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20 Things To Make A Relationship Last

20 Things To Make A Relationship Last

Are you and the crush of your dreams in the beginning stages of a new relationship? Are you worried that you aren’t sure how to make this relationship last? In this day and age, there are a lot of factors inside and outside of a relationship that can influence its outcome.  If you want to learn some tips on how you can help your relationship last, keep reading!

1. Burn your blueprint and script.

What this means is simply do not try to “plan” your relationship.  If you try to do this, the chances that something is not going to go like you wanted to is pretty high, and that could end what could have been a pretty fulfilling relationship.  Some of the best relationships are built on being spontaneous and passionate, and if you try to plan out how it’s going to work, it usually will not.

2. Forgive.

Everybody makes mistakes. This is a cold hard fact of life.  If you truly care about the person you are in a relationship with, you have to learn to forgive them for their mistakes.  Holding grudges toward one another is very toxic in a relationship, and is definitely not something you want to do if you want your relationship to last.

3. Be a good teammate.

Being in a relationship is a two-person job.  If you want your relationship to last, you cannot expect your partner to do all of the work.  This includes general housework (if you live together) to actually being the only one to contribute to the relationship physically and emotionally.  It’s a two-way street, and if it’s only running one way, its not going to last.

4. Grow together.

It is very important to grow as a couple.  That is how you find out if that person is the one for you.  You grow as a couple by spending time just talking and bonding with each other.  If you can’t grow or learn to grow in your relationship, it will not last.

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5. Adapt.

You obviously can not expect to have the all of the same ideas and beliefs as the person you are in a relationship with, so it is important to adapt if you want your relationship to last.  If you care about your boyfriend/girlfriend, this step should come pretty easily. Your partner’s little quirks or even religious beliefs may seem like a deal breaker, but if you have the ability to adapt, then your relationship has the amazing ability to go the distance.

6. Develop your own interests.

When in a relationship, it is important to develop your own interests.  You and your partner don’t have to express interest in all of the same things as each other; that would make things really boring, wouldn’t it?  This way, you guys will have more things to talk about and even more new things to try in your relationship.

7. Don’t keep score.

Relationships are not a game, so there is no reason to try to keep score.  This means, if you do something nice for your partner, or do something to help out, you don’t have to announce it to them just to get brownie points.  The same goes for if they make a mistake, or make you mad, you shouldn’t feel the need to hold it against them just to make yourself look better. This is probably one of the top reasons why relationships don’t last.  Nobody likes to feel like a loser in a relationship.

8. Practice self-awareness.

When you are in a relationship, you usually try to do whatever you can to make the other person happy, right?  Well, how are you supposed to make someone else happy, unless you know what makes YOU happy?  Practicing self awareness is a good way to know what makes you happy, and what makes you click so you can be the partner your significant other deserves.

9. Cultivate your finer qualities.

Work on the qualities that make you a better person.  It can be easy to do this in a relationship, because there are always opportunities to practice those qualities, like loyalty, compassion, and trust.

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10. Encourage each other.

I’m sure you don’t want to ever feel held back from doing certain things, or trying new things just because you are in a relationship, and neither does your partner.  Make sure you encourage your significant other to achieve any goals.

11. Offer solutions, not criticism.

If there is a problem that arises in your relationship with your partner, and they come to you for advice, offer advice that tries to help them actually solve the problem, and that doesn’t criticize them for what they have done, or what the situation is.

12. Compliment each other.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.  Complimenting your partner is such a simple way to show how much you really care about one another.  If you don’t do it, it could be easy for them to question what they really mean to you, or what you really think of them.

13. Respect space and time.

Spending time with your partner is always a good thing to help your relationship grow, but giving each other some space every now and then is another important factor in making a relationship last.  It gives yourselves time to grow as a person (self-awareness) as well as giving you that time to miss each other a little bit.

14. Remember to say “thank you.”

This is one of those golden rules mom always taught you.  These two simple words can mean a lot to someone. Saying “thank you” is such a simple way to make someone feel as if they are appreciated.  Ask yourself this question: would you stay in a relationship if you felt unappreciated?

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15. Admit that you are wrong.

We have all been in the situation where as much as you don’t want to admit it, you are wrong in some sort of disagreement.  Sometimes you should just swallow that pride of yours, and admit that you were wrong.  If your partner really cares, they will remember step 2, and forgive you.

16. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

If you need to talk about something with your partner, don’t hesitate to say what you need to say. If you are one to beat around the bush and hope that they will pick up on what you are trying to say, you can be lost in translation, which will usually end not in your favor.

17. Be romantic.

Surprise her with flowers.  Plan him a special night under the stars.  Do anything to show how much you really care about each other.  As redundant as this may sound, its a really important step in any relationship.

18. Respect his or her friends.

This is another big one.  If you are not a big fan of his/her friends, you are better off keeping that your little secret.  You don’t have to like them, but for the sake of your relationship, you should at the very least respect them.

19. Be affectionate.

Any girl I have ever met would agree that this is an extremely important factor in any relationship. Whether it is holding her hand, playing with his hair, or giving hugs and kisses, this is pretty much a no-brainer when it comes to making that girl or guy in your life happy.

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20. Mind your manners.

Another one of mom’s golden rules, you should always remember to mind your manners when you are with your partner.  You don’t want to gross them out by letting out big burps without saying excuse me, and for some people, that could very well be a deal breaker.

There is always a lot of work involved in maintaining a relationship with someone, but if you always remember how much they mean to you, it will not seem like work.  You can ask anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time—they wouldn’t trade it all for anything.

Featured photo credit: Shadow of couple holding hands/merilize via stockvault.net

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Michael Daws

Aircraft Painter, Sports & Lifestyle Blogger

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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