Advertising
Advertising

5 Ways To Stop Fights In Relationships

5 Ways To Stop Fights In Relationships

When you experience fights on a consistent basis, your relationship can fall apart and the connection between you and your partner will break. Small arguments about who was supposed to do the dishes or take the kids to soccer practice can lead to big arguments that end in an all-out screaming match.

I know this is not what you want in your relationship. You want to be able to handle differences and misunderstandings in a way that is calm, collective and respectful. If you are committed to having a healthy and happy relationship, implementing ways to stop fights from ruining your relationship is key. Stress, frustration and differences between you and your partner are inevitable. It’s all about how you handle these differences as a team.

1. Be aware and understand your differences. 

Biologically, men and women are born differently. Men handle stress much differently than women. John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, explains the differences between men and women and how we can have loving, respectful and happy relationships with our partner.

Advertising

Personally, this book has helped my relationship with my husband. I understand his differences and he understands my differences. When men are stressed about something, they would prefer taking some quiet time alone to think and resolve their problems while women prefer talking about their problems in order to find solutions. This is just a one example. Without knowing these differences between men and women, we will continue to get into fights which can and may very well ruin the relationship.

Take the time to read this book and share your thoughts with your partner. Learn how you and your partner are different. It’s important to know how you’re different because you will become more mindful with how you handle arguments. This book has helped me better understand myself and better understand my husband. Implement the wisdom in the book, and you will notice your arguments decrease.

2. Take a “time out.”

When you are in a fight with your partner, you may say something that you don’t really mean. Because you are emotional and upset, it can be easy to just say whatever you feel without thinking if it will hurt your partner.

Advertising

When you catch yourself getting too emotional during a fight, take a step back and have a “time out”. It’s better to take time to cool off instead of continuing the fight and saying something you don’t really mean. When my husband and I experience an argument and I find myself getting too emotional, I take a step back and say that I need a “time out” from the argument. If my husband is experiencing the fight or flight response, he usually says that he needs some time to cool off. We wouldn’t get anywhere if we continued to point the fingers at each other and prove our point of view.

When you and your partner experience this, it is best to take a “time out” for a little while and get back to each other when the both of you are relaxed and calm. Maybe you would like to go for a walk or read. Find something else to do that will relax you so that you can get rid of the fight or flight response and think more rationally.

If one of you still wants to talk and not take a “time out”, it’s important for the person that wants a “time out” to express to their partner, “I love you. I will be back. I just need some time to cool off before I say something that I will regret.” You need to reassure your partner that you love them and that you will be back. When you have a fight with your partner, it’s crucial you make sure that you don’t do or say anything that you will regret. To avoid this from happening, make sure that you take a “time out” and reconnect when you are calm and collected.

Advertising

3. Open your ears and step into their shoes. 

The beauty about the human race is that we are all unique and have minds of our own. We are able to create our own philosophy and how we view life.

With that being said, your partner may have a different philosophy than you about different aspects of life. It’s important that you respect your partner’s philosophy. You can’t force your partner to have the same philosophy as you. A lot of couples try to change their partner, but wind up getting disappointed.

The only person you can change is yourself. Don’t be that person that has the philosophy of “My way or the highway.” Open your ears and step into your partner’s shoes when you are experiencing a disagreement. Open your ears and listen. Listen from their perspective. You may not agree with what they have to say, but be respectful and hear them out. When you are in a relationship, it’s not just about you. It’s about “us.” You have your philosophy and your partner has their philosophy. Be a good listener and step into their shoes.

Advertising

4. Decide today that you will not raise your voice.

It can be easy to raise your voice when you are in a fight with your partner. Because you are emotional and upset, raising your voice to prove your point can become second nature. This does nothing but add more fire to the flames. And the more fire there is, the harder it will be to put it out.

Decide and commit today that you will not raise your voice during an argument or disagreement. The last thing that you want to do is to hurt your partner. Be conscientious with the tone of your voice. If you catch yourself raising your voice, stop and lower your tone of voice. This can be a challenge, especially if you are experiencing the fight or flight response. Be more mindful and take a step back when you notice your voice raising. Not only will your partner appreciate this, but you are creating a good habit of not raising your voice.

5. Explore and get to the root of the hidden issues.

Does it seem like when you get into an argument with your partner, you fight about little things like not cleaning the litter box or watching too much TV? If the answer is yes, it’s likely there is a deeper issue in your relationship to blame.

A lot of couples try to fix surface-level issue such as jealousy, financial stress, communication, sex, religion, friends, children or in-laws. When you fix the surface level issues, the arguments may decrease, but only temporarily until a trigger causes another argument.

If you only fix surface level issues, you are not getting to the root of the problem. There is usually a deeper issue that needs to be resolved. You will continue to experience small arguments, which can ultimately ruin your relationship. Some hidden issues may include lack of affection, control, commitment, acceptance, trust, honesty, respect, and integrity. A way to stop fights in relationships is to get to the root of the problem and work as a team to resolve the issue.

More by this author

7 Things You Should Do To Stay Balanced And Happy When You’re Busy 10 Simple Ways To Keep A Fulfilling Relationship How To Lead The Quality Life You’ve Always Wanted Find Out How Not To Be Late Again With These Simple Steps 12 Powerful Habits of Happy Relationships

Trending in Communication

1 What Is Your Destiny in Life? How to Mindfully Achieve Your Purpose 2 7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck 3 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever 4 Meditation Can Change Your Life: The Power of Mindfulness 5 Understand Your Love Style & Learn to Love: Co Dependent Relationship

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

Advertising

When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

Advertising

I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

Advertising

No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

Advertising

If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

Read Next