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Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

You might not be perfect, but you are good enough. If you would like to walk with confidence and show the world how fabulous you are, check out these six ways to develop self esteem and swagger.

1. Smile and say “hi” to every person you walk past.

You can’t expect people to gravitate toward you if your posture reflects a complete lack of confidence. Avoiding eye contact is a visual cue that you are an unapproachable person. You probably don’t stare at the ground because you aren’t interested in meeting new people — more often, it’s just a symptom of low self esteem — but that is nonetheless the impression you are making. Starting today, take a daily walk through a local park or downtown district, and say, “Hi,” or, “How are you?” to every person you walk past. You will be pleasantly surprised by the positive reactions you receive, which will encourage you to reach out to more people. For more tips that will produce a confident posture, click here.

2. Swallow your fear and ask people to give you their digits (even if you don’t plan to dial them).

You don’t have to be single for the purpose of this exercise; if you have a partner, you could even invite them to join you at a bar or mall, and make a fun game out of it (whoever gets the most numbers buys the other a drink!). If you’re afraid you will freeze up in a moment of fear, you may borrow this script to make the process quick and easy (note – I am including helpful tips with *’s to explain my reasoning for anybody who is single and ready to mingle):

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“Hi! My name is _______*. I’m actually in a rush to get to an important meeting**, but you really caught my eye***. I hope this isn’t awkward,**** but I was wondering if I could possibly have your phone number?”

*Too many people make the approach WAY more complicated than it needs to me. Don’t try to impress them. Don’t try to be funny. Introduce yourself, then cut to the chase (but in a classy way!).

**More options: “Back to work” (if you’re on your lunch break). “My next class” (if you’re a college student). Etc, etc, etc.

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***For bonus points, tell them WHY they caught your eye. Interesting tattoo that you’d like to know the meaning of? Funny t-shirt that cracked you up? Warm smile that grabbed your attention? The more personal (and genuine!), the better.

****Since starting a conversation with a person you’ve never met could be considered an unconventional thing to do, it is smart to address this issue before they even think of it. Listing the objection upfront is an excellent business tactic I learned from Eminem (article courtesy of James Altucher).

3. Stop following commands without question and start asking “Why?” instead.

You might think following your leader without hesitation is a great way to demonstrate loyalty, but really it makes you look like a mindless automaton. Asking questions will demonstrate that you are NOT a mere lemming who bows down to the orders of others. Positions of power are reserved for people who demonstrate independent thought, and most difficult situations can’t be solved with a textbook solution. Questioning more will also help you learn how concepts work on a deeper level. I don’t know about you, but if you just tell me a fact, I will probably forget it before the day is over; however, if you tell me a story or analogy to illustrate that same fact, I’ll be able to remember.

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4. Strut around the house confidently in the nude (maybe not when your roomies are around).

You can’t expect to feel confident if you don’t feel comfortable in your body. A lot of people look in the mirror while they get ready in the morning and immediately search for flaws. Picking your body apart can wreck your self esteem in a hurry, so make a commitment to accept it instead. I know this might sound crazy, but spending some time alone without any clothes on could help. You will perceive things about your body that you never noticed before; learn to accept the physical traits you don’t like; and begin to feel more comfy in the beautiful vessel that carries you throughout the world.

5. Search for a community theater audition or acting class in your area, and channel your inner-Shakepeare.

You might be afraid to perform in front of other people but there is nothing like bearing your soul and doing absurd things in front of a room full of strangers to make you get over being self-conscious. If you’d like to learn how acting in theater helped me accept myself and be more confident, click HERE.

6. Seize the day, because life is no fun if you spend it being self-conscious.

You will never get over your lack of confidence if you read articles like this all the time, but never actually apply them in your life. Tell us how you plan to develop self esteem and swagger in the comments. Please click the share button to pass this article along if you found it helpful.

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Featured photo credit: Smile because you want to/Rory MacLeod via flickr.com

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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