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How To Make Friends If You’re An Introvert (part 1)

How To Make Friends If You’re An Introvert (part 1)

Most introverts don’t know how to make friends, and in this world where even extroverts are spending more time behind a screen, socializing is getting tricky. You Need a Plan!

If you’re an introvert, you probably can’t figure out why it’s so easy for others to meet and make friends with new people, while you feel as if there is a wall between you and the fun experiences that others are having. If you like spending time alone doing stuff you love, does it mean you’re not allowed to socialize and have fun with people when you actually want to? Let’s see…

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    So, What’s Wrong with Introverts?

    The answer is simple: Nothing! Introversion is just a way you live your life—it’s neither better, nor worse than extroversion.

    Recently, some scientists discovered that there is a correlation between introversion and an area of your brain called the amygdala, and they found out that the more reactive and attentive to details you are, the more likely it is that you’ll behave in an introverted way. Here is what that means: on one hand, you probably notice more stuff, ask yourself a lot of questions, and have a strong curiosity, which is good. On the other hand, you probably get stressed too much around people, especially if you don’t know them that well.

    This second fact means that your brain reacts too much to new situations, which stresses you out! Your emotions go wild as if you’re about to get attacked by a group of bears, and that’s the part of you that you need to take care of and improve.

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    Why Many Introverts End Up Lonely

    As we’ve established, introverts detect more social noise (and pressure) than extroverts. If you’re an introvert, then you would avoid social situations because they drain you of energy, as they get your mind racing  in trying to process everything. In the meantime, an extrovert would arrive at a busy party and talk and move in a relaxed way as if they knew everybody.

    The thing is, most people think that if they want to make friends, they have to go out more and just go where people go to socialize. That’s a good idea, but it doesn’t work for introverts most of the time, which just leads to more isolation, and more avoidance. You might find yourself thinking “I tried to go out to parties, and I made no friends, I just got stressed out and left”, and that leads many people to just give up and stay lonely for a long time.

    How to Make Friends in a Way that Suits Your Introverted Nature

    Fortunately, there are ways that you can make friends and socialize as an introvert, and here are two of them:

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    Avoid The “Social Burnout”

    Being social doesn’t mean being social all the time, so don’t spend too much time with friends if it feels stressful to you. While extroverts can spend ten days in a row doing nothing but hanging out, you need time to breathe. Give yourself that desperately-needed “me-time” to recharge your batteries, then meet friends when you’re ready—that way you can enjoy both time with friends, and doing what you want do alone.

    Reveal the Quiet Leader in You (in a cool way)

    When introverts think about how to make friends, many instantly believe that they should make friends with popular, go-out-all-the-time people, but the reality is that you would be much happier with cool, interesting friends that are more low-key, and like to go to quiet environments. Most of these people have no idea how to make friends—I say LEAD them!

    What you can do is decide where you like to go out, when, and how often, then start connecting and inviting introverted people that seem interesting and fun to you. This is a mini version of what I call “Build Your Scene”. It’s basically a set of techniques and principles that help you design your social life, and how to invite people to meet you in a way that would make them love to do it, and other introverts are more likely to say yes to your plans, because it will be compatible with their style.

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    These two mindsets should get you on the right track, and in part two of this article, we’re going to dive into more specific techniques for meeting people and making friends, in a way that is compatible to your introverted nature.

    Stay tuned,

    Paul

     

    More by this author

    Paul Sanders

    A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

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    Last Updated on July 10, 2020

    How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

    How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

    There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

    “When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

    Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

    To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

    The Reinvention Checklist

    Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

    Resilience

    Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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    Support

    Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

    The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

    Self-Care

    During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

    • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
    • Spending time with your support system
    • Taking some time to walk in nature
    • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

    Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

    How to Reinvent Yourself

    Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

    1. Discover Your Strengths

    This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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    To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

    2. Plan

    This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

    It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

    You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

    Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

    3. Try Things Out

    Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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    By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

    4. Manage Your Finances Well

    Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

    All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

    5. Muster Your Courage

    Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

    Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

    6. Use Your Support Group

    As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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    7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

    Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

    8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

    Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

    Final Thoughts

    If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

    More Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself

    Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

    Reference

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