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How to Deal with Difficult People

How to Deal with Difficult People

You know the type. It’s the co-worker who seems like she’s out to get you. Or maybe it’s the family member who is just impossible to get along with.

In figuring out how to deal with difficult people in your life, you need to make subtle changes to your thought patterns and incorporate a plan for action. While you can’t completely eliminate all difficult people from your life, you can minimize the impact they have. By incorporating these tips, you can really improve your chances of having a good encounter with an otherwise difficult person.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

The first thing you need to do in dealing with difficult people is incorporate a change in your thinking.

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Doing this can be tough because many of us feel angry ourselves when someone directs hurtful words at us. But, it’s not about you. It’s about them and their reality. You can’t change their thinking, but you can change yours. People often say things when they’re angry that they don’t really mean and you might just happen to be in the right place at the wrong time – and you get the brunt of their anger or outbursts. Let it roll off if you can.

Breathe and Stay Calm

When you’re confronted with someone who might be angry or sullen, one of the best things you can do is don’t contribute to the other person’s anger by escalating it with your own. Step back for a moment. Remember the number 10: count to 10 and take 10 deep breaths. Then address the situation. You can manage a difficult encounter much more effectively in a calm state of mind. Furthermore, if the other person sees you panicking or otherwise reacting to their words or actions, it can cause the entire situation to get out of control.

Understand and Communicate

Often, difficult people just want to be heard. Let them have their say and then respond with empathy. Use phrases like, “I am sorry you feel that way,” or “I can understand your situation and I sympathize.” The idea is just to listen. By doing so, you can open the doors of trust and communication. In effect, you enable yourself to look at the issue through their eyes and change your point of view.

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Separate the Person From Their Issues

Sometimes when we have to cope with people who seem impossible, it’s important to remember that they are not their issues. People have issues, but people themselves are not issues. Difficult people have mothers and fathers and friends who have liked or even loved them for who they are. Separating the two can help you to focus on the issue at hand and not on the person him or herself.

The second step in handling challenging people is making a plan of action for yourself.

Display Confidence But Not Rudeness

If you’re at work and your coworker is challenging your point of view, be ready with concrete evidence to support your perspective. If she questions your reasons for changing a policy, tell her your main reasons for doing so. But don’t ramble on. Get straight to the point so that your coworker doesn’t have time to pick through what you’ve said and conjure up even more reasons to challenge you.

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Use “I” Statements

Just because you deal with people who are difficult to manage, doesn’t mean they can walk all over you. State your opinion and feelings, but do it in a way that doesn’t put the other person on the defense. Use statements like, “I feel bad when you talk to me that way,” or “I don’t understand why our finances have to be so difficult.”  Be sure to start each statement with “I,” then your feelings, followed by either what the other person is doing or what the situation actually is.

Go On the Offense

You might feel like defending yourself when a difficult person challenges you. Instead of going on the defense, try the offense. When you get a question like, “Why are you designing the presentation like that?” you can respond with, “What would be your approach?  Why would you do it differently?” Then, hear them out and work to a compromise.

Choose Your Battles

Sometimes those impossible people in our lives know just how to push our buttons. They might purposely say something because they know it will get to you. A question like “Why did you wear that?” can easily make your blood boil. But, ask yourself if it’s worth the ensuing argument. Does it really matter? This person will tire of trying to get you aroused once they realize they can’t get to you.

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Enlist a Neutral Party

Sometimes, even if we’ve tried all these tactics, a situation cannot resolve itself. You can enlist a neutral third person into the conversation. He or she can listen to both sides and help each person gain a new perspective and help to mediate. This can be another coworker, your boss, or even a counselor.

Some Final Thoughts

It takes a little time and patience to change your thinking and develop a plan of action to help you deal with challenging people. Just remember, most difficult people have their own thoughts and problems and while they may be projecting them on to you, you don’t have to be a victim. Change your mindset, implement a plan and make difficult people become manageable.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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