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How to Overcome Shyness at a Party

How to Overcome Shyness at a Party

Parties and social gatherings can be great for you to meet new friends, but if your shyness prevents from being able to talk to people, then it’s gonna be hard to make friends with anyone. In this article, I want to share with you a set of effective techniques on how to overcome shyness at a party or social get together. Be sure to practice these the next time you’re out.

Focus Outside To Stop Crippling Thoughts

Negative thoughts are at the root of the problem, so the only way to stop dwelling on them is to replace them by something else. That’s why it’s a great way to focus outside of yourself, rather than run negative thoughts over and over.

If you want to get out of your head, you can ask yourself questions that will get your mind to focus outwardly. Try asking yourself things like: “What’s interesting here?” or “What do I find interesting in this place?”

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Don’t Face The Crowd

If you get shy, a better way to feel good is to avoid staying up and facing the most crowded place. Instead, try to stand so you’re facing a less crowded part of the room.

Since shyness results in over-stimulation of your brain, you need to give yourself less things to focus on. This will inevitably calm you, even if you’re in a very crowded place. As soon as you’re not really paying attention to the crowd, you don’t really feel the pressure.

 “Dumb Down” Your Communication Style

Shyness also comes from putting too much pressure on yourself to be interesting and impressive. If you want to feel more comfortable, try a technique that most successful communicators use.

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This is about talking and acting in a way that is more random, and not that intelligent. Speak as though you’re not sure of a lot of things, or as if you’re too tired to talk about serious subjects. This creates a certain comfortable energy around you, and it encourages low-key conversations. It makes people see you as a regular and open-minded person, not a snob.

Go Early To Make Yourself Feel At Home

Another great way to overcome shyness at a party is to get there early and  talk to anyone you find. Go early, order something, talk with the staff or the bartender. Make yourself “at home” before everyone else comes. This simple switch will make it ten times easier for you to feel comfortable throughout the night.

As more and more folks come to join, you’ll be increasingly getting comfortable with the number of people. This is mainly because you warmed up and prepared your mood for conversation.

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Cheer Someone Up

Another aspect of parties that can make you shy is the idea that every one knows one another. This impression is usually false. Popular and loud people tend to get more attention, and if you focus on them, it’s easy to get that impression.

At the same time, if you notice others, you’ll see that there are people who come alone, and hope to be able to meet anyone. If they look friendly but hesitant to talk to anyone, go to them and ask a basic question, and see if they’re open to talking.

How to Overcome Shyness by Having a Plan-B

A great way to feel comfortable at a party is to avoid feeling as though you have to stay. If you’ve been invited by someone, for example, it’s good to state that you might be obligated to leave soon, because you have another thing to do. That thing can be anything, and it will make you overcome your shyness by knowing that, at least you can get out if you feel too nervous.

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Wave Shyness Goodbye

If you want to learn more techniques for overcoming shyness and meeting new people, I recommend that you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter below.

In it, I’ll show you the best techniques and strategies for meeting and making friends. I’ll also share with you new tips for having amazing conversations, that instantly make people want to get to know you.

See you there.
– Paul Sanders

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

How to Keep a Conversation Going and Never Run Out of Things to Say What to Do When You Have No Friends and Feel Lonely 7 Tips How to Make Friends During College 5 Reasons Why Your Social Life Isn’t Improving, And What To Do About It How To Quietly Build A Social Life

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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