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7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

Coexisting peacefully with another human being is difficult even at the best of times. We all have our personal preferences, tastes, needs, desires, fears, insecurities and habits. So when it comes time to spend a good part of every week and even every single day with someone else, it’s just a matter of time before there’s some kind of disagreement. Something’s bound to upset one or both people down the road. This is particularly true when there’s mutual passion and emotions are flying through the roof, e.g. in a romantic relationship.

Fights will break out over all sorts of things, and that is nothing to fear – it’s just the normal course of life. There are some common themes, certain common reasons for fights that keep popping up in nearly every relationship. If you know how to deal with the situation it can go over relatively painlessly, most of the potential damage put under control and end with an apology and effective solution.

1. “Why do I always have to initiate sex?”

A couple in bed

    Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. We are, in essence, sexual beings, but there can be differences sex drive between partners. There are also the issues of stress, bad mood and lack of time. You’ll often find that one partner takes the initiative more readily, and at some point it can start to feel like the other person is disinterested. One of the most common arguments related to sex are about frequency and one partner rarely initiating, while the other one feels like he or she has to virtually beg for it. You should have a serious talk with your partner and try to remedy these issues before getting frustrated. Although in some cases it may be that the attraction is waning, a lot of the time the other partner may be actually throwing small signs your way from time to time.

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    It may also be that they’ve gotten used to the situation and feel more comfortable with you initiating – if they are up for it most times you initiate, then they just might be uncomfortable or guess that you may not be in the mood as you haven’t initiated it yourself. As with most things in a relationship, this comes down to effective communications, so be open yet tactful when discussing your feelings. There are some useful tips for both men and women if you just aren’t sure how to approach the subject gracefully.

    2. “You’re spending an awful lot of time with this “friend” of yours”

    Jealousy is one of the biggest relationships killers. Everyone will get a bit jealous at times, this just shows that you are passionate about the other person and don’t suffer fools lightly, but once it becomes a daily occurrence you’ve gotten out of line. If your partner can’t go out for drinks with friends without you calling 5 times, if you’re being overly possessive when anyone is around him or her and if you often fight about such matters, then it’s time to look at yourself and deal with your issues. Let your partner see that you are making an effort to improve your behaviour, and try to make small steps forward. Work on your sense of self-worth by looking objectively on your life, take up a physical activity that will help you boost confidence, talk to a therapist and look for support. If your significant other is being overbearing and very jealous point this out to him or her – don’t be too subtle about it, but try to convey your feelings without getting overly emotional.

    3. “We can’t have nice things because you keep wasting our money”

    Man counting money

      Fights can break out because of financial issues with an alarming frequency. It can be that we are trying to live a bit above our means or that one partner is indulging in shopping sprees and affording themself certain luxuries, while the other is left out, or the home budget suffers and both get deeper in debt. There should be a bit of compromise, and one partner will most likely have to give up plenty of ground, but you can start by creating a somewhat strict budget that allows for all the basics to be covered – e.g. credit payments, groceries and bills – while still leaving some money aside to spend on luxuries every month or couple of months.

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      If you’ve got too many different credit cards to pay off, you can try using certain services that allow you to consolidate your debt, i.e. you get some first-hand advice and roll all your debt into one bundle with one creditor to make things easier to track. Make sure you are both on the same page, and understand that one partner, the more responsible one, will have to be a bit more lenient. This partner will need to work on balancing the budget while the shopaholic will need to work on controlling those impulses.

      4. “Would it kill you to, for once, clean up after yourself?”

      The little chores around the house tend to always fall on one partner more than the other, and it can get to the point where the other is so used to it that he or she starts behaving like a huge slob. Expending a lot of energy to keep everything clean only to see that someone doesn’t care enough to wash a couple of plates or make the bed can be like a slap to the face. At that moment try controlling that anger and distance yourself so you can blow off some steam before starting a conversation. Unless you’re both tidy, one is going to be doing most of the work simply because he or she cares more and is bothered by such things.

