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Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

You might not be perfect, but you are good enough. If you would like to walk with confidence and show the world how fabulous you are, check out these six ways to develop self esteem and swagger.

1. Smile and say “hi” to every person you walk past.

You can’t expect people to gravitate toward you if your posture reflects a complete lack of confidence. Avoiding eye contact is a visual cue that you are an unapproachable person. You probably don’t stare at the ground because you aren’t interested in meeting new people — more often, it’s just a symptom of low self esteem — but that is nonetheless the impression you are making. Starting today, take a daily walk through a local park or downtown district, and say, “Hi,” or, “How are you?” to every person you walk past. You will be pleasantly surprised by the positive reactions you receive, which will encourage you to reach out to more people. For more tips that will produce a confident posture, click here.

2. Swallow your fear and ask people to give you their digits (even if you don’t plan to dial them).

You don’t have to be single for the purpose of this exercise; if you have a partner, you could even invite them to join you at a bar or mall, and make a fun game out of it (whoever gets the most numbers buys the other a drink!). If you’re afraid you will freeze up in a moment of fear, you may borrow this script to make the process quick and easy (note – I am including helpful tips with *’s to explain my reasoning for anybody who is single and ready to mingle):

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“Hi! My name is _______*. I’m actually in a rush to get to an important meeting**, but you really caught my eye***. I hope this isn’t awkward,**** but I was wondering if I could possibly have your phone number?”

*Too many people make the approach WAY more complicated than it needs to me. Don’t try to impress them. Don’t try to be funny. Introduce yourself, then cut to the chase (but in a classy way!).

**More options: “Back to work” (if you’re on your lunch break). “My next class” (if you’re a college student). Etc, etc, etc.

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***For bonus points, tell them WHY they caught your eye. Interesting tattoo that you’d like to know the meaning of? Funny t-shirt that cracked you up? Warm smile that grabbed your attention? The more personal (and genuine!), the better.

****Since starting a conversation with a person you’ve never met could be considered an unconventional thing to do, it is smart to address this issue before they even think of it. Listing the objection upfront is an excellent business tactic I learned from Eminem (article courtesy of James Altucher).

3. Stop following commands without question and start asking “Why?” instead.

You might think following your leader without hesitation is a great way to demonstrate loyalty, but really it makes you look like a mindless automaton. Asking questions will demonstrate that you are NOT a mere lemming who bows down to the orders of others. Positions of power are reserved for people who demonstrate independent thought, and most difficult situations can’t be solved with a textbook solution. Questioning more will also help you learn how concepts work on a deeper level. I don’t know about you, but if you just tell me a fact, I will probably forget it before the day is over; however, if you tell me a story or analogy to illustrate that same fact, I’ll be able to remember.

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4. Strut around the house confidently in the nude (maybe not when your roomies are around).

You can’t expect to feel confident if you don’t feel comfortable in your body. A lot of people look in the mirror while they get ready in the morning and immediately search for flaws. Picking your body apart can wreck your self esteem in a hurry, so make a commitment to accept it instead. I know this might sound crazy, but spending some time alone without any clothes on could help. You will perceive things about your body that you never noticed before; learn to accept the physical traits you don’t like; and begin to feel more comfy in the beautiful vessel that carries you throughout the world.

5. Search for a community theater audition or acting class in your area, and channel your inner-Shakepeare.

You might be afraid to perform in front of other people but there is nothing like bearing your soul and doing absurd things in front of a room full of strangers to make you get over being self-conscious. If you’d like to learn how acting in theater helped me accept myself and be more confident, click HERE.

6. Seize the day, because life is no fun if you spend it being self-conscious.

You will never get over your lack of confidence if you read articles like this all the time, but never actually apply them in your life. Tell us how you plan to develop self esteem and swagger in the comments. Please click the share button to pass this article along if you found it helpful.

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Featured photo credit: Smile because you want to/Rory MacLeod via flickr.com

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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