Advertising
Advertising

Published on June 3, 2019

3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

Do you know your value? Before I get into this, I want to begin with a heartbreaking story of a woman I used to know, Mary…

Mary was a quiet woman who mainly kept to herself but was very observant. She watched, she took notes, and most importantly – she listened. When someone talked to her, she felt as if she gained a piece of their soul and she hung on every last word.

Mary had a dream. She wanted to own a book store and discuss novels with customers as they perused the aisles. She imagined offering free coffee and having support groups in the evening where people would gather, connect, and free their souls.

Mary had envisioned her dream in her mind, she had mapped out everything from the color of the walls to the font on her receipts. However, Mary would always say that her dream wasn’t feasible and that it wasn’t realistic. She would ask, “How could someone like me have a life like that?”

Mary dreamed but stopped herself with excuses. She let these resistances stop her from acting – Mary never started to create her dream…

I don’t want you to miss out on your best life like Mary did. She didn’t recognize her value and what she was truly capable of. 

This is why I’m writing this article to help you uncover your true worth to live your best life.

What is Value?

Value is importance, worth, and usefulness. It is the positive energy and contribution to leave something better than how you found it.

We all have something to contribute because it’s why we are here. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a special gift to share with the world.

However, sometimes our value is difficult to find. Sometimes the world we live in makes it challenging to be ourselves. Your service may not be “trendy” or “popular” but it is a necessity. You have the answers that someone needs. Who you are, where you’ve been, and what you do is significant and it will impact the lives of many.

However, if we do not expose our worth and act on our dreams, then we cannot fully help anyone.

Please, I beg of you, DO NOT leave your value covered up by thoughts, opinions, fear, and negativity. Trust that what you offer and who you are is worthy.

You are a worthwhile investment to the world Uncover and act upon your value TODAY. Here’re  3 steps to uncovering and recognizing your value:

Advertising

1. Let Go of Resistence

There are no limits to what you can achieve and the amount of people you can help when your value is fully exposed. However, how can you truly know what you have to offer and how you can impact the world?

I know it is so confusing when we have to sift through societal norms, opinions, past events, and circumstances.

I am here to tell you – IT IS POSSIBLE. It is a process but it is POSSIBLE and it is NECESSARY to living your best life and having the energy to enjoy it.

This process is similar to an onion – peeling away the layers of resistance that have been piled on you for such a long time.

It’s a lot to ask of you, I know. It’s a feat for most people because it is not natural for us to do in this society. It isn’t always encouraged.

Sometimes, we don’t want to face our resistances because we are under this misconception that we are who we were. This mindset has to change – you are NOT who you were – you can be whoever you choose to be.

It can be exhausting to uncover your worth when it has been hiding away for some time. However, when you discover your worth, you receive peace of mind, certainty, presence – a full life that is true to you.

When you nurture and feed your value, you feel truly alive and you are in your own element – essentially at your best.

It begins with a decision.

Decide that whatever knot is in your stomach, that thing in your life you know isn’t right. Decide to unravel it.

Sometimes, that’s who we truly believe we are. This tight, closed off knot.

We sometimes give up trying to loosen up this cluster but we have to. We have to loosen the knot because our value and self-worth are in there.

Letting go can be difficult but it starts with acknowledging what exactly has been holding you back and keeping you stuck.

Advertising

For Mary, it was doubt. Mary doubted that she had what it took to achieve her ultimate dream.

If she could have let go of doubt and replaced it with faith, then she might have left the world fulfilled but instead she left with regret.

Don’t let your resistances define you! Instead, let your dream shape you into the person you will become.

Live in the present, create happy moments and dream big. Stop living by old definitions – that isn’t who you are anymore.

You are valuable and your dreams are worth your time and effort. Someone is in desperate need of you – your past experiences, your knowledge, your solutions.

If you need a little assistance, here are 7 steps to start living your dream life.

After you begin acknowledging your resistances and letting go of them, you can begin to follow what feels right – the positive energy.

Which brings me to step number 2 – your value will bring you happiness and leave you feeling energetic.

