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Last Updated on November 27, 2020

3 Steps to Truly Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

3 Steps to Truly Know Your Value and Realize It in Life

Do you know your value? Before we get into this, I want to begin with a heartbreaking, personal story of a woman I used to know: Mary.

Mary was a quiet woman who mainly kept to herself but was very observant. She watched, she took notes, and, most importantly, she listened. When someone talked to her, she felt as if she gained a piece of their soul as she hung on every last word.

Mary had a dream. She wanted to own a bookstore and discuss novels with customers as they perused the aisles. She imagined offering free coffee and having support groups in the evening where people would gather, connect, and free their souls.

Mary had envisioned her dream in her mind. She had mapped out everything from the color of the walls to the font on her receipts. However, Mary would always say that her dream wasn’t feasible and that it wasn’t realistic. She would ask, “How could someone like me have a life like that?”

Mary dreamed but stopped herself with excuses. She let this resistance stop her from acting and never started to create her dream.

I don’t want you to miss out on your best life like Mary did. She didn’t recognize her value and what she was truly capable of.

This article is here to help you know your self-worth and live better. Here are 3 steps to help you uncover and know your value.

1. Identify the Source of Resistance

There are no limits to what you can achieve and the amount of people you can help when your value is fully exposed. However, how can you truly know your self-worth and how you can impact the world?

It can be incredibly confusing when we have to sift through societal norms, opinions, past events, and circumstances.

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This process is similar to an onion, peeling away the layers of resistance that have been piled on you for such a long time.

This is a feat for most people because it is not natural for us to do in this society. Sometimes, we don’t want to face our resistances because we are under this misconception that we are who we were.

It can be exhausting to uncover your worth when it has been hiding away for some time. However, when you discover your worth, you receive peace of mind, certainty, presence – a full life that is true to you.

Letting go can be difficult, but it starts with acknowledging what exactly has been holding you back and keeping you stuck[1].

For Mary, it was doubt. Mary doubted that she had what it took to achieve her ultimate dream. If she could have let go of doubt and replaced it with faith, then she might have left the world fulfilled, but instead she left with regret.

To get started write down your goal and the reasons you feel you can’t reach it. It could be self-doubt, a lack of specific skills, a lack of funds, or a weak support system.

Once you know what is leading to your resistance, write down three ways you could overcome each of them. It’s okay if these things are long-term or will take a while. The idea is that you realize that you can overcome each thing that you feel is holding you back.

After you begin acknowledging your resistances and letting go of them, you can begin to follow what feels right to achieve your goals and know your value.

2. Follow Your Happiness

Once you have peeled back the layers and removed the resistance that has been holding you back, you can begin to follow your happiness.

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Now that you are not affected by the judgement of others, crippled by fear, or [insert your resistance here], you can begin to do what brings you pure joy.

Joy is where you learn to know your value and worth. This is contradictory to how we are used to living because we have been told to work hard, have a family, get a good job, pay our bills, and so on and so forth.

We have work, our relationships, all of our obligations, and then we have our hobby or passion (if there is time left for this).

We put everything before our passion, and then, at the end of the day, we are exhausted and completely drained. And we are surprised that we don’t know our self-worth.

Work then play.

BUT, can we work and play? Can we incorporate joy, happiness, and play into everything we do? Does there have to be a separation between the two?

“Oh, he’s just a broke artist.”

The way I look at it is that he’s the most successful human being on the planet because he does what he loves, he’s fanatical about it, and he’s doing what his heart desires day and night. To me, that’s a life worth living.

I’ll tell you what isn’t a life worth living – working at something you don’t enjoy for the majority of your life to meet society’s expectations.

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This can be difficult to overcome. You can start by identifying exactly what brings you the most joy.

Maybe you really do like your job, and you feel it brings value to your life. That’s great! If not, is it one of your hobbies? Do you feel most like yourself when your traveling or painting or helping others?

Identifying your passion is key when you want to know your self-worth and act on it.

You can learn how to find your passion here.

So, whatever it is that brings a smile to your face – follow it everywhere and never leave its side. The rest will come if you learn to let go and ignore the resistances as they present themselves.

3. Stick With It

So, you’ve let go of resistance and have started to follow your happiness. You have begun to do what brings joy into your life every chance that you get, but you’re still not quite sure that you know your value.

The resistances are still showing up, and you have a to-do list to accomplish. It takes time, but slowly and surely, if you let go and follow your smile, a life of value will naturally unfold.

It’s a fact that waiting is hard. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, “We want immediate gratification or relief from the lack”[2].

