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How to Tie a Tie Like an Expert

How to Tie a Tie Like an Expert

If you’re a man, tying a tie is going to come up. Aside from weddings and funerals, you’ll look good if you wear one at work regardless of the dress code. Prepare yourself for life with 12 ways to tie a tie like an expert.

1. Four in Hand

Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 12 inches lower than the narrow end of the tie.

Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

    Cross the wide end of the tie over the front of narrow end.

    Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

      Cross the wide end back underneath the narrow end.

      Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

        Cross back over the front of the narrow end again.

        Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

          Bring the wide end up behind the back of the loop.

          Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

            Pull the wide end down through the front knot.

            Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

              Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

              Four-in-Hand-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                Don’t forget to smile… ;)

                2. Windsor

                Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 18 inches lower than the narrow end of the tie.

                Windso--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                  The original pic sucked, so I’m recycling

                  Cross the wide part of the tie over the narrow end.

                  Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                    Cross the wide end up and through the back of the loop and pull to the right.

                    Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                      Bring the wide end back up behind the knot and to the left.

                      Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                        Bring the wide end up in front of the loop and drop down through the back of the loop.

                        Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                          Pull the wide end to the right.

                          Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                            Cross the wide part of the tie over the narrow end.

                            Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                              Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                              Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                Pull the wide end down and pass through the loop to form the knot.

                                Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                  Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie…

                                  Windsor--Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie9
                                    “Get yourself a car and ride it on the wind” – Chris Cornell

                                    3. Nicky

                                    Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 8 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                    Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                      Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                      Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                        Bring the wide end up over top of the narrow end.

                                        Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                          Pull the wide end down behind the loop and to the right.

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                                          Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                            Cross the wide end over the front of the knot.

                                            Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                              Bring the wide end up behind the back of the narrow end

                                              Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                Nicky-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6
                                                  “You’re the best around! Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down” – Joe Esposito

                                                  4. Half-Windsor

                                                  Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 12 inches lower than the narrow end of the tie.

                                                  Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                    Cross the wide part of the tie over front of the narrow end.

                                                    Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                      Bring the wide end back underneath the narrow end to the left.

                                                      Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                        Lift the wide end up in front of the loop and drop down through the back of the loop.

                                                        Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                          Pull the wide end to the right.

                                                          Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                            Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                            Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                              Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                                                              Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                Half-Windsor-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                  Any man with a microphone can tell you what he loves the most…” – Jack White

                                                                  5. Grantchester

                                                                  Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 16 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                                                  Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                    Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                                                    Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                      Cross the wide end over the narrow end.

                                                                      Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                         Cross the wide end under the knot to the other side.

                                                                        Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                          Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                                          Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                            Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                                                                            Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                              Pull the wide end down and pass the loop in front and to the right.

                                                                              Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie0

                                                                                Cross the wide end under the knot to the opposite side.

                                                                                Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                  Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                                                  Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                    Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                                                                                    Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                                                                      Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

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                                                                                      Grantchester-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie9

                                                                                        Dark Knight feeling, die and be a hero. Or live long enough to see yourself become a villain…” – S. Carter

                                                                                        6. Balthus

                                                                                        Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 18 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                                                                        Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                          Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                                                                          Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                             Bring the wide end up over top of the narrow end.

                                                                                            Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                              Pull the wide end down behind the loop and to the right.

                                                                                              Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                Bring the wide end up and over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                  Pull the wide end down behind the loop and to the left.

                                                                                                  Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                    Bring the wide end up and over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                    Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                                      Pull the wide end down behind the knot and to the right.

                                                                                                      Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                                                                                        Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                        Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie9

                                                                                                          Bring the wide end up behind the knot.

                                                                                                          Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie0

                                                                                                            Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                            Balthus-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tiea

                                                                                                              “There’s room at the top I’m telling you still, but first you must learn how to smile as you kill…” – John Lennon

                                                                                                              7. Kelvin

                                                                                                              Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 8 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out). Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                                                                                              Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                Cross the wide end over the narrow end.

                                                                                                                Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                  Cross the wide end under the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                  Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                    Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                                    Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                      Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                                                                                                                      Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                        Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                                        Kelvin-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5
                                                                                                                          I’m a slave to myself and disobey my boss…” – Lupe Fiasco  

                                                                                                                          8. St Andrew

                                                                                                                          Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 8 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                                                                                                          St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                            Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                                                                                                            St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                              Cross the wide end over the front of the narrow end.

                                                                                                                              St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                                Cross the wide end behind the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                                   Bring the wide end up over the front of the knot.

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                                                                                                                                  St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                                     Pull the wide end down behind the knot and to the right.

                                                                                                                                    St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                                                      Cross the wide end over the front of the narrow end.

                                                                                                                                      St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                                                                        Bring the wide end up behind the knot.

