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These 10 Types of Unnecessary Fear Should not Block You Anymore

These 10 Types of Unnecessary Fear Should not Block You Anymore

When our mind and heart are taken over by fear, our life grinds to a halt. Fear debilitates us and blocks us from taking positive action to move forward. Fear can also be an insidious enemy. It can seep through our daily life unnoticed and unchecked.

We might not even realize that it has hacked its way deep into our subconscious mind until we totally succumb to its grip.

Most common forms of fear are unnecessary. This means that unlike instinctive fear – for instance the fear that helps you stir away from imminent danger – these types of fear are mostly a fabrication of our mind or instilled through past experiences.

Unnecessary fears can and must be identified and avoided. They serve no real purpose apart from hindering our actions, goals and progress in life.

Here are the top 10 types of unnecessary fears that should not block you anymore: 

1. Fear of Failure

We all fear failing in something at some point in our life. Fear of failing in a job interview, a business venture, a relationship, reaching a goal and so on. The problem arises when it becomes a fear of failure in general.

The rational question is “how do you know you will fail before trying?” or “is failing to take action worse or better than failing after trying?”.

Some of the most successful people have a different perception of failure. They are detached from failure as though it has no consequence to their lives. In other words, failure does not say or imply anything about them or their work. It is only another important step towards their goals.

Say for example a job opportunity arises unexpectedly. This is the job you have been wanting for a long time. The personnel is awesome, salary is handsome and the conditions are just perfect. You are called for an interview. Pressure builds up as you fear you might lose the golden opportunity.

You fear failing. What do you do? How do you shake off that creeping fear knowing that it can only debilitate you and perhaps leave you stunned and lost for words when you face your interviewers?

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One important thing you need to do is to let go go of thinking or putting too much importance to the outcome – the consequences.

Your mind could be telling you “If I fail this I would miss the only opportunity I had and I will be really disappointed with myself”.

Stop linking future outcomes to the event – the interview. Let go of any expectations and just focus your attention on the thing itself.

2. Fear of the unknown

This is probably the most common unnecessary fear. It’s not hard to fathom why. When something is unknown or unfamiliar – such as the future for instance – it poses a subtle threat. It becomes a fear and causes anxiety. Yet this fear or anxiety is clearly an irrational response to a situation.

It has no real definition or substance. It’s fine to be cautious about something unknown but fear of the unknown is only a way of missing out on the many opportunities and thrills life has to offer.

Pioneers in life such as explorers, entrepreneurs, leaders of movements and those with that crazy big idea in their heads have conquered the fear of the unknown. They did not settle to its hold. They have shed it away as an unnecessary block to their mission.

Like these pioneers you have to face the unknown with interest but not suspicion or distrust. Let’s say you are deciding to make a major life change – say quit your job to follow what you are passionate about. What’s next is unknown but should you believe that the future is waiting for you to rip you apart or should you trust your instincts and your heart telling you that it’s going to be fine? Think about it.

3. Fear of change

Another perennial type of unnecessary fear and one which is closely linked to the fear of the unknown. Fear of change brings inertia. It keeps us stuck to our comfort zone. A lot of the rewarding stuff in life comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and into the next level.

It requires the courage and resolve to accept what’s new and to let go of the mental and emotional attachments to the old.

Fear of change holds you back from shifting gears in life and moving forward.  How many times in life have you feared change only to later discover it was so unnecessary because it all feels so good? You ask yourself “why haven’t I done this before…what was all the fuss about?”

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It happened to me many times, changing careers, quitting my full time job, changing my lifestyle and so on. At first you feel you don’t have the energy or will to change. Then comes the turning point like the kid in the swimming pool learning to swim. She is holding with one hand to the pool’s border. She hesitates.Then something happens. A turning point, a sudden change in beliefs. She lets go of the border, plunges into the water and before she knows it, she is swimming unaided by nobody but her own will.

4. Fear of the haunted past

The past can be a ghost, haunting us at night in those sleepless and restless hours. We toss and turn in bed as we project past life episodes in the theatre of our mind. We even create fictitious parallel pasts – that is pasts that could have happened but did not. Learning from the past is necessary, fearing it is certainly not.

What is fear of the past anyway? It’s the fear of reliving certain negative emotions connected with your past such as guilt, regret, resentment amongst others. These emotions can be quite disturbing but their power over us can be dissolved if we consciously remind ourselves that the past has no place in the present. It is what it is – past.

Let’s say you have a regret that comes to haunt you every now and then from your past. It’s a regret of having done something wrong to a loved one or perhaps not doing a right thing. How do you vanquish that spectre from the past? By forgiving yourself and by accepting that you are a being with feelings and beliefs in constant change. The ‘you’ ten years ago was a different person than the ‘you’ now. The link between them is only in your head. Forgive that past ‘you’ for what it was and the link will be broken.