2. Follow Your Happiness

Once you have peeled the layers and removed the resistances that have been holding you back, you can begin to follow your happiness.

Now that you are not affected by the judgement of others, crippled by fear, or [insert your resistance here] – you can begin to do what brings you pure joy.

Joy is where your value and self-worth are. This is contradictory to how we are used to living because we have been told to work hard, get our hands dirty, get a good job, pay our bills, and so on and so forth.

We have work, our relationships, all of our obligations, and then we have our hobby or passion (if there is time left for this).

We put everything before our passion and then at the end of the day, we are exhausted – completely drained.

Advertising

Work then play.

I get it – work is good. I love to work, I love to be productive, I love helping people and being a contributing member of society.

BUT, can we work and play? Can we incorporate joy, happiness, and play into everything we do? Does there have to be a separation between the two?

We can’t instruct people to take a shot in the dark at their life just because the job pays the bills. We have to lead people in the direction of their value and passions.

“Oh, he’s just a broke artist”

The way I look at it is that he’s the most successful human being on the planet because he does what he loves, he’s fanatical about it, and he’s doing what his heart desires day and night.

To me, that’s a life worth living.

I’ll tell you what isn’t a life worth living – working at something you don’t enjoy for the majority of your life to meet societies expectations.

So, whatever it is that brings a smile to your face – follow it everywhere and never leave its side. Don’t turn away from your smile because it is where your best life is.

The rest will come if you learn to let go and ignore the resistances as they present themselves.

How do you know you have found your worth?

You’ll know when you have found your worth because at the end of the day, you will be energized. You’ll know you’ve found your worth because you’ll be excited for everything you are going to accomplish tomorrow.

This article can help you find what sparks your joy: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up

Advertising

3. Stick with It

So, you’ve let go of resistance and have started to follow your happiness. You have begun to do what brings joy into your life every chance that you get but you’re still not quite sure of your value.

The resistances are still showing up and you have a to do list to accomplish. I understand that it takes time – it is a process but slowly and surely if you let go and follow your smile a life of value will naturally unfold.

It is a fact that waiting is hard. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, “We want immediate gratification or relief from the lack.”[1]

In other words, we let go of our resistances but we aren’t immediately gaining the life that we desire and that creates a feeling of lack – we aren’t attaining what we want fast enough.

But, we have to make this process a way of life: release and follow your happiness, let go and smile. Make this process apart of who you are.

I promise, you do not have to search for this life. You have to let it come to you.

When you feel that tightness arise, breathe deeply and choose to dismiss the feeling. Give yourself permission to follow your happiness and be diligent – anything worthwhile takes time.

Don’t look for the answers in anyone except for yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, then investigate why that is. Ask yourself important questions.

Don’t put the negativity in a closet for another time – deal with each resistance as they show up and dismiss them and release. You’ll never let anyone down pursing what you love. The saddest story is one that ends with an unfulfilled dream.

Here’re some tips to help you stick to the changes you want to make: 13 Steps To Stick To the Life Changes You Want To Make

You are so very valuable, you are needed and I know this because you are here.

You have so much inside of you that the world needs.

So for the sake of your soul and the other people counting on you – let go and follow your happiness today.

More Articles About Self-Worth and Happiness

Featured photo credit: Ammie Ngo via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jacqueline Battaglia

Growth Coach, Blogger, and Creator of Life is Duck Soup. My approach will help you get to your next potential level, follow your HAPPY path and enjoy each moment fully.

13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently Nothing Makes You Happy: Here’s Why and What to Do 7 Simple Ways to Cope with Stress at Work and Stop Worrying 3 Steps to Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

Trending in Mental Strength

1 How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life 2 15 Ways to Boost Your Motivation for Success 3 How Do I Change for the Better? 11 Little Things to Start Doing 4 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again 5 How to Make a Positive Change for a Fulfilling Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 30, 2020

How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life

How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life

We all know the feeling—when you sense that you are not completely happy and fulfilled with your life—things are not where and how you envisage them to be. You go through the motions everyday, angry with yourself and the universe for throwing you such an unfavorable dice.

