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Last Updated on December 1, 2020

3 Hidden Reasons Why You Fail at What You Do

3 Hidden Reasons Why You Fail at What You Do

Why do I fail at everything? If you’ve ever asked yourself this question, join the club!

Failure is a normal part of life. It comes with the territory of being a human being on planet Earth.

Think about something in your life that you really want to accomplish but haven’t yet been able to achieve. We’ve all failed at something in our lives. However, some people are better at failing than others.

The problem is that we live in a world where success is put on a pedestal, while failure is looked down upon. The line of thinking is that if you’ve failed, there must be something wrong with you.

This is so far from true. Failing at one thing doesn’t mean that your entire life is one big failure. The only true failure in life is when you stop trying.

Failure Is a Precursor for Success

Success isn’t built on success. Rather, success is built on failures. The more you learn what doesn’t work, the closer you get to figuring out what does.

In effect, messing up makes you a smarter and wiser person. Research has found that experiencing failure leads to richer mental models than experiencing success does[1].

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The most successful people in this world have failed massively. In actuality, they fail more than they succeed.

As Michael Jordan famously said:

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

The only way to change what isn’t working in your life is to get to the truth. This can be painful for a lot of people. It requires that you drop your excuses. Nobody wants to come face-to-face with their mess, but it’s necessary if you want to level-up your life.

I am a firm believer that the truth will always set you free, even when it makes you feel uncomfortable.

When you know the reasons why you’re failing time and time again, you will be empowered to do something different. This is the moment at which you can start turning your failure into a powerful plan of action.

3 Reasons Why You Fail at What You Do

Failure can be the result of many different factors, but here are three of the most common impediments to success.

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1. You Aren’t Taking Responsibility for Your Life

If you want to fix any problem in your life, you have to be willing to own it. Yes, life can be unfair. I know how tempting it can be to blame others or the world for your problems. However, that mindset won’t get you anywhere.

You cannot be the driver of your life and the CEO of your mind if you are constantly deflecting blame elsewhere. This is the fastest way to lose your power. You will continue to fail in life if you don’t take responsibility for what happens to you.

Drop the excuses and take ownership of every action you take and every thought you think. If you can do that, I promise that you will start thriving.

Part of the power of taking responsibility for your actions is that you silence the negative, unhelpful voice in your head[2]. When you do this, you have more mental space to think empowering thoughts about success instead of disempowering thoughts about failure.

2. You Don’t Believe in Yourself Enough

Belief is the foundation of everything in life. The most mind-blowing achievements would never have transpired without the belief that they were possible.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you will only sabotage your efforts and continue to come up short. The act of failing will affirm your limiting belief that you’re a failure and not deserving of success, and the cycle of destructive thinking will continue.

This is why it’s so important that you become an active observer of your thoughts and start to identify the core beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

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Core beliefs capture our fundamental view of the world, other people, and ourselves. Some common limiting beliefs include, “I’m a failure,” “I’m not enough,” or “I don’t deserve success”[3].

Question every single thought that you have. Once you become aware that you are separate from the voice inside of your head, your negative thoughts will grow weaker and weaker, and your self-belief will grow stronger and stronger.

If you find this particularly difficult, try starting a meditation practice to make space in your mind for positivity.

3. You Give up Too Quickly

Nothing of value in life comes easy. Every day there are people in this world who do the impossible. Have you ever wondered why this happens? Simple. These people don’t give up.

Even when all of the cards are stacked against them, they persevere. If you give up the moment that you encounter a challenge, you’ve adopted a dabbler mentality. The dabbler always fails.

This is someone who never finishes what they start. They jump from one thing to the next in hopes that things will be easier. Not surprisingly, they encounter the same reality.

Conversely, the master is someone who commits to everything. If this person can’t find a way, he or she creates a way. These types of people turn every failure into an opportunity for growth.

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You will fail. That’s a guarantee. All that matters is how you react when you do. The next time you feel like giving up, I want you to think about why you started in the first place.

I am going to bet that you have invested too much time, energy, and sacrifices to throw in the towel so easily. If you keep going and never stop fighting for your dreams, I promise that your future self will thank you for it.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I fail at everything?” reflect on the above reasons.

The only person that is standing in the way of your success is you. If you want to be successful, you have to get comfortable with failure.

Even more, you have to seek out failure because this is where you will find life’s greatest lessons. Extract those lessons and use your pain as motivation.

In the words of the late, great, Maya Angelou:

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Are you ready to rise above your failures and step into your power?

More Tips on Overcoming Failure

Featured photo credit: DANNY G via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Ashley Elizabeth

Resilience Mastery Coach and Motivational Speaker

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

8 Time-Tested Confidence Buildinng Habits You Can Start Now

8 Time-Tested Confidence Buildinng Habits You Can Start Now

Confidence is one of the greatest things you can learn and practice. But it can be confusing, overwhelming and hard. It is a skill and it does take practice but by making some things into habits, you can help your confidence blossom. 

Confidence is “a belief in one’s own self and one’s ability to succeed.” It is made by a simple process:

First, you have to want to achieve a goal or improve, then you are afraid of the change. But you do it anyway, fail and do it over again over until one day, you aren’t afraid of it anymore. You are confident in your ability to succeed at a task.

Just like learning to ride a bike or any skill really, you took a deep breathe and you tried, you fell off your bike and cried, but eventually, you got back on.

Until one day, you cycle without even thinking that you are going to fall off. It is same for any area of your life, if you want to be more self confident, do more things that scare you and incorporate these 8 essential habits into your daily life.

1. Reminding Yourself of Your Victories

Stop reminding yourself of your failures that you habitually do it — putting yourself down, criticizing yourself and over-exaggerating your failures. It is time to draw a line in the sand and start letting that old mindset go, it is undermining your confidence.