                                                                                                                                        St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                                                                          Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                                                          St-Andrew-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                                                                                                                            “Victory consistently – train all year to be the enemies misery. No stress visibly neither does it enter me. I think positively. You cant harm me mentally…” – Dwayne Carter Jr.

                                                                                                                                            9. Victoria

                                                                                                                                            Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 8 inches below the narrow end.

                                                                                                                                            Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                                              Cross the wide end of the tie over the front of the narrow end.

                                                                                                                                              Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                                                Cross the wide end behind the loop to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                                                  Cross the wide end over the front of the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                  Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                                                    Cross the wide end behind the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                    Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                                                                                      Cross the wide end over the front of the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                      Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                                                        Bring the wide end up behind the back of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                        Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                                                                          Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                                                                          Victoria-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                                                                                            “You want to succeed you have to try or one day you’ll get older, and regret it all cause you can’t provide…” – Marcus Hopsin

                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                            10. Hanover

                                                                                                                                                            Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 12 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                                                                                                                                            Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                                                              Cross the narrow end of the tie over the front of the wide end.

                                                                                                                                                              Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                                                                Cross the wide end over the front of the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                                Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                                                                  Bring the wide end up behind the back of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                  Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                                                                    Pull the wide end down over the front of the knot and to the left.

                                                                                                                                                                    Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                                                                      Cross the wide end behind the back of the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                                      Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                                                                                        Bring the wide end up over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                        Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                                                                                                           Pull the wide end down behind the back of the knot to the left.

                                                                                                                                                                          Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                                                                                                             Cross the wide end over the front of the knot to the other side.

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                                                                                                                                                                            Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                                                                                                                                                              Bring the wide end up behind the back of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                              Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie9

                                                                                                                                                                                Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                                                                                                Hanover-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie0

                                                                                                                                                                                  “Bow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yay. Bow-wow-wow-yippie-yo-yippie-yeah” – George Clinton

                                                                                                                                                                                  11. Shelby (Pratt)

                                                                                                                                                                                  Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 8 inches below the narrow end. Make sure the tie is backwards (with the label facing out).

                                                                                                                                                                                  Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                                                                                    Cross the narrow end of the tie over front of the wide end.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                                                                                      Bring the wide end up over top of the loop.

                                                                                                                                                                                      Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                                                                                         Pull the wide end down and to the left.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                                                                                          Cross the wide part of the tie over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                                          Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                                                                                            Bring the wide end up and through the back of the loop.

                                                                                                                                                                                            Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                                                                                                              Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie.

                                                                                                                                                                                              Shelby-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                                                                                                                                “It’s hard being young from the slums, eatin five cent gums, not knowin where your meals comin from” – Christopher Wallace

                                                                                                                                                                                                12. Cavendish

                                                                                                                                                                                                Lay the tie around your neck with the wide end about 12 inches below the narrow end.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Cross the wide end of the tie over the front of narrow end.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie1

                                                                                                                                                                                                     Cross the wide end underneath the narrow end to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie2

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Cross the wide end over the front of the loop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie3

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Bring the wide end up behind the back of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie4

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Pull the wide end down over the front of the knot and to the right.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie5

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Cross the wide end behind the back of the knot to the other side.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie6

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Cross the wide end up over the front of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie7

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Bring the wide end up behind the back of the knot.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie8

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Pull the wide end down through the loop to form the knot. Fix any twists, wrinkles, and folds, then tighten the knot and hold the narrow end, while sliding the knot up the narrow end. Fold your collar down, and take a selfie…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Cavendish-Knot---Lifehack-Tie-a-Tie9
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Put the gloves on, sparring with my ego. Everyone’s greatest obstacle, I beat ’em,,,” – Ben Haggerty

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    General Tips:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When you’re finished, the wide end of your tie should barely touch your belt buckle.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Untie your tie every night before storage to prevent wrinkles.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You should own at least 5 ties: 1 Solid Black, 1 Solid Red, 3 Misc

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can purchase ties for $1-$5 at any thrift shop, clothing exchange, Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Always wear a tie to an interview, and if nobody else is wearing a tie at work, be the only guy doing it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Only wear a tie on a date if it’s required where you’re going.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Last Updated on July 3, 2020

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for the creation of good in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life. To control your thoughts means to influence the way you live your life.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affects your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality. (And here’s Why Your Perception Is Your Reality)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have heard that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive, and just a general waste of energy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Choose to be the person who is actively, consciously thinking your thoughts. Be someone who can control your thoughts—become the master of your mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I currently have a few thoughts that are not of my choosing or a response from my reprogramming. I am the master of my mind, so now my mind is quite peaceful. Yours can be too!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Who Is Thinking My Thoughts?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Before you can become the master of your mind, you must recognize that you are currently at the mercy of several unwanted “squatters” living in your mind, and they are in control of your thoughts.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you want to be the boss of them, you must know who they are and what their motivation is, and then you can take charge and evict them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Here are four of the “squatters” in your head that create unhealthy and unproductive thoughts.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. The Inner Critic

