Published on January 25, 2021

How To Exude Confidence Effortlessly in 5 Easy Steps

How To Exude Confidence Effortlessly in 5 Easy Steps

Nothing looks better on you than confidence. We all want to feel confident and exude confidence in life. We often look for the good things in life to make us feel confident—a successful career, a great relationship, lots of money, making a difference in the world, and being the best we can be.

The irony is this: you often need to find the confidence first before success comes to you. Feeling confident first helps you be your best.

The good news is that confidence is something you create! The key to your success in all areas of your life is having the confidence to do it, the belief that you can do it, and that you have the ability to do it. We need the confidence to go through both the high and lows that life will throw at us.

Confidence is not about being fearless, it’s about going for what you desire in the face of fear and uncertainty. It’s about knowing you can handle yourself in any situation, even if you don’t know it all.

So, how do you create that confidence inside yourself when you don’t feel it? Here are the 5 steps for you to exude confidence effortlessly and become unstoppable:

1. Use Positive Body Language

The body speaks before you speak. How you hold yourself has a direct effect on your physiology, which affects your emotions and confidence. One of the simplest ways to change your internal state from insecurity to confidence is to shift your body language.

Think of a time when you were frustrated, depressed, or had low energy: What was your posture like? How did you hold your head? Your neck? Your spine? What was your breathing like?

Now, think of a time when you felt unstoppable and powerful. How were you holding your body? What was your posture like then? Did you make eye contact? Did you smile?

Notice the difference in those two visual representations of a low-confidence state and a high-confidence state. Now, practice standing in a confident posture. Feel the emotions of being unstoppable. Feel how good your body feels in that position. Realize how it makes other people look at you with more confidence. Get even more confidence from how others feel about you seeing you stand in that powerful position.


Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy noted, in her 2012 Ted Talk, that research shows that standing in a powerful body posture increases testosterone and reduces cortisol hormone release while standing in a weak position decreases testosterone and increases feelings of stress.

She refers to the strong pose as the Wonder Woman pose, with your hands on your hips, back straight, face held high. This pose, in particular, enhanced the emotions of confidence quickly and effortlessly.

One of the fastest ways to change your confidence level and exude confidence is to change your body posture, so use this any time you feel lacking in emotional confidence. Remember that changing the body also changes the mind.

2. Upgrade Your Thoughts

In general, we go through the day in one of two major thought patterns: worry, doubt, and fear, or abundance, love, and gratitude. Confidence obviously comes from a positive thought pattern.

If our typical thought pattern is negative, we have to learn how to shift it into the pattern of confidence. By first identifying what our internal self-talk is saying, we can then make a conscious choice to shift it.

Our words create our emotions, which then follow through in our actions. If we are not confident, many times we can trace it back to the words we’re using and the story we are telling ourselves.

Your inner dialogue has a direct relationship to your confidence. Positive self-talk can help you exude confidence. It should be the first thing you look at when increasing your level of confidence. Just look at your current emotional state and ask yourself what thoughts led you to that state.

When you catch yourself in a negative dialogue, the key is to shift your thoughts into the positive of that situation. Is it the situation or your thoughts about the situation that feel the most negative? What scenario could make this a more positive situation?

By doing that, you’ll begin to change your internal state, moving you towards positivity and confidence in any situation.


3. Know Who You Are

Knowing your values creates confidence. Knowing what you stand for shows how confident you are. What do you value? What do you stand for? If you can’t express your values clearly, then you need to do a values exercise.

To understand what’s important to you, list out the 5 things that are most important to you in life, and what you believe you stand for.

Here are some examples:

  • God
  • Family
  • Career
  • Health
  • Community
  • Creativity,
  • Making a difference
  • Having fun
  • Freedom

Now, list them in order of importance. Simply taking the time to ask yourself what matters and what you want to stand for gives you clear confidence on where you spend your time, money, and energy, and helps you avoid the false feeling of missing out on things that don’t apply to your values.

