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7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

7 Things Couples Always Fight About (And How To Deal With It)

Coexisting peacefully with another human being is difficult even at the best of times. We all have our personal preferences, tastes, needs, desires, fears, insecurities and habits. So when it comes time to spend a good part of every week and even every single day with someone else, it’s just a matter of time before there’s some kind of disagreement. Something’s bound to upset one or both people down the road. This is particularly true when there’s mutual passion and emotions are flying through the roof, e.g. in a romantic relationship.

Fights will break out over all sorts of things, and that is nothing to fear – it’s just the normal course of life. There are some common themes, certain common reasons for fights that keep popping up in nearly every relationship. If you know how to deal with the situation it can go over relatively painlessly, most of the potential damage put under control and end with an apology and effective solution.

1. “Why do I always have to initiate sex?”

A couple in bed

    Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. We are, in essence, sexual beings, but there can be differences sex drive between partners. There are also the issues of stress, bad mood and lack of time. You’ll often find that one partner takes the initiative more readily, and at some point it can start to feel like the other person is disinterested. One of the most common arguments related to sex are about frequency and one partner rarely initiating, while the other one feels like he or she has to virtually beg for it. You should have a serious talk with your partner and try to remedy these issues before getting frustrated. Although in some cases it may be that the attraction is waning, a lot of the time the other partner may be actually throwing small signs your way from time to time.

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    It may also be that they’ve gotten used to the situation and feel more comfortable with you initiating – if they are up for it most times you initiate, then they just might be uncomfortable or guess that you may not be in the mood as you haven’t initiated it yourself. As with most things in a relationship, this comes down to effective communications, so be open yet tactful when discussing your feelings. There are some useful tips for both men and women if you just aren’t sure how to approach the subject gracefully.

    2. “You’re spending an awful lot of time with this “friend” of yours”

    Jealousy is one of the biggest relationships killers. Everyone will get a bit jealous at times, this just shows that you are passionate about the other person and don’t suffer fools lightly, but once it becomes a daily occurrence you’ve gotten out of line. If your partner can’t go out for drinks with friends without you calling 5 times, if you’re being overly possessive when anyone is around him or her and if you often fight about such matters, then it’s time to look at yourself and deal with your issues. Let your partner see that you are making an effort to improve your behaviour, and try to make small steps forward. Work on your sense of self-worth by looking objectively on your life, take up a physical activity that will help you boost confidence, talk to a therapist and look for support. If your significant other is being overbearing and very jealous point this out to him or her – don’t be too subtle about it, but try to convey your feelings without getting overly emotional.

    3. “We can’t have nice things because you keep wasting our money”

    Man counting money

      Fights can break out because of financial issues with an alarming frequency. It can be that we are trying to live a bit above our means or that one partner is indulging in shopping sprees and affording themself certain luxuries, while the other is left out, or the home budget suffers and both get deeper in debt. There should be a bit of compromise, and one partner will most likely have to give up plenty of ground, but you can start by creating a somewhat strict budget that allows for all the basics to be covered – e.g. credit payments, groceries and bills – while still leaving some money aside to spend on luxuries every month or couple of months.

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      If you’ve got too many different credit cards to pay off, you can try using certain services that allow you to consolidate your debt, i.e. you get some first-hand advice and roll all your debt into one bundle with one creditor to make things easier to track. Make sure you are both on the same page, and understand that one partner, the more responsible one, will have to be a bit more lenient. This partner will need to work on balancing the budget while the shopaholic will need to work on controlling those impulses.

      4. “Would it kill you to, for once, clean up after yourself?”

      The little chores around the house tend to always fall on one partner more than the other, and it can get to the point where the other is so used to it that he or she starts behaving like a huge slob. Expending a lot of energy to keep everything clean only to see that someone doesn’t care enough to wash a couple of plates or make the bed can be like a slap to the face. At that moment try controlling that anger and distance yourself so you can blow off some steam before starting a conversation. Unless you’re both tidy, one is going to be doing most of the work simply because he or she cares more and is bothered by such things.

      Just try to make a strong argument about how it is important to you, and if you are the slob and it upsets your partner don’t argue about it – just start picking up after yourself and doing a bit of cleaning from time to time. Don’t make it a huge deal and let your actions do the talking.

      5. “Why can’t we ever do something that I want to do?”