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is your constant abuser who is often a conglomeration of:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Other people’s words—many times your parents
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Thoughts you have created based on your own or other peoples’ expectations
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Comparing yourself to other people, including those in the media
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • The things you told yourself as a result of painful experiences such as betrayal and rejection. Your interpretation creates your self-doubt and self-blame, which are most likely undeserved in cases of rejection and betrayal.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Inner Critic is motivated by pain, low self-esteem, lack of self-acceptance, and lack of self-love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Why else would this person abuse you? And since this person is youwhy else would you abuse yourself? Why would you let anyone treat you this badly?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. The Worrier

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This person lives in the future—in the world of “what ifs.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Worrier is motivated by fear, which is often irrational and has no basis. Occasionally, this person is motivated by fear that what happened in the past will happen again.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. The Reactor or Troublemaker

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is the one that triggers anger, frustration, and pain. These triggers stem from unhealed wounds of the past. Any experience that is even closely related to a past wound will set him off.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This person can be set off by words or feelings and can even be set off by sounds and smells.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Reactor has no real motivation and has poor impulse control. He is run by past programming that no longer serves you—if it ever did.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    4. The Sleep Depriver

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This can be a combination of any number of different squatters including the inner planner, the rehasher, and the ruminator, along with the inner critic and the worrier.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Sleep Depriver’s motivation can be:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • As a reaction to silence, which he fights against
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Taking care of the business you neglected during the day
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity, and generalized anxiety
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • As listed above for the inner critic and worrier

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How can you control these squatters?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to Master Your Mind

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You are the thinker and the observer of your thoughts. You can control your thoughts, but you must pay attention to them so you can identify “who” is running the show—this will determine which technique you will want to use.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Begin each day with the intention of paying attention to your thoughts and catching yourself when you are thinking undesirable thoughts.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There are two ways to control your thoughts:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Technique A – Interrupt and replace them
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Technique B – Eliminate them altogether

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This second option is what is known as peace of mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The technique of interrupting and replacing is a means of reprogramming your subconscious mind. Eventually, the replacement thoughts will become the “go-to” thoughts in applicable situations.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Use Technique A with the Inner Critic and Worrier and Technique B with the Reactor and Sleep Depriver.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. For the Inner Critic

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself (calling yourself names, disrespecting yourself, or berating yourself), interrupt it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can yell (in your mind), “Stop! No!” or, “Enough! I’m in control now.” Then, whatever your negative thought was about yourself, replace it with an opposite or counter thought or an affirmation that begins with “I am.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    For example, if your thought is, “I’m such a loser,” you can replace it with, “I am a Divine Creation of the Universal Spirit. I am a perfect spiritual being learning to master the human experience. I am a being of energy, light, and matter. I am magnificent, brilliant, and beautiful. I love and approve of myself just as I am.”

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can also have a dialogue with yourself to discredit the ‘voice’ that created the thought—if you know whose voice it is:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Just because so-and-so said I was a loser doesn’t make it true. It was his or her opinion, not a statement of fact. Or maybe they were joking and I took it seriously because I’m insecure.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you recognize that you have recurring self-critical thoughts, you can write out or pre-plan your counter thoughts or affirmation so you can be ready.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is the first squatter you should evict, forcefully, if necessary:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • They rile up the Worrier.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • The names you call yourself become triggers when called those names by others, so he also maintains the presence of the Reactor.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • They are often present when you try to fall asleep so he perpetuates the Sleep Depriver.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • They are a bully and is verbally and emotionally abusive.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • They are the destroyer of self-esteem. They convince you that you’re not worthy. They’re a liar! In the interest of your self-worth, get them out!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Eliminate your worst critic and you will also diminish the presence of the other three squatters.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Replace them with your new best friends who support, encourage, and enhance your life. This is a presence you want in your mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. For the Worrier

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Prolonged anxiety is mentally, emotionally, and physically unhealthy. It can have long-term health implications.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Fear initiates the fight or flight response, creates worry in the mind, and creates anxiety in the body. This may make it more difficult for you to control your thoughts effectively.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You should be able to recognize a “worry thought” immediately by how you feel. The physiological signs that the fight or flight response of fear has kicked in are:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Increased heart rate, blood pressure, or surge of adrenaline
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Muscles tense

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Use the above-stated method to interrupt any thought of worry and then replace it. But this time, you will replace your thoughts of worry with thoughts of gratitude for the outcome you wish for.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you believe in a higher power, this is the time to engage with it. Here is an example:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Instead of worrying about my loved ones traveling in bad weather, I say the following (I call it a prayer):