If you are living your life without clear values, you’ll be in a constant battle of questioning what matters, and that will drain your confidence or force you to look to other people to give you confidence.

Knowing what you stand for and knowing who you instantly build inner confidence. It allows you to interact with the world and exude confidence.

Know thyself—knowing who you are creates the confidence you need to shine.

4. Be Present

Being present in every moment allows you to connect with your gifts and talents. It allows you to make mindful choices with your thoughts and actions that give you confidence in what you are doing.

When you’re 100% present, you can have 100% confidence. Being present allows you to let go of the past, and create a future full of what you want. If you’re stuck in the past, you can’t be fully confident, especially if you are looking at a bunch of negative situations from the past.


Confidence requires a fully present mindset, forgetting the past, targeting the future you want, and moving forward powerfully in the present moment to get what you want. One of the quickest ways to get into the present moment is cultivating a mindset called “Timefulness”.

In my book, The Time Cleanse, I discuss how to use Timefulness to discover not only how you are using your time and relating to time in the present moment but also how to instantly improve your relationship with it.

First, take a look at your current thoughts and ask yourself: “am I currently in an antagonistic relationship with time, feeling like it’s being taken from me, or do I feel like time is on my side, a partner and ally, and that I am using my current time to move towards exactly what I want in exactly the way I want?”

If you find yourself thinking thoughts like “I don’t have enough time,” “where did the time go?” or “if time allows,” then you need to change your current relationship with time from negative to positive.

To drop into the mindset of timefulness, first, recognize that time comes from you. You are the source of your time. You get to determine what you do with it.

Secondly, recognize that time is your most valuable possession. It is more valuable than gold or diamonds. You need your time to do literally everything you want to do in life.

Third, recognize that time is your best friend. Time is your ally, on your side, ready to work for you and help you accomplish anything and everything that you desire. All your dreams will be accomplished with the help of time.

Lastly, feel gratitude for the time you have in this present moment, and see the positive outcome that you are going to use this time for. Now, approach the current moment with full confidence that time is on your side!

5. Find Self-Compassion

The last major thing we need to exude confidence effortlessly is self-compassion. This might sound counterintuitive—shouldn’t a confident person not need compassion? But actually, it’s the exact opposite.


A confident person can take risks and have courage in the face of adversity. Self-compassion means being there for yourself in a supportive way in the face of failure, adversity, and challenges.

Research shows that self-compassion increases grit, the ability to recover from a setback, and our willingness to take positive risks.[1] That is what builds self-confidence and helps you exude confidence!

Self-compassion is the secret weapon that allows people to make mistakes and take hits in life, recover fully from them, get back up, and keep going forward with full confidence.

To provide some self-compassion for yourself, simply do the following 3 Steps:

  1. Take a deep breath and become aware of any negative feelings or thoughts you are having.
  2. Acknowledge that it’s not just you. “I am not alone. Many others are going through this same experience now.”
  3. Repeat kind words and phrases to yourself, such as “may I be supported,” “may I be loved,” “may I be protected,” and “may I be at ease and productive.”

Continue the process with patience, allowing for the opportunity for your perceptions to shift off the current situation. This will ground you and help stabilize your emotions.

Best of all, when you have a setback, you’ll be ready to get back up sooner than later and get back in the game. There’s nothing more confident than that.

Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook or not holding yourself accountable for your results, actions, and performance. This is not giving yourself a trophy for coming in the last place. It’s about being there for yourself as a good friend or coach would be there in the face of challenges. It’s taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally when the chips are down. It’s bringing your best self to yourself when you need it most and along with it increased confidence!

Final Thoughts

Some people are naturally more confident than others. But that doesn’t mean that some people cannot exude confidence. It’s something that you can learn in your life.

Take these 5 easy steps whenever you need a boost of confidence, and you’ll be able to exude more confidence than ever!

