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If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

If You Do These 6 Things Often, Others May Take You As A People-Pleaser

Have you ever tried your very best to be nice to friends and colleagues, only to have them turn around and accuse you of being a people-pleaser or a sycophant? If you are doing any of these six things, chances are that this has happened to you. Being nice guy or gal is great, and we aren’t asking you to forget your manners and become a verbal bully – but there is something to be said about trying too hard to be too nice. It won’t always beget niceness in return…

1. You never, ever say NO!

Say you’re sick or just feeling a bit low and someone asks you for a favor that you simply don’t want to do. If though your soul is saying nay, you end up opening your mouth and saying yes! Why? For a people-pleaser like you, saying no to someone for anything is a cardinal sin.

While it’s great to be helpful, remember that nodding your head in acquiescence once too often will only make others think of you as a brainless yes person. [1]

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2. You care a little too much about what others think or say.

If every little, or big decision in your life is being subconsciously being dictated by others – you are most certainly a people-pleaser. You let others choose your meal; you think of your boyfriend and his likes whilst shopping, you wonder how others will judge you if you really get that tattoo you’ve been wanting for ever so long…

Not wanting to hurt others is an admirable sentiment, but don’t over-analyze everything to the point of stopping your own free will!

3. You apologize. All. The. Time.

If everything you say or do is interspersed ever so often with an apology – you are trying too hard to be a people pleaser, even if it’s on a subconscious level. You want for everyone to like you and so to smooth over ruffled feathers; you apologize, even if it wasn’t your fault to begin with…

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Trying to defuse a potentially incendiary situation is great, but not at the cost of you turning into a doormat… [2]

4. You do not let go of people or relationships, even if they are toxic to you.

Wanting to retain friends and keep the bond strong is a good thing mostly – it is hard to make friends so going that extra mile to ensure they are there in your life is a god attitude. However, some relationships sour over time or were toxic to begin with – not letting go of bonds that only send hurt and negative sentiments to you means you are harming yourself. [3]

Don’t be afraid to walk away – being with people who want to bring you down will bring you down eventually.

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5. You let other people take advantage of you. Willingly.

If you are a people-pleaser, then your friends and family will take advantage of you repeatedly simply because they know for a fact that you will do anything for them. This means you are often emotionally blackmailed into doing things or being in situations you don’t want to do or be in.

Stand up for your rights and make sure that you don’t get involved in anything that you feel is the wrong road for you…

6. There is no “me-time” in your life…

Have you ever noticed how you are always doing something for others? When was the last time you spent some time on yourself? Went to the salon, read a good book or even wound down with a glass of wine? [4]

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Being kind to others is awesome, but be kind to yourself too. You deserve the good things in life as much as the other person so remember to make yourself a priority as well…

Remember that being too good can often be taken as a sign of weakness – don’t be a people-pleaser and let the world push you into a corner. Remember to live life on your own terms, polite as they may be!

Reference

[1] Psych Central: Learn To Say No
[2] Health Guidance: Why You Should Stop Saying Sorry…
[3] TinyBuddha: Letting Go…
[4] MindBodyGreen: Why Me Time Is Important…

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Rima Pundir

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Last Updated on July 27, 2020

7 Ways to Make Life Changing Decisions

7 Ways to Make Life Changing Decisions

Most people don’t know the profound effects of making life decisions. Often times, we go through life oblivious to what thoughts we are thinking and what actions we are taking. Every single decision we make in our days shapes our current reality. It shapes who we are as a person because we habitually follow through with the decisions we make without even realizing it.

If you’re unhappy with the results in your life right now, making the effort to changing your decisions starting today will be the key to creating the person you want to be and the life you want to have in the future.

Let’s talk about the 7 ways you can go about making life changing decisions.

1. Realize the Power of Decision Making

Before you start making a decision, you have to understand what a decision does.

Any decision that you make causes a chain of events to happen. When you decide to pick up a cigarette to smoke it, that decision might result in you picking up another one later on to get that same high feeling. After a day, you may have gone through a pack without knowing it. But if you decide not to smoke that first cigarette and make a decision every five minutes to focus your attention somewhere else when you get that craving, after doing this for a week, your cravings will eventually subside and you will become smoke-free.

But it comes down to making that very first decision of deciding whether or not to pick up that cigarette.

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2. Go with Your Gut

Often times, we take too much time to make a decision because we’re afraid of what’s going to happen. As a result of this, we go through things like careful planning, deep analysis, and pros and cons before deciding. This is a very time consuming process.

Instead, learn to trust your gut instinct. For the most part, your first instinct is usually the one that is correct or the one that you truly wanted to go with.

Even if you end up making a mistake, going with your gut still makes you a more confident decision maker compared to someone who takes all day to decide.

3. Carry Your Decision Out

When you make a decision, act on it. Commit to making a real decision.

What’s a real decision? It’s when you decide on something, and that decision is carried out through action. It’s pointless to make a decision and have it played out in your head, but not doing anything about it. That’s the same as not making a decision at all.

If you want to make real changes in life, you have to make it a habit to apply action with your decision until it’s completed. By going through this so many times, you will feel more confident with accomplishing the next decision that you have in mind.

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4. Tell Others About Your Decisions

There’s something about telling other people what we’re going to do that makes us follow through.

For example, for the longest time, I’ve been trying to become an early riser. Whenever I tried to use my own willpower, waking up early without falling back asleep felt impossible. So what I did was I went to a forum and made the decision to tell people that I would wake up at 6 AM and stay up. Within two days, I was able to accomplish doing this because I felt a moral obligation to follow through with my words even though I failed the first time.

Did people care? Probably not, but just the fact that there might be someone else out there seeing if you’re telling the truth will give you enough motivation to following through with your decision.

5. Learn from Your Past Decisions

Even after I failed to follow through my decision the first time when I told people I was going to wake up early and stay up, I didn’t give up. I basically asked myself, “What can I do this time to make it work tomorrow?”

The truth is, you are going to mess up at times when it comes to making decisions. Instead of beating yourself up over it, learn something from it.

Ask yourself, what was good about the decision I made? What was bad about it? What can I learn from it so I can make a better decision next time?

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Remember, don’t put so much emphasis focusing on short term effects; instead focus on the long term effects.

6. Maintain a Flexible Approach

I know this might sound counter-intuitive, but making a decision doesn’t mean that you can’t be open to other options.

For example, let’s say you made the decision to lose ten pounds by next month through cardio. If something comes up, you don’t have to just do cardio. You can be open to losing weight through different methods of dieting as long as it helps you reach your goal in the end.

Don’t be stubborn to seek out only one way of making a decision. Embrace any new knowledge that brings you closer to accomplishing your initial decision.

7. Have Fun Making Decisions

Finally, enjoy the process. I know decision-making might not be the most fun thing world to do, but when you do it often, it becomes a game of opportunity.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself on the way, you’ll feel and become a lot more confident when you’re with yourself and around others, and making decisions will just become a lot easier after you do it so often that you won’t even think about it.

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Anything you decide to do from this point on can have a profound effect later on. Opportunities are always waiting for you. Examine the decisions that you currently have in the day.

Are there any that can be changed to improve your life in some way? Are there any decisions that you can make today that can create a better tomorrow?

Final Thoughts

Some decisions in life are harder to make, but with these 7 pieces of advice, you can trust yourself more even when you’re making some of the most important decisions.

Making a decision is the only way to move forward. So remember, any decision is better than none at all.

More Tips for Making Better Decisions

Featured photo credit: Justin Luebke via unsplash.com

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