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Here’re 8 Quick Tips To Gain Trust Told By FBI Agent

Here’re 8 Quick Tips To Gain Trust Told By FBI Agent

Robin Dreeke, Head of Behavioral Analysis for the FBI, in his book It’s Not all About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone explains techniques you can use in building trust and starting a relationship with anyone.

It all boils down to excellent communication skills. The take home from the book is the fact that it is backed backed social and evolutionary psychology, something that the author has been able to hone from several years of experience on the field.

Here are some insights on how to gain trust as told by an FBI agent.

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1. Make the other person feel at ease

Different non verbal approach like standing toe to toe with someone or an inappropriate handshake can intimidate someone or appear threatening. The first way to make the other person comfortable with confiding in you is to offer a simple smile. Make the other person feel at ease by also offering a firm and a confident handshake.

2. Ask for help

The act of making a request makes the other person realize you are also as fallible as he/she. We all naturally feel connected to those who ask us for help. In Robin Dreeke’s book it is quoted,

“Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help? I have personally found that there is no greater theme and tool for eliciting individuals for action, information, and a great conversation than the use of sympathy or assistance.”

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3. Allow them to talk

Taking over the show by speaking frequently doesn’t show strength, but rather shows you have low self esteem or do not know what you are talking about. Allow the other person to speak and air his/her opinions. Even when you do have to speak, speak slowly.

4. Offer a gift

In humans there exists the need for reciprocation. When you offer people something they naturally feel like returning your kindness. To build great relationships and secure trust always be willing to offer something.

5. Suspend your ego

According to Robin Dreeke, when trying to secure trust and build a relationship, it is always best to suspend your ego and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own.

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“Suspending your ego is nothing more complex than putting other individuals’ wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of your own.” – Robin Dreeke

6. Allow the other person to feel validated

By validating the other, you keep the conversation and relationship flowing. It means you are listening and attentive to what he/she is talking about. Thus we are mindful and we do not forget the details of what the other person has told us.

“True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.” – Robin Dreeke

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7. Ask open ended questions

By asking the how, when and why you show you are interested in the other person’s thoughts and opinions. You also boost their ego and offer a platform for them to trust you in return.

“Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content.

8. Manage your expectations

Don’t expect the perfect response. Manage your expectations appropriately because otherwise your emotions will only give way to disappointment, resentment and anger.

“When we are able to shift or manage our expectations, we reduce potential disappointment. When we are disappointed, we sometimes get angry and may even hold grudges and get hurt feelings.”

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

More by this author

Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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