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How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It

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How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It

Consider yourself lucky if you can balance being social and spending time by yourself. After all, your parents didn’t intentionally raise you to be a loner, learn to be alone, or take time for you.

If anything, you learned various social skills for your relationships. There may be days when you decide to not answer a text, respond to a phone call and snuggle with your dog on the couch to binge-watch Netflix.

Choosing to retreat gives your friends the impression that you are anti-social, which can bring pressures and difficulties.

In these moments, you learn to be alone.

However, it is harder to learn to be alone in the midst of people you’re supposed to interact with daily. In the mind’s of people, it is the norm for everyone to be socially active; seeking to reach out for various reasons.

When you learn to be alone and be happy about it, another layer of self-care and self-improvement evolves.

You open yourself to better understand new aspects of who you are, which in turn strengthens your relationships.

In reality, adulting comes with tons of responsibilities, constant break-up’s, friendship losses, and social misunderstandings–all of which can be draining.

You can begin to strategize how you will learn to be alone, be happy about it, and keep amazing relationships going without losing unnecessary energy.

Research shows that only 16% of the 82 million Gen Xers in the U.S. have no friends.[1] This doesn’t mean they are loners or uninterested in interacting. These individuals just enjoy time alone every once in a while.

    To learn to be alone is a healthy choice. So, when you do find yourself without company at any time, you won’t view it as a terrible fate, but as moments worth spending time with yourself.

    Is It Healthy To Be Alone?

    Spending quality time with yourself helps you enhance your psychological development, and experience.

    On the flip side, excessively spending time alone can negatively impact your mental and physical health.

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    It would keep you at the mercy of your inner critics, lead to depression, painful loneliness, and can ultimately lead to the deterioration of your health.

    Consequently, you have to strike a balance between the two extremes. That said, these are the health benefits of being alone.

    Spending Time Alone with Yourself Increases Productivity.

    How quickly do you get a job done when you have family and friends chatting away around you?

    Your goal may be to complete things around the house, run errands, finish a school assignment, or meet a deadline for work. Even a ping from your phone when a chat or mail comes in can make you lose concentration on a task.

    The brain is naturally programmed to be more productive when there are little to no distractions. So, if you desire to be more productive, spend time alone.

      It Fosters Better Relationships With Others.

      Being an extrovert is amazing. However, sometimes being an introvert is good, too.

      Research has it that introverts are more in touch with themselves, better express self-awareness and empathy. This makes it possible for them to understand individuals around them and better manage relationships.

      What’s more, studies show that relationships thrive when the individuals involved can take a step back and keep a level of independence. When they do reunite, the spark is incredibly amazing and refreshing.

      It Allows You To Revitalize Your Mind.

      Being the life of occasions and mingling with friends can be fun, and can help with some aspects of brain activity.

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      However, what happens when your brain begins to lose creativity or, starts to yearn for some break away from the hype and action of your social life?

      In such times, being alone would be healthy. Spending some time alone with yourself helps your mind to process previous activities, unwind, and recharge.

      Additionally, when your brain is relaxed, a lot of things would begin to make sense and come together beautifully.

      It Boosts Your Creativity.

      The mind comes up with the best ideas when it is left alone in perfect solitude. It generates amazing plans, weighs the pros against the cons, and just creates beautiful creative stories.

      So, when you feel the pressure to be creative, and you can’t deal with the noise of brainstorming, you can simply separate yourself from the crowd, and give your mind some time to think and come up with a great idea.

      10 Ways to Learn to Be Alone and Happy

      Here are some steps you can take to learn to be alone and be happy about it.

      1. Be Your Primary Source of Validation

      Having friends and family call and show you major attention sure feels great. However, what happens when they are caught up with other things and don’t have that much time to text or call?

      In such times, getting disappointed about not being contacted won’t help you, and sure would tell that you are far from being your source of validation.

      So, what you can do is to deliberately train yourself to get used to the absence of people.

      Take some time off from the noise of social life, and indulge in your hobbies like reading, writing, or seeing some great movies on Netflix.

      What’s more, you can try meditating or yoga. This would clear your mind, and keep you in tune with yourself.

      2. Learn to Feel And Be Self-Aware

      So, first off, you can take a person out of psychology, but you can’t take psychology out of a person. This means that the person that can reach into your emotions, and channel those emotions so you can be happy, alone and single, is you.

      Learn to spend time with yourself, practice self-awareness, and keep in touch with your feelings. That way, you will truly be happy. Identify your goals, dreams, and setbacks. Know the things that make you tick, and do those things.

