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Published on June 3, 2019

3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

Do you know your value? Before I get into this, I want to begin with a heartbreaking story of a woman I used to know, Mary…

Mary was a quiet woman who mainly kept to herself but was very observant. She watched, she took notes, and most importantly – she listened. When someone talked to her, she felt as if she gained a piece of their soul and she hung on every last word.

Mary had a dream. She wanted to own a book store and discuss novels with customers as they perused the aisles. She imagined offering free coffee and having support groups in the evening where people would gather, connect, and free their souls.

Mary had envisioned her dream in her mind, she had mapped out everything from the color of the walls to the font on her receipts. However, Mary would always say that her dream wasn’t feasible and that it wasn’t realistic. She would ask, “How could someone like me have a life like that?”

Mary dreamed but stopped herself with excuses. She let these resistances stop her from acting – Mary never started to create her dream…

I don’t want you to miss out on your best life like Mary did. She didn’t recognize her value and what she was truly capable of. 

This is why I’m writing this article to help you uncover your true worth to live your best life.

What is Value?

Value is importance, worth, and usefulness. It is the positive energy and contribution to leave something better than how you found it.

We all have something to contribute because it’s why we are here. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a special gift to share with the world.

However, sometimes our value is difficult to find. Sometimes the world we live in makes it challenging to be ourselves. Your service may not be “trendy” or “popular” but it is a necessity. You have the answers that someone needs. Who you are, where you’ve been, and what you do is significant and it will impact the lives of many.

However, if we do not expose our worth and act on our dreams, then we cannot fully help anyone.

Please, I beg of you, DO NOT leave your value covered up by thoughts, opinions, fear, and negativity. Trust that what you offer and who you are is worthy.

You are a worthwhile investment to the world Uncover and act upon your value TODAY. Here’re  3 steps to uncovering and recognizing your value:

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1. Let Go of Resistence

There are no limits to what you can achieve and the amount of people you can help when your value is fully exposed. However, how can you truly know what you have to offer and how you can impact the world?

I know it is so confusing when we have to sift through societal norms, opinions, past events, and circumstances.

I am here to tell you – IT IS POSSIBLE. It is a process but it is POSSIBLE and it is NECESSARY to living your best life and having the energy to enjoy it.

This process is similar to an onion – peeling away the layers of resistance that have been piled on you for such a long time.

It’s a lot to ask of you, I know. It’s a feat for most people because it is not natural for us to do in this society. It isn’t always encouraged.

Sometimes, we don’t want to face our resistances because we are under this misconception that we are who we were. This mindset has to change – you are NOT who you were – you can be whoever you choose to be.

It can be exhausting to uncover your worth when it has been hiding away for some time. However, when you discover your worth, you receive peace of mind, certainty, presence – a full life that is true to you.

When you nurture and feed your value, you feel truly alive and you are in your own element – essentially at your best.

It begins with a decision.

Decide that whatever knot is in your stomach, that thing in your life you know isn’t right. Decide to unravel it.

Sometimes, that’s who we truly believe we are. This tight, closed off knot.

We sometimes give up trying to loosen up this cluster but we have to. We have to loosen the knot because our value and self-worth are in there.

Letting go can be difficult but it starts with acknowledging what exactly has been holding you back and keeping you stuck.

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For Mary, it was doubt. Mary doubted that she had what it took to achieve her ultimate dream.

If she could have let go of doubt and replaced it with faith, then she might have left the world fulfilled but instead she left with regret.

Don’t let your resistances define you! Instead, let your dream shape you into the person you will become.

Live in the present, create happy moments and dream big. Stop living by old definitions – that isn’t who you are anymore.

You are valuable and your dreams are worth your time and effort. Someone is in desperate need of you – your past experiences, your knowledge, your solutions.

If you need a little assistance, here are 7 steps to start living your dream life.

After you begin acknowledging your resistances and letting go of them, you can begin to follow what feels right – the positive energy.

Which brings me to step number 2 – your value will bring you happiness and leave you feeling energetic.

2. Follow Your Happiness

Once you have peeled the layers and removed the resistances that have been holding you back, you can begin to follow your happiness.

Now that you are not affected by the judgement of others, crippled by fear, or [insert your resistance here] – you can begin to do what brings you pure joy.

