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If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

Have you ever tried your very best to be nice to friends and colleagues, only to have them turn around and accuse you of being a people-pleaser or a sycophant? If you are doing any of these six things, chances are that this has happened to you. Being nice guy or gal is great, and we aren’t asking you to forget your manners and become a verbal bully – but there is something to be said about trying too hard to be too nice. It won’t always beget niceness in return…

1. You never, ever say NO!

Say you’re sick or just feeling a bit low and someone asks you for a favor that you simply don’t want to do. If though your soul is saying nay, you end up opening your mouth and saying yes! Why? For a people-pleaser like you, saying no to someone for anything is a cardinal sin.

While it’s great to be helpful, remember that nodding your head in acquiescence once too often will only make others think of you as a brainless yes person. [1]

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2. You care a little too much about what others think or say.

If every little, or big decision in your life is being subconsciously being dictated by others – you are most certainly a people-pleaser. You let others choose your meal; you think of your boyfriend and his likes whilst shopping, you wonder how others will judge you if you really get that tattoo you’ve been wanting for ever so long…

Not wanting to hurt others is an admirable sentiment, but don’t over-analyze everything to the point of stopping your own free will!

3. You apologize. All. The. Time.

If everything you say or do is interspersed ever so often with an apology – you are trying too hard to be a people pleaser, even if it’s on a subconscious level. You want for everyone to like you and so to smooth over ruffled feathers; you apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with…

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Trying to defuse a potentially incendiary situation is great, but not at the cost of you turning into a doormat… [2]

4. You do not let go of people or relationships, even if they are toxic to you.

Wanting to retain friends and keep the bond strong is a good thing mostly – it is hard to make friends so going that extra mile to ensure they are there in your life is a god attitude. However, some relationships sour over time or were toxic to begin with – not letting go of bonds that only send hurt and negative sentiments to you means you are harming yourself. [3]

Don’t be afraid to walk away – being with people who want to bring you down will bring you down eventually.

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5. You let other people take advantage of you. Willingly.

If you are a people-pleaser, then your friends and family will take advantage of you repeatedly simply because they know for a fact that you will do anything for them. This means you are often emotionally blackmailed into doing things or being in situations you don’t want to do or be in.

Stand up for your rights and make sure that you don’t get involved in anything that you feel is the wrong road for you…

6. There is no “me-time” in your life…

Have you ever noticed how you are always doing something for others? When was the last time you spent some time on yourself? Went to the salon, read a good book or even wound down with a glass of wine? [4]

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Being kind to others is awesome, but be kind to yourself too. You deserve the good things in life as much as the other person so remember to make yourself a priority as well…

Remember that being too good can often be taken as a sign of weakness – don’t be a people-pleaser and let the world push you into a corner. Remember to live life on your own terms, polite as they may be!

Reference

[1] Psych Central: Learn To Say No
[2] Health Guidance: Why You Should Stop Saying Sorry…
[3] TinyBuddha: Letting Go…
[4] MindBodyGreen: Why Me Time Is Important…

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Rima Pundir

Health, Wellness & Productivity Writer

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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