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10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Female Fitness Competitor

10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Female Fitness Competitor

Fit chicks are in and everybody knows it. They’re filling up our Instagram discovery feeds, and for good reason! Not only are they lean and chiseled, but they’re strong and dedicated as well. That being said, if you’ve been fortunate enough to land yourself a date with one of the most dedicated of fit chick types (a fitness competitor) there are some important things to note.
Maybe your wife or girlfriend is embarking on a new fitness competitor journey. Perhaps you’ve just met an amazing girl who just so happens to be a fitness competitor. Either way you’ll notice some interesting behavior that comes with the territory of competitive fitness. In the interest of helping you better understand this fabulous new female you’re about to meet, I’ve come up with a list of the top 10 things you should know before dating a fitness competitor. You’re welcome ;)

1. She’s hungry therefore she’s easily irritated

hangry

    Hangry is a real thing. If your fit girl seems a bit on edge, she’s probably just a half an hour out from her next meal. No worries though. Once she has her cup of Greek yogurt and a protein shake, she’ll be right back to her happy self.

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    2. No, she can’t “skip the gym today”

    Each competitor’s training schedule will be different. Some women get a rest day while others use this day for extra cardio. This will depend on their coach and their goals. Either way, if she has plans to go to gym, it’s because she actually HAS to go. If she skips shoulders, she misses an opportunity to grow. She could always make this up later in the week, but that means a 3-hour gym visit on Wednesday – not fun.

    3. She’s like a shape shifter…every 4 weeks you’ll see changes

    This is an exciting part. Fitness competitors see significant change every four weeks or so. You’ll notice her arms getting stronger, her legs getting leaner, and her abs getting ripped! When you notice something, say something. She may not see these changes herself, so it helps when others point them out to keep her motivated.

    4. She gets one cheat meal, let’s not push that

    Cheat meals are an interesting thing. Depending on her program, she may or may not have one once a week. Trying to talk her into eating more cheat meals than her plan allows for will only throw her off track. She’ll let you know when she has a cheat meal, otherwise, don’t try to talk her into an ice cream outing or a pizza party.

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    5. She’s tired. Going out on a Tuesday isn’t her thing anymore

    On top of whatever else she has going on with work, school, etc., she’s got 2+ hours to put in at the gym at least 5 days a week. Even a quick get together after her PM workout can seem as exhausting as running a marathon. Understand that her saying no to a night out because she’s tired doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not interested. In fact, she might just prefer a night in with you and Netflix.

    6. Someone needs to take her progress pics…it’s not fun

    If she asks you to take her progress pics, you’re definitely moving up in terms of trust…this is a good thing. There’s just one drawback – it’s not fun. The time you’ll spend getting a “good” picture from three angles will take much longer than you ever thought possible. She’ll need to try different ways of flexing and posing to highlight her progress in each image. Bear with her, and don’t forget to tell her how fabulous she looks!

    7. Sundays are for meal prep

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    meal prep

      No matter your plans for Sunday fun day, meal prepping needs to be included. The amount of time this can take varies by her method of cooking and how many days in advance she cooks. There will be lots of rice, chicken, and veggies, but no eating, just stuffing it into Tupperware – strange, but necessary.

      8. Tupperware is everywhere

      Speaking of Tupperware, she’ll have it everywhere! In the car, in the kitchen, at her office desk, and maybe even in her gym bag. This is because she’s toting around 2-3 Tupperware containers on a daily basis. They land in strange places before finally making it to the dishwasher at the end of the day.

      9. She chooses restaurants carefully

      You want to go to Olive Garden, but something about pasta and bottomless bread sticks just doesn’t seem to fit with her whole “low carb” thing. Work with her to find a place that offers tasty options with lean meat and veggies. She can still eat out, she just prefers restaurants with fewer temptations (i.e., bread sticks!) and more options for low carbs and high protein.

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      10. She’s extremely loyal and dedicated in all aspects of life

      All of these points may have you a bit scared. Fortunately, dating a fitness competitor offers more opportunities to make up for the craziness than flaunting some pretty sweet eye candy at the pool this season. You’ve landed yourself a woman with drive, persistence, and best of all, loyalty. She takes pride in her appearance and is willing to work hard to keep a good thing going. In other words, when she commits, you know you can trust her to do what it takes to maintain a happy relationship for both of you.

