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What To Do If Your Loved Ones Are Talking About Suicide

What To Do If Your Loved Ones Are Talking About Suicide

Let me ask you a question. If a loved one were in extreme pain and suffering excruciating agony, would you call a doctor or phone 911? No doubt you answered yes. In many ways, a loved one who is considering suicide is going through a similar agony. The only difference is that he or she is suffering from a psychological pain which is making their existence unbearable. That is why you must help.

Here are ten tips to help you reach out and support a loved one who is talking about suicide. I am not a psychologist but I am merely offering some advice which is advocated by most of the suicide prevention agencies. This is important, I feel, as our attitudes to mental health are still in the middle ages. Also, the CDC reports that in the USA, there were over 8 million people who reported having suicidal thoughts last year. About 25% of those had actually moved on to the planning stage.

1. Don’t brush it under the carpet

Once your loved one starts to make remarks about ending it all, it is important to sit up and take notice. Something is terribly wrong and the subject must never be a taboo. A life is at stake here. You need to show that you have heard their cry for help. Being there means being prepared to talk about it.

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2. Talk to them and listen attentively

The worst thing you can do is to try and talk the person out of the idea of suicide. This will probably have a negative effect because the person will feel like they are not understood. They really believe that nothing can lift them out of their despondency and hopelessness. You are there to listen and to try tounderstand why they have arrived at this point.

First, you need to give the person your full attention. Make sure you are not distracted by your cell phone. Lean forward and keep eye contact. It is important to ask about the reasons and then repeat them back. This shows you are actually listening! There is no need for any judgmental comments or cheerful platitudes, so avoid these at all costs.

3. Show empathy for them

All the experts recommend that we show empathy rather than sympathy towards a friend or loved one who is suicidal. Dr. Robert Firestone has explained that the person has converted all the negativity in their lives into a sort of destructive and terrible self-critical “anti-self” which takes over completely. That is why they need to discover their real selves. By being close to them and giving them the support they need, we can help them along the path to survival and life.

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4. Ask if they have made any plans

You could ask if they have actually made any plans about how and when they plan to commit suicide. If you think there is any imminent danger of an attempt, then you should call the nearest National Suicide Helpline in your area.

5. Ask about how they have coped with suicidal thoughts up to now

For many people, suicidal thoughts are nothing new. They have been over this ground many times. You could ask them how they managed to cope by not attempting suicide at various times in the past. Psychologists recommend homing in on the positives which persuaded them that it was not worth it.

6. Agree on an action plan

A friend of mine who is gravely ill once told a doctor that she was going to end it all. His reply was, “Well, that is one solution. Now let’s talk about other solutions.” This is the key to developing an action plan with your loved one. You plan out a series of things that have to be done. You both make a commitment to carry out certain tasks. Ask him or her to repeat back what you have agreed on. They will value the structure because they feel they are falling to pieces. You can agree that your loved one will promise not to harm himself in any way for a specific period. This is just the first step. You can try repeating the agreement out loud as this will reinforce the message that you are both in this together and are totally committed. Make sure they have the telephone numbers of the helplines as this will be part of the back up plan, should they feel that they cannot make it and you are away.

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7. Encourage them to recall happy moments and hope in life

You can help a loved one by helping them develop coping strategies. These can include having a box with treasured souvenirs which they can look at which will remind them of the reasons to live. These may be favorite photos and other mementos of happier times. Psychologists often refer to this as a “hope kit.” Another good strategy is to get them to make a list of reasons for living. Both these tasks serve the purpose of moving away from being totally passive which fuels suicidal thoughts.

8. Discuss a safety plan

This can include a list of things to do to cope with overwhelmingly negative thoughts. It could be an outing, sports, cooking, watching a funny video or just going for a walk. Make sure they have your number to call or another trusted friend or relative. They also need the suicide helpline number (International Association for Suicide Prevention). Staying safe and staying active should be key elements in your action plan.

9. Encourage them to achieve mini goals

The action plan will contain mini goals so that the enormity of the task does not overwhelm them. We are there to encourage them to learn skills and coping mechanisms to help with each suicidal crisis. The process is an ongoing one but the sense of weathering the storm will be a forceful message that staying alive is worth it after all.

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10.Try to help them see long term goals

When the immediate crisis has passed, it is important to look at long term goals. These may include getting help and treatment from a mental health provider or a support group. While you cannot fulfil this role, you can at least be there and help them move forward in taking the first steps. Offer to go with them to their first appointment, if they are okay with that.

As suicide is now the tenth leading cause of death in the USA, it is better to be vigilant rather than let things drift.

Let us know in the comments how you have helped a loved one who has talked about suicide.

Featured photo credit: Talk/ Matus Laslofi via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Freelance writer

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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