Advertising
Advertising

8 Simple Gentlemen Gestures to impress a Lovely Lady

8 Simple Gentlemen Gestures to impress a Lovely Lady

Do you smile wistfully at the perfect-sounding male profiles in a dating site?  Glowing profiles apparently abound, yet women complain about how gentlemen are a vanishing breed. Perhaps it has to do with not knowing how a gentleman looks and behaves and forgetting that gentlemanly behavior thrives with the complementary participation of ladies. For every, longed-for gentlemanly gesture, women need to ask themselves if they are ready to appreciate and match such courteous behavior.

You don’t need to look like a GQ cover.

I asked women friends of varying ages, “What does a gentleman look like?” Their replies centered on gentlemanly behavior rather than looks. I prodded some more. “Which man at a restaurant, bar, or hotel lobby would look like a gentleman?”  The quick reply: “That’s the difficulty. In a plush place like a hotel, the well-dressed guy in the suit is normally considered a ‘gentleman’.  Hopefully, that’s really the caseA gentleman to me can be long-haired, with a full beard, or wearing board shorts.

It’s not the clothes then that make a gentleman. The common expectation is: “A gentleman looks neat, is well-groomed, and is properly dressed for every occasion.”  Gentlemen value themselves and match their appearance to project who they are. They make an effort to appear neat, smell nice, and wear clean, ironed clothes that fit reasonably well. The part about being properly dressed for all occasions requires a bit more work.  Men (and women) who learn about the nuances of dressing appropriately for the occasion demonstrate their appreciation for meaningful social interactions by finding out about event dress codes, especially if they’re part of the program. They make it a fun experience by wearing the “right costume” for “the role.”

The “moves” like James Bond?

The women listed fairly simple gentlemanly behavior but stressed the gestures should be “done effortlessly because it’s second nature.” If the gestures come with much fuss and flourish, they are nothing more than attention-seeking performances. The gestures should apply in all encounters, with all genders, and have no agenda other than to be helpful, so being a ladies’ man is not necessarily gentlemanly.

Advertising

A gentleman’s behavior comes from:

1. Awareness: He knows what’s happening around him.

2.  Being other-centered: He focuses on the other person. It’s not about him.

3.  Consistent practice: He does it all the time, naturally. It’s not contrived.

Advertising

Here are 8 simple gentlemanly gestures … and how women react.

1. Opens doors for others. He is CONSIDERATE.

It’s Monday morning and Peggy feels more harassed than usual as she rushes to work. She detours to a nearby Starbucks to escape the sudden downpour. Late and wet, she mutters a cuss word as the man behind her beats her to the door, but she stops at mid-curse realizing that he actually wants to open the door for her. He smiles and tips his wet head slightly as a signal for her to go through. She beams her thanks smiling all the while, as the morning’s harassed feeling dissipates.

Why do many forget this simple, mood-lifting gesture? Because of a lack of awareness and being other-centred. If you’re busy texting, you’re unaware that the door could slam on the person behind you. Or you think it’s justified to hurry ahead because whatever it is you’re late for is more important than whatever the other person needs to do.

2. Carries other people’s heavy packages. He is HELPFUL.

Lauren was not a typical woman because she did not like shopping. Her boyfriend was not typical because he enjoyed looking into shops. Fortunately, they both liked the same things. Laurel began to enjoy shopping but relished more how he made no fuss about carrying all the shopping bags. He was assured about his manliness and was comfortable carrying even the frilly girl stuff and later setting up the dining table with the delicate tea set. She expressed her appreciation repeatedly which motivated him more.  Lauren eventually married the man.

3. Offers seat to women, the elderly, and the handicapped. He is CONCERNED.

While attending university, I had taken the bus regularly. During the peak-commute time of day, the buses were full with several passengers standing. Fairly often, a university student would offer his seat to me. I would accept gratefully, smile, say thank you, and offer to hold his books for him. At other times, I would be seated and an older woman would come aboard and be standing. I would wait a few minutes for any of the men to offer their seats. If no one did, I would offer my seat to her. I asked some male friends why they hesitate. The common response was: “It’s very disappointing when women don’t even bother with a thank you.”

