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How to Show Affection without Looking Needy or Being Clingy

How to Show Affection without Looking Needy or Being Clingy

There’s nothing more exciting than falling in love, right? The honeymoon period of a new relationship is all about getting to know an unfamiliar person you allowed to enter your life, and chances are you want to spend time with them 24/7. It’s romantic, it’s exhilarating, it’s passionate – and it makes you incredibly nervous.

Why? Well, because you can’t be sure what that other person’s boundaries are when it comes to showing affection. If you have an uncontrollable desire to go to the highest building and declare your feelings to the world, you might want to reconsider so you don’t scare your new lover away.

When fear of commitment isn’t something you find familiar, it may be a tad difficult to understand the sensation of uncomfortable feelings that a person might be experiencing – it can be terrifying. That fear of being bound by chains for all eternity is extreme and unrealistic, but you should try to understand it before your relationship ends and you end up wondering what you did wrong.

Investing yourself in such a manner and being enthusiastic to share your whole self with someone is beautiful, and no one should take that away from you. However, giving too much too soon is often a recipe for getting hurt, which is why you should go with a slower rhythm.

The Chemistry of Love

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    If I were you, I would start by getting to understand the physical aspect of what happens to people when they fall in love. Your mind is capable of unbelievable things, and when you start experiencing romantic feelings towards someone, it goes really crazy.

    When you fall for someone, you go through the whole spectrum of emotions, both pleasant and not so pleasant. There’s a whole chemical reaction boiling inside of you, so it should be no surprise that you’re nervous, and that you’re constantly blushing and feeling sort of anxious in a good way. Your heart feels like it’s going to jump right out of your chest all for one reason – adrenalin is being released whenever you’re near that person, or even thinking about them. You don’t have to be into extreme sports in order to get an adrenalin rush – you just need to like someone.

    Getting intimate with your special someone causes the production of oxytocin, the happiness hormone that makes you feel even more attached to someone. You should also know that a rewarding substance called dopamine, which is responsible for people being addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, and even food, is the reason why you feel pleasure when talking to and kissing your new lover. So basically, falling in love is addictive, which explains why you feel obsessed.

    Speaking of obsessed – levels of serotonin significantly drop when a person is in love, which also happens to people who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. So, we can feel free to conclude that your judgement is clouded and that you’re not thinking straight.

    Don’t Overthink

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      At least, try not to. Thinking too much about whether or not you should do or say something makes you even more confused, and your inner struggle usually finds a way to be obvious, so you end up looking like you’re trying to find the square root of 7,452,789. And when you realize that you look like a dummy, frustration comes knocking on your door.

      This is when your confidence levels significantly decrease and you start doing some things you normally wouldn’t, which usually makes you look like a crazy person. So, get a hold of yourself and try to be realistic about what you think, and what you do, in order to avoid a restraining order.

      Although it may not go this far, seven missed calls and five texts make you look very clingy, and that’s the opposite of attractive. Take it easy, wait for your call to be returned, and stop playing unrealistic scenarios in your mind.

      Don’t Push It If You Encounter Resistance

        You should pay close attention to the amount of feedback you receive. Public affection is one of the most important aspects to focus on here – not everyone is a fan of that, you know. Whether your partner isn’t comfortable with making your relationship official by holding hands or kissing in public, or they generally dislike that way of showing affection, you need to give them space to show or tell you that, and you should be understanding of their decision.

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        You’ll have enough room to smother your partner with love and hugs when you get to know each other properly, so be patient and give it time.

        Direct Your Inspiration

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          Instead of sending “Where are you,” “Why are you not answering,” “What are you doing,” “Call me back,” and “I’m still waiting,” texts during just a couple of minutes, which is the very definition of being needy, you should direct your inspiration to romantic acts, not on being obsessive. If you want to let your partner know you’re thinking of them, be creative with your texts and try to elegantly notify them you’d like to increase your communication.

          So, if you feel like you want to show how much you appreciate your partner’s company, surprise them with a homemade romantic dinner with candlelight and flowers, so you can talk and bond in a pleasant atmosphere.

          Provide some Breathing Room

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            Good things to those who wait, right? I don’t think you should be passive and wait for things to happen to you, but insisting on seeing your special someone every day, twice a day is too much. Instead of placing your focus on quantity here, you should shift it to quality.

            So, when you do schedule the next date, make every second count and fill your time together with various forms of pleasure. If you see too much of each other, your passion might burn out and you’ll get saturated and bored, and that’s something you don’t want to happen.

            Being enthusiastic about a person and wanting them in your life should be nothing but highly flattering to your special someone, but your rush decisions and extreme actions could make them want to run and never come back. There’s a subtle way to express your feelings, and you should do it with tact – it’s healthier for you and your relationship as well.

            Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com via pexels.com

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            Published on July 29, 2020

            How to Build Strategic Thinking Skills for Effective Leadership

            How to Build Strategic Thinking Skills for Effective Leadership

            Have you been thinking of how you can be a more strategic leader during these uncertain times? Has the pandemic thrown a wrench at all your carefully laid out plans and initiatives?

            You’re not alone. The truth is, we all want some stability in our careers and teams during this disruptive pandemic.

            However, this now requires a bit more effort than before and making the leap from merely surviving to thriving means buckling down to some serious strategic thinking and maintaining a determined mindset.

            Is There a Way to Thrive Despite These Disruptions?

            Essentially – yes, although you need to be willing to put in the work. Every leader wants to develop strategic thinking skills so that they can enhance overall team performance and boost their company’s success, but what exactly does it mean to be strategic in the context of the times we live in?

