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Extrovert: We Just Love being Around people, Not Attention Seeking!

Extrovert: We Just Love being Around people, Not Attention Seeking!

There is no denying that each person on this planet is unique. It is hard to put such unique individuals into categories, but despite that fact, there are some personality traits that can roughly put people into certain categories. One of the most well-known categorizations says people can be an introvert, extrovert or ambivert.

Introverted people are those who seek solitude and isolation, and rarely participate in social activities. They avoid large groups of people and prefer to spend time with their thought. On the other hand, extroverts are those people who you see in the spotlight of every social event. They are outgoing, like to interact with other people, and are often good leaders. Ambiverts will sometimes display introverted characteristics, and sometimes display extroverted characteristics.

What are extroverts like?

As mentioned, extroverts like to socialize, meet new people and talk to them. So how do you know if someone is extrovert?

Extroverts love to talk

You have probably noticed those people who always break the awkward silence at parties, or spend their time circling around and talking to as many people as they can. Or in a bus, supermarket, or any other public place for that matter, starting conversation with total strangers. They just love to talk. They can talk with anyone about almost anything. They are eager to meet new people and find out everything about them.

Extroverts feel energized when they are around people

Unlike introverts, extroverts don’t enjoy being alone – being around people boosts their energy. If they are given the choice to stay at home on a Friday night, or go out to a pub, for example, they would always choose to be among people, even if they are tired or have had a difficult day. Staying home alone is not how they charge their batteries and find inspiration. Throw them in a large group of people and they will feel as if they have had a large cup of coffee.

Extroverts need to talk about their feelings

Introverts prefer to sort out their feelings in silence, on their own, whereas extroverts feel better if they discuss their problems and feelings with someone. If they have had some problems at work, or in a relationship, what makes them feel better is if they share their concerns with others.

Extroverts have many interests

Extroverts love dynamic surroundings and they tend to constantly seek for new experiences, and thus they develop many new interests. As they love interacting with people and learning about them, they hear a lot of new information and so they get interested in trying new things.

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Extroverts are very open to people

People find extroverts friendly and approachable as they don’t shy away from sharing how they feel or what they think about a certain subject. They don’t tend to think a lot about what they are going to say, or take the time to organize their thoughts before they speak – they just blurt out everything that comes to their mind.

Extroverts enjoy being the center of attention

Extroverts don’t have a problem with speaking in public, actually, they love it! When all eyes are on them – that’s their moment to shine. They are the ones who tell all the best jokes at parties, or gather groups of people around them to admire their stories. They are not afraid to step onto the dance floor and show all their dance moves.

Misconceptions we have for extroverts.

Even though they are outgoing and always try to make people laugh, they also have their share of struggles.

Extroverts are not 100% confident all the time

People tend to perceive extroverts as super confident as they have no problem with speaking to strangers or in front of a large group of strangers. As every other person, extroverts have their self doubts from time to time. They just come off as so confident about their skills that it’s hard for other people to imagine they have insecurities, but they actually do.

Extroverts can be depressed and sad too

Extroverts draw their energy when they are around people and thus always seem to be in a good mood when you see them at social gatherings. However, they also feel sad or depressed if they don’t get their daily dose of interaction with others.

Extroverts are outgoing but they need alone time too

Yes, extroverts also need their alone time. From time to time, they just need to read a book, watch a movie on their own, or put on their headphones, listen to music and not talk to anyone. The thing is that their need to be alone doesn’t last as long as with introverts, for example.

Making friends can be hard for extroverts too

Just because it is easy for extroverts to start a conversation with just about anyone, it doesn’t mean they have tons of friends. Sometimes, other people might find it off-putting when someone talks a lot, so it can be equally hard for extroverts to connect with people as it is for anyone else.

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Extroverts will feel lonely too

Even if extroverts are surrounded by tons of friends, it is not necessarily the case that they are best friends with all of them. They like to be around people, but that doesn’t mean all the people around them really know or understand them. That’s the feeling everybody, even extroverts, can relate to – that some days no one can get what you are going through and you feel so lonely.