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      Older couple in coffee shop

        When you have a partner who you want to keep happy on top of having to deal with work and a bunch of chores, there is precious little time left to have fun or just kick back and relax. The more dominant partner often gets his or her way, and the other can’t get to spend their free time doing what they want. Instead of starting with the accusations or responding aggressively to such a comment, try diverting attention to the issue with some subtlety, and work on a list of things that you would enjoy doing.

        Don’t try finding something you both enjoy, as that is rarely going to happen, but rather have days where the focus is on your partner and then other days when the focus is on you. You can even do your own separate things – one goes to yoga or dancing classes, and the other can go hang out with some friends and play video games or go fishing.

        6. “I don’t want to watch that stupid show again”

        Making a TV schedule that both partners can be content with is nearly impossible. Words like these should not be uttered, instead opt for something like: “How about we watch something I choose this time, that show is kind of boring to me and I’d really like to watch something else. I’ll make it up to you”. If however someone does throw a fit about it, try compromising and let the other person choose. You can watch a show on Netflix while a big live game is on, or schedule some TV time between the two of you. You should start working out a plan and talking about options, instead of getting heated and yelling, which won’t lead you anywhere.

        7. “I’m tired of having to walk the dog and run after the kids all day by myself”

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        Mom irritated with kids

          Even if there is no clear stay-at-home partner, one might be busier, work weird hours or even take their work home with them and lock themselves in their home office, which means the other gets most of the responsibility with the pets and/or kids. Remember that such arguments start because the other person is very tired and stressed out, so try to be the calm and collected one, even if that means letting them vent their frustrations out on you for a few minutes. Do not tell them to calm down or start getting upset yourself – let them calm down gradually and then offer to help more. You can learn from tactics used when dealing with an aggravated customer. You can also work out an agreement, e.g. the tidier one can focus on household chores, while the other can focus on walking the dog, preparing dinner for the kids or taking them to the park.

          Being in a loving relationship is all about letting little things go, understanding what your partner needs and keeping a relatively level head during arguments. Just try to focus on the problem at hand without bringing up other things or digging up an issue from the past. That way you can allow the other person to vent, work something out and make some improvements in the future.

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          Ivan Dimitrijevic

          Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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          Last Updated on November 26, 2020

          How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

          How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

          As playwright Wilson Mizner supposedly said all the way back in the 1930s,

          “Be kind to everyone on the way up; you will meet the same people on the way down.”

          The adage is the perfect prototype for relationship building in 2020, although we may want to expand Mizner’s definition of “kind” to include being helpful, respectful, grateful, and above all, crediting your colleagues along the way.

          5 Ways to Switch on Your Relationship Building Magnetism

          Relationship building does not come easily to all. Today’s computer culture makes us more insular and less likely to reach out—not to mention our new work-from-home situation in which we are only able to interact virtually. Still, relationship building remains an important part of career engagement and success, and it gets better with practice.

          Here are five ways you can strengthen your relationships:

          1. Advocate for Other’s Ideas

          Take the initiative to speak up in support of other team members’ good ideas. Doing so lets others know that the team’s success takes precedence over your needs for personal success. Get behind any colleague’s innovative approach or clever solution and offer whatever help you can give to see it through. Teammates will value your vote of confidence and your support.

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          2. Show Compassion

          If you learn that someone whom you work with has encountered difficult times, reach out. If it’s not someone you know well, a hand-written card expressing your sympathy and hopes for better times ahead could be an initial gesture. If it’s someone with whom you interact regularly, the act could involve offering to take on some of the person’s work to provide a needed reprieve or even bringing in a home-cooked dish as a way to offer comfort. The show of compassion will not go unnoticed, and your relationship building will have found a foothold.

          3. Communicate Regularly

          Make an effort to share any information with team members that will help them do their jobs more effectively. Keeping people in the loop says a lot about your consideration for what others need to deliver their best results.

          Try to discover the preferred mode of communication for each team member. Some people are fine relying on emails; others like to have a phone conversation. And once we can finally return to working together in offices, you may determine that face-to-face updates may be most advantageous for some members.

          4. Ask for Feedback

          Showing your willingness to reach out for advice and guidance will make a positive impression on your boss. When you make it clear that you welcome and can accept pointers, you display candor and trust in what opinions your superior has to offer. Your proclivity towards considering ways of improving your performance and strengthening any working interactions will signal your strong relationship skills.

          If you are in a work environment where you are asked to give feedback, be generous and compassionate. That does not mean being wishy-washy. Try always to give the type of feedback that you wouldn’t mind receiving.

