Have you ever tried your very best to be nice to friends and colleagues, only to have them turn around and accuse you of being a people-pleaser or a sycophant? If you are doing any of these six things, chances are that this has happened to you. Being nice guy or gal is great, and we aren’t asking you to forget your manners and become a verbal bully – but there is something to be said about trying too hard to be too nice. It won’t always beget niceness in return…

1. You never, ever say NO!

Say you’re sick or just feeling a bit low and someone asks you for a favor that you simply don’t want to do. If though your soul is saying nay, you end up opening your mouth and saying yes! Why? For a people-pleaser like you, saying no to someone for anything is a cardinal sin.

While it’s great to be helpful, remember that nodding your head in acquiescence once too often will only make others think of you as a brainless yes person. [1]

2. You care a little too much about what others think or say.

If every little, or big decision in your life is being subconsciously being dictated by others – you are most certainly a people-pleaser. You let others choose your meal; you think of your boyfriend and his likes whilst shopping, you wonder how others will judge you if you really get that tattoo you’ve been wanting for ever so long…

Not wanting to hurt others is an admirable sentiment, but don’t over-analyze everything to the point of stopping your own free will!

3. You apologize. All. The. Time.

If everything you say or do is interspersed ever so often with an apology – you are trying too hard to be a people pleaser, even if it’s on a subconscious level. You want for everyone to like you and so to smooth over ruffled feathers; you apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with…

Trying to defuse a potentially incendiary situation is great, but not at the cost of you turning into a doormat… [2]

4. You do not let go of people or relationships, even if they are toxic to you.

Wanting to retain friends and keep the bond strong is a good thing mostly – it is hard to make friends so going that extra mile to ensure they are there in your life is a god attitude. However, some relationships sour over time or were toxic to begin with – not letting go of bonds that only send hurt and negative sentiments to you means you are harming yourself. [3]

Don’t be afraid to walk away – being with people who want to bring you down will bring you down eventually.

5. You let other people take advantage of you. Willingly.

If you are a people-pleaser, then your friends and family will take advantage of you repeatedly simply because they know for a fact that you will do anything for them. This means you are often emotionally blackmailed into doing things or being in situations you don’t want to do or be in.

Stand up for your rights and make sure that you don’t get involved in anything that you feel is the wrong road for you…

6. There is no “me-time” in your life...

Have you ever noticed how you are always doing something for others? When was the last time you spent some time on yourself? Went to the salon, read a good book or even wound down with a glass of wine? [4]

Being kind to others is awesome, but be kind to yourself too. You deserve the good things in life as much as the other person so remember to make yourself a priority as well…

Remember that being too good can often be taken as a sign of weakness – don’t be a people-pleaser and let the world push you into a corner. Remember to live life on your own terms, polite as they may be!