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Last Updated on February 11, 2020

How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It

How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It

Consider yourself lucky if you can balance being social and spending time by yourself. After all, your parents didn’t intentionally raise you to be a loner, learn to be alone, or take time for you.

If anything, you learned various social skills for your relationships. There may be days when you decide to not answer a text, respond to a phone call and snuggle with your dog on the couch to binge-watch Netflix.

Choosing to retreat gives your friends the impression that you are anti-social, which can bring pressures and difficulties.

In these moments, you learn to be alone.

However, it is harder to learn to be alone in the midst of people you’re supposed to interact with daily. In the mind’s of people, it is the norm for everyone to be socially active; seeking to reach out for various reasons.

When you learn to be alone and be happy about it, another layer of self-care and self-improvement evolves.

You open yourself to better understand new aspects of who you are, which in turn strengthens your relationships.

In reality, adulting comes with tons of responsibilities, constant break-up’s, friendship losses, and social misunderstandings–all of which can be draining.

You can begin to strategize how you will learn to be alone, be happy about it, and keep amazing relationships going without losing unnecessary energy.

Research shows that only 16% of the 82 million Gen Xers in the U.S. have no friends.[1] This doesn’t mean they are loners or uninterested in interacting. These individuals just enjoy time alone every once in a while.

    To learn to be alone is a healthy choice. So, when you do find yourself without company at any time, you won’t view it as a terrible fate, but as moments worth spending time with yourself.

    Is It Healthy To Be Alone?

    Spending quality time with yourself helps you enhance your psychological development, and experience.

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    On the flip side, excessively spending time alone can negatively impact your mental and physical health.

    It would keep you at the mercy of your inner critics, lead to depression, painful loneliness, and can ultimately lead to the deterioration of your health.

    Consequently, you pretty much have to strike a balance between the two extremes. That said, these are the health benefits of being alone.

    Spending Time Alone with Yourself Increases Productivity.

    How quickly do you get a job done when you have family and friends chatting away around you?

    Your goal may be to complete things around the house, run errands, finish a school assignment, or meet a deadline for work. Even a ping from your phone when a chat or mail comes in can make you lose concentration on a task.

    The brain is naturally programmed to be more productive when there are little to no distractions. So, if you desire to be more productive, spend time alone.

      It Fosters Better Relationships With Others.

      Being an extrovert is amazing. However, sometimes being an introvert is good, too.

      Research has it that introverts are more in touch with themselves, better express self-awareness and empathy. This makes it possible for them to understand individuals around them and better manage relationships.

      What’s more, studies show that relationships thrive when the individuals involved can take a step back and keep a level of independence. When they do reunite, the spark is incredibly amazing and refreshing.

      It Allows You To Revitalize Your Mind.

      Being the life of occasions and mingling with friends can be fun, and can help with some aspects of brain activity.

      However, what happens when your brain begins to lose creativity or, starts to yearn for some break away from the hype and action of your social life?

      In such times, being alone would be healthy. Spending some time alone with yourself helps your mind to process previous activities, unwind, and recharge.

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      Additionally, when your brain is relaxed, a lot of things would begin to make sense and come together beautifully.

      It Boosts Your Creativity.

      The mind comes up with the best ideas when it is left alone in perfect solitude. It generates amazing plans, weighs the pros against the cons, and just creates beautiful creative stories.

      So, when you feel the pressure to be creative, and you can’t deal with the noise of brainstorming, you can simply separate yourself from the crowd, and give your mind some time to think and come up with a great idea.

      10 Ways to Learn to Be Alone and Happy

      Here are some steps you can take to learn to be alone and be happy about it.

      1. Be Your Primary Source of Validation

      Having friends and family call and show you major attention sure feels great. However, what happens when they are caught up with other things and don’t have that much time to text or call?

      In such times, getting disappointed about not being contacted won’t help you, and sure would tell that you are far from being your source of validation.

      So, what you can do is to deliberately train yourself to get used to the absence of people.

      Take some time off from the noise of social life, and indulge in your hobbies like reading, writing, or seeing some great movies on Netflix.

      What’s more, you can try meditating or yoga. This would clear your mind, and keep you in tune with yourself.

      2. Learn to Feel And Be Self-Aware

      So, first off, you can take a person out of psychology, but you can’t take psychology out of a person. This means that the person that can reach into your emotions, and channel those emotions so you can be happy, alone and single, is you.

      Learn to spend time with yourself, practice self-awareness, and keep in touch with your feelings. That way, you will truly be happy. Identify your goals, dreams, and setbacks. Know the things that make you tick, and do those things.

      3. Spend Some Time with Nature

      There’s nothing quite as soothing as bonding with nature. You can simply spend time in a garden, where you can watch the flowers bloom with your favorite book in hand.

