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Last Updated on December 1, 2020

7 Reasons Why You Keep Failing in What You Do

7 Reasons Why You Keep Failing in What You Do

Success always starts with failure. Successful people tell their stories about how they failed and how they turned these failures into success, and one day you will, too. If you find yourself asking, “Why do I keep failing?” then keep reading.

Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is courage that counts.” Our courage is born from the actions we choose to take when we face our failures and we reflect on what we have learned.

The path to success is not straightforward, and getting things right all the time is not realistic or helpful. Failure is a learning experience that shows us how not to do things, and it gives us the opportunity to keep fixing what we are doing wrong until we get it right.

Your failures are your learning opportunities. Thomas Edison said,

“I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”

He did find one way that did work for one of his famous inventions, and that was the electric lamp.

Failure offers you the opportunity to grow, to become wiser and smarter than you were before. However, if you are not using the opportunities that your failures offer you, then you will never be able to achieve the success you want in life.

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Here are 7 reasons why you may feel like you are failing in everything you do. Address these 7 reasons and you will find that instead of experiencing constant failure, you will be achieving more in life.

1. Fear of Failure

Being afraid of failure paralyzes us. When we feel like we are failing all the time, we begin to see failure as something that is designed to punish us[1]. This is not a great mindset to have when you are presented with an opportunity. If you have a fear of failure, then you are setting yourself up to fail before you have even started.

2. Wanting Too Much Too Quickly

Social Media has a huge influence on how we live our lives. There are thousands and thousands of people on social media describing their incredibly successful lives with very short snips of video and lots of pictures of their material wealth: flashy houses, cars, planes, clothes, shoes, boats, and the list goes on.

We are constantly exposed to the concept that success is in the palm of our hand and all we have to do is go get it.

The message we get told over and over is that you can have anything if you dream big. That is the first mistake we make—we go dream big and set incredibly challenging goals, and when we don’t get the results we hoped for, we become very discouraged and give up.

There is no problem with aiming high and dreaming big. What you do need to take into consideration when aiming high, however, is the amount of effort, dedication, and work it takes each day to get even close to your goals.

Instant results are not realistic, so be very aware that the goals you set to reach the mountain top are realistic and achievable, one step at a time, not 100 steps at once.

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3. Lack of Planning

“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” -Benjamin Franklin

Lack of planning works hand in hand with wanting too much too quickly. To achieve your dreams and goals in life, you need to have a plan. No plan means you are less likely to succeed. A plan gives your direction, keeps you on track, and holds you accountable.

A good plan will have attainable, measurable, specific goals all heading in a direction that will take you closer to achieving your goals. Also, think about and be prepared for the challenges and obstacles you may face, and have a plan to manage these as well.

4. Giving up Too Easily

Giving up is the number one reason why people fail. The road to success is tough, and there are a lot of bumps along the way. When you experience failure or rejection, it becomes easier to give up.

The next time you want to give up, remember that you are not your failures. Don’t attach your success to the project that failed or the rejection you experienced.

Reset your mind and use your power of choice to determine what you do next—nobody else has that power over you!

5. Resistance to Seeking Advice and Help

“Never let your ego get in the way of asking for help when in desperate need. We have all been helped at a point in our lives.” Edmond Mbiaka

The journey to achieving your dreams and goals in life can not be done alone—this is not a solo journey! One reason why you are feeling like you fail at everything you do can be because you are reluctant to get feedback from people or seek help.

Constructive feedback is important to hear as it offers you a different perspective on what you are doing and what you are hoping to achieve. It may be that what you believe is right, others don’t, and that’s okay. However, it is always good to know why they think that way.

In situations where you are confronted with hardship and failure, it is important to seek feedback and advice. What they tell you might be uncomfortable to hear, but if it is constructive feedback, it will help you gain insight and learn important lessons about how to move forward in your life rather than going backwards.

6. Not Learning From Past Mistakes

Important lessons are learned from the mistakes you make. However, these lessons are irrelevant if you choose to ignore them. The consequence of you ignoring those lessons is that you will keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again until you finally get the message—or not!