Joy is where your value and self-worth are. This is contradictory to how we are used to living because we have been told to work hard, get our hands dirty, get a good job, pay our bills, and so on and so forth.

We have work, our relationships, all of our obligations, and then we have our hobby or passion (if there is time left for this).

We put everything before our passion and then at the end of the day, we are exhausted – completely drained.

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Work then play.

I get it – work is good. I love to work, I love to be productive, I love helping people and being a contributing member of society.

BUT, can we work and play? Can we incorporate joy, happiness, and play into everything we do? Does there have to be a separation between the two?

We can’t instruct people to take a shot in the dark at their life just because the job pays the bills. We have to lead people in the direction of their value and passions.

“Oh, he’s just a broke artist”

The way I look at it is that he’s the most successful human being on the planet because he does what he loves, he’s fanatical about it, and he’s doing what his heart desires day and night.

To me, that’s a life worth living.

I’ll tell you what isn’t a life worth living – working at something you don’t enjoy for the majority of your life to meet societies expectations.

So, whatever it is that brings a smile to your face – follow it everywhere and never leave its side. Don’t turn away from your smile because it is where your best life is.

The rest will come if you learn to let go and ignore the resistances as they present themselves.

How do you know you have found your worth?

You’ll know when you have found your worth because at the end of the day, you will be energized. You’ll know you’ve found your worth because you’ll be excited for everything you are going to accomplish tomorrow.

This article can help you find what sparks your joy: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up

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3. Stick with It

So, you’ve let go of resistance and have started to follow your happiness. You have begun to do what brings joy into your life every chance that you get but you’re still not quite sure of your value.

The resistances are still showing up and you have a to do list to accomplish. I understand that it takes time – it is a process but slowly and surely if you let go and follow your smile a life of value will naturally unfold.

It is a fact that waiting is hard. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, “We want immediate gratification or relief from the lack.”[1]

In other words, we let go of our resistances but we aren’t immediately gaining the life that we desire and that creates a feeling of lack – we aren’t attaining what we want fast enough.

But, we have to make this process a way of life: release and follow your happiness, let go and smile. Make this process apart of who you are.

I promise, you do not have to search for this life. You have to let it come to you.

When you feel that tightness arise, breathe deeply and choose to dismiss the feeling. Give yourself permission to follow your happiness and be diligent – anything worthwhile takes time.

Don’t look for the answers in anyone except for yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, then investigate why that is. Ask yourself important questions.

Don’t put the negativity in a closet for another time – deal with each resistance as they show up and dismiss them and release. You’ll never let anyone down pursing what you love. The saddest story is one that ends with an unfulfilled dream.

Here’re some tips to help you stick to the changes you want to make: 13 Steps To Stick To the Life Changes You Want To Make

You are so very valuable, you are needed and I know this because you are here.

You have so much inside of you that the world needs.

So for the sake of your soul and the other people counting on you – let go and follow your happiness today.

More Articles About Self-Worth and Happiness

Featured photo credit: Ammie Ngo via unsplash.com

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More by this author

Jacqueline Battaglia

Growth Coach, Blogger, and Creator of Life is Duck Soup. My approach will help you get to your next potential level, follow your HAPPY path and enjoy each moment fully.

Nothing Makes You Happy: Here’s Why and What to Do 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 7 Simple Ways to Cope with Stress at Work and Stop Worrying 3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

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Last Updated on October 23, 2019

How to Change a Negative Attitude That Is Destroying You

How to Change a Negative Attitude That Is Destroying You

A negative attitude carries with it a lack of awareness. You’re not necessarily aware of a negative attitude permeating your outlook on life, and because of this lack of awareness, your attitude affects your interactions with other people and your interactions with yourself.

What if you were to become aware? What if, suddenly, you were able to step outside of the thought pattern that creates your attitude, choose a new pattern, and thus, a new attitude?

Think about your thoughts. Many sources of advice aren’t going to tell you this crucial point:

Changing your attitude is not about stifling or eliminating negative thoughts. It’s about changing your thought patterns through action.

Negative thoughts will arise, but when you brood on them it’s like feeding and rewarding them so that they will come back again and form a pattern.

When you alter repetitive thought patterns, you alter your attitude — it’s a physical process, and with it comes the ability to change the world in which you live. You’ll achieve things you didn’t think were possible before.

To undertake this change, understand what to do with negative or unhelpful thoughts when they arise. This understanding will help you take action towards changing your attitude.