Extroverts are not obsessed with themselves

It is true that extroverts like to be the center of attention, but that doesn’t qualify them as narcissists – it’s just their way of expressing themselves. Their need for attention might seem selfish but they are actually trying to make people around them feel better.

What you need to know if you are in love with an extrovert?

1. They love real-life social interactions

Instead of wasting their time in front of screens, extroverts prefer talking to people face to face, so don’t expect them to text a lot. Instead of hanging out in the virtual world, they will expect you to spend time together going to restaurants, cinema or just walking in the park.

2. They love to talk, but they also love to listen

Extroverts enjoy a good talk, but they don’t enjoy one way conversation. They like to interact, which means they will listen to you carefully as they expect your feedback or reaction.

3. Extroverts like to be in the spotlight, but that doesn’t make them egoists

Extroverts love attention and don’t shy away from it. They love when you pamper them, but that doesn’t mean they are selfish. They will also do anything they can to make you feel good.

4. They can get bored easily

If you are in love with an extrovert, you need to be open to trying new things or picking up new hobbies. They are always looking for new things to keep them energized, so you will need to keep up with their pace.

5. Extroverts are not close to everyone

Even though they like interacting with people, they don’t manage to develop close relationships with all of those people. They are sociable, but of course there are people whose company extroverts do not find pleasant.

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6. Extroverts can feel hurt too

Communicating with a lot of people gives extroverts the ability to filter out the unnecessary information, thus making it look like they are insensitive to other people’s emotions. However, as every human being, extroverts can be deeply hurt too, especially by the people they care about.

7. They want instant gratification

Being the people of action, extroverts are impatient when it comes to getting their reward. They would always rather choose to spend their money on something that will make them happy instantly, instead of saving the money for a bigger treat later on.

8. They don’t need to be with their loved ones all the time

Even though they enjoy spending time with their significant other, they love spending time with other people too. If you don’t feel like going out, they won’t feel the need to be clingy and force you to go with them. It’s fine by them if you stay at home, but don’t expect them to stay too. They need to charge their batteries by interacting with other people too.

9. Extroverts read too

There is a misconception that extroverts are shallow as they prefer spending time with people and making small talk. Loving to be around people doesn’t in any way interfere with their desire to read or educate themselves.

10. They are flexible

Extroverts can easily adapt to any changes in plans, and they are also willing to reach a compromise in what activities you should do as a couple.

What you need to know when working with an extrovert?

1. They like to discuss solutions to problems

Extroverts like to brainstorm and discuss how to solve problems at work. Give them space to express their ideas and they might come up with creative solutions.

2. They like to be praised

Extroverts like to receive feedback and they can be more productive if they see their efforts are appreciated. They will feel more stimulated if they are praised for their good work.

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3. They are good at interacting with people

Extroverts are very skilled in communicating with people and they will be highly effective when interacting with clients or presenting in front of a group of people.

4. They understand body language well

Extroverts are good at reading non-verbal clues, so you need to be well aware of your posture or tone of voice when talking with them, as they will notice everything.

5. Be aware of their energy

If extroverts spend some time working alone in the office, they will feel the need to socialize in order to feel energized again. It is important to give them the opportunity to re-energize, such as going on a short coffee break with them.

Oftentimes, people can’t be exactly categorized as extreme introverts or extroverts, as they can display some behavior characteristic to both of these groups. Being an extrovert doesn’t mean you are better than an introvert – no one can say that one personality type is better than the other. Everyone has their good and bad sides. Yet, if you get an understanding as to why people behave in a certain way, you will be able to have better relationships.

Featured photo credit: https://pixabay.com/ via pixabay.com

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Ana Erkic

Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

The Art of Humble Confidence

The Art of Humble Confidence

To be confident or not to be confident, that is the question. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been a bit confused about all this discussion about the subject of confidence. Do you really need to be more confident or should you try to be more humble? I think the answer is both – you just have to know where to use it.