Don’t bury your mistakes. Spend time reflecting on what went wrong for you and what you learned about that experience. Find out what did not work, and then figure out what you can do to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

7. Not Believing in Yourself

You can be the most intelligent and talented person in the room, but if you don’t believe in yourself, then failure rather than opportunities will dominate your life.

What separates successful people from unsuccessful people is that successful people believe in themselves. They believe they can achieve the goals they set and that they can deal with the challenges and obstacles that will confront them.

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If you are constantly seeking reasons for why things are not working for you or have a habit of blaming anyone or anything but yourself, that is a definite sign that you have to work on your self-belief.

When you start backing yourself and believing in you and what you can achieve, you will be less likely to give up. Instead, your conviction will fuel you to find that solution that will work for you.

Our power of choice is the only thing we can really control. We can choose to allow failure to discourage us, or we can choose to use the experiences of failure to strengthen our determination to keep moving forward.

The Bottom Line

Once you choose to take action and eliminate these 7 reasons that are blocking you from living a successful life, you will find that success replaces failure, and you will naturally have more self-belief in what you can achieve.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” -Henry Ford

More Tips on Overcoming Failure

Featured photo credit: Matias Malka via unsplash.com

Reference

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Kathryn Sandford

Career Resilience Coach passionate about supporting others to grow and thrive in a complex world.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

8 Time-Tested Confidence Buildinng Habits You Can Start Now

8 Time-Tested Confidence Buildinng Habits You Can Start Now

Confidence is one of the greatest things you can learn and practice. But it can be confusing, overwhelming and hard. It is a skill and it does take practice but by making some things into habits, you can help your confidence blossom. 

Confidence is “a belief in one’s own self and one’s ability to succeed.” It is made by a simple process:

First, you have to want to achieve a goal or improve, then you are afraid of the change. But you do it anyway, fail and do it over again over until one day, you aren’t afraid of it anymore. You are confident in your ability to succeed at a task.

Just like learning to ride a bike or any skill really, you took a deep breathe and you tried, you fell off your bike and cried, but eventually, you got back on.

Until one day, you cycle without even thinking that you are going to fall off. It is same for any area of your life, if you want to be more self confident, do more things that scare you and incorporate these 8 essential habits into your daily life.

1. Reminding Yourself of Your Victories

Stop reminding yourself of your failures that you habitually do it — putting yourself down, criticizing yourself and over-exaggerating your failures. It is time to draw a line in the sand and start letting that old mindset go, it is undermining your confidence.

It’s scary and new and you may feel afraid, but it is the best choice you will make. Instead of reminding yourself of your failures and how you aren’t good enough, remind yourself of your wins, all you have overcome. Remind yourself of all the good you have done and all the good you can do.

Focus solely on the positive and what you can do and when the hating thoughts come up, just let them pass by or argue with them.

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If it says “you aren’t good enough.” You say “actually I am.”

“You aren’t perfect.” You say “No I am not perfect but that is more than good enough, I am enough just as I am, I don’t have to be perfect.”

Your confidence depends on it so get into the habit of reminding yourself that actually, you are pretty great and have a lot of reasons to be confident.

2. Ask Yourself: What Did You Learn?

Moving forward with changing your inner narrative, you have to start to ask the question: What did I learn?

With practicing confidence, you come across a lot of failure. Instead of beating yourself up and going “why me?” Ask yourself:

“What did I learn? How did that not work? What can I do better?”

Nothing undermines your confidence more than you beating yourself up all the time. Instead of focusing on how you have failed and not achieved the result you wanted, make it a habit to ask yourself questions so the next time around, you can try again from a new angle. Ask yourself how you fell off the bike so next time, you can avoid potholes.

By getting in the habit of questioning your failures instead of bullying yourself, your confidence will become unbreakable because failure won’t shatter your confidence. Just keep learning and keep moving forward.

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3. Don’t Judge Others

This is such a key habit when it comes to building confidence. When we judge others, especially negatively, we create a negative cycle in our head that encourages insecurity. When you judge someone negatively, it makes you think that someone else is negatively judging you. Breeding this type of insecurity will only ever undermine your self esteem and confidence.

