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5 Ways To Keep Passion Alive In Relationships

5 Ways To Keep Passion Alive In Relationships

Why does it seem like as the years go by, the stress of life seems to just take over? We all face the stress of life and with this stress, our relationships can be affected . We are constantly making choices every single day. Some choices bring us closer to our partner while other choices bring us further apart. Before I share with you the top 5 ways to keeping passion alive in your relationship, I want to share with you my definition of passion: a deep and driving desire to fulfill a purpose that is caused by reason. In this case, we are talking about passion in your relationship. You must experience a deep and driving desire to fulfill a purpose that is caused by reason. Your purpose is to have a passionate relationship. Now, the question that I have for you is this: what is your reason?

1. Find your reason

When it comes to finding a reason to keep passion alive in your relationship, it all starts with how you feel about your partner. What are the positive traits that you most admire and respect about your partner? What attracted you to them in the first place? When a relationship develops and grows, it’s important for you to always keep in mind what brought you two together. When you are able to find out the reason behind keeping the passion alive in your relationship, you will always keep this reason in mind. When it comes to building a strong foundation in your relationship, it starts from the bottom up. Finding out your reason is where it all begins!

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2. Goals!

Have short and long term goals that the both of you can work on together. A lot of couples get into a rut of just doing their own thing. When you are able to work together towards a common goal, not only will you be spending quality of time together but also establishing a solid foundation for your relationship. Take the time with your partner and create goals that you want to accomplish together. This may be publishing a book or running a marathon. The importance of having and accomplishing goals together is that it allows you to spend time developing your relationship. Have goals that you are both passionate about. My husband and I are very passionate about our marriage. So one of our goals is to write and publish a book about what it takes to have a happy and long-lasting marriage. Find out what you two are passionate about and make goals to accomplish your passions!

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3. Know when to “turn off” work mode

After coming home from a long day of work, a lot of us just plop in front of the television. This will definitely not do you or your relationship any good.  One way to keep passion alive in your relationship is to be able to turn “off” work mode and be with your partner. When it comes having a stressful job, it’s easy to just get into this cycle of constantly thinking about work and getting burnt out. If you want to keep passion alive in your relationship, you need to make sure that when you are at home with your partner, you are with your partnerWhen you are at work, be at work. When you are at home, be at home. We tend to miss out on spending quality of time with our partner because our mind is still at work. Make sure that your mind is with your partner when you are at home.

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4. Go the extra mile

Men and women are different. When you have a clear understanding of these differences, make sure you go the extra mile in expressing your love. Find out the love language of your partner and express their love language every single day. If you want to keep the passion alive in your relationship, it takes work. It takes planning and going the extra mile when it comes to loving your partner. Find out how your partner feels most loved and make sure you express your love every day. When we get into the “rat race” it seems like going the extra mile takes effort and time. This effort and time will be what makes all the difference. When you take the time and effort of going the extra mile of loving your partner, you are establishing that strong foundation. You are expressing to your partner that you care and that you want to be connected with them. Going the extra mile is a great way to keep passion alive in your relationship.

5. Commitment

Commit to keeping the passion alive in your relationship. Make the mental decision that no matter what happens in life, you are 100% committed to keeping the passion alive. Having this commitment will be important during the rough times especially when life throws you curve balls. No matter what type of stress or frustration you experience, be committed to always expressing your love and affection to your partner.

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Tiffany Mason

Tiffany is a life coach empowering women to unleash their feminine essence & design a meaningful life & marriage.

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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