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Here’re 8 Quick Tips To Gain Trust Told By FBI Agent

Here’re 8 Quick Tips To Gain Trust Told By FBI Agent

Robin Dreeke, Head of Behavioral Analysis for the FBI, in his book It’s Not all About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone explains techniques you can use in building trust and starting a relationship with anyone.

It all boils down to excellent communication skills. The take home from the book is the fact that it is backed backed social and evolutionary psychology, something that the author has been able to hone from several years of experience on the field.

Here are some insights on how to gain trust as told by an FBI agent.

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1. Make the other person feel at ease

Different non verbal approach like standing toe to toe with someone or an inappropriate handshake can intimidate someone or appear threatening. The first way to make the other person comfortable with confiding in you is to offer a simple smile. Make the other person feel at ease by also offering a firm and a confident handshake.

2. Ask for help

The act of making a request makes the other person realize you are also as fallible as he/she. We all naturally feel connected to those who ask us for help. In Robin Dreeke’s book it is quoted,

“Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help? I have personally found that there is no greater theme and tool for eliciting individuals for action, information, and a great conversation than the use of sympathy or assistance.”

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3. Allow them to talk

Taking over the show by speaking frequently doesn’t show strength, but rather shows you have low self esteem or do not know what you are talking about. Allow the other person to speak and air his/her opinions. Even when you do have to speak, speak slowly.

4. Offer a gift

In humans there exists the need for reciprocation. When you offer people something they naturally feel like returning your kindness. To build great relationships and secure trust always be willing to offer something.

5. Suspend your ego

According to Robin Dreeke, when trying to secure trust and build a relationship, it is always best to suspend your ego and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own.

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“Suspending your ego is nothing more complex than putting other individuals’ wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of your own.” – Robin Dreeke

6. Allow the other person to feel validated

By validating the other, you keep the conversation and relationship flowing. It means you are listening and attentive to what he/she is talking about. Thus we are mindful and we do not forget the details of what the other person has told us.

“True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.” – Robin Dreeke

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7. Ask open ended questions

By asking the how, when and why you show you are interested in the other person’s thoughts and opinions. You also boost their ego and offer a platform for them to trust you in return.

“Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content.

8. Manage your expectations

Don’t expect the perfect response. Manage your expectations appropriately because otherwise your emotions will only give way to disappointment, resentment and anger.

“When we are able to shift or manage our expectations, we reduce potential disappointment. When we are disappointed, we sometimes get angry and may even hold grudges and get hurt feelings.”

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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