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Painful Regrets Are Necessary Because That’s How We Learn

Painful Regrets Are Necessary Because That’s How We Learn

An ancient wisdom that has resonated for generations is that when you reach your darkest hour, all is not gloom and doom. You can truly shine. It may sound cliche, but it’s not that the feeling of being ashamed is welcomed or appropriate, it’s a necessary key to open pathways and let go- to start afresh on a new soul journey.

John Jerryson, a banker, came to the awareness that he had lived all his life opposite to his true desires. His dreams and his passions all wasted away when he chose to follow the security of a steady, “safe” 9-7 job. A sleep, eat, and work pattern consumed all energy and precious time of the once robust, energetic, and innovative soul. He strived towards reaching corporate career ladder heights, leaving behind his family, friends, ambitions, and passion. It’s a painful regret for him, but he turned out to realize the greatest lesson in life. He even shared his story on the internet and wanted to remind others about the most important things in life.

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The Benefits of Shame

People usually avoid shame even when it is warranted. However, there can be benefits to shame. Think of it this way. To have an ability of self-reflection to review your own mistakes and analyze how a better path is possible is common wisdom.

The general tendency is for people to fail to accept the consequences of their actions. Take a trip down memory lane into childhood. Remember the wagging fingers with voices droning on about learning lessons as you rolled your eyes? That reaction was not mere parental frustration. Admitting failure is a step toward maturity. No one likes to feel depressed, but all of us can recall the embarrassment from our wrong doings. Maybe we are just pieces on a chessboard in the game of life. We are moving ourselves, and sometimes we make mistakes that we have to live with.

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Psychology Today defines regret as  “a negative cognitive/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made.”

On the life path of battling our fears and seeking to be courageous, mistakes will invariably be made. We make decisions that are wrong. We misunderstand. Sometimes we suffer serious consequences and deal with the aftermath of disappointment. Regret erodes our efforts to achieve our aspirations.

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The Consistency In Regret

The three areas of life about which there is the most regret are education, romance, and career. People are haunted by what could have been or should have been according to a meta-analysis. It is well known that people regret things that they did not do more than the things they did do.  People regret actions immediately after they happen, but as time passes ideally they undergo psychological immunity by learning from mistakes.

Rejoicing In Regret

Being ashamed is not about being sorry for your existence. Rather it is a quiet reflection with a gradual resolution to take a differing action in a similar circumstance the next time. Seeking true enlightenment is not about running away from your vulnerabilities or camouflaging them to put up a confident image to impress others. It is a moment of stillness from normal life, shutting out the sounds of ego, and focusing on vulnerabilities.

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We are unique in our visualization of opportunities, but what we all have in common is that when an opportunity has passed us by we all lament, “I wish I had pursued what I wanted”;  “I should have seized the opportunity- taken the chance”; “I could have used my talents or skills”; “I wish I had not been afraid to follow my dreams”.

It is never too late to learn from experiences and seize opportunities awaiting us. Do not fear making mistakes. Embrace the learning curve and lay out a new life map.

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Nena Tenacity

Nena is passionate about writing. She shares her everyday health and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

Here Are 30+ Easy High Fibre Breakfast Ideas You Can Try At Home A Wholesome Diet Is What You Need to Gain Happiness: 30 Natural Low-Carb Foods 10 Best Healthy Snacks That Even Gym People Eat When They’re Hungry! Want A Quick Yet Healthy Breakfast? Avocado Toast Is Your New Breakfast Idea Want To Look Younger And Be Healthier? Acai Berry Is Your New Breakfast Idea!

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Last Updated on August 12, 2019

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

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3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

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7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

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10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

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13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

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Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

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