      Featured photo credit: Gorgeous young woman using dumbbells to work on her triceps. Lots of copy space via shutterstock.com

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      Last Updated on October 16, 2018

      How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

      How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

      She could hear her beautiful baby crying but was frozen in the doorway unable to move. The crying got worse and she knew that unless she comforted the infant soon the baby would be inconsolable, and yet her feet wouldn’t move. She didn’t look at the cot but the floor in front, where the venomous hairy monster sat before her…. .okay it was a UK spider so not likely to kill her at all, and yet still her body was frozen as the tears fell down her face. “What a useless mother you are” she berated herself.

      That awful mother was me 14 years ago. My fear of spiders had not been controlled for years and I was at the stage where I wouldn’t open a newspaper until my husband had read it and removed the images of spiders. I hated houses that had wooden floors or skirting boards because every knot in the wood could be a spider about to crawl across me.

      At the height of my fear, I tried to get out of a moving car. Clearly this harmless 8-legged creature had massive levels of power over me but now that fear is gone, I’m never going to love spiders but I’m not going to leave the room because of one and I can read the word without freaking out and sobbing.

      If you think that fear is irrational, what about the fear of going to airports? Or the fear of not asking for help?

      Today I want to look at how our irrational fears impact on us, how they can destroy (and I don’t use that word lightly) our success. They can damage our health and even stop us from living our lives. And then I’ll share the benefits of fighting that fear and most importantly how you can fight your fears too.

      How irrational fears impact your life

      The thing about irrational fears is that we are not keen to look at them. It makes us feel inadequate, weak and daft because we can’t do things that it seems everyone else can. That gives the fear power.

      Fear loves negative emotions and saps up yours making your fear bigger and uglier and even more powerful. Not ideal to say the least. Fears can cause us to:

      • Avoid situations where that fear may have to be faced. Dodging parties, new jobs, new experiences where we aren’t sure we will be able to protect ourselves.
      • Stop us from sleeping for fear the thing we fear will “get us in the night.” For me this was massive, and I stopped sleeping which had massive implications when my job was to look after a toddler and a baby. I felt half dead most of the time!
      • Feel ill with the stress. Stress can be the cause of wrong decisions. Drinking alcohol when we shouldn’t, eating chocolate because it makes us feel better, the list of excuses is long that we hold on to so that we can avoid the cause of our stress.
      • Cause more distress as our minds overload us with negative thoughts of inadequacy. This can damage our confidence. Having coached thousands, I know that a lack of confidence is usually the underlining impactor on most people’s success across all areas of their lives.
      • Risk looking aloof or arrogant because we won’t participate like other people. Our fears can even isolate us in our personal and professional lives too.
      • Feel debilitated. Needless to say, these fears may look irrational and shouldn’t exist to the outside world but to the sufferer they are debilitating. Even impacting on their earning potential, love life, hobbies, travels and personal and professional success.

      Why bother to fight the fear

      Couldn’t you just ensure you live your life in way that you don’t have to deal with your fear?

      I had a client that was so scared of flying that they couldn’t even take their partner to the airport, another who had avoided public speaking for over 20 years and yet now at the height of their profession they had no choice, what were they going to do? Quit? There was another who could never ask for help and another who feared people finding out who they really were.

      All these fears and many more can be fixed but only if we can appreciate the benefits of fighting the fear.

      Let’s look at the benefits of fighting your fears:

      If you’re going to change the way you do something, something that has impacted on your life, thoughts and actions for years, it can be hard to believe change is possible.

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      The first thing you must do is give yourself a big enough reason why. Go back through your life and remember all the occasions that this fear was there.

      I can still see the spider trapped in my hair because it had obviously been on my hairdryer. I also remember that I probably looked ludicrous in the South of France in my underwear running down the lane screaming and flinging my hair everywhere. The poor spider had not only been flung a long way from my head but was probably destroyed in the flight.

      Remember the feelings, the actions, the negative feelings you felt afterwards, for me it meant that every time I picked up a hairdryer I could see a spider crawling towards my ear in my hair. Guess how helpful that was for reinforcing my reactions and irrational fear?

