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Selfish Friends: 6 Ways to Spot Them Before You Get Hurt

Selfish Friends: 6 Ways to Spot Them Before You Get Hurt

If you like self-torture, then find and keep selfish friends around you. In fact, if you love wasting a ton of time, if you’re looking for the biggest source of social demotivation and remorse, then stick with selfish friends. Having them is like pouring love and emotional investment in a black hole and expecting it to love you back.

If you want to live a great social life, then stay away from these folks. The hardest thing about them is that they know how to hide themselves in nice and interesting personalities. This article is about to show you how to spot them before you invest yourself in friendships that will hurt and disappoint you. Here are the six signs you’re dealing with a take-all selfish friend…

Sign #1 – They Think They Deserve Special Treatment

The selfish friend, the one you don’t wanna get involved with, thinks he or she is special. They think that they deserve to be treated in a special way, and will ask for favors, big and small, even if you’re just starting to get to know them.

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Sign #2 – For Him, You’re A Detail

After you do him a favor, the selfish friend barely says thank you, and if he does, it doesn’t sound sincere. Try and ask him for a favor, though, and see him brush it off and never follow through with it. He or she can give you an evasive answer like “ok, I’ll call you later about this”, but it never happens. Sometimes, they just act like you never asked for anything.

Sign #3 – Shady Plans

The selfish person can cancel a meeting with you at the last minute, giving you fake excuses, and rarely saying “I’m sorry”, because he thinks he’s too special to apologies  When you suggest that you meet with him, he carefully thinks of all the other choices he has, and if he has nothing “better” to do, he’ll meet you. He usually calls when he’s bored and has no other plans.

The selfish person decides where he wants to go, then finds people to go with him. That’s fine, but, he’ll suggest it to many people, and it seems that it doesn’t matter to him who goes with him. In other words, he hangs out with you to avoid being alone, not because he likes you.

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Sign #4 – You Never Meet His Friends

The selfish person talks about his other friends but never introduces you to any of them and always comes alone. He gives you the impression of knowing lots of people, but when you listen to the stories he tells, you find out that it’s all superficial. He’s always hanging out with people he barely knows, and you rarely find him with close buddies, but you always hear him talk about the relationships he has with powerful people, it never ends.

If you want to laugh, ask him if he could introduce you to so and so: He’ll give you the stupidest excuses why that can’t happen “now”, but maybe a “little bit later.” It actually never happens, but it’s funny to see him try to evade your request.

Sign #5 – To Him, You’re Boring

He never takes the time to understand what’s special or interesting about you. To him, conversation is just a means of gaining more power. He sure looks like he’s listening, but in reality, he’s just waiting for you to shut up so he can take control of the conversation, again. For example, when you say stuff like “Oh! Hey, you know what I just read in USA Today,… etc,” he says stuff like “Yea, of course!”, or “I know that but, here’s what’s really interesting…” With sentences like that, he just downplays anything you say as banal, and common knowledge.

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This will even happen if you talk about a brand new science discovery. If you want to test them, tell them about a new scientific study, and give him the results in reverse. If he says “I know…”, then you’re dealing with a sucker.

Sign #6 – He Covers His “Black Hole” Personality

The selfish person knows that if he acts like himself right away, he would never make friends. Instead, he starts by acting like a very polite cordial person. At first, he’s interested in getting to know you, and listens carefully to you. Then, he gradually starts to withdraw, and only shows up when he needs something.

He usually brings lots of conversation to the table, and always has something to say. He does that to imply an open minded, interesting, and interested personality, but you can sense that he’s not really interested in any of those subjects; he just uses them as a cover for an empty take-everything-I-can personality. It’s like a black hole—you can’t expect to get love from a person who can only take.

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BONUS-TIP – The Most Dangerous Trick In His Bag

The most dangerous trick in the selfish person’s bag is the confusion he tries to create in your mind. He tries to get you to doubt your value as a friend. He wants you to think you’re not cool enough, and need to try harder. This is a pseudo-rejection that the selfish person gives you in small doses.

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out—they do more harm than good.

Meet The Right Friends For You

If you want to learn how to meet great people, make conversation, and build friendships with them, I recommend you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter.

In it, I’ll show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.

See you there.
– Paul Sanders

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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