Advertising

4. Helps women with their coat. He is CHIVALROUS.

In cool places where coats, jackets, and parkas are daily wear this gesture is very helpful. It is especially called for when attending an event that requires guests to leave and pick up their coats in a coat-minding section. There is something elegant and caring in the way a gentleman holds the coat up for his female companion to get into. The ‘thank you’ should come as graciously as the gesture. If a woman reacts with something like “I am perfectly capable of putting on my own coat,” then she is not ready for a gentleman.

5. Speaks decently; avoids cuss words and remarks that show prejudice. He is SENSITIVE.

Cuss words may be acceptable among his friends but a gentleman avoids it anywhere else. The same is true with attempts at humor at the expense of another person’s race, religion, gender, beliefs, or even sports team. The more public the place, the more careful he is. He sticks to neutral topics and does not speak louder than necessary because he knows how to avoid potential disagreements that could escalate. This applies to women too. I’ve seen men cringe at women’s casual colorful utterances or get into trouble because of their female companions’ verbal carelessness.

6. Listens and maintains eye contact. He is ATTENTIVE.

John Gray has enlightened us that women are from Venus and need listening to. A gentleman pays attention, particularly if he is with a woman. He’s engaged in the conversation and makes eye contact. Yes, eye contact, not staring beneath her neckline, not eyeing the girl at the next table; not checking the football game score on the overhead TV; and not continuously fiddling with his phone. This is admittedly difficult amid so much continuous distractions but it is the major reason women feel unacknowledged. Choose a relatively quiet, non-crowded place for face-to-face interaction to help you focus on the conversation. The same quality of attention is required from women. No phone catch-up with the gals and no remote supervision of work or household.

7. He views and treats women as equals.  He is RESPECTFUL and APPRECIATIVE.

Observe how a man relates to his mother. Is he demanding, overbearing, or dismissive? It could indicate he has an inferior view of women. A gentleman recognizes a woman’s contributions from her experience, knowledge, abilities, will power, and feminine wisdom. He listens to her point of view and respectfully states his rebuttals. He is not condescending and does not make sexual jokes or remarks – a form of intimidation and discrimination. When receiving an award, a gentlemen acknowledges his spouse, significant other, mother, and/or daughters

Advertising

When dining out, he is as comfortable allowing women to pay their share, as he is paying for the entire dinner on certain occasions. If a man wishes to pay for a meal on a date, the woman has the option to accept with thanks and then offer to pay for dessert and coffee. There is no need for a woman to make a fuss and take undue offense by perceiving it as an insult to her financial capability.

8. He allows women and others to shine.  He is SECURE and GENEROUS.

In business or social settings, there’s the man who monopolizes the product brainstorming session, spiritual study group, PTA meeting, or cocktail conversation. He interrupts you at mid-sentence, gives unsolicited advice, contradicts everyone’s opinion, and wants to have the final word. He’s far from gentlemanly because everything is always about him. This 8th gentlemanly behavior requires stepping back and allowing a colleague, friend, or spouse to take center stage. It sometimes involves giving up something to support another – a good description of househusbands and single fathers. Some women mistake a soft-spoken, generous man for a pushover. They then take that as a signal to be domineering and controlling.

This brings me back to the essential point. We usually have no problem coming up with our list of expectations about  other people.  Following Arielle Ford’s gentle challenge in The Soulmate Secret, look at your list and then ask “Do I, myself, meet those expectations?” So, are you looking for a gallant gentleman? Start by being a lovely lady. And that works the other way too.

Featured photo credit: wallpaperank.com via wallpaperank.com

More by this author

Improve Life Quality Now by Enjoying Your Sundays 10 Signs Your Traveling Experiences Have Made You a Better Person 8 Simple Gentlemen Gestures to impress a Lovely Lady Is What You’re Wearing Too Revealing? You Won’t Die if You Don’t Buy. Here’s Why.

Trending in Communication

1 7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside 2 10 Uplifting Positive Affirmation Apps That Help You Re-Center on the Go 3 9 Self Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back from Success 4 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 5 How To Be Happy Alone and Enjoy Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

Advertising

4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

Advertising

9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

Advertising

15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

Advertising

20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

More About Happiness

Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

Read Next