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These 10 Types of Unnecessary Fear Should not Block You Anymore

These 10 Types of Unnecessary Fear Should not Block You Anymore

When our mind and heart are taken over by fear, our life grinds to a halt. Fear debilitates us and blocks us from taking positive action to move forward. Fear can also be an insidious enemy. It can seep through our daily life unnoticed and unchecked.

We might not even realize that it has hacked its way deep into our subconscious mind until we totally succumb to its grip.

Most common forms of fear are unnecessary. This means that unlike instinctive fear – for instance the fear that helps you stir away from imminent danger – these types of fear are mostly a fabrication of our mind or instilled through past experiences.

Unnecessary fears can and must be identified and avoided. They serve no real purpose apart from hindering our actions, goals and progress in life.

Here are the top 10 types of unnecessary fears that should not block you anymore: 

1. Fear of Failure

We all fear failing in something at some point in our life. Fear of failing in a job interview, a business venture, a relationship, reaching a goal and so on. The problem arises when it becomes a fear of failure in general.

The rational question is “how do you know you will fail before trying?” or “is failing to take action worse or better than failing after trying?”.

Some of the most successful people have a different perception of failure. They are detached from failure as though it has no consequence to their lives. In other words, failure does not say or imply anything about them or their work. It is only another important step towards their goals.

Say for example a job opportunity arises unexpectedly. This is the job you have been wanting for a long time. The personnel is awesome, salary is handsome and the conditions are just perfect. You are called for an interview. Pressure builds up as you fear you might lose the golden opportunity.

You fear failing. What do you do? How do you shake off that creeping fear knowing that it can only debilitate you and perhaps leave you stunned and lost for words when you face your interviewers?

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One important thing you need to do is to let go go of thinking or putting too much importance to the outcome – the consequences.

Your mind could be telling you “If I fail this I would miss the only opportunity I had and I will be really disappointed with myself”.

Stop linking future outcomes to the event – the interview. Let go of any expectations and just focus your attention on the thing itself.

2. Fear of the unknown

This is probably the most common unnecessary fear. It’s not hard to fathom why. When something is unknown or unfamiliar – such as the future for instance – it poses a subtle threat. It becomes a fear and causes anxiety. Yet this fear or anxiety is clearly an irrational response to a situation.

It has no real definition or substance. It’s fine to be cautious about something unknown but fear of the unknown is only a way of missing out on the many opportunities and thrills life has to offer.

Pioneers in life such as explorers, entrepreneurs, leaders of movements and those with that crazy big idea in their heads have conquered the fear of the unknown. They did not settle to its hold. They have shed it away as an unnecessary block to their mission.

Like these pioneers you have to face the unknown with interest but not suspicion or distrust. Let’s say you are deciding to make a major life change – say quit your job to follow what you are passionate about. What’s next is unknown but should you believe that the future is waiting for you to rip you apart or should you trust your instincts and your heart telling you that it’s going to be fine? Think about it.

3. Fear of change

Another perennial type of unnecessary fear and one which is closely linked to the fear of the unknown. Fear of change brings inertia. It keeps us stuck to our comfort zone. A lot of the rewarding stuff in life comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and into the next level.

It requires the courage and resolve to accept what’s new and to let go of the mental and emotional attachments to the old.

Fear of change holds you back from shifting gears in life and moving forward.  How many times in life have you feared change only to later discover it was so unnecessary because it all feels so good? You ask yourself “why haven’t I done this before…what was all the fuss about?”

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It happened to me many times, changing careers, quitting my full time job, changing my lifestyle and so on. At first you feel you don’t have the energy or will to change. Then comes the turning point like the kid in the swimming pool learning to swim. She is holding with one hand to the pool’s border. She hesitates.Then something happens. A turning point, a sudden change in beliefs. She lets go of the border, plunges into the water and before she knows it, she is swimming unaided by nobody but her own will.

4. Fear of the haunted past

The past can be a ghost, haunting us at night in those sleepless and restless hours. We toss and turn in bed as we project past life episodes in the theatre of our mind. We even create fictitious parallel pasts – that is pasts that could have happened but did not. Learning from the past is necessary, fearing it is certainly not.

What is fear of the past anyway? It’s the fear of reliving certain negative emotions connected with your past such as guilt, regret, resentment amongst others. These emotions can be quite disturbing but their power over us can be dissolved if we consciously remind ourselves that the past has no place in the present. It is what it is – past.