      Just try to make a strong argument about how it is important to you, and if you are the slob and it upsets your partner don’t argue about it – just start picking up after yourself and doing a bit of cleaning from time to time. Don’t make it a huge deal and let your actions do the talking.

      5. “Why can’t we ever do something that I want to do?”

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      Older couple in coffee shop

        When you have a partner who you want to keep happy on top of having to deal with work and a bunch of chores, there is precious little time left to have fun or just kick back and relax. The more dominant partner often gets his or her way, and the other can’t get to spend their free time doing what they want. Instead of starting with the accusations or responding aggressively to such a comment, try diverting attention to the issue with some subtlety, and work on a list of things that you would enjoy doing.

        Don’t try finding something you both enjoy, as that is rarely going to happen, but rather have days where the focus is on your partner and then other days when the focus is on you. You can even do your own separate things – one goes to yoga or dancing classes, and the other can go hang out with some friends and play video games or go fishing.

        6. “I don’t want to watch that stupid show again”

        Making a TV schedule that both partners can be content with is nearly impossible. Words like these should not be uttered, instead opt for something like: “How about we watch something I choose this time, that show is kind of boring to me and I’d really like to watch something else. I’ll make it up to you”. If however someone does throw a fit about it, try compromising and let the other person choose. You can watch a show on Netflix while a big live game is on, or schedule some TV time between the two of you. You should start working out a plan and talking about options, instead of getting heated and yelling, which won’t lead you anywhere.

        7. “I’m tired of having to walk the dog and run after the kids all day by myself”

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        Mom irritated with kids

          Even if there is no clear stay-at-home partner, one might be busier, work weird hours or even take their work home with them and lock themselves in their home office, which means the other gets most of the responsibility with the pets and/or kids. Remember that such arguments start because the other person is very tired and stressed out, so try to be the calm and collected one, even if that means letting them vent their frustrations out on you for a few minutes. Do not tell them to calm down or start getting upset yourself – let them calm down gradually and then offer to help more. You can learn from tactics used when dealing with an aggravated customer. You can also work out an agreement, e.g. the tidier one can focus on household chores, while the other can focus on walking the dog, preparing dinner for the kids or taking them to the park.

          Being in a loving relationship is all about letting little things go, understanding what your partner needs and keeping a relatively level head during arguments. Just try to focus on the problem at hand without bringing up other things or digging up an issue from the past. That way you can allow the other person to vent, work something out and make some improvements in the future.

          More by this author

          Ivan Dimitrijevic

          Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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          Last Updated on April 23, 2019

          13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

          13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

          Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

          Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

          My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

          To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

          You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

          Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

          “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

          “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

          “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

          “I don’t deserve happiness”

          EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

          Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

          Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

          This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

          If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

          1. Happy People Put Happiness First

          Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

          Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

          To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

          The happy person asks,

          “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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          “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

          They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

          If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

          Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

          If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

          2. Happy People Embrace Pain

          I know what you are thinking –

          “No one is ALWAYS happy”

          or …

          “Even happy people get in bad moods”

          and …

          These statements are absolutely accurate.

          Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

          Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

          Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

          Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

          When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

          3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

          We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

          The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

          How are you currently defining yourself?

          For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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          When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

          When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

          Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

          Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

          If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

          4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

          The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

          Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

          Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

          They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

          5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

          Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

          However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

          We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

          If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

          What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

          Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

          They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

          What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

          These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

          6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

          Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

          Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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          Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

          A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

          A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

          7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

          Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

          Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

          We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

          In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

          8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

          What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

          What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

          Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

          When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

          9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

          Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

          It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

          Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

          Negativity is NOT normal.

          The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

          Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

          In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

          10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

          The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

          They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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          The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

          Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

          If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

          11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

          Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

          Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

          It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

          Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

          12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

          Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

          It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

          Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

          13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

          When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

          Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

          Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

          In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

          If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

          I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

          It starts with one decision – happiness.

          The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

          Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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