More Tips on How to Exude Confidence

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via


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Steven Griffith

Steven is an Executive Coach. He's been helping the world’s most successful people perfrom at their peack level.

How To Start Small And Make Your Goals Happen How to Be Determined and Achieve Your Goals How To Exude Confidence Effortlessly in 5 Easy Steps How To Take Responsibility For Your Action And Your Life 27 Strategies to Achieve Your Goals Fast

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Last Updated on March 2, 2021

10 Negative Thoughts We All Have and What to Think Instead

10 Negative Thoughts We All Have and What to Think Instead

I’ll never forget the first time I heard that the way I was talking to myself, realizing how it directly influenced every aspect of my life. We can be our own worst enemy at times and our internal conversation and negative thoughts can be extremely limiting. Like most people, I was blind to this somewhat obvious piece of information.

Eventually, I realized that the negative thoughts I had weren’t facts at all, but instead self imposed limitations that I was putting on myself, which I also had the power to remove. Over the last decade, it has become very clear to me that most of us actually have very similar negative thoughts. Here are some of the most common negative thoughts we all have and what we should think instead.

1. I Am Not Good Enough

Have you ever thought that you weren’t good enough? When we feel that we aren’t good enough, we tend to drown in this emotion of self-doubt and pity. It can be a symptom of low self-esteem, but the truth is that every one is good enough.

You might not have the skills or tools to achieve what you want now, but you are certainly good enough and worthy of receiving what you want in life. If you have a $10 bill, and it falls on the ground into a puddle of mud, does that $10 lose its value? Of course not! So why do you feel that you lose value based on what you have done in life?

What to Think Instead

Instead of saying, “I am not good enough,” tell yourself that you are worthy of all you desire in this life, just like everyone else[1]. Focus on the things you like about yourself in this moment. You can even make a written list and post it nearby if it helps you to see it each day[2]

Practice Loving Yourself to Overcome Negative Thoughts

    2. I Can’t Do It

    “Can’t” is one of the most limiting words that you can tell yourself. Henry Ford once said,

    “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are right.”


    If you tell yourself that you can’t, you are sending messages to your mind and brain that you can’t, and so that will be your experience. Your mind won’t try if you have already told it that something is impossible. 

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing your negative thoughts on what you think you can’t do, tell yourself, “I can do whatever I put my mind to.” While we all do have limitations, believing in your abilities in the first step to achieving your short and long term goals in life. 

    And sometimes, you may just need a little motivation boost. Get the Instant Motivation Boost Worksheet, it’s a free worksheet that will guide you to do the little things for an instant boost of motivation. Grab the free worksheet here.

    3. I’m Not as Lucky as Other People

    This thought normally comes from holding an illusion that other people’s lives are better and they are luckier, and that is what separates you from them. “Perfect” doesn’t exist, and there is often a lot of effort that goes behind that perceived “luck.”

    It is very disempowering to think that life will never offer you good things; the truth is that if you tap into some gratitude, you’ll see that you already have good things all around you. 

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing on all the luck others seem to have, tell yourself, “Good things can and will happen to me.” Use a sense of gratitude to begin to notice all of the good things you would normally never notice. For example, when was the last time you felt grateful for the roof over your head, the food in your fridge, or your comfy bed?

    4. I Don’t Think I’ll Ever…

    Whatever you believe will become your reality, this is true. You shape your future every day by the choices you make and your habits. You can sabotage your opportunities by limiting yourself with negative thoughts.

    What would it be like if you believed that you could do what you really desired and have the experiences you wished instead? It is not about getting it right the first time, but trying. Don’t stop yourself before you have even given yourself a chance.


    What to Think Instead

    Don’t limit yourself with negative thought patterns that tell you you’ll never do something. Instead, tell yourself, “I am confident I will…” Even if you don’t feel confident in this moment, feeding your brain positive thoughts will slowly build confidence over time. 

