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Last Updated on February 27, 2018

Average Couples See Chores as a Cornerstone, Happy Couples See Them as the Gem Stone

Average Couples See Chores as a Cornerstone, Happy Couples See Them as the Gem Stone

There’s nothing quite so frustrating as coming home from work to realize that your house is a mess, dinner needs to be cooked, and there’s a mountain of laundry for you to do. All of us spend time dealing with chores, but this scenario is even more frustrating when you arrive to find that mess and a partner who doesn’t seem to care about it.

Chores may seem trivial, but are a big deal

After faithfulness and sex, sharing household chores is one of the most important components of a successful marriage.[1] Many people hold a perception that a healthy relationship centers around the major milestones. Engagement, marriage, romantic dates, anniversaries, and gift-giving are obvious points of discussion in our relationships. These are big things because they seem to have the greatest impact on our lives with our significant others.

Some may think that it’s better to talk about work, what’s on TV, or what’s happening over the weekend instead of devoting some of the conversation to cleaning the house.

But think about it, about 80% of our lives are made up of chores. Everything–from what you eat to what you wear to how clean your house is–comes down to how proficient we are with our chores.

To put it into perspective, think about how much time you spend doing basic things like feeding yourself. If it takes you an hour to make a meal and you eat three meals every day, you’ll spend three hours on meal prep daily. Over the course of 365 days, that comes out to 1,095 hours, or 45 days in the kitchen.

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Even those clothes on your back create a serious time commitment. If you spend an average of an hour per day on washing and ironing, by the end of one year, you will spend 15 days on laundry. Cleaning your house for three hours per week takes 156 hours of your year, which comes out to nearly 7 days.

From these few tasks, we’re spending two months per year on chores. This isn’t even considering other duties such as child care, lawn care, or vehicle upkeep. If couples can’t agree on the chores, that means that they will spend at least two months of their year resenting their significant other for their lack of contributions to the household. Without a plan, the chores can quickly become overwhelming for at least one partner. Whenever there’s an imbalance, the relationship suffers.

Happy couples run a household like a business

Instead of waiting for the dishes to pile up, and allowing the resentment to stack up along with them, couples should enter into a business agreement about chores. The “business” is making a couple’s home run efficiently so that both of them can live happily in it.

Usually when couples don’t talk about the chores, one person ends up doing most of the work. They wind up managing the finances, making repairs, cooking, and cleaning. This is exhausting, and even the best partner is prone to becoming overwhelmed or making mistakes.

When one partner feels under-appreciated, he or she might lose motivation to continue with the business of running the household. This sentiment will ultimately erode the partnership.

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A fair distribution of responsibilities will help the business run smoothly. Both partners will feel that their needs are met, and they’ll be happy.

The first step in all of this is shining light on what you both do around the house. Chances are, you and your partner are both contributing to the household, but you don’t even realize it. When you show one another what you’re doing to make the house work, you can use chores to help you play as a team.

As the 5th and final stage of a romantic relationship, playing as a team makes you to unite as a common front. As a unit, you can work to achieve a happy, organized, and loving household. Read more about the 5 stages of love here: There Are 5 Stages Of Love, But Sadly Many Couples Stop At Stage 3

The process of figuring out who should do each chore will differ based on the couple’s needs. Both of you will need to decide on responsibilities at home, and it doesn’t matter whether you are the boss at work or the entry-level worker. You leave your rank at the door and become a business partner with a vested interest in your household as soon as you get home.

Talk about chores, bond with chores

I have a few tips to help couples to establish the ground-rules for the business of keeping up their house.

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1. Be clear about what needs to be done and when.

The more specific you are about what needs to be done, who will be doing this, and when it needs to be completed, the better. Each partner needs to talk about their expectations and priorities for the household. In addition to thinking about basic things like the who/what/when of doing the chores, spend some time talking about why it’s important to do these things and how the tasks should be completed.[2]

You both may have different expectations, and this could be a cause for bickering down the road. Prevent problems by talking through chores in detail. Make a list of what needs to be done, and identify which chores are the most loathsome for each partner. You can compromise so that neither of you is stuck doing chores that you can’t stand.

You wouldn’t run a business without discussing the various aspects of it’s day-to-day operation with your partner. When it comes to running your house, you should be just as explicit about what needs to be done.

2. Review and adjust your plans as necessary.

If you were running an actual business, you and your partner would work together to maximize strengths and work around weaknesses. You’d divide labor to get the best results. It’s worthwhile to periodically discuss whether you are accomplishing your tasks in the most efficient way possible. It works the same for chores.

Making a plan is only half the battle. You’ll need to revisit your plan from time to time to make sure that it’s still working. For example, if you partner has to work late on a major project this week, you might agree to temporarily take on more chores to assist.

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Checking in with one another prevents frustration. If you can work together to get more work done in an efficient manner, it’s going to make your relationship stronger.

3. Take time to acknowledge effort.

In business, leaders know that acknowledging hard work builds loyalty and mutual respect.[3] Loyalty and mutual respect are powerful components of a healthy romantic relationship as well. So at home, couples should acknowledge each other’s effort too.

Show your appreciation when your partner keeps up his or her half of the bargain. When you express your gratitude over the effort your partner exerts to make your home a nice place, you make them feel appreciated and motivated.

Run the chores or the chores run you

Instead of letting chores get out of hand until one partner grudgingly does them all, come up with a plan. Together, you and your partner can establish expectations that will lead you both to have a more comfortable home, and a more supportive relationship.

Chores may seem like little things, but they have so much influence that we ought to consider them big things. Work as a team to figure out how you will clear these tasks from your schedule in an efficient manner. You’ll have more time together, and you’ll appreciate one another more if you treat your household like a well-run business.

Reference

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Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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