Advertising
Advertising

If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

Have you ever tried your very best to be nice to friends and colleagues, only to have them turn around and accuse you of being a people-pleaser or a sycophant? If you are doing any of these six things, chances are that this has happened to you. Being nice guy or gal is great, and we aren’t asking you to forget your manners and become a verbal bully – but there is something to be said about trying too hard to be too nice. It won’t always beget niceness in return…

1. You never, ever say NO!

Say you’re sick or just feeling a bit low and someone asks you for a favor that you simply don’t want to do. If though your soul is saying nay, you end up opening your mouth and saying yes! Why? For a people-pleaser like you, saying no to someone for anything is a cardinal sin.

While it’s great to be helpful, remember that nodding your head in acquiescence once too often will only make others think of you as a brainless yes person. [1]

Advertising

2. You care a little too much about what others think or say.

If every little, or big decision in your life is being subconsciously being dictated by others – you are most certainly a people-pleaser. You let others choose your meal; you think of your boyfriend and his likes whilst shopping, you wonder how others will judge you if you really get that tattoo you’ve been wanting for ever so long…

Not wanting to hurt others is an admirable sentiment, but don’t over-analyze everything to the point of stopping your own free will!

3. You apologize. All. The. Time.

If everything you say or do is interspersed ever so often with an apology – you are trying too hard to be a people pleaser, even if it’s on a subconscious level. You want for everyone to like you and so to smooth over ruffled feathers; you apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with…

Advertising

Trying to defuse a potentially incendiary situation is great, but not at the cost of you turning into a doormat… [2]

4. You do not let go of people or relationships, even if they are toxic to you.

Wanting to retain friends and keep the bond strong is a good thing mostly – it is hard to make friends so going that extra mile to ensure they are there in your life is a god attitude. However, some relationships sour over time or were toxic to begin with – not letting go of bonds that only send hurt and negative sentiments to you means you are harming yourself. [3]

Don’t be afraid to walk away – being with people who want to bring you down will bring you down eventually.

Advertising

5. You let other people take advantage of you. Willingly.

If you are a people-pleaser, then your friends and family will take advantage of you repeatedly simply because they know for a fact that you will do anything for them. This means you are often emotionally blackmailed into doing things or being in situations you don’t want to do or be in.

Stand up for your rights and make sure that you don’t get involved in anything that you feel is the wrong road for you…

6. There is no “me-time” in your life…

Have you ever noticed how you are always doing something for others? When was the last time you spent some time on yourself? Went to the salon, read a good book or even wound down with a glass of wine? [4]

Advertising

Being kind to others is awesome, but be kind to yourself too. You deserve the good things in life as much as the other person so remember to make yourself a priority as well…

Remember that being too good can often be taken as a sign of weakness – don’t be a people-pleaser and let the world push you into a corner. Remember to live life on your own terms, polite as they may be!

Reference

[1] Psych Central: Learn To Say No
[2] Health Guidance: Why You Should Stop Saying Sorry…
[3] TinyBuddha: Letting Go…
[4] MindBodyGreen: Why Me Time Is Important…

More by this author

Rima Pundir

Health, Wellness & Productivity Writer

what to do when you hate your job What to Do When You Hate Your Job and Need a Change Stiff Muscles Make You Feel Sick Often: 8 Natural Muscle Relaxers You Can’t Miss When You Drive And Don’t Drink Enough Water, It’s As Dangerous As Drunk Driving Having A Glass Of This Drink Before You Sleep Can Burn Your Fat Insanely Fast How Common Language Can Help You Strengthen Your Friendship

Trending in Communication

1 Why Is Life So Hard? 4 Things You Can Do About It 2 5 Things to Do If You Don’t Want to Get Back to Work 3 Take Back Control of your Life with Positive Emotions 4 Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again 5 I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life! 5 Steps to Get Unstuck

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

Advertising

The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

Advertising

Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

    Advertising

    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

    Read Next