    5. I Should Be Better Than I Am

    Using the word “should” in this context makes this a truly negative thought and makes one feel less than they are. How often do you find yourself saying “I should be more clever, more disciplined, more productive, etc. than I am”? Remember how you feel immediately afterwards?

    What to Think Instead

    Tell yourself, “I am making an effort to change what I don’t like.” Everyone has parts of themselves that they hope to improve, and this is certainly possible, but it requires approaching these things with a sense of self-love and patience. 

    Set yourself goals for the things you are not happy with instead of telling yourself what you “should” be like or be doing. Take action the things you wish to change and remove limiting modals from your vocabulary.

    Here are some ways you can start to improve yourself.

    6. I Am Not Strong Enough

    It’s normal to feel that you are not strong enough at times[3]. We are all human, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel weak at times. What is important though, is the conversation you have with yourself afterwards. If you keep reinforcing the fact that you don’t feel strong with negative thoughts, how can you expect to feel?

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, tell yourself that you are strong enough to deal with the challenges in front of you, and support yourself in finding the strength you need in that moment.

    7. Nobody Cares

    It might feel that you are alone at times and that nobody cares, but I am convinced that there are people thinking about you that you don’t even know of. People do care; not everyone expresses their emotions in the same way. It isn’t nice feeling that nobody cares, so stop focusing on that and assuming what other people feel when you don’t actually know. Change your focus to something that makes you feel better instead.


    What to Think Instead

    Instead of assuming that no one cares about you, remind yourself that there are people in your life who do, in fact, care very much. Do your best to cultivate those relationships and accept the love others are willing to give in order to combat your negative thoughts. 

    8. I Am Not Smart Enough

    This is a very general statement, yet many people tend to say it often and then feel bad about themselves afterwards. What are you not smart at specifically? I bet that if I asked you to identify some areas that you are smart in, you could if you really tried.

    Not everybody is clever and perfect in every area, and this is what makes us all unique. If you feel that you are lacking in a certain area of knowledge, instead of producing negative thoughts, make time to study and learn whatever it is that you want so that you don’t feel this way any more.

    What to Think Instead

    Instead of believing that you’re not intelligent, remind yourself that you are smart in a unique way and that you are capable of improving your knowledge in any area you choose. Lifelong learning can be a goal you constantly work toward.

    9. If I Don’t Do Well, I’m a Failure

    Holding high expectations for yourself and having conditions attached to your self worth on your performance isn’t fair. You need to take chances in life if you want to get different results. Don’t be scared of failing; the real failure lies in never having tried.

    What to Think Instead

    When facing a challenging situation or possible risk, tell yourself, “I am going to try; I am not scared of failing; that is not what is important.” Even if you “fail,” you will learn something about the world and yourself, and as long as that’s the case, nothing is ever a true failure. 

    10. Bad Things Will Happen

    Thinking negatively in general is thinking that whatever happens, it is most likely going to be the worst case scenario. What would it be like if you imagined the best case scenario instead? Our positive and negative thoughts are very powerful, and it’s common to use visualization as a technique to imagine the best case scenario.

    Whether you imagine the worst or the best case scenario, you are influencing your results. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen and rather on what you want to happen.


    What to Think Instead

    Instead of thinking that bad things will happen when you try something, try thinking that the best will happen. This way, you’ll aim high, and even if you fall a little short, you’ll still get farther than you were before. 

    Final Thoughts

    We all have negative thoughts from time to time. However, when the majority of your thoughts are negative, you are undermining your happiness at the end of the day. Our thoughts directly affect how we feel and, therefore, what we do in life.

    If you’re feeling sad and are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, you can consider contacting a mental health professional to give your mental health a boost and get you back on track toward positivity.

    Don’t limit yourself or what is possible for you. Master your thoughts and change your results. 

    More on How to Stop Negative Thoughts


    Featured photo credit: arash payam via


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