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7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

Coexisting peacefully with another human being is difficult even at the best of times. We all have our personal preferences, tastes, needs, desires, fears, insecurities and habits. So when it comes time to spend a good part of every week and even every single day with someone else, it’s just a matter of time before there’s some kind of disagreement. Something’s bound to upset one or both people down the road. This is particularly true when there’s mutual passion and emotions are flying through the roof, e.g. in a romantic relationship.

Fights will break out over all sorts of things, and that is nothing to fear – it’s just the normal course of life. There are some common themes, certain common reasons for fights that keep popping up in nearly every relationship. If you know how to deal with the situation it can go over relatively painlessly, most of the potential damage put under control and end with an apology and effective solution.

1. “Why do I always have to initiate sex?”

A couple in bed

    Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. We are, in essence, sexual beings, but there can be differences sex drive between partners. There are also the issues of stress, bad mood and lack of time. You’ll often find that one partner takes the initiative more readily, and at some point it can start to feel like the other person is disinterested. One of the most common arguments related to sex are about frequency and one partner rarely initiating, while the other one feels like he or she has to virtually beg for it. You should have a serious talk with your partner and try to remedy these issues before getting frustrated. Although in some cases it may be that the attraction is waning, a lot of the time the other partner may be actually throwing small signs your way from time to time.

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    It may also be that they’ve gotten used to the situation and feel more comfortable with you initiating – if they are up for it most times you initiate, then they just might be uncomfortable or guess that you may not be in the mood as you haven’t initiated it yourself. As with most things in a relationship, this comes down to effective communications, so be open yet tactful when discussing your feelings. There are some useful tips for both men and women if you just aren’t sure how to approach the subject gracefully.

    2. “You’re spending an awful lot of time with this “friend” of yours”

    Jealousy is one of the biggest relationships killers. Everyone will get a bit jealous at times, this just shows that you are passionate about the other person and don’t suffer fools lightly, but once it becomes a daily occurrence you’ve gotten out of line. If your partner can’t go out for drinks with friends without you calling 5 times, if you’re being overly possessive when anyone is around him or her and if you often fight about such matters, then it’s time to look at yourself and deal with your issues. Let your partner see that you are making an effort to improve your behaviour, and try to make small steps forward. Work on your sense of self-worth by looking objectively on your life, take up a physical activity that will help you boost confidence, talk to a therapist and look for support. If your significant other is being overbearing and very jealous point this out to him or her – don’t be too subtle about it, but try to convey your feelings without getting overly emotional.

    3. “We can’t have nice things because you keep wasting our money”

    Man counting money

      Fights can break out because of financial issues with an alarming frequency. It can be that we are trying to live a bit above our means or that one partner is indulging in shopping sprees and affording themself certain luxuries, while the other is left out, or the home budget suffers and both get deeper in debt. There should be a bit of compromise, and one partner will most likely have to give up plenty of ground, but you can start by creating a somewhat strict budget that allows for all the basics to be covered – e.g. credit payments, groceries and bills – while still leaving some money aside to spend on luxuries every month or couple of months.

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      If you’ve got too many different credit cards to pay off, you can try using certain services that allow you to consolidate your debt, i.e. you get some first-hand advice and roll all your debt into one bundle with one creditor to make things easier to track. Make sure you are both on the same page, and understand that one partner, the more responsible one, will have to be a bit more lenient. This partner will need to work on balancing the budget while the shopaholic will need to work on controlling those impulses.

      4. “Would it kill you to, for once, clean up after yourself?”

      The little chores around the house tend to always fall on one partner more than the other, and it can get to the point where the other is so used to it that he or she starts behaving like a huge slob. Expending a lot of energy to keep everything clean only to see that someone doesn’t care enough to wash a couple of plates or make the bed can be like a slap to the face. At that moment try controlling that anger and distance yourself so you can blow off some steam before starting a conversation. Unless you’re both tidy, one is going to be doing most of the work simply because he or she cares more and is bothered by such things.

      Just try to make a strong argument about how it is important to you, and if you are the slob and it upsets your partner don’t argue about it – just start picking up after yourself and doing a bit of cleaning from time to time. Don’t make it a huge deal and let your actions do the talking.

      5. “Why can’t we ever do something that I want to do?”

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      Older couple in coffee shop

        When you have a partner who you want to keep happy on top of having to deal with work and a bunch of chores, there is precious little time left to have fun or just kick back and relax. The more dominant partner often gets his or her way, and the other can’t get to spend their free time doing what they want. Instead of starting with the accusations or responding aggressively to such a comment, try diverting attention to the issue with some subtlety, and work on a list of things that you would enjoy doing.

        Don’t try finding something you both enjoy, as that is rarely going to happen, but rather have days where the focus is on your partner and then other days when the focus is on you. You can even do your own separate things – one goes to yoga or dancing classes, and the other can go hang out with some friends and play video games or go fishing.

        6. “I don’t want to watch that stupid show again”

        Making a TV schedule that both partners can be content with is nearly impossible. Words like these should not be uttered, instead opt for something like: “How about we watch something I choose this time, that show is kind of boring to me and I’d really like to watch something else. I’ll make it up to you”. If however someone does throw a fit about it, try compromising and let the other person choose. You can watch a show on Netflix while a big live game is on, or schedule some TV time between the two of you. You should start working out a plan and talking about options, instead of getting heated and yelling, which won’t lead you anywhere.

        7. “I’m tired of having to walk the dog and run after the kids all day by myself”

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        Mom irritated with kids

          Even if there is no clear stay-at-home partner, one might be busier, work weird hours or even take their work home with them and lock themselves in their home office, which means the other gets most of the responsibility with the pets and/or kids. Remember that such arguments start because the other person is very tired and stressed out, so try to be the calm and collected one, even if that means letting them vent their frustrations out on you for a few minutes. Do not tell them to calm down or start getting upset yourself – let them calm down gradually and then offer to help more. You can learn from tactics used when dealing with an aggravated customer. You can also work out an agreement, e.g. the tidier one can focus on household chores, while the other can focus on walking the dog, preparing dinner for the kids or taking them to the park.

          Being in a loving relationship is all about letting little things go, understanding what your partner needs and keeping a relatively level head during arguments. Just try to focus on the problem at hand without bringing up other things or digging up an issue from the past. That way you can allow the other person to vent, work something out and make some improvements in the future.

          More by this author

          Ivan Dimitrijevic

          Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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          Last Updated on October 17, 2019

          How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

          How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

          You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

          But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

          Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

          What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

          Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

          So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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          1. Recognize the Signs

          If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

          Some telltale signs include:

          • You’re always on your phones.
          • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
          • You aren’t together during important events.
          • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
          • You don’t make plans or date nights.
          • You’re not happy.

          If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

          2. Try New Things Together

          Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

          Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

          Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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          Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

          3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

          Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

          Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

          Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

          4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

          One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

          Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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          5. Cook Meals Together

          Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

          One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

          Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

          If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

          6. Have a Regular Date Night

          Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

          The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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          Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

          • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
          • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
          • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
          • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
          • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
          • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
          • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

          Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

          Final Thoughts

          The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

          • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
          • Lowers divorce rates
          • Improves communication
          • Reduces marital boredom
          • Bonds couples closer
          • Improves friendship
          • Boosts health
          • Reduces stress

          These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

          It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

          These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

          Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

          Reference

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