Like a lot of people, I have felt the urge to give up on something. It’s easy to get to a point where it seems as though the time you’ve invested in a dream or goal and the time of fruition can be very daunting.

There are cycles of excitement, enthusiasm, creativity, and they are followed by despair, discouragement, and the desire to quit…

Our brains are wired to giving up easily, it’s normal (but not all right).

Human beings are believed to act upon the “Pleasure Principle”, the instant gratification.^[1]

Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfilment without delay or deferment. Basically, it’s when you want it; and you want it now.

Our brains are wired to immediate rewards in return. We’re born to look for instant gratification because in the ancient times, getting immediate benefits was essential for survival. We are very much present-oriented, and so when we’re not getting what we want immediately, we get anxious and want to give up.

Yes, so once in a while, wanting to give up is normal. But giving up is not okay.

Maybe you’re disappointed or tired because you haven’t succeeded yet after lots of trials, but don’t you give up yet because nothing worth having comes easy.

Giving up makes you lose more things than you can imagine.

Instant success is a myth, always. Many successful people failed hundreds of times, if they chose to give up instead of working harder to reach their goals, they would never succeed.

For example, Walt Disney had been fired by a newspaper editor before because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” If he gave up imagining and dreaming about big ideas, he wouldn’t have found the successful Disney business.

And let’s take the famous soccer player David Beckham as another example. He had a down time after he received a red card in the World Cup match against Argentina in 1998. The England team couldn’t make it to the next round and everyone hated him and blamed him for that. If Beckham gave up playing soccer, we wouldn’t see the successful player leading different teams and becoming one of the most legendary players in history.

If you give up now, you’re giving up the very bright future and great results you will get.

Do what your future self will thank you for, not regret. Here’re 7 things to do when you feel like you want to give up.

Remember why you started and how much you really wanted it.

Think back to the moment that this project, goal, or concept was conceived. Remember the joy and thrill of the adventure ahead? At the beginning, you had a goal in mind; a beautiful picture etched in your mind of the finished task. Beginning was simple; carrying through has become difficult.

Going back to the beginning brings into focus the purpose of your endeavor. The memory of anticipation of the job accomplished is stirred up again when you begin to contemplate the reason you began in the first place. Breathe in deep and recall your purpose.

Don’t give up!

Look into the reason why you want to give up.

The feelings of wanting to quit can be overwhelming. The generalized feeling isn’t clear; look at the reasons why you want to quit. Are you physically tired? Have you been consumed with things and not taken care of yourself in the process? Do you feel little support? Are you lacking ability? Have you come up against some difficulties that you are unprepared for? Do you need to just take a step back before continuing on?

There are many reasons why you may want to quit. Be diligent in figuring out what the real issues are and tackle them specifically. Once you see what is causing the feeling, you can address it.

Don’t give up!

Picture in your mind the ultimate result.

Keep in your mind the picture of the end result. A visualization of what you want to accomplish will keep you moving forward. I mean, seriously, you don’t want to stop partway through. The feeling of being a quitter isn’t pleasant. You are a winner! Remember the slogan: the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat!

Whenever you want to quit, ask yourself, do you want the thrill of victory? Or would you rather the agony of defeat? Press on; you can do this.

Don’t give up!

Make a plan and have a backup.

Before you undertake anything, always have an outlined plan of action.

There are various ways this can be done. You can write a list, make a breakout chart, or form a checklist for tasks completed along the way. By having a plan in place, when you feel like giving up you can look at the plan and refocus on the steps needed to reach the goal.

Also, have a backup plan in mind before beginning; this way when you are frustrated and want to give up, you will have an alternative plan to put in action.

Don’t give up!

Find support from others.

Don’t isolate yourself or hide your feelings of frustration, and don’t be afraid to seek support from others. Reach out to family, friends, co-workers or even online forums to find someone that you can talk to and rid yourself of what is dragging you down and causing you to want to quit.

I promise there are so many other people out there that are struggling with feelings of doubt, fear and frustration just like you are. Finding another person who has gone through a similar crisis will strengthen your resolve and help you get back on course.

Don’t give up!

Be grateful for the good things while struggling.

Yes, you may feel like giving up. Yes, you are struggling. Yes, you are overwhelmed at the moment. I know this may seem like a strange thing to say, but remember to be grateful.

Whenever you feel like giving up, stop and make a list of the things you are grateful for in your life. You have so much positivity in your life to be thankful for. When you shift your focus to becoming grateful for all things, tasks that seem overwhelming take on a new light. The way you look at the situations around you depends on the attitude with which you view them. Take on an attitude of gratitude and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.

Don’t give up!

Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they seem.

You deserve to acknowledge all the victories that you have made along the way. Instead of feeling overwhelmed at all that you have left to do, write out a list of accomplishments you have already completed, no matter how small they may seem.

By celebrating your progress, you will renew your energy to complete what you are doing. When you see all that you have done, it will excite you to take further action until the finish line.

Don’t give up!

Have your motivation everywhere to keep you going.

Here’re some of my favorite motivational quotes, make them your wallpaper or just have the quotes stuck on your desk! Just don’t give up! Never, ever give up!

Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait but more difficult to regret.

The expert in anything was once a beginner.

Everyone must choose one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Crawling is acceptable. Falling is acceptable. Pain is acceptable. Quitting is now.

Don’t give up what you want most in life for something you think you want now.

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.^[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.^[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.^[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.^[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com