5. Fear of disapproval by others

As social creatures we have been brought up since a young age to regard others’ thoughts and opinions about us and what we do. It became part of our life’s equation. Stretched out of its purpose, considering what others might be thinking or feeling about you can become a stumbling block.

This is especially true when you fear that others might disapprove of your ideas, choices and behaviour.

When we were young we used to be afraid our parents, teachers or people in authoritative roles disapproving of us. At some point this can grow into lifelong concern and a mental attachment. When you try to constantly seek approval of others around you and live in fear of their disapproval you end up stalling action to authentic growth and self-realization.

Dump this fear as it is unnecessary and provides absolutely no benefit whatsoever. For instance, whenever you are taking a decision, such as changing your look or following a new lifestyle and you get the fear of being disapproved by your peers, catch yourself being fearful. Remind yourself that you are free and not chained to other people’s views.

Follow your heart and life will follow.

6. Fear of Rejection

In relation to fear of disapproval by others you can also fear rejection – especially rejection from those who are close to heart. The idea is that fear of rejection does not help you from not being rejected. It can only cause emotional blockage and withdrawal from naturally expressing your feelings, love and emotion.

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Think about it. Fear of rejection only sabotages your freedom of feeling what you do and expressing it how you want. Will that help you to not be rejected? Certainly not.

Next time you want to open up to somebody but feel fear of rejection, tell yourself “people do not reject love or an open heart, they might only be temporarily blind to it which effectively says nothing about me or my feelings.”

7. Fear of losing control to others

People often feel miserable after feeling that they have been disempowered by others. They feel weak, hurt and lost. This can come out of a bad relationship, physical or verbal abuse and even ridicule.

The truth is that we never lose our power and control to others. We give it away.

This is an important point since it helps us remind ourselves that we do not need to fear others as long as we are true to ourselves and keep aware that our own power can only be lost to ourselves and not to others.

When you feel you are losing your power to others, for example in an argument with your boss at work, remind yourself that you are the only signatory of that transaction. You cannot lose your power if you don’t want to.

Put the argument aside and confront the person when you are emotionally recollected and more conscious.

8. Fear of more heartbreaks

Heartbreaks can form emotional scars and those scars can linger for many years to the detriment of closing us off to new relationships and experiences. What you need to understand is that past heartbreaks are only trapped emotional energy that needs to be let go of. Heartbreaks that happened in the past are no guarantee that they will recur in future.

Once the connection between past and future is broken the fear is dissolved.

When you fear that you will be heartbroken instead of getting withdrawn inside do exactly the opposite. Try to open your heart to the person or situation. Allow it to happen.

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When you respond to situations with an open heart instead of fear, things will change dramatically and the relationship will open up in ways you never expected.

9. Fear of Success

This may sound strange, but yes, fear of success is far more common than you think. It’s not well known because it is a very silent fear. Fear of success is basically the fear of not being able to handle, or live up to, the positive change that comes from success.

It’s an obvious drawback since fear of success will impede success.

Many people have been at the door of succeeding in something but hung up on it at the last minute because of being afraid of it. Try to catch yourself being afraid of success for example when taking on a new responsibility or get awarded for some achievement.

Tell yourself that you are up for the challenge of what comes after and cherish the success as you live it day by day.

10. Fear of Loving

Of course this is a well known fear. It is also one of the most unnecessary and counter-productive since it holds us from opening our heart to others and possibly finding happiness. Fear of loving is born out of a combination of other fears, such as fear of rejection, fear of heartbreaks and fear of success.

The obvious drawback of this unnecessary fear is that it holds you from giving and receiving love – one of the strongest currencies in personal affairs.

If you feel you are afraid to express love to somebody, imagine two simple scenarios. One where you give out love, it is reciprocated and you are both happy. The other is where you refrain from loving (because of this or that excuse) and that love remains forever a lost chance for happiness.

Both are hypothetical but you have the power to make one of them actual. Which one would you choose?

Featured photo credit: Geralt via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on August 7, 2018

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

Failure occurs everyday, in school, jobs, housework, and within families. It is unavoidable, irritating and causes pessimism.

While the thought of flinging your hands in the air and walking away is all too appealing, take a second to connect with the people who have been there and survived.

Here are 10 famous failures to success stories around the world that will inspire you to keep going and achieve greatness:

1. J.K. Rowling

J.K.-Rowling

    During a Harvard commencement speech, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling outlined the importance and value of failure.[1]

    Why? Simply because she was once a failure too.

    A few short years after her graduation from college, her worst nightmares were realized. In her words,

    “I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”

    Coming out of this failure stronger and more determined was the key to her success.

    2. Steve Jobs

    steve-jobs-31

      The now revolutionary Apple started off with two men in a garage. Years later we all know it as a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees.

      Yet, almost unbelievably, Steve Jobs was fired from the very company he began.

      The dismissal made him realize that his passion for his work exceeded the disappointment of failure. Further ventures such as NeXT and Pixar eventually led Jobs back to the CEO position at AppleJobs said in 2005:

      “I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.”