      Really experience the fear. Make it so painful that you probably notice your heart racing, your shoulders drawing up and your breath changing. That fear is causing physical change in your body, doesn’t feel good does it?

      When the irrational fear is challenged and destroyed, it can’t have power over you. So new opportunities can come your way and instead of fearing them and what people will think of you for your choices, you can be open to;

      • New hobbies
      • New travels
      • New opportunities
      • More success
      • Financially more secure
      • Happier
      • Healthier
      • Confident

      The list is long so what can you do to get rid of your fears?

      How to fight your irrational fears

      In my book Fight the Fear: How to Beat Your Negative Mindset and Win in Life, I cover 12 of the biggest fears that I see impact on success and happiness. Not all of these are obvious but they all have far reaching impacts on our lives.

      Here are some of those ideas to help you fight your fear and get more of what you want out of life:

      Why did this happen?

      For some people they really need to know why the fear started, for others all they want is to get rid of it. If you need to understand yours then don’t skip this tip. Learn how your fears are made and appreciate where yours came from. If you don’t care how it arrived, you can jump to top tip 2.

      I’ve seen some clients who are not prepared to look at how to get rid of the fear until they’ve understood how it got here in the first place. It’s not my place to tell them that is right or wrong, just to help them find the right steps to lead them to a happy path.

      When a fear first starts, we don’t acknowledge a fear has entered our lives. It is only after a few occasions that we begin to notice that there’s a strong negative emotion connected to this “thing”. That’s how fear is allowed to grow because as humans we have in-built responses that have kept us safe for our entire existence. This means we are meant to perceive fear and either run or fight, either way our bodies jump into action creating physical responses to the perceived threat.

      Look for when you first noticed the fast heart beat, the shallow breathing, the shaking hands, the redness. You have created an automatic way of dealing with this fear. It could be that it felt sensible to fear this because you had an unhappy outcome, although it is usually the case that your head has the facts and your heart is not prepared to hear them as it creates a version of the event that is far scarier than it actually was.

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      Learning how to remove the emotions and feelings will help you to change your body’s response. The first time I fixed someone’s fear of public speaking, they told me that it physically closed their throat, I worried that was it possible with words to change our physicality? The answer was yes! With the tools and techniques I share below.

      The tool kit

      From the many people that have contacted me after reading Fight the Fear to my clients, I know for even myself creating a tool kit is a must. This is not a bag that you physically must haul everywhere. This is about learning tools that really resonate with you so that when you can feel the fear start to impact on you, you’ve got your kit ready to take it on.

      I don’t have the space in one article to share all of those tools so let’s visit a few:

      1. Why I’m awesome

      Creating a 2-page handwritten document of why you are awesome can help. This document will be packed with achievements, successes, overcoming adversity and all of those will be full of positive emotions, actions and feelings. It is not easy to write, and I get many messages telling me so however it is a powerful reminder that you can stand up and accomplish.

      2. Draw out your emotions

      Earlier we looked at how irrational fears can damage every aspect of our lives. If you were to follow the negative spiral down you can follow the positive spiral up again.

      I draw these individually for clients and with each action, thought or feeling we put an arrow between them. Each arrow is an opportunity to do something different. If we know that irrational fear is an automatic thought process, then we can start to see that we need to think, do or feel something different. Top tip 3 will help with that.

      3. Acknowledge that you need to change

      It’s not easy to change, and that is a belief that many hold. Top tip 4 could assist further, however for this tip, remember that when you want to do, think or feel differently, you’ve already achieved the first step and that is recognizing something must change (you don’t need to know what). But if you aren’t sure yet if there’s really something different you want to do, this story about Nancy may help you to figure it out.

      Then it’s about acknowledging it. That means not only accepting it but feeling that it is yours to take on and change.

      Then for 2 weeks, decide that you won’t allow the thought to be in your head. There are usually some negative thoughts allowed to fester in your head. At this stage, just say “No I’d like you to stop.” After 2 weeks choose a new thought that you would prefer to hear in your head, maybe “I can cope with situations that scare me” or “I am stronger than I know”.

