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10 Unrealistic Expectations To Give Up If You Really Want To Be Successful

10 Unrealistic Expectations To Give Up If You Really Want To Be Successful

Many people want success to be phenomenal and expect it to come quick and easy. Maybe that is why they gulp different articles on success as quick as it is churned out? Yet success is pretty unpredictable and doesn’t follow a particular trend or flow. At the end of the day you are the one to define your success and it is always better to be pretty realistic when setting your standards of success.

1. You need to wait for the right opportunity

The real truth is that nothing is ever perfect, opportunity won’t just come knocking – You have to hunt for it. Many successful people started small and made mistakes along the way. Renowned actor and WWE superstar, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson recounts that he started his wrestling career by taking 40 dollars per wrestling match. Today he earns seven to eight figures to feature in a movie.

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2. You will be happy when you become successful

Many get it wrong with such expectations. The reality is that success is more of a journey than a destination. Happiness shouldn’t be waited for; you need to appreciate every moment of the climb to the top by building on your relationships and balancing work/personal life.

3. You have to save to save

Many want to be wealthy and they think that attaining such wealth or success requires aggressive saving techniques. What they do not know about the successful is that successful people do not save to save but save to invest. When Elon Musk was undergoing a crisis to get venture capitalists to back his company SpaceX it was the millions he had saved that brought him out of the hole. Elon Musk had not saved to buy a luxurious item, he had saved to buy something that turned him into a billionaire in a couple of years.

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4. You can succeed on your own

Success is not achieved independently. Many successful people have mentors and a support group of people who contribute to their success. By staying and hanging out around other people with successful traits you ignite and multiply your chances of attaining success.

5. You define making money as success

The truth is that money is a powerful motivator – Yet money could make you bankrupt on other aspects of your life. It is better to see or view success making a contribution or adding value rather than seeing it as a way to simply add more zeros in your bank account.

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6. You need a lot of time to attain success

Many people want success fast, and with all the blog posts offering different advice on the subject many think that it is about working so hard that they get their lucky break soon. The truth is that success needs no lucky breaks but consistent effort daily, monthly and yearly. Doing this comes with a regular sense of accomplishment which keeps you fulfilled and energized.

7. You need society to validate your success

Many expect that their environment and what they can display in terms of looks and luxury items defines their success. What defines success is from within and has nothing to do with the opinions of others.

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8. You need to have an advanced degree from a well known university

This is not to say or disapprove of earning a degree from an Ivy League school. However many successful people have defined their success even from poor backgrounds and an inability to finish High school. Success needs simply a dream, a design and a consistent action to seeing your goals to fruition. Successful people like Anne Wintour, editor of Vogue of Magazine and Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group didn’t start out with degrees from any university!

9. You will attain success at your first try

Many believe that to attain success one has to get it right the first time. This is wrong. No one gets it the first time. Successful people fail and they keep trying until they succeed. Failure plays a key role to success.

10. You will become an interesting person everybody wants to be with when you become successful

The journey of success has a way of rubbing on who one is along the way. That is why character is an important element of success. How do you define character? Is it that when you have more money and possessions, you become the person every other person wants to be around? Success will not make you a better person, that will always be up to you.

Featured photo credit: http://www.unsplash.com via download.unsplash.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on March 25, 2020

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

Habits are hard to kill, and rightly so. They are a part and parcel of your personality traits and mold your character.

However, habits are not always something over-the-top and quirky enough to get noticed. Think of subtle habits like tapping fingers when you are nervous and humming songs while you drive. These are nothing but ingrained habits that you may not realize easily.

Just take a few minutes and think of something specific that you do all the time. You will notice how it has become a habit for you without any explicit realization. Everything you do on a daily basis starting with your morning routine, lunch preferences to exercise routines are all habits.

Habits mostly form from life experiences and certain observed behaviors, not all of them are healthy. Habitual smoking can be dangerous to your health. Similarly, a habit could also make you lose out on enjoying something to its best – like how some people just cannot stop swaying their bodies when delivering a speech.

Thus, there could be a few habits that you would want to change about yourself. But changing habits is not as easy as it seems.

In this article, you will learn why it isn’t easy to build new habits, and how to change habits.

What Makes It Hard To Change A Habit?

To want to change a particular habit means to change something very fundamental about your behavior.[1] Hence, it’s necessary to understand how habits actually form and why they are so difficult to actually get out of.