In other words, we let go of our resistances, but we aren’t immediately gaining the life that we desire, and that creates a feeling of lack. Basically, we aren’t attaining what we want fast enough.

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But, we have to make this process a way of life: release and follow your happiness.

Don’t look for the answers in anyone except for yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, then investigate why that is. Ask yourself important questions. For example, you can do some self-investigation with questions like:

  • Why am I doing what I’m doing?
  • How do I feel about these actions?
  • Is there something I can change right now?
  • What can I do to work toward my future goals?

Don’t put the negativity in a closet for another time – deal with resistance as it shows up or you’ll never know your self-worth. You’ll never let anyone down pursing what you love. The saddest story is one that ends with an unfulfilled dream.

Here’re some tips to help you stick to the changes you want to make: 13 Steps To Stick To the Life Changes You Want To Make

So for the sake of your soul and the other people counting on you – let go and follow your happiness today.

The Bottom Line

If you want to know your value and start feeling good, you have to start creating the life you were meant to live. If you’re unhappy with a job, unable to open yourself up to new relationships, or leaving your hobbies by the wayside, you need to examine what you can do to change things.

Once you’re able to do what brings meaning to your life, you’ll know your value and your worth.

More Tips About Realizing Your Self-Worth

Featured photo credit: Ammie Ngo via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jacqueline Battaglia

Growth Coach, Blogger, and Creator of Life is Duck Soup. My approach will help you get to your next potential level, follow your HAPPY path and enjoy each moment fully.

3 Steps to Truly Know Your Value and Realize It in Life 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently Nothing Makes You Happy: Here’s Why and What to Do 7 Simple Ways to Cope with Stress at Work and Stop Worrying

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Last Updated on November 27, 2020

How to Make Changes in Life To Be the Best Version of You

How to Make Changes in Life To Be the Best Version of You

Let’s start with the problem:

You get back from work. You’re tired. It was a long day. You know there’re things you could do, to get out of the rut you’re in.

But, let’s be honest. You really would rather relax, sit down and chill for a bit. Grab a snack. Watch your favourite show.

By the time you’ve done that, the day’s over. There’s just not enough time. To make this worse – you don’t have the energy or willpower to make changes in your life today.

So where do you go from there?

What you need are some easy to apply actions that are proven to work.

This article is going to give you 4 steps on how to make changes in life so you can follow today and get closer to success – even when you are feeling tired and lazy.

These steps have proven to work for me, and many of the coaching clients I work with privately.

1. Squash Inconsistency by Giving up Motivation

Now most people, when they want to make changes to their lives, focus on making lengthy to-do lists and plans. They think over and over again about what is going wrong, what is going well and what they want, etc.

All in a bid to push themselves to getting more motivated.

Guess what? This isn’t going to work.

Willpower and motivation are feelings. Feelings are vague and unreliable.

Instead, what you should do is focus on putting your flawed unpredictable self in the best possible environments.

If you do one thing first from this list, it’s THIS:

Find and go to the best possible environment for the area of your life you want to change.

For example:

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  • If you want to get fit, make your first goal to show up at the gym three times a week.
  • If you want to find a new relationship, show up to a meet up in your city for single people.
  • If you want to be productive and make your business idea work, don’t work at home, go to a co working space nearby.

The reason people fail to become the best version of themselves is because they underestimate the power of environments to influence behavior.

Accept that you are flawed, prone to distractions and your motivation and willpower will fail you.

The best hack at your disposal? Show up to “change inducing” environments and get out of your comfort zone (physically)!

OK. Next step.

2. Recruit an Elite Team to Help You (For Free)

Send this message to one person you already know and trust that they can help you make changes to your life:

“Hey [first name]. Can I be really frank and honest with you? I’m having one of those – ‘OMG I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY LIFE!’ moments.

And I was browsing the internet, looking for tips and this article I came across suggested accountability. So here I am, messaging you to be part of my accountability system.

My ask is simple.

Can we sit together once a week at [x place] but do absolutely no socializing? I’ll buy the [coffee/food] and it will be a space to force me to do [x thing]. You literally have to do nothing other than eat the free coffee/food I pay for lol. But it will keep my accountability high, which is what I need.

What you reckon? Can you help? Thanks!”

Now obviously, change the language to suit you but you get the idea.

Not only are you going to environments that will help you make changes, but by bringing a friend (or two), you make it even likelier that you will succeed. It doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be a video call.

People fail to make changes to their lives because they try to do it all themselves.

It doesn’t really work in long term, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can recruit and “enlist” people to help you. By doing this, you’re taking care of the up and down motivation you have.

