Advertising
Advertising

Learn To Question Your Emotions

Learn To Question Your Emotions

As 100% accurate and descriptive mood rings haven’t been created yet, it’s sometimes quite difficult to decipher one emotion from another. Are you feeling angry or envious? Anxious or excited? Here Steven Handel explains how you can learn to understand your feelings by questioning them:

One of the first pillars of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This is the process of better understanding your feelings through self-observation and self-inquiry. It requires that we look at our emotions from an objective viewpoint, and then be honest about what’s causing them and how they are influencing our actions. Emotions guide human behavior. They are a type of knowledge, but they are often fast, intuitive, and impulsive reactions to our environment, and thus they can be prone to error. Due to this, your feelings can be misleading if you always react to them without question. In certain times, it’s a good idea to step back and question your feelings before you choose the best way to respond to them.

Advertising

In a 2013 study published in the Motivation and Emotion, it was found that a bad mood (caused by listening to angry music) led individuals to more likely judge someone as wrong. This is a perfect example of the pervasive influence of emotions and why we should question our feelings. You might be in a bad mood for some random reason – maybe you got stuck in traffic or spilled coffee on your shirt – but then that mood will negatively influence your impression of someone. Rationally, you know the two things have nothing to do with each other, but your brain still unconsciously makes the connection between your current feelings and the other person.

When you gain a better understanding of your feelings and where they come from, you avoid making this mistake so easily.

Advertising

Here’s a guideline on how you to question your feelings. Ask yourself:

  • What am I feeling?
    Don’t just say you feel “good” or “bad” – be specific. Is it “sadness” or “anger” or “disappointment?” Try your best to find one or two words that best describe your feeling.
  • When did I first notice this feeling?
    How long has the feeling been going on for? Did you just begin feeling it, or has it been looming around for a while?
  • What’s the primary cause of this feeling?
    Try to think of what event in your life caused you to feel this way. Is there something that happened that stands out?
  • What are possible secondary causes of this feeling?
    What are some other factors that may be contributing to this emotion? Are there multiple “little things” that may have built up throughout the day?
  • Am I tired or stressed?
    Often times general stress and fatigue can amplify our emotions. For example, this 2013 study found that sleepless nights are more likely to lead to anger and arguments among couples.
  • How should I respond to this feeling?
    What’s the best course of action to take in response to this emotion? Should you talk to someone, listen to music, go for a walk, or do something productive?
  • Should I just wait for this feeling to pass?
    Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you need to act on it. Sometimes it’s better to just “ride out” an emotion until it subsides. Our feelings are only temporary, they don’t last forever.

Individuals with more connections between the “thinking” and “feeling” parts of their brain often have more emotional intelligence. This is because our ability to think about our feelings helps create a buffer between our emotions and responses, so that we don’t just act impulsively all of the time. Just the simple act of thinking and questioning our feelings helps detach ourselves from the “heat of the moment.” The more you question your feelings, the more you can control them rather than let them control you.

Advertising

Steven Handel is a long-time writer in psychology and self-improvement. He blogs frequently at The Emotion Machine and is also the author of the digital guide The Science of Self Improvement. He encourages you to follow him on Facebook and Twitter, where he is always sharing new advice, tools, and exercises to help improve your mind.

Question Your Feelings | The Emotion Machine

Advertising

More by this author

Siobhan Harmer

Siobhan is a passionate writer sharing about motivation and happiness tips on Lifehack.

This Chart Shows You Where And Why Emotional Pain Becomes Physical Discomfort 30 Brilliant Camping Hacks I Wish I Knew Earlier 20 Fascinating Webcams You Can Watch Online Right Now 8 Ways To Stop Emotional Manipulation 30 Of The World’s Most Breathtaking Hiking Trails You Must Visit

Trending in Lifestyle

1 10 Best Brain Power Supplements That Will Supercharge Your Mind 2 How to Tell Symptoms of Social Anxiety And What to Do About It 3 5 Reasons Why You Should Always Be Yourself 4 7 Signs You’re Burnt Out and How to Bounce Back 5 How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 5, 2019

5 Reasons Why You Should Always Be Yourself

5 Reasons Why You Should Always Be Yourself

When it comes to being yourself, there can be a lot of pressure from the outside world as it tries to influence who you are. Living in a society that is constantly developing, it’s important for you to always be yourself from the inside out. When you deeply know yourself and the boundaries that you have set, you are more likely to experience a fulfilling and rewarding life. Without knowing yourself and establishing those boundaries, you can easily be pushed around and end up on a dirt path.

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” – Matthew 7:13-14

You have the option of taking the path that is broad or taking the path that is narrow. You can either conform to what life wants you to be, or have the courage to remain true to yourself throughout the years. It’s definitely a challenge to have a strong sense of self when we are constantly getting distracted and being influenced by the media and society’s way of life. But if you want to reach your fullest potential in life, it all starts with being yourself.

Advertising

Why should you always be yourself?

Because you will:

  1. Live in alignment with your values and beliefs. Being yourself is all about knowing what you believe in and the values that you live by. When you are not yourself, you will take on the values and beliefs of others. This is when you start conforming to other people’s expectations and way of thinking. When you know your values and why you do what you do, you will live according to your own values and beliefs.
  2. Establish your own identity. When you are able to have a solid foundation of being you, you are establishing your own sense of identity. No matter what happens in your life, you will always know who you are. There will be times where you may feel lost or distracted, but if you have your own identity you’ll be able to get back on the right path. Without establishing your own identity, you may easily conform and lose yourself.
  3. Build courage. It takes a great amount of courage when you decide to take the path that goes against the crowd. The reason why the majority of people take the broad path is because it’s easy. It’s easy to just follow the crowd. It’s more of a challenge when you stay true to yourself and establish your own identity. This challenge of always being yourself takes courage and inner strength. No matter what comes your way, you’ll know how to handle it.
  4. Establish boundaries. When you are always yourself, you know what your limits are and the boundaries that you have set for yourself. When people cross your boundaries, you will know. But if you don’t establish boundaries, people may very well walk all over you and take advantage of you. If you are always yourself and you establish boundaries, you are more likely to be aware when people start taking advantage of you. Create and establish your boundaries.
  5. Find focus and direction. When you are always yourself, you are more likely to have focus and direction in your life. Imagine someone who is constantly conforming to other people’s expectations. Do you think this person has focus and direction? I don’t think so. When you stay true to who you are, you are more likely to know the goals you want to accomplish and how to go about accomplishing them. You are able to stay focused and know which direction to take in order for you to accomplish your goals.

No matter what you experience in life, the only person that will always remain constant is you.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: María Victoria Heredia Reyes via unsplash.com

Advertising

Advertising

Read Next