrier. Popular socializers understand the importance of turning not just their head but their whole body to engage the person they are speaking with. They also know to subtly point their arms and legs towards their conversation partner. Think of this as like engaging with a small child; when that small child runs towards you, you naturally want to turn your whole body, plus limbs, towards them (…to scoop them up for a hug)!

 
13. They mirror the language of their group, without mimicking like a parrot

Sitting cross-legged, cross-armed, and leaning back in a corner whilst the dinner party goes on round about? These are unlikely to be the actions of the most popular member of the group. Good conversations involve people mirroring and responding to one another’s body language in a subtle dance that develops mutual rapport. Remember, though, that mirroring isn’t about obsessive copying of every little thing, which comes across as insincere (and possibly creepy!).

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14. They have a firm handshake; not a vice, and not a noodle!

Don’t crush the hands of old ladies. No one wants to be hurt when making acquaintance, so regulate your handshake to the person you are meeting. Going too soft and limp associates one with a cold fish. Popular people know that “Just right” is a warm, steady and firm handshake that takes into the account the other person. When beginning and ending meetings, a good handshake along with a smile and eye contact is important in leaving a lasting impression.                                

Featured photo credit: www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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