People are wonderful but they aren’t perfect. It isn’t their job to perfectly adhere to the way you want the world to be. So to put it simply, don’t judge and let people be as they are. Don’t get caught in that negative mental cycle.

On the flip side of this, you have to understand that people are going to judge you and that their opinion of you, is none of your business. You can’t control how other people choose to see you, you can only control how you judge others. Don’t play a game you can’t win by trying to control other people’s thoughts. It’s like trying to play chess underwater at night. If you tried really hard, it could possibly be done but what is the point.

4. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

If you want to get into a habit that will help you become more confident, this is it. Everything you want is on the other side of your comfort zone; this applies to confidence.

You gain confidence by challenging yourself and overcoming obstacles. Don’t shy away from challenges and things that make you uncomfortable. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Get into the habit of saying “Oh this makes me uncomfortable, better tackle it head on then” and get in the habit of saying Yes and No: Saying Yes to things you would like to do even if it scares you and No to things you would not like to do.

By saying Yes to things you enjoy and challenge you, you grow in confidence as you overcome them. By saying No to things you don’t want to do, things that bring your down or make you feel low, confidence can also bloom. By standing up for yourself, you assert yourself and your self confidence can blossom.

5. Have the “I Can Handle It” Mindset

This is a beautiful habit to get into in general and it will help your confidence bloom and your anxiety go down.

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Get into the habit of having a I Can Handle It Mindset. You have overcome so many things in your life but we still have the overwhelming fear that we can’t handle bad things coming your way.

But you can, you can handle it because you have handled it time and time again. Stop telling yourself that you can’t and start telling yourself that you can. Whatever comes your way, whatever adversity. You Can Handle It. With this habit, confidence can blossom and grow because you are unstoppable.

6. Find Validation From Within

If you rely on other people for constant validation and praise to give you a confidence boost, you will struggle. As soon as they don’t validate you, you will feel less confident than before. This is whyThe Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected.

Get in the habit of validating yourself, whatever you want to hear from someone else, say it to yourself. When you accomplish something, pat yourself on the back, don’t go looking for outward validation. This simple change of supporting yourself and search within for the support you need will help your confidence bloom!

There is one very simple logic to this, your happiness and your confidence are your responsibility. Why would you put your life in the hands of someone else? It isn’t their job to make you happy or validated, it is yours. You also can’t control them at all, which means your confidence and self worth are completely out of your control.

Change that. Find support and validation from within – Don’t Wait for People to Praise You. Do It Yourself Every Single Day.

7. Get Fit

Fitness is the perfect habit to get into if you want to grow confidence because everytime you go, you get better. You grow, you learn new things, you fail and then you amaze yourself with what your body can do, over and over again.

Nothing has helped my confidence bloom as much as taking up a sport. There are so many options for you. Running is the perfect example, the first one is awkward, hard and exhausting. But the next run is a little easier, a week later, you start looking forward to it and then finally, you are running 5K without stopping.

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If you want to get into a habit that reminds you that you are capable, find a sport that interests you and start.

8. Practice Gratitude

Now this isn’t groundbreaking I know, but gratitude is such an important habit to get into if you want to be more confident.

When you practice gratitude, you put yourself in a much better headspace which will in turn, help you feel more confident. Most importantly, when your confidence gets knocked by something or someone, you can always come back to gratitude and be happy for all that you have. It helps keep you aligned and focused on all the good and positive in your life, stopped all the negativity from creeping in and keeping you down.

If you practice gratitude once a day, your life will change because it reminds you of the reality that you are good enough as you are — that is never up for debate.

Try these 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

Final Thoughts

These habits might be small but they can create an intense boost to your confidence and your rebound when you have had your confidence knocked. You are exceptional and you should be confident in your ability to do things and in who you are.

If you are still struggling with that, spend some time working out what you’re afraid of and go and do it right now, overcome it and remember that you are unstoppable.

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Featured photo credit: Olivier Rule via unsplash.com

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