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Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

Feeling Self-Conscious? Develop Self Esteem in These 6 Surprising Ways

You might not be perfect, but you are good enough. If you would like to walk with confidence and show the world how fabulous you are, check out these six ways to develop self esteem and swagger.

1. Smile and say “hi” to every person you walk past.

You can’t expect people to gravitate toward you if your posture reflects a complete lack of confidence. Avoiding eye contact is a visual cue that you are an unapproachable person. You probably don’t stare at the ground because you aren’t interested in meeting new people — more often, it’s just a symptom of low self esteem — but that is nonetheless the impression you are making. Starting today, take a daily walk through a local park or downtown district, and say, “Hi,” or, “How are you?” to every person you walk past. You will be pleasantly surprised by the positive reactions you receive, which will encourage you to reach out to more people. For more tips that will produce a confident posture, click here.

2. Swallow your fear and ask people to give you their digits (even if you don’t plan to dial them).

You don’t have to be single for the purpose of this exercise; if you have a partner, you could even invite them to join you at a bar or mall, and make a fun game out of it (whoever gets the most numbers buys the other a drink!). If you’re afraid you will freeze up in a moment of fear, you may borrow this script to make the process quick and easy (note – I am including helpful tips with *’s to explain my reasoning for anybody who is single and ready to mingle):

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“Hi! My name is _______*. I’m actually in a rush to get to an important meeting**, but you really caught my eye***. I hope this isn’t awkward,**** but I was wondering if I could possibly have your phone number?”

*Too many people make the approach WAY more complicated than it needs to me. Don’t try to impress them. Don’t try to be funny. Introduce yourself, then cut to the chase (but in a classy way!).

**More options: “Back to work” (if you’re on your lunch break). “My next class” (if you’re a college student). Etc, etc, etc.

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***For bonus points, tell them WHY they caught your eye. Interesting tattoo that you’d like to know the meaning of? Funny t-shirt that cracked you up? Warm smile that grabbed your attention? The more personal (and genuine!), the better.

****Since starting a conversation with a person you’ve never met could be considered an unconventional thing to do, it is smart to address this issue before they even think of it. Listing the objection upfront is an excellent business tactic I learned from Eminem (article courtesy of James Altucher).

3. Stop following commands without question and start asking “Why?” instead.

You might think following your leader without hesitation is a great way to demonstrate loyalty, but really it makes you look like a mindless automaton. Asking questions will demonstrate that you are NOT a mere lemming who bows down to the orders of others. Positions of power are reserved for people who demonstrate independent thought, and most difficult situations can’t be solved with a textbook solution. Questioning more will also help you learn how concepts work on a deeper level. I don’t know about you, but if you just tell me a fact, I will probably forget it before the day is over; however, if you tell me a story or analogy to illustrate that same fact, I’ll be able to remember.

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4. Strut around the house confidently in the nude (maybe not when your roomies are around).

You can’t expect to feel confident if you don’t feel comfortable in your body. A lot of people look in the mirror while they get ready in the morning and immediately search for flaws. Picking your body apart can wreck your self esteem in a hurry, so make a commitment to accept it instead. I know this might sound crazy, but spending some time alone without any clothes on could help. You will perceive things about your body that you never noticed before; learn to accept the physical traits you don’t like; and begin to feel more comfy in the beautiful vessel that carries you throughout the world.

5. Search for a community theater audition or acting class in your area, and channel your inner-Shakepeare.

You might be afraid to perform in front of other people but there is nothing like bearing your soul and doing absurd things in front of a room full of strangers to make you get over being self-conscious. If you’d like to learn how acting in theater helped me accept myself and be more confident, click HERE.

6. Seize the day, because life is no fun if you spend it being self-conscious.

You will never get over your lack of confidence if you read articles like this all the time, but never actually apply them in your life. Tell us how you plan to develop self esteem and swagger in the comments. Please click the share button to pass this article along if you found it helpful.

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Featured photo credit: Smile because you want to/Rory MacLeod via flickr.com

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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