          5. Give Credit Where It’s Due

          Be the worker who remembers to credit staffers with their contributions. It’s a surprisingly rare talent to credit others, but when you do so, they will remember to credit you, and the collective credit your team will accrue will be well worth the effort.

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          How Does Relationship Building Build Careers?

          Once you have strengthened and deepened your relationships, here are some of the great benefits:

          Work Doesn’t Feel So Much Like Work

          According to a Gallup poll, when you have a best friend at work, you are more likely to feel engaged with your job. Work is more fun when you have positive, productive relationships with your colleagues. Instead of spending time and energy overcoming difficult personalities, you can spend time enjoying the camaraderie with colleagues as you work congenially on projects together. When your coworkers are your friends, time goes by quickly and challenges don’t weigh as heavily.

          You Can Find Good Help

          It’s easier to ask for assistance when you have a good working relationship with a colleague. And with office tasks changing at the speed of technology, chances are that you are going to need some help acclimating—especially now that work has gone remote due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

          Much of relationship building rests on your genuine expressions of appreciation toward others. Showing gratitude for another’s help or for their willingness to put in the extra effort will let them know you value them.

          Mentors Come Out of the Woodwork

          Mentors are proven to advance your professional and career development. A mentor can help you navigate how to approach your work and keep you apprised of industry trends. They have a plethora of experience to draw from that can be invaluable when advising you on achieving career success and advancement.

          Mentors flock to those who are skilled at relationship building. So, work on your relationships and keep your eyes peeled for a worthy mentor.

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          You Pull Together as a Team

          Great teamwork starts with having an “abundance mentality” rather than a scarcity mentality. Too often, workers view all projects through a scarcity mentality lens. This leads to office strife as coworkers compete for their piece of the pie. But in an abundance mentality mode, you focus on the strengths that others bring rather than the possibility that they are potential competitors.

          Instead, you can commit relationship building efforts to ensure a positive work environment rather than an adversarial one. When you let others know that you intend to support their efforts and contribute to their success, they will respond in kind. Go, team!

          Your Network Expands and So Does Your Paycheck

          Expand your relationship building scope beyond your coworkers to include customers, suppliers, and other industry stakeholders. Your extra efforts can lead to extra sales, a more rewarding career, and even speedy professional advancement. And don’t overlook the importance of building warm relationships with assistants, receptionists, or even interns.

          Take care to build bridges, not just to your boss and your boss’s boss but with those that work under you as well. You may find that someone who you wouldn’t expect will put in a good word for you with your supervisor.

          Building and maintaining good working relationships with everyone you come in contact with can pay off in unforeseen ways. You never know when that underling will turn out to be the company’s “golden child.” Six years from now you may be turning to them for a job. If you have built up a good, trusting work relationship with others along your way, you will more likely be considered for positions that any of these people may be looking to fill.

          Your Job Won’t Stress You Out

          Study shows that some 83 percent of American workers experience work-related stress.[1] Granted, some of that stress is now likely caused by the new pandemic-triggered workplace adjustments, yet bosses and management, in general, are reportedly the predominant source of stress for more than one-third of workers.

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          Having meaningful connections among coworkers is the best way to make work less stressful. Whether it is having others whom to commiserate with, bounce ideas off, or bring out your best performance, friendships strengthen the group’s esprit de corps and lower the stress level of your job.

          Your Career Shines Bright

          Who would you feel better about approaching to provide a recommendation or ask for promotion: a cold, aloof boss with whom you have only an impersonal relationship or one that knows you as a person and with whom you have built a warm, trusting relationship?

          Your career advancement will always excel when you have a mutual bond of friendship and appreciation with those who can recommend you. Consider the plug you could receive from a supervisor who knows you as a friend versus one who remains detached and only notices you in terms of your ability to meet deadlines or attain goals.

          When people fully know your skills, strengths, personality, and aspirations, you have promoters who will sing your praises with any opportunity for advancement.

          Final Thoughts

          At the end of the day, it is “who you know” not “what you know.” When you build relationships, you build a pipeline of colleagues, work partners, team members, current bosses, and former bosses who want to help you—who want to see you succeed.

          At its core, every business is a people business. Making a point to take the small but meaningful actions that build the foundation of a good relationship can be instrumental in cultivating better relationships at work.

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          Featured photo credit: Adam Winger via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] The American Institute of Stress: 42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics

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