Not only are people happy to help, when they see this type of behavior, they’re also inspired and motivated to change their lives. Pretty soon, you end up creating change in not just your life, but other people’s too.

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So when the next dip in willpower comes?

You have a friend sitting right next to you, watching your every move, making sure you get things done anyway.

3. Build Good Habits That Last

Changing your life means changing your day to day habits.

Habits are automated behaviors you do everyday, like how a clock works, without thinking or motivating yourself to do them.

Some habits help you to change, others can stop you. One of the best ways to replace your ‘bad’ habits with good ones is to treat them like old clothes. What happens when your t-shirt gets old, faded and out of fashion? You replace it with something new and improved.

Do the same thing with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better. Start small, then slowly graduate to higher levels of difficulty.

Let me give you a clear example of what I mean:

A few years ago (before it became mainstream), I was trying to start my own habit of meditating every single day to help boost my productivity and mindfulness. I’d done a mind blowing course called Vipassana. It involved 10 days of deeply powerful meditation combined with noble silence in a remote part of the UK.

Now it was easy to do when I was there (#1 – environment!) with all those other meditators (#2 – people helping me). All I could do was meditate. There were ZERO distractions. I had NO CHOICE.

When I got home however, after a few days of sticking with it, I quickly caved.

Those extra 30 minutes of sleep were just so much easier than waking up everyday at 4am for a long one hour meditation.

So what did I do to build this really important habit?

Like with most things, I wanted to make changes to my life. I wanted to become my best self.

I knew how important it was. I just couldn’t follow through consistently and kept failing over and over.

Then, it hit me.

I needed to start small. I made a tiny change, that made all the difference.

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I made a tiny change, that I could stick to – without fail – that has me meditating daily every single day now.

What was it?

Instead of trying to do something BIG inconsistently (1 hour of 4am morning meditation) and failing again and again. I decided to do something small consistently.

Building any good habit really just comes down to repetition. The way the brain is built works in favour of this.

My new habit became:

When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will sit cross legged for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

Eventually, once I did this consistently for a few months. I increased difficulty.

When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will meditate for 10 minutes.

Why does this work?

What’s important here is that the behavior you want (meditating) is tied to another consistent habit (folding your bedding).

I attached my new habit to one that already is consistent.

Making it more likely to happen.

Secondly, I aimed for consistency, not perfection. This is where a lot of people fail. They have an idea of the change they want, but things become all or nothing.

When you do this, you fail to realize the power of consistency. The brain you have loves patterns. In this case, I trained my brain to repeat a set pattern every morning when I fold my bed.

There was no motivation or willpower required.

This training has gone so far now that if I miss a day of meditating, I really feel uncomfortable. I’m just as conditioned to meditate as most people are to checking their phones in the morning.

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If you want to learn more about quitting bad habits, Lifehack’s CEO also has a guide on it: How to Break Bad Habits: I Broke 3 Bad Habits in Less Than 2 Months

4. Create More Time by Limiting Your Social Media Usage

You know the best thing I’ve ever done for my productivity and it took me 30 seconds to do?

I deleted all social media apps from my phone and blocked them on my laptop.

Then, to reinforce it, I told all my friends and followers on Facebook (my most used platform) I wasn’t using it for a while.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with my social media. Social media is a tool. Tools are neutral. It’s how we use them that is “productive” or “distracting”.

We each have to judge how healthy our usage is, especially when weighed against unlocking our best self. That said, for most people reading this, including me, I think limiting our usage is a very favorable advantage.

One of the best ways to make changes in our lives is not to add new tools or tricks. But simply remove things that distract us.

Social media is something I use heavily for my businesses. Technically I’m a “social media influencer” and “YouTuber”. I need to be posting constantly, right?

Our situations are unique, so I came up with a unique solution for this. After deleting and blocking these apps from my devices, I installed a social media management software that still allows me to post my updates.

The big difference, however, is I cannot spend any time scrolling and being distracted.

If you need a bit of extra help for this, take a look at this article: How to Quit Social Media for a Happier and More Focused Life

Final Thoughts

Change is not always about more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and getting rid of what distracts or blocks you.

Trying to do things by yourself is a good way to fail. Share your goals and pitfalls with people, no one helps until you ask.

Start with small changes consistently instead of big changes failed at consistently. The momentum will give you results over time.

So what to do next to make changes in your life?

  1. Write down where you are going to GO to create the changes you want.
  2. Message 3 to 4 people on social media and ask them to help you using the message template I gave you.
  3. Choose one small habit to get started with immediately and upgrade it over time.
  4. Delete all, or at least most social media apps on your devices, and notify people you are leaving to make it stick.

More About Making Changes in Life

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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