It’s scary and new and you may feel afraid, but it is the best choice you will make. Instead of reminding yourself of your failures and how you aren’t good enough, remind yourself of your wins, all you have overcome. Remind yourself of all the good you have done and all the good you can do.

Focus solely on the positive and what you can do and when the hating thoughts come up, just let them pass by or argue with them.

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If it says “you aren’t good enough.” You say “actually I am.”

“You aren’t perfect.” You say “No I am not perfect but that is more than good enough, I am enough just as I am, I don’t have to be perfect.”

Your confidence depends on it so get into the habit of reminding yourself that actually, you are pretty great and have a lot of reasons to be confident.

2. Ask Yourself: What Did You Learn?

Moving forward with changing your inner narrative, you have to start to ask the question: What did I learn?

With practicing confidence, you come across a lot of failure. Instead of beating yourself up and going “why me?” Ask yourself:

“What did I learn? How did that not work? What can I do better?”

Nothing undermines your confidence more than you beating yourself up all the time. Instead of focusing on how you have failed and not achieved the result you wanted, make it a habit to ask yourself questions so the next time around, you can try again from a new angle. Ask yourself how you fell off the bike so next time, you can avoid potholes.

By getting in the habit of questioning your failures instead of bullying yourself, your confidence will become unbreakable because failure won’t shatter your confidence. Just keep learning and keep moving forward.

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3. Don’t Judge Others

This is such a key habit when it comes to building confidence. When we judge others, especially negatively, we create a negative cycle in our head that encourages insecurity. When you judge someone negatively, it makes you think that someone else is negatively judging you. Breeding this type of insecurity will only ever undermine your self esteem and confidence.

People are wonderful but they aren’t perfect. It isn’t their job to perfectly adhere to the way you want the world to be. So to put it simply, don’t judge and let people be as they are. Don’t get caught in that negative mental cycle.

On the flip side of this, you have to understand that people are going to judge you and that their opinion of you, is none of your business. You can’t control how other people choose to see you, you can only control how you judge others. Don’t play a game you can’t win by trying to control other people’s thoughts. It’s like trying to play chess underwater at night. If you tried really hard, it could possibly be done but what is the point.

4. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

If you want to get into a habit that will help you become more confident, this is it. Everything you want is on the other side of your comfort zone; this applies to confidence.

You gain confidence by challenging yourself and overcoming obstacles. Don’t shy away from challenges and things that make you uncomfortable. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Get into the habit of saying “Oh this makes me uncomfortable, better tackle it head on then” and get in the habit of saying Yes and No: Saying Yes to things you would like to do even if it scares you and No to things you would not like to do.

By saying Yes to things you enjoy and challenge you, you grow in confidence as you overcome them. By saying No to things you don’t want to do, things that bring your down or make you feel low, confidence can also bloom. By standing up for yourself, you assert yourself and your self confidence can blossom.

5. Have the “I Can Handle It” Mindset

This is a beautiful habit to get into in general and it will help your confidence bloom and your anxiety go down.

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Get into the habit of having a I Can Handle It Mindset. You have overcome so many things in your life but we still have the overwhelming fear that we can’t handle bad things coming your way.

But you can, you can handle it because you have handled it time and time again. Stop telling yourself that you can’t and start telling yourself that you can. Whatever comes your way, whatever adversity. You Can Handle It. With this habit, confidence can blossom and grow because you are unstoppable.

6. Find Validation From Within

If you rely on other people for constant validation and praise to give you a confidence boost, you will struggle. As soon as they don’t validate you, you will feel less confident than before. This is whyThe Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected.

Get in the habit of validating yourself, whatever you want to hear from someone else, say it to yourself. When you accomplish something, pat yourself on the back, don’t go looking for outward validation. This simple change of supporting yourself and search within for the support you need will help your confidence bloom!

There is one very simple logic to this, your happiness and your confidence are your responsibility. Why would you put your life in the hands of someone else? It isn’t their job to make you happy or validated, it is yours. You also can’t control them at all, which means your confidence and self worth are completely out of your control.

Change that. Find support and validation from within – Don’t Wait for People to Praise You. Do It Yourself Every Single Day.

7. Get Fit

Fitness is the perfect habit to get into if you want to grow confidence because everytime you go, you get better. You grow, you learn new things, you fail and then you amaze yourself with what your body can do, over and over again.

Nothing has helped my confidence bloom as much as taking up a sport. There are so many options for you. Running is the perfect example, the first one is awkward, hard and exhausting. But the next run is a little easier, a week later, you start looking forward to it and then finally, you are running 5K without stopping.

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If you want to get into a habit that reminds you that you are capable, find a sport that interests you and start.

8. Practice Gratitude

Now this isn’t groundbreaking I know, but gratitude is such an important habit to get into if you want to be more confident.

When you practice gratitude, you put yourself in a much better headspace which will in turn, help you feel more confident. Most importantly, when your confidence gets knocked by something or someone, you can always come back to gratitude and be happy for all that you have. It helps keep you aligned and focused on all the good and positive in your life, stopped all the negativity from creeping in and keeping you down.

If you practice gratitude once a day, your life will change because it reminds you of the reality that you are good enough as you are — that is never up for debate.

Try these 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

Final Thoughts

These habits might be small but they can create an intense boost to your confidence and your rebound when you have had your confidence knocked. You are exceptional and you should be confident in your ability to do things and in who you are.

If you are still struggling with that, spend some time working out what you’re afraid of and go and do it right now, overcome it and remember that you are unstoppable.

More Confidence Boosting Tips

Featured photo credit: Olivier Rule via unsplash.com

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