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5 Things to Remember When You Are Suicidal

5 Things to Remember When You Are Suicidal

Suicide is not a new phenomenon. People have committed it in the ancient past and as per the data shared by Gapminder—an organization that is fighting ignorance with fact-based worldviews that everyone can understand—the incidence rate has not come down. On the contrary suicidal tendencies are birthed in depression, eventually leading to the extreme step! Now that we have realized it, let us find ways to deal with it! Remember these 5 things to save yourself and your friends from bouts of depression and eventually from suicide.

1. You only get one body in this lifetime.

This mortal body of ours will not be around forever. It is a temporary vessel through which we can briefly experience life on Earth. You only have one body in this lifetime, and there are so many things you can do with it. It would be a shame to throw it away. Would it not be worth it to take good care of your own self? In fact, when people take their own lives, they think that it is the only solution to end suffering. This is simply not true.

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2. Suicide is not a problem-solver.

People who commit suicide have this deceptive notion that it is a great problem-solver. On the contrary, it creates more problems than it solves! Man has been ever so deceived to believe that ending something that is so temporary in the first place is the best way of dealing with it. Understanding this fact will help us when such thoughts creep into our mind.

3. Start spending more time with others.

I have been to hospitals before where all I could think about was that my ailment was big and painful. But when I arrive at the hospital and look around, I see that there are so many people who are in greater pain than me. To cut it short, life and problems are synonymous. It will help to know that your friends and colleagues have problems that are graver than or equal to your own. Start spending time with them. Your problems will start fading away! Even the rich and the glamorous have their own problems. Some say, that money solves all problems. But a great teacher St. Paul, taught, For the love of money, is the root of all evil.

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4. Call your friends, even if you don’t want to.

When depression hits you, you tend to retreat into a shell like a tortoise’s head! But deep inside, you yearn for someone to help you out. It is disheartening to know that in this age of technology, suicide rates have reached an all-time high.  It would be prudent to keep the contact details of a few people whom you really trust and can share things with complete privacy. This is most difficult bit when you are fighting depression! Working Mantra: Fight depression to Fight suicide ! 

5. Spend time with Nature.

I am sure that we all enjoy Mother Nature in all her beauty. Who doesn’t want to travel, explore new places and marvel at the beauty of life? But somehow, the inertia of our lives hold us back! It is time to move out of our self-made concrete cages and into Nature’s caring lap, at least every once in a while. The vast expanse of green & yellow fields, blue skies and the roaring seas, the sun, moon and stars are all FREE. Some wise man said, “The best things in life are free.”

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We need to realize that we have to strive to rise above the things causing clatter in our lives, including iPhones and emails.  Trust me, Nature has an amazing way of communicating, loving and healing us. Try it—it works !

Featured photo credit: Ashley Rose via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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