Advertising
Advertising

8 Ways To Become A Good Listener

8 Ways To Become A Good Listener

When you are spoken to do you just hear or do you actually listen? It is a common misconception that when we hear someone speak we are automatically listening to what they are saying. For example, how frustrating is it when you are talking to someone as they type away on their phone? Imagine those times when you confided in a loved one and all they did was up to you and say “Huh? Can you repeat that?”

The truth is listening is a lot like reading. It involves concentrating on what the other person is saying and grasping the full meaning and impact of their words. The best leadership experts in the world excel at this skill. A lot of times when we read something difficult we attempt to skim, or simply don’t understand what we just read. Likewise, many people who unconsciously hear rather than listen fail to grasp the gist of the conversation.

Here are eight ways you can become a good listener today:

Advertising

1. Self assess

Ask yourself, “Am I really the ____ I want to be?” Whether you are trying to become a better person, employee, husband, friend, whatever it is, listening is important. Think of ways in which you can improve yourself and go for it. Think of the role listening has in self-improvement, in understanding direction, in family life, etc. Remind yourself that it is important to listen to constructive criticism and refrain from being defensive.

2. Remove distractions

It is a known fact that humans’ brains tune out much of what is heard in the immediate environment. As a matter of fact, you are still hearing things even as you sleep. According to auditory neurologist, Seth S. Horowitz, concentrating to pay attention is what makes listening that much more difficult than just hearing. You need to realize that you cannot pay attention to everything at once. You can’t read that email from your mother and listen to your manager’s instructions at the same time. To be a good listener you have to give the person speaking your full and undivided attention.

3. It’s not about you

Becoming a better listener involves understanding that this person wants to be heard, not listen to you. Do not interrupt them. Hold on to any comments or questions until the end. Wait until this person is done speaking to begin a conversation. How are you to be well informed without the whole story? Keep this in mind and don’t start to talk until the other person is finished.

Advertising

4. Get rid of the “me too” habit

When someone tells you a story, you should share your own right? Not always. It’s like that one time you told someone you were going on vacation to India for two weeks only to have them go off on a tangent about their adventures there while studying abroad. Attempting to ‘one up’ someone’s story or cutting them to interject with your own shows the person you are speaking to that you are not interested in listening to what they have to say. Stop it and listen, just listen.

5. Watch your body language

It’s not only about listening but looking like you are listening. If you’ve found that you’ve removed all distractions and are still having a hard time digesting the conversation, think of your body language. Are you looking past the speaker? Are you fiddling with your sleeves? Don’t. Look at their face, nod a few times, lean slightly toward them and don’t cross your arms. Train yourself to listen with your whole body, not just your ears.

6. Focus on the speaker

If you are speaking to someone on the phone, turn away from your computer. If you are speaking through an online program, close your door. Likewise, if you are speaking to this person up close and personal, it is important that you make eye contact. Not only will it make them feel important, it will help you grasp the urgency of the matter.

Advertising

7. Mentally Paraphrase

OK, so not all the people we talk to have the most interesting or understandable things to say. If you find yourself having issues paying attention to what someone is saying, try mentally paraphrasing important points. Not only will this help you stay focused, it will force you to pay attention.

8. Ask relevant questions

There is no better way to show you listened than to pick up on loose ends and ask about them. Asking an open ended question or many to clear any doubts or possible misconceptions. Chances are the person speaking to you will be delighted to answer. Not only do questions open up discussion about possible flashpoints, they also allow for smoother flowing conversations.

Throughout this process, keep in mind that listening is a key process when it comes to creating meaningful relationships. People who feel like you’ve listened, are more likely to appreciate your efforts whether they be professional or simply a matter of self-improvement.

Advertising

 

Listening, really listening is difficult when there are so many distractions around us. Hopefully, using these 8 tips you’ll become known as a good listener.

Featured photo credit: flickr via flickr.com

More by this author

Joel Goldstein

Entrepeneur

How to Build Healthy Competition Between Millennial Employees? 4 Visual Merchandising Tips for the Holidays How To Succeed At Your First Sales Job 5 Signs You’re Not Meant to Be A Salesperson Follow These 4 Tips to Make Your App Millennial-Friendly

Trending in Communication

1 10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life 2 How to Survive a Quarter Life Crisis (The Complete Guide) 3 What Makes a Good Leader: 9 Critical Leadership Qualities 4 Think Positive Mantras Help a Lot? Try Value Affirmation Instead 5 How to Survive a Midlife Crisis (The Definitive Guide for Men)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 28, 2020

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

Advertising

2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

  • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
  • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
  • Answer a few Superpower Questions

Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

Advertising

This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

  • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
  • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
  • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

Advertising

7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

Advertising

“You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

Final Thoughts

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

More About Success in Life

Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next