You can’t help yourself but feel a perennial envy towards those who are smiled upon by karma—the lucky individuals who seem to have the Midas touch and everything they undertake ends up with success, recognition and greater opportunities. Life must be so exiting.

Unlike yours.

We call this sensation many names: I’ve hit a wall; I’m not making progress; I’m stagnant; I’m moving in loops; Something is off in my life; I’m off balance.

Or simply: feeling stuck.

In this article, we’ll look into the reasons behind this feeling and how to get unstuck in life and live a more fulfilling life.

Is Being Stuck Really Such a Bad Thing?

Is it really so bad to be stuck in the status quo? After all, not everyone can be a super-star, right? What’s wrong with living a quiet life, with not many turns and twists and just going with the flow?

True—there is not much fun in this, but there is not disappointment, anxiety, stress and ill-ambition either. Life is easy and uncomplicated.

So why do we keep hearing over and over from the greats that staying is one place is not a good thing?

Tony Robbins gives us an elegantly simple answer to this question:

“If you are not growing, you are dying. “

“Progress equals happiness,” he says. “That ’s because reaching a goal is satisfying but only temporarily. Life is not about achieving the goals, life is about who you become in pursuit of those goals.”[1]

There you have it—staying in one place makes us unhappy.

We all know that the comfort zone can be great. It’s like a warm old blanket you wrap yourself around on a cold winter night, cuddled in front of your favorite TV show.

But just because something feels comfortable, does it mean it’s ok to stick to it forever?

Progress equals happiness, remember.

You may not even fully be aware of the small voice in the back of your mind that’s been bugging you, but you better learn to listen carefully—because you may wake up one day and realize that your productive life is gone and you haven’t achieved many of the things you wanted for yourself.

Pretty gloomy picture, indeed.

Advertising

Simply put, what the wise men advise us of is not just some self-help fluff for them to gain more popularity or sell more books. It is true—as you will learn below—that not moving forward, not even making the effort to do better or become better—even if you don’t always succeed in these endeavors—is a mental demise and a waste of your potential.

The Common “Stucks”

There are many reasons why you may feel stagnant in your life—some may be completely out of your control even. The main thing, though, is to be able to identify the reasons and then try to take some remedial actions.

But it starts with an awareness—because you can’t fix what you don’t know about, right?

Here are some of the main contributors to your feelings of stuck-ness:

You Lack Purpose in Your Life, or the “Why” of What You Do

Simon Sinek, the best-selling author and motivational speaker tells us in his famous TED talk that every successful endeavor—be it related to an organization, your career or personal life needs to begin with defining the “Why.” You need to be able to explain to yourself why you do what you do and what drives you.

It is the thing (s) that gives meaning and inspires you to wake up in the morning and to want to take on the world. It is your reason for being.

You Like the Status Quo

You may like your comfort zone. After all, it’s…well, comfortable. But as we established, the good old blanket is not necessarily going to make us fulfilled in life. You can watch so many TV shows wrapped in it before you get bored.

We, humans, still carry our ancestors’ fighting instincts—for hunting, for self-preservation, for taking actions to make our lives better. Inaction is not what made the mankind create all the innovations we enjoy today.

The Good-Old Fear of Failure and of the Unknown

Admittedly, it’s not an emotion to be taken lightly—it can be quite real and powerful for many of us.

According to a Gallup poll done a while ago among U.S. teenagers, the fear of being a failure and not succeeding in life was at number four.[2] More specifically, this feeling was described as “making mistakes that will mess up my life,” “not measuring up,” “not leaving a mark.”

So, fear can be a powerful paralyzer and can elicit a “safe-mode” response—i.e. stuck-ness.

Your Crowd

We all know the famous adage that we are the average of the five people we rub shoulders with. So, if your in-crowd is similarly stuck as you are, although it may be consoling at times, you won’t be motivated to make much progress yourself.

It’s called a social proof bias—if everyone around you is doing (or not doing) something, then it is ok for you to follow suit.