Read on for some quick and easy suggestions on how to change a negative attitude.

1. Harness the Incredible Power of Redirection

Oftentimes, we think in a black-and-white, limiting way. It’s called binary thinking. Even thinking of thoughts as only negative or positive is a binary way of thinking.

You develop a negative attitude because you are convinced this binary way of thinking is an accurate reflection of reality. When this way of thinking doesn’t achieve good results, you assign blame. Blame doesn’t help solve the problem of binary thinking — it perpetuates it.

Binary thinking causes you to have tunnel vision when you’re working on your goals. You feel one approach is the right one — but research shows that redirection improves creativity.[1] Redirection requires you to think differently by changing tasks.

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Take a step back from what you’re doing. Is there a different approach you can take? Who can you reach out to for help? What haven’t you tried? Redirect your actions and you’ll find yourself thinking more creatively and positively when it comes to solving the original problem.

2. Amp up Your Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk is exactly what it sounds like: these are uplifting statements you make to yourself. Then, you act on them.

The thing about positive self-talk is it’s self-fulfilling. In other words, by concentrating on your strengths and making positive statements about yourself, you become what you tell yourself you are and your attitude changes.

Psychologist Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker identifies key statements that mentally healthy people make:[2]

  • “I am lovable”
  • “I am capable”
  • “Most other people are lovable and capable, too”
  • “Success comes from doing”
  • “Challenges are opportunities”
  • “It’s only human to make mistakes”
  • “I have what it takes to cope with change — and to make changes happen”

Tell yourself these things every day. Note statement number 4, “Success comes from doing.” You want to change your negative attitude. To successfully change your attitude, do things that help you feel good about yourself and others. Volunteer work and community sports leagues are great options.

Action creates change. Make positive statements to yourself, take action based on these statements, and your outlook on life will change.

3. Be a Change Agent, Not a Victim

An agent is someone who is actively engaged in making something happen. A victim is someone who suffers from circumstances beyond their control.

Victimization is valid and real, but if there’s no active pursuit of a solution, you remain a victim — you remain passive, and your attitude is one of bitterness, helplessness, or cynicism.

You’re an agent who can change your own attitude. Ultimately, your own actions are the only things you control.

You may not be able to control the rise of negative thoughts due to a tragedy that was beyond your control, but you can control how you respond to those thoughts.

Consider the following methods of coping with tragedies:[3]

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  • Talk with a counselor or someone who can give you an outside perspective.
  • Turn off the news, stop wallowing, and get active. Activities such as exercise, art, and games will help you process your feelings better by giving you a break from concentrating on repetitive negative thoughts.
  • Offer your support to others who have had a similar experience. If, for example, you’re recovering from addiction, find a peer support group.
  • Redirect painful emotions by finding an activity, such as volunteer work, writing, music, or sports, that is emotionally fulfilling and allows you to release pent-up emotions.

Sometimes tragedy is self-inflicted, meaning you have a bad experience that’s not necessarily a tragedy, but you treat it as such. You get down on yourself, turn to drugs and alcohol, and brood over your negative thoughts and feelings.

Be sure to recognize if this is happening, and become an agent of recovery instead of victimization.

4. Dream Huge — but Set Realistic Expectations

This is the truth about your dream: it’s real. What you really want out of life — call it your dream or fantasy or ambition — is a real idea you can and should hold onto no matter what happens.

To set realistic expectations, break your dream down into steps that are achievable in the short-term.

If you believe you’re entitled — you expect everything to fall into place — you will not realize your dream. Even if you’re lucky and successful, it won’t feel like success because entitlement is a bottomless pit.

A negative attitude stems from expectations that don’t line up with reality. Again, your actions are the only thing you control. Science shows you’re not even necessarily in control of your thoughts.[4]

But you are in control of the thoughts you choose to dwell on. Concentrate on your plans. You can expect to follow through when you concentrate on and check off the steps to completing a task. Concentrate on the tasks you need to complete in order to make your dream a reality.

5. Transform Negative Thoughts into Ultimate Questions

Asking questions opens your mind to new ideas. It helps you begin to build confidence. Positive self-talk can be tough, because your mind is like a broken record. You tell yourself you’re lovable, but for every time you say that, the thought that no one loves you pops up 10 times.

