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Selfish Friends: 6 Ways to Spot Them Before You Get Hurt

Selfish Friends: 6 Ways to Spot Them Before You Get Hurt

If you like self-torture, then find and keep selfish friends around you. In fact, if you love wasting a ton of time, if you’re looking for the biggest source of social demotivation and remorse, then stick with selfish friends. Having them is like pouring love and emotional investment in a black hole and expecting it to love you back.

If you want to live a great social life, then stay away from these folks. The hardest thing about them is that they know how to hide themselves in nice and interesting personalities. This article is about to show you how to spot them before you invest yourself in friendships that will hurt and disappoint you. Here are the six signs you’re dealing with a take-all selfish friend…

Sign #1 – They Think They Deserve Special Treatment

The selfish friend, the one you don’t wanna get involved with, thinks he or she is special. They think that they deserve to be treated in a special way, and will ask for favors, big and small, even if you’re just starting to get to know them.

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Sign #2 – For Him, You’re A Detail

After you do him a favor, the selfish friend barely says thank you, and if he does, it doesn’t sound sincere. Try and ask him for a favor, though, and see him brush it off and never follow through with it. He or she can give you an evasive answer like “ok, I’ll call you later about this”, but it never happens. Sometimes, they just act like you never asked for anything.

Sign #3 – Shady Plans

The selfish person can cancel a meeting with you at the last minute, giving you fake excuses, and rarely saying “I’m sorry”, because he thinks he’s too special to apologies  When you suggest that you meet with him, he carefully thinks of all the other choices he has, and if he has nothing “better” to do, he’ll meet you. He usually calls when he’s bored and has no other plans.

The selfish person decides where he wants to go, then finds people to go with him. That’s fine, but, he’ll suggest it to many people, and it seems that it doesn’t matter to him who goes with him. In other words, he hangs out with you to avoid being alone, not because he likes you.

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Sign #4 – You Never Meet His Friends

The selfish person talks about his other friends but never introduces you to any of them and always comes alone. He gives you the impression of knowing lots of people, but when you listen to the stories he tells, you find out that it’s all superficial. He’s always hanging out with people he barely knows, and you rarely find him with close buddies, but you always hear him talk about the relationships he has with powerful people, it never ends.

If you want to laugh, ask him if he could introduce you to so and so: He’ll give you the stupidest excuses why that can’t happen “now”, but maybe a “little bit later.” It actually never happens, but it’s funny to see him try to evade your request.

Sign #5 – To Him, You’re Boring

He never takes the time to understand what’s special or interesting about you. To him, conversation is just a means of gaining more power. He sure looks like he’s listening, but in reality, he’s just waiting for you to shut up so he can take control of the conversation, again. For example, when you say stuff like “Oh! Hey, you know what I just read in USA Today,… etc,” he says stuff like “Yea, of course!”, or “I know that but, here’s what’s really interesting…” With sentences like that, he just downplays anything you say as banal, and common knowledge.

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This will even happen if you talk about a brand new science discovery. If you want to test them, tell them about a new scientific study, and give him the results in reverse. If he says “I know…”, then you’re dealing with a sucker.

Sign #6 – He Covers His “Black Hole” Personality

The selfish person knows that if he acts like himself right away, he would never make friends. Instead, he starts by acting like a very polite cordial person. At first, he’s interested in getting to know you, and listens carefully to you. Then, he gradually starts to withdraw, and only shows up when he needs something.

He usually brings lots of conversation to the table, and always has something to say. He does that to imply an open minded, interesting, and interested personality, but you can sense that he’s not really interested in any of those subjects; he just uses them as a cover for an empty take-everything-I-can personality. It’s like a black hole—you can’t expect to get love from a person who can only take.

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BONUS-TIP – The Most Dangerous Trick In His Bag

The most dangerous trick in the selfish person’s bag is the confusion he tries to create in your mind. He tries to get you to doubt your value as a friend. He wants you to think you’re not cool enough, and need to try harder. This is a pseudo-rejection that the selfish person gives you in small doses.

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out—they do more harm than good.

Meet The Right Friends For You

If you want to learn how to meet great people, make conversation, and build friendships with them, I recommend you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

In it, I’ll show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.

See you there.
– Paul Sanders

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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