Advertising
Advertising

How to Make a Relationship Last (Given That 50% of Couples End up in Divorce)

How to Make a Relationship Last (Given That 50% of Couples End up in Divorce)

Seems hard to believe, right? If half of all marriages end in divorce, the odds seem to be against you and your partner (or future partner). Don’t start questioning everything just yet, there’s still hope.

Turns out there’s a reason relationships tend not to last.

When you meet somebody new or have a new experience, your brain releases opioids. These feel good chemicals make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Think about the first time you kissed your significant other – amazing, right? Now that you’ve kissed at least a hundred times, does it still feel the same? Probably not. That’s because that exciting feeling tends to go away after having the same experience time and time again.

Advertising

The same thing happens in a long term relationship. In other words, the passion starts to fade.

You can stop boredom from happening in your long term relationship.

Don’t just start looking for a new partner. The same problem is bound to occur no matter who you’re with. Some great relationship advice is to learn about the 5 stages of love and why so many people never make it past stage 3. If you can make it past that stage, you hav e a chance at making your relationship last. This is only true if you’re willing to put in some effort.

Advertising

Follow this relationship advice to make your relationship last.

Ask yourself some questions.

When you start to doubt your relationship because the spark has begun to fade, it’s time to ask yourself some very important questions. How did the relationship start? How often do you laugh together? Can you remember the most romantic moment the two of you have shared? Reflecting on these questions can help you remember what you love about your significant other.

Never stop pretending that you’re in a new relationship.

You’ve probably fallen into the rut of the same old routine everyday. Stop that! Remember when you’re relationship was new? Everything was different and exciting. It can still be that way. Recreate your first date or come up with some new date ideas. Don’t forget the power of holding hands. Take yourself back to the feeling of falling in love. Keep everyday fresh and new to keep the passion alive.

Advertising

Remember all the little details.

Being in a long term relationship doesn’t give you permission to stop putting in effort. In fact, the opposite is true. If you feel like you’re getting bored with your partner, take this relationship advice: do things together. Whether it’s finding things to do on the weekend or coming up with cheap and fun date ideas – staying busy keeps boredom at bay. Are you low on cash? That’s still no excuse. You can find plenty of fun things to do at home. One of the most import ant details you can remember is your anniversary. Make it special with some fun anniversary ideas that will bring the two of you closer together and make a memory you’ll never forget.

Don’t forget about things outside of your relationship.

Even though you’re in a long term relationship, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you are an individual. Some of the best relationship advice out there is to never let go of your independence or who you were before you got together with your significant other. If you used to love painting, taking pictures, or hiking – make sure to keep doing those things. Don’t give up your hobbies just because your partner doesn’t like those things. Remember, you don’t have to do everything with them.

Advertising

A lot of us tend to spend less time with our friends when we start a new relationship. That’s normal, but you shouldn’t forget about them completely. Try to make some time in your life to be with your friends. Just as romantic relationships take effort, so too do friendships. Tired of going to the same old pub with your friends? Try some great, low cost activities together.

Take the relationship advice mentioned here. You’ll feel better in your relationship and the two of you will stand a better chance at beating the odds.

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

Trending in Psychology

1Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist? 2What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It 3How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation 4A Negotiation Is Like a Game, You Can’t Get the Best Deal Without a Strategy 54 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

Advertising

Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

Advertising

Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

Advertising

When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

Advertising

Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

Read Next