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20 Things To Make A Relationship Last

20 Things To Make A Relationship Last

Are you and the crush of your dreams in the beginning stages of a new relationship? Are you worried that you aren’t sure how to make this relationship last? In this day and age, there are a lot of factors inside and outside of a relationship that can influence its outcome.  If you want to learn some tips on how you can help your relationship last, keep reading!

1. Burn your blueprint and script.

What this means is simply do not try to “plan” your relationship.  If you try to do this, the chances that something is not going to go like you wanted to is pretty high, and that could end what could have been a pretty fulfilling relationship.  Some of the best relationships are built on being spontaneous and passionate, and if you try to plan out how it’s going to work, it usually will not.

2. Forgive.

Everybody makes mistakes. This is a cold hard fact of life.  If you truly care about the person you are in a relationship with, you have to learn to forgive them for their mistakes.  Holding grudges toward one another is very toxic in a relationship, and is definitely not something you want to do if you want your relationship to last.

3. Be a good teammate.

Being in a relationship is a two-person job.  If you want your relationship to last, you cannot expect your partner to do all of the work.  This includes general housework (if you live together) to actually being the only one to contribute to the relationship physically and emotionally.  It’s a two-way street, and if it’s only running one way, its not going to last.

4. Grow together.

It is very important to grow as a couple.  That is how you find out if that person is the one for you.  You grow as a couple by spending time just talking and bonding with each other.  If you can’t grow or learn to grow in your relationship, it will not last.

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5. Adapt.

You obviously can not expect to have the all of the same ideas and beliefs as the person you are in a relationship with, so it is important to adapt if you want your relationship to last.  If you care about your boyfriend/girlfriend, this step should come pretty easily. Your partner’s little quirks or even religious beliefs may seem like a deal breaker, but if you have the ability to adapt, then your relationship has the amazing ability to go the distance.

6. Develop your own interests.

When in a relationship, it is important to develop your own interests.  You and your partner don’t have to express interest in all of the same things as each other; that would make things really boring, wouldn’t it?  This way, you guys will have more things to talk about and even more new things to try in your relationship.

7. Don’t keep score.

Relationships are not a game, so there is no reason to try to keep score.  This means, if you do something nice for your partner, or do something to help out, you don’t have to announce it to them just to get brownie points.  The same goes for if they make a mistake, or make you mad, you shouldn’t feel the need to hold it against them just to make yourself look better. This is probably one of the top reasons why relationships don’t last.  Nobody likes to feel like a loser in a relationship.

8. Practice self-awareness.

When you are in a relationship, you usually try to do whatever you can to make the other person happy, right?  Well, how are you supposed to make someone else happy, unless you know what makes YOU happy?  Practicing self awareness is a good way to know what makes you happy, and what makes you click so you can be the partner your significant other deserves.

9. Cultivate your finer qualities.

Work on the qualities that make you a better person.  It can be easy to do this in a relationship, because there are always opportunities to practice those qualities, like loyalty, compassion, and trust.

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10. Encourage each other.

I’m sure you don’t want to ever feel held back from doing certain things, or trying new things just because you are in a relationship, and neither does your partner.  Make sure you encourage your significant other to achieve any goals.

11. Offer solutions, not criticism.

If there is a problem that arises in your relationship with your partner, and they come to you for advice, offer advice that tries to help them actually solve the problem, and that doesn’t criticize them for what they have done, or what the situation is.

12. Compliment each other.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.  Complimenting your partner is such a simple way to show how much you really care about one another.  If you don’t do it, it could be easy for them to question what they really mean to you, or what you really think of them.

13. Respect space and time.

Spending time with your partner is always a good thing to help your relationship grow, but giving each other some space every now and then is another important factor in making a relationship last.  It gives yourselves time to grow as a person (self-awareness) as well as giving you that time to miss each other a little bit.

14. Remember to say “thank you.”

This is one of those golden rules mom always taught you.  These two simple words can mean a lot to someone. Saying “thank you” is such a simple way to make someone feel as if they are appreciated.  Ask yourself this question: would you stay in a relationship if you felt unappreciated?

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15. Admit that you are wrong.

We have all been in the situation where as much as you don’t want to admit it, you are wrong in some sort of disagreement.  Sometimes you should just swallow that pride of yours, and admit that you were wrong.  If your partner really cares, they will remember step 2, and forgive you.

16. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

If you need to talk about something with your partner, don’t hesitate to say what you need to say. If you are one to beat around the bush and hope that they will pick up on what you are trying to say, you can be lost in translation, which will usually end not in your favor.

17. Be romantic.

Surprise her with flowers.  Plan him a special night under the stars.  Do anything to show how much you really care about each other.  As redundant as this may sound, its a really important step in any relationship.

18. Respect his or her friends.

This is another big one.  If you are not a big fan of his/her friends, you are better off keeping that your little secret.  You don’t have to like them, but for the sake of your relationship, you should at the very least respect them.

19. Be affectionate.

Any girl I have ever met would agree that this is an extremely important factor in any relationship. Whether it is holding her hand, playing with his hair, or giving hugs and kisses, this is pretty much a no-brainer when it comes to making that girl or guy in your life happy.

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20. Mind your manners.

Another one of mom’s golden rules, you should always remember to mind your manners when you are with your partner.  You don’t want to gross them out by letting out big burps without saying excuse me, and for some people, that could very well be a deal breaker.

There is always a lot of work involved in maintaining a relationship with someone, but if you always remember how much they mean to you, it will not seem like work.  You can ask anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time—they wouldn’t trade it all for anything.

Featured photo credit: Shadow of couple holding hands/merilize via stockvault.net

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Michael Daws

Aircraft Painter, Sports & Lifestyle Blogger

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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