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Thank you great spirit for watching over _______. Thank you for watching over his/her car and keeping it safe, road-worthy, and free of maintenance issues without warning. Thank you for surrounding him/her with only safe, conscientious, and alert drivers. And thank you for keeping him/her safe, conscientious, and alert.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Smile when you think about it or say it aloud, and phrase it in the present tense. Both of these will help you feel it and possibly even start to believe it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you can visualize what you are praying for, the visualization will enhance the feeling so you will increase the impact in your vibrational field.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Now, take a calming breath, slowly in through your nose, and slowly out through the mouth. Take as many as you like! Do it until you feel that you’re close to being in control of your thoughts.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Replacing fearful thoughts with gratitude will decrease reactionary behavior, taking the steam out of the Reactor.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    For example: If your child gets lost in the mall, the typical parental reaction that follows the fearful thoughts when finding them is to yell at them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “I told you never to leave my sight.” This reaction just adds to the child’s fear level from being lost in the first place.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Plus, it also teaches them that mom and/or dad will get mad when he or she makes a mistake, which may make them lie to you or not tell you things in the future.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Change those fearful thoughts when they happen:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Thank You (your choice of Higher Power) for watching over my child and keeping him safe. Thank you for helping me find him soon.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Then, when you see your child after this thought process, your only reaction will be gratitude, and that seems like a better alternative for all people involved.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. For the Troublemaker, Reactor or Over-Reactor

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Permanently eliminating this squatter will take a bit more attention and reflection after the fact to identify and heal the causes of the triggers. But until then, you can prevent the Reactor from getting out of control by initiating conscious breathing as soon as you recognize his presence.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Reactor’s thoughts or feelings activate the fight or flight response just like with the Worrier. The physiological signs of his presence will be the same. With a little attention, you should be able to tell the difference between anxiety, anger, frustration, or pain.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I’m sure you’ve heard the suggestion to count to ten when you get angry—well, you can make those ten seconds much more productive if you are breathing consciously during that time.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Conscious breathing is as simple as it sounds—just be conscious of your breathing. Pay attention to the air going in and coming out.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Breathe in through your nose:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Feel the air entering your nostrils.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Feel your lungs filling and expanding.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Focus on your belly rising.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Breathe out through your nose:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Feel your lungs emptying.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Focus on your belly falling.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Feel the air exiting your nostrils.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Do this for as long as you like. Leave the situation if you want. This gives the adrenaline time to normalize. Now, you can address the situation with a calmer, more rational perspective and avoid damaging behavior, and you’ll be more in control of your thoughts.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    One of the troubles this squatter causes is that it adds to the sleep depriver’s issues. By evicting or at least controlling the Reactor, you will decrease reactionary behavior, which will decrease the need for the rehashing and ruminating that may keep you from falling asleep.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Master your mind and stop the Reactor from bringing stress to you and your relationships!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    4. For the Sleep Depriver

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    (They’re made up of the Inner Planner, the Rehasher, and the Ruminator, along with the Inner Critic and the Worrier.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I was plagued with a very common problem: not being able to turn off my mind at bedtime. This inability prevented me from falling asleep and thus, getting a restful and restorative night’s sleep.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Here’s how I mastered my mind and evicted the Sleep Depriver and all his cronies.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. I started by focusing on my breathing—paying attention to the rise and fall of my belly—but that didn’t keep the thoughts out for long. (Actually, I now start with checking my at-rest mouth position to keep me from clenching.)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Then I came up with a replacement strategy that eliminated uncontrolled thinking—imagining the word in while breathing in and thinking the word out when breathing out. I would (and do) elongate the word to match the length of my breath.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When I catch myself thinking, I shift back to in, out. With this technique, I am still thinking, sort of, but the wheels are no longer spinning out of control. I am in control of my mind and thoughts, and I choose quiet.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    From the first time I tried this method, I started to yawn after only a few cycles and am usually asleep within ten minutes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    For really difficult nights, I add an increase of attention by holding my eyes in a looking-up position (closed, of course). Sometimes I try to look toward my third eye but that really hurts my eyes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you have trouble falling asleep because you can’t shut off your mind, I strongly recommend you try this technique. I still use it every night. You can start sleeping better tonight!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can also use this technique any time you want to:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Fall back to sleep if you wake up too soon
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Shut down your thinking
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Calm your feelings
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Simply focus on the present moment

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Bottom Line

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Your mind is a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for constructive purposes or destructive purposes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can allow your mind to be occupied by unwanted, undesirable, and destructive tenants, or you can choose desirable tenants like peace, gratitude, compassion, love, and joy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Your mind can become your best friend, your biggest supporter, and someone you can count on to be there and encourage you. You can be in control of your thoughts. The choice is yours!

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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