      3. Spend Some Time with Nature

      There’s nothing quite as soothing as bonding with nature. You can simply spend time in a garden, where you can watch the flowers bloom with your favorite book in hand.

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      Or you can listen to the chirping of the birds, lie under the skies, and watch the shapes of the clouds and the brightness of the stars, and fall in love with yourself all over again.

      If you have some energy and stamina in you, and you are a lover of outdoor activities like hiking, then put on those hiking boots, grab your backpack, and head to the nearest mountain around you.

      4. Work on Your Self-Improvement

      Remember those amazing self-improvement things that you have on your bucket list, but have somehow managed to miss doing them?

      Bring those goals into actualization. You can create some alone time and work on them.

      Learn to play that musical equipment, author that book, strategize on how you will start that company, learn a new skill, or a new language.

      Just improve yourself: 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself

      5. Deliberately Ease into the Pleasure of Relaxation

      The moment you go for a massage, treat yourself to a bubble bath with red wine in hand or stay home to watch Netflix with popcorn.

      Then you will begin to love spending time by yourself. The cares of the world would be non-existent for that duration.

      6. Take a Trip to a Dream Location Alone

      You might ask yourself where the fun is in traveling alone. Be that as it may if you can get beyond the feeling of weirdness that accompanies taking a trip by yourself, just do it.

      Just pack up your bags, and visit that location that you heard is a tourist attraction, or simply go for a weekend getaway in an amazing resort.

      Then in no time, you will begin to feel the hang of being alone and happy.

      7. Step Out to Town Alone

      Perhaps you thought that to learn to be alone means camping at home and shutting the world out. However, that’s not the case.

      You can indeed have beautiful time with yourself by going out to town to do activities like reading in a park, grabbing a coffee, and going to the seaside where you can feel the wind on your face, watch the sea waves come and go, and just gather your thoughts.

      8. Stay Away from Your Phone

      If you’re going to learn to be alone, then you might as well go all the way. This would mean staying away from your phone and the distractions that come with it.

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      When the phone is out of the way, you can do whatever you desire, such as snack away on whatever you crave for, or jam to your best music.

      9. Feel Free to Be Weird

      Okay, you might think that you’re an adult, so you just can’t go about being weird.

      In truth, who cares? Being grown does not stop you from playing your favorite song at home and dancing to it in your underwear, or bingeing on your favorite ice-cream or meal.

      Nothing stops you from doing crazy activities like sky diving, that will send some adrenaline shooting through your body.

      And nothing stops you from participating in karaoke, even when you don’t have a voice worthy of applause. The main thing is to be weird and to own your weirdness.

        10. Guiltlessly Make Mistakes, And Own Them

        At this point in your life, you should understand that making mistakes is part of the cycle of life.

        I’m not saying that you should go about being the king or queen of errors. Rather, you should not beat up yourself when you unknowingly make a wrong move or a wrong decision.

        In essence, own your mistakes, learn from them, and move on feeling better, and stronger.

        Final Thoughts

        Finally, the one thing you should convince yourself of is that, it is normal for you to live your life the way you have chosen.

        There is no need trying to convince anyone that what you are doing is in the right interest of you. There is no need working yourself up to prove to anyone that choosing to learn to be alone is right for you.

        You have decided to be happy and have found the best way to be healthy.

        Instead of getting heartaches from your relationships, you have decided to sideline yourself and you are doing just fine.

        Laugh. Live. Be happy alone. You’ll soon discover that this is the greatest decision ever.

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        More About Being Alone and Happy

        Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

        Reference

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        Jacqueline T. Hill

        Writing, Blogging, and Educating To Guide Others Into Happiness

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        Last Updated on January 24, 2022

        21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

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        21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

        Having texting and video conferencing at our fingertips, it appears that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easier than ever. Long-distance calls are no longer a luxury; the days when they needed to be rationed are long gone.

        Long-distance couples do not have to depend on 3 p.m. postal delivery, waiting for news that is at best four days old.

        Now we’re no longer even in the days of waiting for our loved ones to check their e-mail when they get home from work. Instant messaging keeps us hooked to each other even when we are out shopping, working, playing, watching a movie and doing much more.

        Technology, however, cannot compensate for everything in a long-distance relationship, as anyone with a long-distance relationship will tell you.

        Many long-distance relationships still seem emotionally difficult despite the lack of regular physical proximity.

        People often think long-distance relationships will never work. It may be discouraged by your family, and some of your best friends may tell you not to take it too seriously in case you end up heartbroken.

        Many things are not possible due to the extra distance – no one can promise it will be easy. Things could get complicated, and you might feel lonely and sad at times.

        Still, many of us try them.

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        However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest. Being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long-distance relationship.