      There will be times when you fail. Don’t berate yourself because that is another negative thought you are allowing your head to process. Just start again and at times like that have a read of your “Why I’m awesome list”.

      4. Choose your words carefully.

      I’ve heard many clients tell me that “It’s going to be hard to change” “I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t petrified” or “This is a lot to ask”. Any thought that gives power to your fear takes away power from you to fight it. Therefore, choose how you word your goal to overcome your fear carefully.

      Think thoughts like “I remember when I achieved xxxx and that reminds me I’m far tougher and more capable than I give myself credit for”. (Take the xxx from your why I’m awesome document.)

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      5. Believe that you have the control power

      The only person that can control what we think and feel is us. I know it can feel like other people are impacting on us, however they can only do that if we give them permission to do so.

      If you really think about that for a moment, can you see that you have the right to think and feel anything you want right now? I’m certain you wouldn’t choose pain, fear or anxiety. So, what would you choose to think about your fear?

      6. Put up physical reminders

      Working one to one, I can find the fear, work through it and create a tool kit of thoughts, feelings and actions that will help them fight that fear and get rid of it. For some, they don’t need physical things to help them; others do.

      For example, the CEO who was petrified of public speaking but could handle a conference call with 300 without a second thought, imagined the microphone was a phone when they spoke in front of 400 people to help reinforce the positive thoughts and ideas we’d created.

      Or the client that always worried that they were an imposter and “someone else can do this better” pinned on their office wall a tag cloud of all the words that made up their “Why I’m awesome document”.

      So they had a daily reminder. They were the right one for the job and they could do it. These daily reminders all come down to one key point — help you to Hack the Habit Loop.

      What would be your visual clues to remind you that you can overcome this?

      7. Physical supports

      Music, environment and even smells can impact on us. Know the music that makes you feel alive and ready for anything. Try aromatherapy oils to feel positive and energised. Even choose your work environment or clothing to empower you.

      Changing these things is physical and giving yourself physical ideas to action can help power up your emotional state too.

      8. Don’t go it alone

      The fear to ask for help is very real (and has a whole chapter in my book) so I know people really struggle with this. The fact is we all need people. We are not insular by design and as such it can be tough to admit that you have a fear impacting on you.

      However, by sharing your fear with a trusted friend, colleague or loved one can mean that when you are feeling the fear. you can talk to someone. It could be that you share with them the contents of your tool kit and ask their permission to be added to it. That way they know what works for you and how to best support you.

      It’s not a sign of weakness to tell people about your fear. It takes massive levels of strength to say, “I have this fear, and I want to get rid of it.”

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      9. Get physical

      One of the reasons that a fear can escalate is because we have come to accept that response. Our body reacted in a certain way, once repeated the behaviour and it became a formed habit that was accepted.

      Challenging a fear can be done using our body too when we appreciate that fear is actually a reaction inside our bodies. We don’t need to understand where in our brains or what chemicals are racing through us to use our physicality to help us challenge our fears.

      When I was writing my book, the Cuddy Superhero pose was proved and disproved by various researchers around the world 3 times. Whether it’s real or not, the fact is the way we stand, the way we breathe and even the speed at which we speak can impact on us as well as those around us.

      If you have a fear of public speaking or a fear of people thinking you are stupid or a fear of what people are thinking you can look at how you speak, stand and move. If you compare these with people you deem confident and happy in these situations, how do you look? What can you learn?

      The research around placebo’s reinforces us that if it feels like it is working, then keep doing it! What could you use to help reinforce your power and fearlessness?

      A little fear can be good

      As someone famous once says:

      “It is not fear, it is performance energy.”

      Despite having an absolute hatred of public speaking 10 years ago, I now love an audience and yet I have a healthy level of fear. That level of fear says “Are you well prepared?” “Do you know your audience?” “Have you rested your voice?” “You really want to deliver to this audience what they need” And those thoughts are sensible.

      And just remember, it’s never ever too late to face your fear and do what you desire most! It’s even possible to start over your life no matter what stage of life you’re at. Here’s the proof:

      How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

      So as you reduce your fear, be aware of a good level of fear.

      Featured photo credit: Isaiah Rustad via unsplash.com

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