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If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

Have you ever tried your very best to be nice to friends and colleagues, only to have them turn around and accuse you of being a people-pleaser or a sycophant? If you are doing any of these six things, chances are that this has happened to you. Being nice guy or gal is great, and we aren’t asking you to forget your manners and become a verbal bully – but there is something to be said about trying too hard to be too nice. It won’t always beget niceness in return…

1. You never, ever say NO!

Say you’re sick or just feeling a bit low and someone asks you for a favor that you simply don’t want to do. If though your soul is saying nay, you end up opening your mouth and saying yes! Why? For a people-pleaser like you, saying no to someone for anything is a cardinal sin.

While it’s great to be helpful, remember that nodding your head in acquiescence once too often will only make others think of you as a brainless yes person. [1]

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2. You care a little too much about what others think or say.

If every little, or big decision in your life is being subconsciously being dictated by others – you are most certainly a people-pleaser. You let others choose your meal; you think of your boyfriend and his likes whilst shopping, you wonder how others will judge you if you really get that tattoo you’ve been wanting for ever so long…

Not wanting to hurt others is an admirable sentiment, but don’t over-analyze everything to the point of stopping your own free will!

3. You apologize. All. The. Time.

If everything you say or do is interspersed ever so often with an apology – you are trying too hard to be a people pleaser, even if it’s on a subconscious level. You want for everyone to like you and so to smooth over ruffled feathers; you apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with…

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Trying to defuse a potentially incendiary situation is great, but not at the cost of you turning into a doormat… [2]

4. You do not let go of people or relationships, even if they are toxic to you.

Wanting to retain friends and keep the bond strong is a good thing mostly – it is hard to make friends so going that extra mile to ensure they are there in your life is a god attitude. However, some relationships sour over time or were toxic to begin with – not letting go of bonds that only send hurt and negative sentiments to you means you are harming yourself. [3]

Don’t be afraid to walk away – being with people who want to bring you down will bring you down eventually.

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5. You let other people take advantage of you. Willingly.

If you are a people-pleaser, then your friends and family will take advantage of you repeatedly simply because they know for a fact that you will do anything for them. This means you are often emotionally blackmailed into doing things or being in situations you don’t want to do or be in.

Stand up for your rights and make sure that you don’t get involved in anything that you feel is the wrong road for you…

6. There is no “me-time” in your life…

Have you ever noticed how you are always doing something for others? When was the last time you spent some time on yourself? Went to the salon, read a good book or even wound down with a glass of wine? [4]

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Being kind to others is awesome, but be kind to yourself too. You deserve the good things in life as much as the other person so remember to make yourself a priority as well…

Remember that being too good can often be taken as a sign of weakness – don’t be a people-pleaser and let the world push you into a corner. Remember to live life on your own terms, polite as they may be!

Reference

[1] Psych Central: Learn To Say No
[2] Health Guidance: Why You Should Stop Saying Sorry…
[3] TinyBuddha: Letting Go…
[4] MindBodyGreen: Why Me Time Is Important…

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Rima Pundir

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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