      Or you can listen to the chirping of the birds, lie under the skies, and watch the shapes of the clouds and the brightness of the stars, and fall in love with yourself all over again.

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      If you have some energy and stamina in you, and you are a lover of outdoor activities like hiking, then put on those hiking boots, grab your backpack, and head to the nearest mountain around you.

      4. Work on Your Self-Improvement

      Remember those amazing self-improvement things that you have on your bucket list, but have somehow managed to miss doing them?

      Bring those goals into actualization. You can create some alone time and work on them.

      Learn to play that musical equipment, author that book, strategize on how you will start that company, learn a new skill, or a new language.

      Just improve yourself: 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself

      5. Deliberately Ease into the Pleasure of Relaxation

      The moment you go for a massage, treat yourself to a bubble bath with red wine in hand or stay home to watch Netflix with popcorn.

      Then you will begin to love spending time by yourself. The cares of the world would be non-existent for that duration.

      6. Take a Trip to a Dream Location Alone

      You might ask yourself where the fun is in traveling alone. Be that as it may if you can get beyond the feeling of weirdness that accompanies taking a trip by yourself, just do it.

      Just pack up your bags, and visit that location that you heard is a tourist attraction, or simply go for a weekend getaway in an amazing resort.

      Then in no time, you will begin to feel the hang of being alone and happy.

      7. Step Out to Town Alone

      Perhaps you thought that to learn to be alone means camping at home and shutting the world out. However, that’s not the case.

      You can indeed have beautiful time with yourself by going out to town to do activities like reading in a park, grabbing a coffee, and going to the seaside where you can feel the wind on your face, watch the sea waves come and go, and just gather your thoughts.

      8. Stay Away from Your Phone

      If you’re going to learn to be alone, then you might as well go all the way. This would mean staying away from your phone and the distractions that come with it.

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      When the phone is out of the way, you can do whatever you desire, such as snack away on whatever you crave for, or jam to your best music.

      9. Feel Free to Be Weird

      Okay, you might think that you’re an adult, so you just can’t go about being weird.

      In truth, who cares? Being grown does not stop you from playing your favorite song at home and dancing to it in your underwear, or bingeing on your favorite ice-cream or meal.

      Nothing stops you from doing crazy activities like sky diving, that will send some adrenaline shooting through your body.

      And nothing stops you from participating in karaoke, even when you don’t have a voice worthy of applause. The main thing is to be weird and to own your weirdness.

        10. Guiltlessly Make Mistakes, And Own Them

        At this point in your life, you should understand that making mistakes is part of the cycle of life.

        I’m not saying that you should go about being the king or queen of errors. Rather, you should not beat up yourself when you unknowingly make a wrong move or a wrong decision.

        In essence, own your mistakes, learn from them, and move on feeling better, and stronger.

        Final Thoughts

        Finally, the one thing you should convince yourself of is that, it is normal for you to live your life the way you have chosen.

        There is no need trying to convince anyone that what you are doing is in the right interest of you. There is no need working yourself up to prove to anyone that choosing to learn to be alone is right for you.

        You have decided to be happy and have found the best way to be healthy.

        Instead of getting heartaches from your relationships, you have decided to sideline yourself and you are doing just fine.

        Laugh. Live. Be happy alone. You’ll soon discover that this is the greatest decision ever.

        More About Being Alone and Happy

        Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

        Reference

        More by this author

        Jacqueline T. Hill

        Writing, Blogging, and Educating To Guide Others Into Happiness

        How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness What Is Self-Worth and How to Recognize Yours 20 Invaluable Things Money Can’t Buy

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        Last Updated on February 25, 2020

        5 Rules for Overcoming Adversity and Emotional Pain

        5 Rules for Overcoming Adversity and Emotional Pain

        “Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world, the disarray. I choose to see the beauty. To believe there is an order to our days. A purpose.” – from the popular show, “Westworld”

        It’s different for us all. My personal quest for purpose began with five stages of grief and one startling realization that everything’s endlessly fragile. Adversity, as it happens by rule, found me terribly unprepared, so I decided to take my time. Today, I can honestly say that I’ve grown.

        Ugliness and beauty, good and evil, pain and laughter – everything in the universe consists of two forces that are opposing but complementary. In the face of difficulty, that is the only mantra you need.

        Here’s how I learned it and why you should too, with five simple rules.

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        1. Embrace the Complexity

        Quite insidiously, adversities come in all shapes and sizes. Paralyzing physical disabilities, mind-wracking mental problems, ruthless emotional havocs, all leading to the same painful acknowledgement: all the beauty in the world cannot possibly make up for the ugliness that surrounds us. Shattered to pieces, helpless and bare naked, we sit in our therapy chairs, apologizing for being so negative.

        Eventually, what it all comes down to is the nature of negative emotion. Our positives overshadow our negatives, thus wrongly teaching us that the road to well-being is paved with nothing but positive feelings and thoughts. How utterly wrong!