            If you happen to be in a leadership position in your organization right now, you are most probably navigating precarious waters given the disruptions caused by the pandemic. There’s a lot more pressure than before because your actions and decisions will have a much greater impact these days not just on you, but also to the people who are part of your team.

            Companies often bring me in to coach executives on strategic thinking and planning. And while pre-pandemic I would usually start by highlighting the advantages of strategic thinking, nowadays, I always begin these Zoom coaching sessions by driving home the point that this pandemic has now made strategic thinking not just an option but an absolute must.

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            Assessing and making plans through the lens of a good strategy might require significant work at first. Nevertheless, you can take comfort in the fact that the rewards will far outweigh the effort, as you’ll soon see after following the 8 strategic steps I have outlined below.

            8 Steps to Strategic Thinking

            As events unfold during these strange times, you’re bound to feel wrong-footed every now and then. Being a leader during this pandemic means preparing for more change not just for you, but for your whole team as well.

            As states and cities go through a cycle of lockdowns and reopening, employees will experience the full gamut of human emotions in dizzying speed, and you will often be called on to provide insight and stability to your team and workplace.

            Strategic thinking is all about anticipation and preparation. Rather than expending your energy merely helping your company put out fires and survive, you can put the time to better use by charting out a solid plan that can protect and help you and your company thrive.

            Take the following steps to build solid initiatives and roll out successful projects:

            Step 1: Step Back, Then Set the Scope

            One of the things that leaders get wrong during their first attempt at strategic thinking is expecting that it is just another item on a checklist. The truth is, you need to take a good, long look at the bigger picture before anything else. This means decisively prioritizing and stepping away from tasks that can be delegated to others. Free up your schedule so you can focus on this crucial task at hand.

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            Then, proceed with setting the scope and the strategic goals of the project or initiative you plan to build or execute. Ask yourself the bigger question of why you need to embark on a particular project and when would be the right time to do so.

            You need to set a timeline as well, anywhere from 6 months to 5 years. Keep in mind that your projections will deteriorate the further out you go as you make longer-term plans.

            For this reason, add extra resources, flexibility, and resilience if you have a longer timeline. You should also be making the goals less specific if you’re charting it out for the longer term.

            Step 2: Make a List of Experts

            Make and keep a list of credible people who can contribute solid insight and feedback to your initiative. This could range from key stakeholders to industry experts, mentors, and even colleagues who previously planned and rolled out similar projects.

            Reach out to the people on this list regularly while you work through the steps to bring diverse insight into your planning process. This way, you will be able to approach any problem from every angle.

            Bringing key stakeholders into this initial process will also display your willingness to listen and empathize with their issues. In return, this will build trust and potentially pave the way for smoother buy-in down the line.

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            Step 3: Anticipate the Future

            After identifying your goals and gathering feedback, it’s time to consider what the future would look like if everything goes as you intuitively anticipate. Then, lay out the kind and amount of resources (money, time, social capital) that might be needed to keep this anticipated future running.

            Step 4: Brainstorm on Potential Internal and External Problems

            Next, think of how the future would look if you encountered unexpected problems internal and external to the business activity that seriously jeopardize your expected vision of the future. Write out what kind of potential problems you might encounter, including low-probability ones.

            Assess the likelihood that you will run into each problem. To gauge, multiply the likelihood by the number of resources needed to address the problem. Try to convert the resources into money if possible so that you can have a single unit of measurement.

            Then, think of what steps you can take to address these internal and external problems before they even happen. Write out how much you expect these steps might cost. Lastly, add up all the extra resources that may be needed because of the different possible problems and all the steps you committed to taking to address them in advance.

            Step 5: Identify Potential Opportunities, Internal and External

            Imagine how your expected plan would look if unexpected opportunities came up. Most of these will be external but consider internal ones as well. Then, gauge the likelihood of each scenario and the number of resources you would need to take advantage of each opportunity. Convert the resources into money if possible.

            Then, think of what steps you can take in advance to take advantage of unexpected opportunities and write out how much you expect these steps might cost. Finally, add up all the extra resources that may be needed because of the different unexpected opportunities and all the steps you committed to taking to address them in advance.

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            Step 6: Check for Cognitive Biases

            Check for potential cognitive biases that are relevant to you personally or to the organization as a whole, and adjust the resources and plans to address such errors.[1] Make sure to at least check for loss aversion, status quo bias, confirmation bias, attentional bias, overconfidence, optimism bias, pessimism bias, and halo and horns effects.

            Step 7: Account for Unknown Unknowns (Black Swans)

            To have a more effective strategy, account for black swans as well. These are unknown unknowns -unpredictable events that have potentially severe consequences.

            To account for these black swans, add 40 percent to the resources you anticipate. Also, consider ways to make your plans more flexible and secure than you intuitively feel is needed.

            Step 8: Communicate and Take the Next Steps

            Communicate the plan to your stakeholders, and give them a heads up about the additional resources needed. Then, take the next steps to address the unanticipated problems and take advantage of the opportunities you identified by improving your plans, as well as allocating and reserving resources.

            Finally, take note that there will be cases when you’ll need to go back and forth these steps to make improvements, (a fix here, an improvement there) so be comfortable with revisiting your strategy and reaching out to your list of experts.

            Conclusion

            A great way to deal with feelings of uncertainty during this pandemic is to anticipate obstacles with a good plan – and a sure road to that is practicing strategic thinking.

            In the coming months and years, you’ll need to continue navigating uncharted territory so that you can lead your team to safe waters. Regularly doing these 8 steps to strategic thinking will ensure that you can prepare for and adapt  to the coming changes with increasing clarity, perspective, and efficiency.[2]

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            Featured photo credit: JESHOOTS.COM via unsplash.com

            Reference

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