The Biology

Habits form in a place what we call the subconscious mind in our brain.[2]

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Our brains have two modes of operation. The first one is an automatic pilot kind of system that is fast and works on reflexes often. It is what we call the subconscious part. This is the part that is associated with everything that comes naturally to you.

The second mode is the conscious mode where every action and decision is well thought out and follows a controlled way of thinking.

A fine example to distinguish both would be to consider yourself learning to drive or play an instrument. For the first time you try learning, you think before every movement you make. But once you have got the hang of it, you might drive without applying much thought into it.

Both systems work together in our brains at all times. When a habit is formed, it moves from the conscious part to the subconscious making it difficult to control.

So, the key idea in deconstructing a habit is to go from the subconscious to the conscious.

Another thing you have to understand about habits is that they can be conscious or hidden.

Conscious habits are those that require active input from your side. For instance, if you stop setting your alarm in the morning, you will stop waking up at the same time.

Hidden habits, on the other hand, are habits that we do without realizing. These make up the majority of our habits and we wouldn’t even know them until someone pointed them out. So the first difficulty in breaking these habits is to actually identify them. As they are internalized, they need a lot of attention to detail for self-identification. That’s not all.

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Habits can be physical, social, and mental, energy-based and even be particular to productivity. Understanding them is necessary to know why they are difficult to break and what can be done about them.

The Psychology

Habits get engraved into our memories depending on the way we think, feel and act over a particular period of time. The procedural part of memory deals with habit formation and studies have observed that various types of conditioning of behavior could affect your habit formations.

Classical conditioning or pavlovian conditioning is when you start associating a memory with reality.[3] A dog that associates ringing bell to food will start salivating. The same external stimuli such as the sound of church bells can make a person want to pray.

Operant conditioning is when experience and the feelings associated with it form a habit.[4] By encouraging or discouraging an act, individuals could either make it a habit or stop doing it.

Observational learning is another way habits could take form. A child may start walking the same way their parent does.

What Can You Do To Change a Habit?

Sure, habits are hard to control but it is not impossible. With a few tips and hard-driven dedication, you can surely get over your nasty habits.

Here are some ways that make use of psychological findings to help you:

1. Identify Your Habits

As mentioned earlier, habits can be quite subtle and hidden from your view. You have to bring your subconscious habits to an aware state of mind. You could do it by self-observation or by asking your friends or family to point out the habit for your sake.

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2. Find out the Impact of Your Habit

Every habit produces an effect – either physical or mental. Find out what exactly it is doing to you. Does it help you relieve stress or does it give you some pain relief?

It could be anything simple. Sometimes biting your nails could be calming your nerves. Understanding the effect of a habit is necessary to control it.

3. Apply Logic

You don’t need to be force-fed with wisdom and advice to know what an unhealthy habit could do to you.

Late-night binge-watching just before an important presentation is not going to help you. Take a moment and apply your own wisdom and logic to control your seemingly nastily habits.

4. Choose an Alternative

As I said, every habit induces some feeling. So, it could be quite difficult to get over it unless you find something else that can replace it. It can be a simple non-harming new habit that you can cultivate to get over a bad habit.

Say you have the habit of banging your head hard when you are angry. That’s going to be bad for you. Instead, the next time you are angry, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Or maybe start imagining yourself on a luxury yacht. Just think of something that will work for you.

5. Remove Triggers

Get rid of items and situations that can trigger your bad habit.

Stay away from smoke breaks if you are trying to quit it. Remove all those candy bars from the fridge if you want to control your sweet cravings.

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6. Visualize Change

Our brains can be trained to forget a habit if we start visualizing the change. Serious visualization is retained and helps as a motivator in breaking the habit loop.

For instance, to replace your habit of waking up late, visualize yourself waking up early and enjoying the early morning jog every day. By continuing this, you would naturally feel better to wake up early and do your new hobby.

7. Avoid Negative Talks and Thinking

Just as how our brain is trained to accept a change in habit, continuous negative talk and thinking could hamper your efforts put into breaking a habit.

Believe you can get out of it and assert yourself the same.

Final Thoughts

Changing habits isn’t easy, so do not expect an overnight change!

Habits took a long time to form. It could take a while to completely break out of it. You will have to accept that sometimes you may falter in your efforts. Don’t let negativity seep in when it seems hard. Keep going at it slowly and steadily.

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Featured photo credit: Mel via unsplash.com

Reference

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