        Long-distance relationships may be tough, but they have their own surprises too.

        Here’re 21 tips on how to make a long distance relationship work:

        1. Avoid excessive communication.

        It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”

        Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

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        2. See it as an opportunity.

        “If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

        View it as a learning journey for both of you. This is an opportunity for you to prove your love for one another. According to a Chinese proverb, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long-distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

        As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

        “I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

        3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

        Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long-distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.

        For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it all right for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

        4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

        Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.

        To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

        5. Talk dirty with each other.

        Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. In a way, sexual desire is like the glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Sexual need is not only biological but also emotional.

        Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

        6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

        If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand to reassure them.

        You should not let this sort of thing slip by because it will only make your partner extra worried or suspicious – and of course, very upset because they will feel powerless or lack control over the situation.

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        You can fall victim to your traps by going out with eye candy from work after work or dating someone from your past who has been flirting with you without realizing it. Before entering a dangerous situation, you need to recognize the dangers.

        Listen to your heart, but don’t just rely on it. Make sure you also listen to your mind.

        7. Do things together.

        Play a game online together. Watch a documentary at the same time on YouTube or Vimeo. Share a song on Skype while another plays the guitar. Video-call each other and go for a walk together. Together, go online shopping – and buy each other gifts (see #13).

        You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

        8. Do similar things.

        Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc., to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.

        Even if you live apart, it’s nice to have some shared experiences.

        9. Make visits to each other.

        Every long-distance relationship is enriched by visits.

        After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfil all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. These are typical for couples in long-distance relationships but more special and intimate for long-distance couples.

        The atmosphere will be filled with fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows, and butterflies.

        10. Have a goal in mind.

        Are we going to be apart for a long time?” “what about the future?” These are the questions you should ask yourselves.

        In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever. Eventually, we all need to settle down.

        So make a plan with each other. Set up a timeline, mark down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.

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        It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.

        That’s right, you need some motivation to make a relationship last too. Find out more about what motivates you here.

        11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family.

        You are alone, but you are not lonely unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends, and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that don’t involve your partner.

        12. Stay honest with each other.

        Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from the inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.

        13. Know each other’s schedules.

        It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and free. So that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when they are in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Make sure you are aware of everyone’s small and big events in their lives, i.e., college midterms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc. Particularly if you live in different time zones, this becomes more important.

        14. Keep track of each other’s social media activities.

        Facebook and Instagram photos of each other. Send each other tweets. Tag each other on Facebook. Post stuff on each other’s wall. Let them know you care. Be cool with stalking each other.

        15. Gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to.

        Memories have power. No matter what it is–a pendant, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a perfume bottle. Everyday items and things have meanings to us, whether we realize it or not. We all try to store memories in material things so that when our minds fail, we will still be able to look at or hold onto something that will help us recall our memories. This is why something so simple can mean so much to a person when others may see little or no value in it.

        16. Get a good messaging app.

        This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allows interactions beyond words and emoticons.

        Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g., Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL, etc.) at a low price. Occasionally, the app will give out free sticker sets for promotions. This messaging app is cute and easy to learn to use.

        17. Snail-mail your gift.

        Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear, and such.

        18. Stay positive.

        You need to constantly inject positive energy into the long-distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful, and you can sometimes feel lonely, but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.

        One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

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        19. Keep each other updated on each other’s friends and family.

        This will help you two to know each other’s culture and values. Knowing small habits of each other helps in developing an understanding and building mutual trust.

        Talking about family and friends gives you more matters to talk about. The best thing to talk about is gossip and scandals.

        20. Video-call whenever possible.

        Because sometimes looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again.

        A video call is though nothing like being together, but it’s the best thing and the most to do for coziness in a long-distance relationship.

        21. Give each other pet names.

        Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going. Having special names for each other reserved only for one another are heart-warming. Hearing that one word with love lifts our spirits up, and we feel assured all over again.

        Chaos seems to fade away just by hearing that special word from someone special.

        With the best wishes…

        Love (or like) is a force that is beyond your control. Love just happens. The same goes for turning off those feelings, even when you get the perfect job halfway across the country.

        Neither one of us expects to be long-distance in a relationship. But if you’re in a relationship like this, you’ll just have to make the most out of a difficult situation. These advice for long distance relationships will hopefully help you stay strong and cheerful when living apart from one another.

        More Recommended Relationships Experts on Lifehack
        • Carol Morgan —  A communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach
        • Dr. Magdalena Battles — A Doctor of Psychology with specialties include children, family relationships, domestic violence, and sexual assault
        • Randy Skilton —  An educator in the areas of relationships and self-help

        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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