Comparisons to Others

While comparisons are not always bad, according to the Social Comparison Theory,[3] they have to be handled with caution.

Faring against others can make you very unhappy with yourself. Failing to recognize that your path is not the same as others’ and that there are many ways to get to an end-point (goal) can be very discouraging to taking the first step to unstuck-ness.

Personality

Our temperaments can also contribute to a sense of feeling stuck. For instance, you may be more of a passive, dreamy kind of person who prefers observing to taking action, pensiveness to gregariousness, solitude to venturing out in the world.

That is, you have more of a slow-burn personality vs. a fiery one—therefore, it takes you longer to contemplate all alternatives before taking the plunge.

And that’s ok. But you need to recognize that this may also be the reason why you are not progressing as fast or as much as you would like towards your goals.

Advertising

And while changing who you are is hard (impossible even, according to some psychologists), there are things that can be done to make it so much better for yourself, which I will discuss a bit later.

A final point to note here is that, paradoxically, it is possible to feel both stuck and unstuck at the same time. For instance, you can have a great career, but your family life may feel a bit stale, or wise versa.

As our personal and professional lives constantly fight for the top spot on our attention list, the feeling of stuck-ness may also depend on where you are on your life’s trajectory.

For someone who is younger and single, stagnation may be felt more vividly in their professional lives, as opposed to someone who is in their mid-life, where family takes priority—such individuals may not feel as down-hearted that they are not progressing quickly enough professionally.

How to Get Unstuck in Life

The neat thing about your path to becoming unstuck is that it follows the so-called Principle of Equifinality,[4] which states that the end state can be reached by many means.

It’s not just one thing that can help you to start moving forward again. There are many avenues you can explore to find out what works for you and with your own story and personality.

1. Show up and Be Willing to Do the Work

Woody Allen has famously said that “80% of success is showing up.” That is, you need to begin with the right motivation and willingness to take action towards unstucking.

You must want to improve your current state. And you must follow through.

2. Self-Reflection

Spend some time alone. You need to figure out why you are stuck—that is, what is the root of your discontent. Meditation may help here too. But this step is essential:

Packing on some self-knowledge and awareness on why you are where you are in life can help you discover a whole new universe of ideas on how to make it better for yourself.

It is as the saying goes: Identifying the problem is half of the solution.

Start to do self-reflection with the help of this article: The Power of Self-Reflection: Ten Questions You Should Ask Yourself

3. Break a Sweat

There is an avalanche of research on the benefits of exercising for the body and the mind. The latest research tells us that if you want to put your mind in the best possible focus shape, a 15-minute jog will do the job better than 15 minutes of relaxation and meditation.[5] It also clears your thinking, improves your attention spans, and can generally make you feel like a “brand new person.”

4. Find a Purpose

As I already touched-upon, the “Why” behind your actions is a prime driver of self-progress. If you link your goals—be them personal or professionals—to a “bigger-than-me” aspiration, then it will be so much easier to convince yourself to keep moving.

According to recent research,[6] we all have a specific purpose-seeking style—similar to our own way of writing, dancing or speaking.

There are four types or “Whys”—creative, prosocial, financial and personal recognition. The prosocial approach to finding meaning, though, which is based on kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others, is the best one in the long-run—it was shown to lead to greater caring, integrity and personal growth.

Here’s How to Find Purpose in Life and Make Yourself a Better Person.

5. Find a Passion

It’s barely a secret that if you enjoy something, you will want to do more of it and it won’t feel like an obligation. You will have an internal motivation to keep going despite setbacks, despite the stress or the tiredness you may experience at times.

Advertising

So, find what thrills you and makes you come alive and strive to become better, the best even, at it. The more progress you make, the more confidence you will have that you can apply the same passion and dedication to all other parts of your life that feel stagnant.

Learn How to Find Your Passion and Live a Fulfilling Life.

6. Nudge Yourself

The Nudge Theory[7] has been around for a while and has shown some wonderful results in positively influencing people’s behaviors—from making us conserve more energy, to improving the payment rates of fines, to making job-seekers more engaged and involved.