        “If you’re not failing every now and then, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything innovative”, Woody Allen said.

        It’s a classic “learn from your mistakes” rule, but in this case, it implies growing from negative experiences. Make peace with your negativities and embrace beauty and ugliness alike! Accepting this marvellously complex world just as it is will allow you to find purpose in adversity and meaning in misery.

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        2. Find Balance, Regain Control

        Still, accepting adversity is only the first step toward eventual victory. One can endure only so much trauma in life; if we’re not prepared to deal with difficulties in a productive way, even the minor setbacks can get us off track. Our strengths come from learning, and the best way to learn is through a series of trials and errors. Just like phases of grief or stages of drug addiction, adversities suggest a disabling loss of control, so find your way to regain it.

        Some call it the coping mechanism; for others, it’s a spiritual will. However you choose to name yours, know that not all supporting systems are equally beneficial, though each is effective in its own way. Escapism was mine, but it only helped me retain the illusion of beauty. It wasn’t until I opened up toward the ugliness and accepted the naked truth that I was finally free. Whether you choose to dwell in art, religion and spiritualism, thus feeding your resilience from within or to reach out to others for help, choose wisely.

        Whatever the means, the second rule is a golden one: find your inner balance and stick to it. Eventually, it will lead you out of the vicious circle.

        3. Fight with Patience

        My bargaining turned in depression with a single touch. Fearless and free, my dance instructor timidly put her hands on my shoulders and I realized, for the first time, just how tense, stiff and cloistered I was. And just like that, I started letting go. Adversities have their sneaky ways, but in my experience, becoming aware is what hurts the worst. It took me a year to recover from this little moment of self-discovery, and I know remember it as the edge of the rabbit hole.

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        Some sufferings are impossible to console; I know that now. The only way to get through is to, well, get through. Depression and despair are only the beginning of the excruciatingly unnerving process that ravages the mind and shrivels the soul, and once they strike, there is no easy way back. So, fight them with patience. When your head starts spinning and your feet lose ground, go to your happy place. Over there, you’ll be reminded that nothing is forever, not even our little existential psychosis.

        Take a deep breath and say “om”. When things cannot be combated, they have to be endured, so practice patience and learn to let go. Finally, keep repeating to yourself that this too shall pass.

        4. Keep Swimming

        Nothing is impossible, in the end. Your negative thoughts will gently pour into your positive ones, just as two streams come together to become a river. In the event of the inevitable disaster, one can only be as calm as still water. Suffering teaches patience, and the latter gives rise to flexibility. Ultimately, what is life than a series of unfortunate events and a handful of bright moments in between? If adversities are impossible to avoid, than learn to glide through as smoothly and patiently as water does with rocks.

        Even if spirituality isn’t exactly your cup of tea, you have to admit that this is one solid metaphor. Staying adaptable in the face of change will soothe your panic attacks and keep you sane and sober-blooded. Even if you fail, you’ll know exactly how to breathe and face what’s in front of you once it eventually strikes again. Stay calm and visualize a better tomorrow; if anything else, it will give you strength to dive deep and weather the storm. And, in case there’s somebody’s hand to reach out to, grab it firmly and don’t let go.

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        Being flexible against adversities takes a lot of learning, just as staying brave demands a lot of courage. It’s a long, arduous step-by-step routine, and you can reach the end only by swimming on. Persist, even when you fall.

        5. Never Stop Searching for Inspiration

        And, if it’s a guidance you need, where else to seek it than in experiences of others? Find it in art, in people around you, in chance encounters. The pure beauty of perseverance can be discovered where you expect it the least, so never stop searching for inspiration. If self-help literature soothes your pains and clears your mind, don’t let cynics discourage you. Your path toward reconciliation is nobody’s but yours to choose.

        Ever heard of Nick Vujicic? Or Nando Parado? Inspiring people sound their yawps over the roofs of the world, sometimes voiceless, sometimes limbless, sometimes both. Born without arms, Jessica Cox became the most unusual certified pilot in the world, and you can rarely see her without a smile on her face. If you’ve already ripped all of your bucket lists and said goodbye to your dreams and plans, meet Sean Swarner, who’s officially became the first cancer survivor to climb Mount Everest. The stories just go on.

        Make your own guidebook! Pen down your positive thoughts, cover your walls with quotes and devise your personal mantras. Whenever things get hard, they’ll be there to remind you of what you need to do. It’s the simplest of all life hacks, and one of the most effective ones.

        Find beauty in the world, but never stay blind for its ugliness. However daunting, adversities and emotional pain challenge our inner strength, thus making us resilient and allowing us to grow. As soon as you recognize them as the wind in your sails instead of the devastating storm, the purpose will become simple and clear.

        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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