East VS West – Confidence, It’s a Cultural Thing

In typical Western countries, the answer to the confidence debate is obvious – more is better. Our heros are rebellious, independent and shoot first, ask questions later. I think this snippet of dialog from The Matrix sums it up best:

Agent Smith – “We’re willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we’re asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.”
Neo – “Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger”
[He does]
Neo -“ …and you give me my phone call.”

In Eastern countries, the tone is often considerably different. Elders are supposed to be revered not dismissed. The words ‘guru,’ meaning a teacher, and the philosophy of dharma, loosely translated to mean ‘duty,’ come from here. In Eastern cultures humility and respect are more important than confidence.

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These perspectives are generalizations, but it shows how the confidence debate goes back deep into our culture. I think that both extremes of pure confidence or pure humility are misguided. Instead of rectifying this situation by simply blending the two: becoming somewhat humble, somewhat confident all the time, I believe the answer is to know when to be confident and when to be humble.

Humble Confidence – Know When to Use It

I’m going to make another broad generalization. I believe that virtually every relationship you are going to have is going to fit into one of two major archetypes, either master or student. In peer relationships this master/student role may switch frequently, but it is extremely rare that the relationship never leans to one side.

In the master role, you are displaying confidence to get what you want. This is public speaker, leader or seducer. Being the master has advantages. You have more control and ability to influence from this role.

The student role is the opposite. You are intentionally displaying humility. This is the student, disciple or follower. Being the student has advantages too. You can learn a lot more in this role and are more likely to win the trust of the other person.

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Know When to Shut Up and Learn

If you are a typical Westerner, you are probably already thinking about which role you prefer. Being the leader is great. You get respect and a higher status. Most of all you get a greater degree of control.

But the problem is that you can’t and shouldn’t always try to be the leader. Trying to assume that role without the skills, resources or status to back it up will lead to conflict. More importantly, there are many times when you purposely want to display humility. Some of the benefits to the student role include:

  • You learn more.
  • Smooths relationships.
  • Makes others more willing to lend a helping hand.

Knowing when taking the humble route is to your advantage. It is far easier to get mentors and advisors if you use humility rather than arrogance. A small sacrifice to your ego can open up the potential to learn a lot.

Confidence to Persuade, Humility to Learn

In reality almost no relationship is as clearly defined as master/student. Within our connections, people have overlapping areas of expertise. I might be an expert in blogging to a non-blogger, but they might be an expert in finance. In each area there are different roles to take.

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Before any interaction ask yourself what the purpose is. Are you trying to learn or persuade?

Persuasion requires confidence. If you are trying to sell, instruct or lead you need to display the confidence to match your message. But learning requires humility. You won’t learn anything if you are constantly arguing with your professors, mentors or employers. Taking a dose of humility and temporarily making yourself a student gives you the opportunity to absorb.

Persuade Less, Learn More

Persuasion is great for immediate effect, but learning matters over the long-haul. Instead of washing over all your communication with pure confidence, look for opportunities to learn. Persuading someone to follow you may give you an immediate boost of satisfaction, but it doesn’t last. Learning, however, is an investment for the future.

Whenever I make a connection with someone and realize they have a skill or understanding I want, I am careful to express humility in that area. That means listening with what they say even if I don’t immediately agree and being patient with their response. This method often drastically cuts down the time I need to spend on trial and error to learn by myself.

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Confidence/Humility Doesn’t Replace Communication Skills

This approach of selectively using confidence and humility for different purposes doesn’t replace communication skills. Humility isn’t going to work if the other person thinks you’re an irritating whiner. Confidence won’t work if the entire room thinks you are an arrogant jerk. Knowing how to display these two qualities takes practice.

The next time you are about to enter into an interaction ask yourself why you are doing it. Are you trying to persuade or learn? Depending on which you can take a completely different tact for far better results.

Featured photo credit: BBH Singapore via unsplash.com

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