Small things as daily reminders in terms of micro-goals you can set on your phone, for instance, can have a profound favorable effect on becoming unstuck.

Nudging can also help overcome some of these personality traits we talked about—like passiveness or acute proneness to procrastination.

7. Seek Different Experiences

Even if you are in a happy relationship, you may still feel stuck—i.e. you may be unfulfilled, uninspired, or bored even of doing identical things over and over. The same rings true for your professional life.

The end-point is that you need to feed your brain different experiences if you want to get unstuck. If you repeat more of the same thing, you will end up with more or less similar outcomes. Change requires taking the path less trodden, experimenting, learning new ways, seeing new places, reading, travelling—it’s an endless list, really, to personal growth.

According to research covered in Psychology Today,[8]

“Activities that lead us to feel uncertainty, discomfort, and even a dash of guilt are associated with some of the most memorable and enjoyable experiences of people’s lives. Happy people, it seems, engage in a wide range of counterintuitive habits that seem, well, downright unhappy.”

8. Leave Behind the Things That Are Not Constructive for You

Arianna Huffington put it in a great way:[9]

“You can complete a project by dropping it.”

Assessing the things that make you feel stagnant is important. But equally valuable is to recognize that just because it may be hard or even impossible to get something that you really want, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or that you are necessarily stuck.

Maybe it’s simply not your thing. For instance, you may want to become a professional golfer. You practice and practice but you can’t quite reach the level of Tiger Woods that you aspire to. Perhaps it’s time to take stock of your life and shift your focus.

9. Compare Wisely

Comparisons can often make you feel down and create a sense of stagnation, which may not always be valid. You must realize that your pace of progress differs from your friends’, neighbours’, siblings or even significant others’.

Just because you are not a millionaire by the age of 30, or haven’t started your own business, or written your third bestseller yet, doesn’t mean that you are not moving forward.

So, mind how you measure your progress and your state of stuck-ness. Your perceptions may differ from reality.

Besides, it’s never ever too late to start things over! Here’s how:

How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

Advertising

10. Ask for Help

Finally, remember that you don’t have to do it all alone. If you feel stuck in your personal life, you can speak to your close ones and find a solution together. Maybe they feel the same way.

At work—raise your hand, speak to your manager, volunteer to do things that can help you learn and become more valuable.

You don’t have to come up with all the answers right now. The most important thing, going back to the first idea, is to be willing to make a change.

When Is Enough Enough?

Seeking progress is a great thing. Who wouldn’t want to become a better version of themselves after all?

But the pursuit of growth should be handled with caution. It can become very addictive and sometimes even be counterproductive.

It’s true—you may experience a “runner’s high” and success can make you overflow with dopamine, but the constant chase of “more” can toss you into a never-ending spinning wheel.

You will never be happy with the status quo and won’t accept things as they are—which, naturally, can open a Pandora box of mental health issues.

That is, too much of a self-improvement drive may leave you unable to enjoy your life, to be fully present in the Now and to appreciate the person that you are.

And this is not necessarily a good thing.

So, should you strive to improve yourself, so that feel unstuck and free again? Absolutely.

But remember to take a breather and be grateful for what you have.

Summing It All Up

The feeling of being satisfied or unsatisfied with one’s life is very personal. Similar to its cousins—happiness and success, it is best measured by and depends on our individual histories, personalities and paths—i.e. my trajectory is different than yours and what makes me feel content may not create the same feeling for you.

For instance, you may be happy to be in a position where you help others and their gratitude is sufficient enough reason for you to wake up in the morning. But for someone else, this situation may create a sense of stuck-ness.

The main take-away here is that you shouldn’t compare your story to anyone else’s because you may end up feeling constantly stuck. And this, speaking from experience, is not the best place in the world to be.

Progress is great, but don’t forget that your life is here and now.

So, try to enjoy yourself some too, while making your grandiose plans to take on the world, will you please?

Featured photo credit: Camila Cordeiro via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next