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I Can’t Go Back To Yesterday Because I Was A Different Person Then

I Can’t Go Back To Yesterday Because I Was A Different Person Then

Have you ever wished that you could go back to a different moment in time? My guess is that you have. Maybe you want to go back to a moment when you thought life was simpler, easier, more enjoyable, or just different. And your magical moment in time probably corresponds to before that “one” life-changing event.

You are not alone. We have all been through something that has made us a different person. That particular moment is different for everybody, though. Maybe yours is the loss of a loved one, a divorce or breakup, an accident, a scary health diagnosis, or a big move. Whatever you have experienced, it has changed you. You can’t go back, and you can’t turn back time. Why not? Because now, you are a different person.

Moving Forward

Alice, the famous Lewis Carroll character, said it best in the book Alice in Wonderland.[1]

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“I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

This bit of advice is something that can help us move forward in our lives. There is no reason to mourn the loss of yesterday if your experiences have changed you for the better.

This bit of advice is something that can help us move forward in our lives. There is no reason to mourn the loss of yesterday if your experiences have changed you for the better.

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We cannot change the past. And why would we? Change and growth are part of the human experience. Sometimes these changes are sad or difficult, but that’s no reason to wish them away. We must move forward through these tough moments and recognize that we are being shaped into a different person. How exciting is that?

Accepting the Different You

We often remember yesterday with nostalgia. We forget that the new, different person we have become might actually be better than the person we once were. The business of being human, of experiencing change, has caused you to grow into a new and better person.

Accept this new reality and cherish it. We become stronger, smarter, and more unique as life goes on. In fact, our very goal should be to become a different person than we were yesterday. You don’t want your life to stay the same, day in and day out. Change brings about progress. Life is like the movements of the universe. If it stops moving and changing, it stops existing. The universe needs to constantly change for its very survival.

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The same is true of who you are. If you compare today with yesterday and find that nothing has changed, you haven’t really been living life to its fullest. Life is change.

Controlling the Outcome of Change

We cannot change the past. Life happens and people grow. You are different today. This is something you cannot change.

Does that mean we should stand idly by and let life happen to us? If it’s going to happen, should we just sit back and take no part in the person we are becoming? Definitely not. We must be proactive in how these changes affect us. Being aware of yesterday allows us to control what exactly becomes different about who we are.

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Take the initiative. Decide what will change in your life, the kind of person you will become. You have the power to control whether yesterday is turning you into a bitter person, a wise person, a happy person, or a reflective person. If you remember that these experiences and changes are necessary for growth, you can try to ensure that your growth is healthy.

Learning From Yesterday

So, does this mean we should forget yesterday if it was a bad day? Absolutely not. Part of controlling the outcome involves reflecting on and remembering yesterday. What did you learn? How did it change you?

Don’t look back on your life with regret or sadness, at least not for too long. These emotions are natural and valid, but you can’t live in the past and live a healthy life. Accept that you can’t be who you were yesterday. Try to turn those emotions into a learning experience. I’ll be the first to admit that this is easier said than done.

How do you learn from yesterday without living in the past? By attempting to appreciate your life’s moments for what they are: the reason you are a different person. Yesterday is the reason for your current life reality and who you are today.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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