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How To Make Friends If You’re An Introvert (part 1)

How To Make Friends If You’re An Introvert (part 1)

Most introverts don’t know how to make friends, and in this world where even extroverts are spending more time behind a screen, socializing is getting tricky. You Need a Plan!

If you’re an introvert, you probably can’t figure out why it’s so easy for others to meet and make friends with new people, while you feel as if there is a wall between you and the fun experiences that others are having. If you like spending time alone doing stuff you love, does it mean you’re not allowed to socialize and have fun with people when you actually want to? Let’s see…

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    So, What’s Wrong with Introverts?

    The answer is simple: Nothing! Introversion is just a way you live your life—it’s neither better, nor worse than extroversion.

    Recently, some scientists discovered that there is a correlation between introversion and an area of your brain called the amygdala, and they found out that the more reactive and attentive to details you are, the more likely it is that you’ll behave in an introverted way. Here is what that means: on one hand, you probably notice more stuff, ask yourself a lot of questions, and have a strong curiosity, which is good. On the other hand, you probably get stressed too much around people, especially if you don’t know them that well.

    This second fact means that your brain reacts too much to new situations, which stresses you out! Your emotions go wild as if you’re about to get attacked by a group of bears, and that’s the part of you that you need to take care of and improve.

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    Why Many Introverts End Up Lonely

    As we’ve established, introverts detect more social noise (and pressure) than extroverts. If you’re an introvert, then you would avoid social situations because they drain you of energy, as they get your mind racing  in trying to process everything. In the meantime, an extrovert would arrive at a busy party and talk and move in a relaxed way as if they knew everybody.

    The thing is, most people think that if they want to make friends, they have to go out more and just go where people go to socialize. That’s a good idea, but it doesn’t work for introverts most of the time, which just leads to more isolation, and more avoidance. You might find yourself thinking “I tried to go out to parties, and I made no friends, I just got stressed out and left”, and that leads many people to just give up and stay lonely for a long time.

    How to Make Friends in a Way that Suits Your Introverted Nature

    Fortunately, there are ways that you can make friends and socialize as an introvert, and here are two of them:

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    Avoid The “Social Burnout”

    Being social doesn’t mean being social all the time, so don’t spend too much time with friends if it feels stressful to you. While extroverts can spend ten days in a row doing nothing but hanging out, you need time to breathe. Give yourself that desperately-needed “me-time” to recharge your batteries, then meet friends when you’re ready—that way you can enjoy both time with friends, and doing what you want do alone.

    Reveal the Quiet Leader in You (in a cool way)

    When introverts think about how to make friends, many instantly believe that they should make friends with popular, go-out-all-the-time people, but the reality is that you would be much happier with cool, interesting friends that are more low-key, and like to go to quiet environments. Most of these people have no idea how to make friends—I say LEAD them!

    What you can do is decide where you like to go out, when, and how often, then start connecting and inviting introverted people that seem interesting and fun to you. This is a mini version of what I call “Build Your Scene”. It’s basically a set of techniques and principles that help you design your social life, and how to invite people to meet you in a way that would make them love to do it, and other introverts are more likely to say yes to your plans, because it will be compatible with their style.

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    These two mindsets should get you on the right track, and in part two of this article, we’re going to dive into more specific techniques for meeting people and making friends, in a way that is compatible to your introverted nature.

    Stay tuned,

    Paul

     

    More by this author

    Paul Sanders

    A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

    How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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    Last Updated on July 18, 2019

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

    Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

    They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

    It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

    1. They Manage Their Expectations

    They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

    2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

    Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

    3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

    Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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    4. They’re Not Materialistic

    There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

    5. They Don’t Dwell

    They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

    6. They Care About Themselves First

    They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

    They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

    7. They Enjoy the Little Things

    They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

    8. They Can Adapt

    They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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    9. They Experiment

    They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

    10. They Take Their Time

    They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

    11. They Employ Different Perspectives

    They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

    12. They Seek to Learn

    Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

    13. They Always Have a Plan

    They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

    14. They Give Respect to Get It

    They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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    15. They Consider Every Opportunity

    They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

    16. They Always Seek to Improve

    Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

    17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

    They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

    18. They Live in the Moment

    They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

    You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

    19. They Say Yes

    Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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    20. They’re Self-Aware

    Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

    We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

    Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

    Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

    Final Thoughts

    The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

    For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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    Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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