Let’s say you have a regret that comes to haunt you every now and then from your past. It’s a regret of having done something wrong to a loved one or perhaps not doing a right thing. How do you vanquish that spectre from the past? By forgiving yourself and by accepting that you are a being with feelings and beliefs in constant change. The ‘you’ ten years ago was a different person than the ‘you’ now. The link between them is only in your head. Forgive that past ‘you’ for what it was and the link will be broken.

5. Fear of disapproval by others

As social creatures we have been brought up since a young age to regard others’ thoughts and opinions about us and what we do. It became part of our life’s equation. Stretched out of its purpose, considering what others might be thinking or feeling about you can become a stumbling block.

This is especially true when you fear that others might disapprove of your ideas, choices and behaviour.

When we were young we used to be afraid our parents, teachers or people in authoritative roles disapproving of us. At some point this can grow into lifelong concern and a mental attachment. When you try to constantly seek approval of others around you and live in fear of their disapproval you end up stalling action to authentic growth and self-realization.

Dump this fear as it is unnecessary and provides absolutely no benefit whatsoever. For instance, whenever you are taking a decision, such as changing your look or following a new lifestyle and you get the fear of being disapproved by your peers, catch yourself being fearful. Remind yourself that you are free and not chained to other people’s views.

Follow your heart and life will follow.

6. Fear of Rejection

In relation to fear of disapproval by others you can also fear rejection – especially rejection from those who are close to heart. The idea is that fear of rejection does not help you from not being rejected. It can only cause emotional blockage and withdrawal from naturally expressing your feelings, love and emotion.

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Think about it. Fear of rejection only sabotages your freedom of feeling what you do and expressing it how you want. Will that help you to not be rejected? Certainly not.

Next time you want to open up to somebody but feel fear of rejection, tell yourself “people do not reject love or an open heart, they might only be temporarily blind to it which effectively says nothing about me or my feelings.”

7. Fear of losing control to others

People often feel miserable after feeling that they have been disempowered by others. They feel weak, hurt and lost. This can come out of a bad relationship, physical or verbal abuse and even ridicule.

The truth is that we never lose our power and control to others. We give it away.

This is an important point since it helps us remind ourselves that we do not need to fear others as long as we are true to ourselves and keep aware that our own power can only be lost to ourselves and not to others.

When you feel you are losing your power to others, for example in an argument with your boss at work, remind yourself that you are the only signatory of that transaction. You cannot lose your power if you don’t want to.

Put the argument aside and confront the person when you are emotionally recollected and more conscious.

8. Fear of more heartbreaks

Heartbreaks can form emotional scars and those scars can linger for many years to the detriment of closing us off to new relationships and experiences. What you need to understand is that past heartbreaks are only trapped emotional energy that needs to be let go of. Heartbreaks that happened in the past are no guarantee that they will recur in future.

Once the connection between past and future is broken the fear is dissolved.

When you fear that you will be heartbroken instead of getting withdrawn inside do exactly the opposite. Try to open your heart to the person or situation. Allow it to happen.

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When you respond to situations with an open heart instead of fear, things will change dramatically and the relationship will open up in ways you never expected.

9. Fear of Success

This may sound strange, but yes, fear of success is far more common than you think. It’s not well known because it is a very silent fear. Fear of success is basically the fear of not being able to handle, or live up to, the positive change that comes from success.

It’s an obvious drawback since fear of success will impede success.

Many people have been at the door of succeeding in something but hung up on it at the last minute because of being afraid of it. Try to catch yourself being afraid of success for example when taking on a new responsibility or get awarded for some achievement.

Tell yourself that you are up for the challenge of what comes after and cherish the success as you live it day by day.

10. Fear of Loving

Of course this is a well known fear. It is also one of the most unnecessary and counter-productive since it holds us from opening our heart to others and possibly finding happiness. Fear of loving is born out of a combination of other fears, such as fear of rejection, fear of heartbreaks and fear of success.

The obvious drawback of this unnecessary fear is that it holds you from giving and receiving love – one of the strongest currencies in personal affairs.

If you feel you are afraid to express love to somebody, imagine two simple scenarios. One where you give out love, it is reciprocated and you are both happy. The other is where you refrain from loving (because of this or that excuse) and that love remains forever a lost chance for happiness.

Both are hypothetical but you have the power to make one of them actual. Which one would you choose?

Featured photo credit: Geralt via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

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It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

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3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

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Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

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6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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