Forbes’ Melody Wilding makes a great recommendation:[5]

“When you catch your inner critic flinging accusations, think: how can I turn this statement into a question?”

Here are some examples:

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  • Instead of, “Something must be wrong with me,” say, “What are the steps to success?”
  • Instead of, “I hate going to the grocery store,” say, “How can I save time at the grocery store?”
  • Instead of, “These people are annoying,” say, “How can I talk to these people so that this meeting is enjoyable?”
  • Instead of, “I was a complete idiot last night,” say, “What can I do differently in the future?”

This way, you’re opening possibilities for new, constructive thoughts. You’re also paying attention to your thoughts and doing something with them.

6. Laugh!

“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.” – Wayne Dyer

In almost all cases, you’ll develop a negative attitude if you choose to be angry and depressed instead of choosing to laugh. But how can you choose to laugh when something seems downright terrible?

This is where the imagination and mental exercise kick in. Choose to look at a disappointing or disheartening circumstance in a different way. What is it that’s ironic, absurd, or outrageous about the circumstance?

Is there an opposite circumstance you can imagine, one that’s so fantastically great it brings tears of laughter to your eyes just thinking about it? Are there any details that are just flat-out strange?

If you’re depressed, choose comedy — choose something that can bring a smile to your face. Train yourself to seek good opportunities for humour, and you’re training yourself to have a positive attitude.

7. Embrace Your Emotions and Release Them Confidently

The moment you experience an emotion, there’s a reason for it; and therefore it’s valid.

Here’s the challenge: you must control what you do with that emotion.

You could hold the emotion in and let it fester, but that leads to things like depression, pent-up rage, and low self-esteem.

You could release your emotion the moment you feel it without thinking, but that leads to relationship issues with other people. Or, you could release the emotion confidently in a way that asserts your self and your boundaries.

  • Practice observing your emotions when you feel them on a daily basis. Note what the emotion is and be there with it.
  • When you experience a strong emotion such as anger, take time to note your anger, take deep breaths, and calm down.
  • Figure out what or who caused your anger, and why.
  • Assert yourself. Don’t be mean about it, be confident. Say something like, “I would prefer for you to treat everyone as equals in the group, I can’t speak for everyone in the group, but it’s very important to me.”
  • Set your boundaries by repeating “I” statements, such as, “I don’t want you to yell at me, I feel uncomfortable. If there’s a problem, I would prefer to talk about it calmly.”

If you embrace your emotions by processing them — by asking who, what, why, and how — and then you deal with them by expressing yourself confidently, your attitude will remain one of confidence, calmness, and positivity.

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8. Create, Move, Believe, Contemplate Great Things

Once you know you are in control of how you react to thoughts and emotions, and in turn your actions create a pattern that reinforces itself, a huge world of greatness is there for you.

Greatness is there because at all times you can choose it. You can choose to listen to your deepest emotions, which are a thing of beauty because of their intense purity, and you can translate them into new things. New songs, poems, sayings, artworks, running routes, exercise routines, meals, friendships, jobs — it’s all there for you.

Each negative thought is a positive response waiting to happen. Feel how your positive responses and your positive attitude are so enjoyable you wouldn’t trade them for anything else. Believe that you are amazing and your actions will have amazing results — even if you are not around to see the results bloom and flower.

Contemplate great things because they’re the greatest things to contemplate. What if your decision to appreciate other people’s little quirks someday becomes love? What if your decision to write in your diary everyday someday becomes a memoir? You’re capable of all these things, and life can be great.

9. Leave with the Four Agreements — but Agree to Come Back Again and Again

A man named Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four Agreements. With these agreements, Ruiz distills pearls of ancient Toltec wisdom. To transform your attitude, agree to do the following:

  • Don’t make assumptions
  • Don’t take anything personally
  • Be impeccable with your word
  • Do your best

That’s it. Think about how these agreements inform your actions.

If you are doing your best, you are in the moment.

If you are impeccable with your word, you say things that reflect on the world you want to create.

If you don’t take anything personally, you don’t get offended by other people’s words and actions, so you don’t lash out at them.

If you don’t make assumptions, you have realistic expectations.

Furthermore, check out these other tips on how to change your attitude. Return to advice that helps you again and again. With an attitude that says, “I’m always learning,” you’ll do just that, and your life will keep improving.

Featured photo credit: Carolina Heza via unsplash.com

Reference

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