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7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

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7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

Coexisting peacefully with another human being is difficult even at the best of times. We all have our personal preferences, tastes, needs, desires, fears, insecurities and habits. So when it comes time to spend a good part of every week and even every single day with someone else, it’s just a matter of time before there’s some kind of disagreement. Something’s bound to upset one or both people down the road. This is particularly true when there’s mutual passion and emotions are flying through the roof, e.g. in a romantic relationship.

Fights will break out over all sorts of things, and that is nothing to fear – it’s just the normal course of life. There are some common themes, certain common reasons for fights that keep popping up in nearly every relationship. If you know how to deal with the situation it can go over relatively painlessly, most of the potential damage put under control and end with an apology and effective solution.

1. “Why do I always have to initiate sex?”

A couple in bed

    Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. We are, in essence, sexual beings, but there can be differences sex drive between partners. There are also the issues of stress, bad mood and lack of time. You’ll often find that one partner takes the initiative more readily, and at some point it can start to feel like the other person is disinterested. One of the most common arguments related to sex are about frequency and one partner rarely initiating, while the other one feels like he or she has to virtually beg for it. You should have a serious talk with your partner and try to remedy these issues before getting frustrated. Although in some cases it may be that the attraction is waning, a lot of the time the other partner may be actually throwing small signs your way from time to time.

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    It may also be that they’ve gotten used to the situation and feel more comfortable with you initiating – if they are up for it most times you initiate, then they just might be uncomfortable or guess that you may not be in the mood as you haven’t initiated it yourself. As with most things in a relationship, this comes down to effective communications, so be open yet tactful when discussing your feelings. There are some useful tips for both men and women if you just aren’t sure how to approach the subject gracefully.

    2. “You’re spending an awful lot of time with this “friend” of yours”

    Jealousy is one of the biggest relationships killers. Everyone will get a bit jealous at times, this just shows that you are passionate about the other person and don’t suffer fools lightly, but once it becomes a daily occurrence you’ve gotten out of line. If your partner can’t go out for drinks with friends without you calling 5 times, if you’re being overly possessive when anyone is around him or her and if you often fight about such matters, then it’s time to look at yourself and deal with your issues. Let your partner see that you are making an effort to improve your behaviour, and try to make small steps forward. Work on your sense of self-worth by looking objectively on your life, take up a physical activity that will help you boost confidence, talk to a therapist and look for support. If your significant other is being overbearing and very jealous point this out to him or her – don’t be too subtle about it, but try to convey your feelings without getting overly emotional.

    3. “We can’t have nice things because you keep wasting our money”

    Man counting money

      Fights can break out because of financial issues with an alarming frequency. It can be that we are trying to live a bit above our means or that one partner is indulging in shopping sprees and affording themself certain luxuries, while the other is left out, or the home budget suffers and both get deeper in debt. There should be a bit of compromise, and one partner will most likely have to give up plenty of ground, but you can start by creating a somewhat strict budget that allows for all the basics to be covered – e.g. credit payments, groceries and bills – while still leaving some money aside to spend on luxuries every month or couple of months.

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      If you’ve got too many different credit cards to pay off, you can try using certain services that allow you to consolidate your debt, i.e. you get some first-hand advice and roll all your debt into one bundle with one creditor to make things easier to track. Make sure you are both on the same page, and understand that one partner, the more responsible one, will have to be a bit more lenient. This partner will need to work on balancing the budget while the shopaholic will need to work on controlling those impulses.

      4. “Would it kill you to, for once, clean up after yourself?”

      The little chores around the house tend to always fall on one partner more than the other, and it can get to the point where the other is so used to it that he or she starts behaving like a huge slob. Expending a lot of energy to keep everything clean only to see that someone doesn’t care enough to wash a couple of plates or make the bed can be like a slap to the face. At that moment try controlling that anger and distance yourself so you can blow off some steam before starting a conversation. Unless you’re both tidy, one is going to be doing most of the work simply because he or she cares more and is bothered by such things.

      Just try to make a strong argument about how it is important to you, and if you are the slob and it upsets your partner don’t argue about it – just start picking up after yourself and doing a bit of cleaning from time to time. Don’t make it a huge deal and let your actions do the talking.

      5. “Why can’t we ever do something that I want to do?”

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      Older couple in coffee shop

        When you have a partner who you want to keep happy on top of having to deal with work and a bunch of chores, there is precious little time left to have fun or just kick back and relax. The more dominant partner often gets his or her way, and the other can’t get to spend their free time doing what they want. Instead of starting with the accusations or responding aggressively to such a comment, try diverting attention to the issue with some subtlety, and work on a list of things that you would enjoy doing.

        Don’t try finding something you both enjoy, as that is rarely going to happen, but rather have days where the focus is on your partner and then other days when the focus is on you. You can even do your own separate things – one goes to yoga or dancing classes, and the other can go hang out with some friends and play video games or go fishing.

        6. “I don’t want to watch that stupid show again”

        Making a TV schedule that both partners can be content with is nearly impossible. Words like these should not be uttered, instead opt for something like: “How about we watch something I choose this time, that show is kind of boring to me and I’d really like to watch something else. I’ll make it up to you”. If however someone does throw a fit about it, try compromising and let the other person choose. You can watch a show on Netflix while a big live game is on, or schedule some TV time between the two of you. You should start working out a plan and talking about options, instead of getting heated and yelling, which won’t lead you anywhere.

        7. “I’m tired of having to walk the dog and run after the kids all day by myself”

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        Mom irritated with kids

          Even if there is no clear stay-at-home partner, one might be busier, work weird hours or even take their work home with them and lock themselves in their home office, which means the other gets most of the responsibility with the pets and/or kids. Remember that such arguments start because the other person is very tired and stressed out, so try to be the calm and collected one, even if that means letting them vent their frustrations out on you for a few minutes. Do not tell them to calm down or start getting upset yourself – let them calm down gradually and then offer to help more. You can learn from tactics used when dealing with an aggravated customer. You can also work out an agreement, e.g. the tidier one can focus on household chores, while the other can focus on walking the dog, preparing dinner for the kids or taking them to the park.

          Being in a loving relationship is all about letting little things go, understanding what your partner needs and keeping a relatively level head during arguments. Just try to focus on the problem at hand without bringing up other things or digging up an issue from the past. That way you can allow the other person to vent, work something out and make some improvements in the future.

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          Ivan Dimitrijevic

          Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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          Last Updated on January 5, 2022

          How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

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          How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

          We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

          Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

          Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

          Expressing Anger

          Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

          Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

          Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

          Being Passive-Aggressive

          This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

          Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

          This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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          Poorly-Timed

          Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

          An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

          Ongoing Anger

          Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

          Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

          Healthy Ways to Express Anger

          What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

          Being Honest

          Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

          Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

          Being Direct

          Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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          Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

          Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

          Being Timely

          When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

          Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

          Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

          How to Deal With Anger

          If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

          1. Slow Down

          From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

          In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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          When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

          2. Focus on the “I”

          Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

          When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

          3. Work out

          When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

          Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

          Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

          4. Seek Help When Needed

          There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

          5. Practice Relaxation

          We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

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          That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

          Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

          6. Laugh

          Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

          7. Be Grateful

          It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

          Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

          Final Thoughts

          Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

          During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

          Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

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          More Resources on Anger Management

          Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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