      Lost your job today? Keep kicking and you could be just like this guy!

      3. Bill Gates
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        Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout. He co-owned a business called Traf-O-Data, which was a true failure.[2]

        However, skill and a passion for computer programming turned this failure into the pioneer of famous software company Microsoft, and the then 31-year-old into the world’s youngest self-made billionaire.

        In his own words:

        “It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

        This isn’t to say that dropping out of Harvard will make you into a billionaire, but maybe that shiny degree isn’t worth as much as the drive and passion to succeed.

        4. Albert Einstein
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          The word ‘Einstein’ is associated with intelligence and synonymous with genius. Yet it is a famous fact that the pioneer of the theory of general relativity, Albert Einstein himself, could not speak fluently until the age of nine. His rebellious nature led to expulsion from school, and he was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.

          His earlier setbacks did not stop him from winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1921. After all, he believed that:

          “Success is failure in progress.”

          To this day, his research has influenced various aspects of life including culture, religion, art, and even late night TV.

          Just because you haven’t achieved anything great yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be an Einstein yourself.

          5. Abraham Lincoln

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            Failing in business in 1831, suffering a nervous breakdown in 1836, defeated in his run for president in 1856, Abraham Lincoln was no stranger to rejection and failure. Rather than taking these signs as a motivation for surrender, he refused to stop trying his best.

            In this great man’s words:

            “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”

            Lincoln was elected in 1861 as the 16th President of the United States of America.

            The amount of rejection you receive is not a defining factor. Success is still within your reach.

            6. Michael Jordan

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              “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

              This quote by retired basketball legend Michael Jordan in a Nike advertisement speaks for itself.

              It would be an easy misconception that Jordan’s basketball skills revolve around natural talent. In fact, in his earlier years,  basketball coaches had trouble looking past the fact that Jordan didn’t reach the minimum height. It was years of effort, practice, and failure that made the star we know today.

              7. Steven Spielberg

              217307-steven-spielberg

                Regarded as one of the most influential filmmakers of all time, Steven Spielberg is a familiar household name. It is surprising to realize therefore that the genius behind Jaws and E.T. had poor grades in high school, getting him rejected from the University of Southern California three times.

                While he was in college, he caught the eye of executives at Universal, who signed him as a television director in 1969. This meant that he would not finish his college degree for another 33 years.

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                Perseverance and acceptance of failure is the key to success, after all.

                “Even though I get older, what I do never gets old, and that’s what I think keeps me hungry.”

                Bad grades in high school aside, there is no questioning the genius involved.

                To date, Spielberg has directed 51 films and has been awarded three Oscars.

                8. Walt Disney

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                  Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney dropped out of school at a young age in a failed attempt at joining the army.[3] One of his earlier ventures, Laugh-o-Gram Studios, went bankrupt due to his lack of ability to run a successful business. He was once fired from a Missouri newspaper for “not being creative enough.”

                  Yet today, The genius behind Disney studios is responsible for generations of childhood memories and dreams. From Snow White to Frozen, Disney will continue to entertain the world for generations to come.

                  The logic behind this is simple:

                  “We don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

                  9. Vincent Van Gogh
                  vincent_van_gogh

                    During his lifetime, Vincent Van Gogh suffered mental illness, failed relationships, and committed suicide at the age of 37.

                    He only ever sold one painting in his life, pinning him a failure as an artist. However that did not put a damper on his enthusiasm and passion for art.

                    He would never know that years and years after his death he would become known as a key figure in the world of post-impressionism, and ultimately, one of the greatest artist that ever lived.

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                    He would never know that he became a hot topic in art classes and his image was going to be used in TV, books and other forms of popular culture.

                    In the words of this great, but tragic man:

                    “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

                    10. Stephen King

                    01-Stephen-King-Rags-to-Riches-Celebs-1

                      As a paranoid, troubled child, tormented by nightmares and raised in poverty, it is no surprise that Stephen King grew up to the title: “Master of Horror”.[4]

                      An addiction to drugs and alcohol were his mechanisms to cope with the unhappiness he felt with his life. The frustration he felt towards multiple rejections by publishers in combination with illicit substances caused him to mentally contemplate violence towards his own children.

                      These intense emotions were those that he focused onto his writing. And that’s why he said:

                      “We make up horros to help us cope with the real ones.”

                      Writing became his new coping mechanism, and this is how the master author we know today grew to success.

                      Fail more often in order to succeed

                      Like Albert Einstein said, failure really is just success in progress. If you’d rather not to fail, you will probably never succeed.

                      Success comes from moments of frustrations when you’ll be most uncomfortable with. But after you’ve gone through all those bitter times, you’ll become stronger and you’ll get closer to success.

                      Don’t be afraid to fail. In fact, start failing, and start failing often; that’s how you will succeed.

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                      Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

                      Reference

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