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Why Is It Hard for Some People to Trust and How to Trust Again

Why Is It Hard for Some People to Trust and How to Trust Again

Trust no one. This seemingly beneficial virtue for a happy life can be a bit counterproductive, making issues where there didn’t need to be one. A lack of trust can lead to a multitude of issues, including the inability to maintain relationships. But if you trust too much, you leave yourself vulnerable; a target for disappointment.

The concept of trust: the firm belief in reliability, truth, ability, or strength of something or someone; is a bit foreign when reclusive secrecy has become the norm. But the fact of the matter is, if we build our walls up too high, we doom ourselves to a fate full of solitude and loneliness.

The concept of trust is developed early on in life, leaving room for developmental issues down the line.

During our infant and toddler stages, we as humans being assessing our emotions and grasp on certain dynamics. Our concept of trust is one of the first to be established. More often than not, trust issues are developed early on in life as a direct effect of an occurrence or lack thereof during childhood.[1]

    Children who did not receive consistent attention, nurturing, affection, appropriate discipline, or acceptance during their developing stages are likely to establish issues later on in life; and are likely to struggle with maintaining relationships. This is even more true for children who are exposed to abusive environments, as their view of normalcy in relationships has been permanently skewed.

    Trust issues can develop during any stage of life due to a variety of reasons.

    Trust issues are not exclusively linked to childhood experiences, they can really develop during any stage of life.[2]

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    Adolescence is another milestone for trying and developmentally altering experiences. Young teens who are bullied and teased at school or at home may develop a mistrust for their peers, as their self-esteem has been effected which in turn will play a monumental role on that individuals ability to trust.

    Traumatic life events during any stage of life including adulthood can seriously hinder the trust spectrum. Occurrences such as theft, illness, or loss of a loved one. This person has been disillusioned, and have to come to terms with new emotions such as loss of control, abandonment, or loss of security. On a more heinous scale, experiences such as sexual assault or rape can leave the victim stripped of the ability to trust.

      The most common of trust issues, relationship issues, can develop at anytime.

      Now, these can manifest during a normally healthy relationship, stemming from a childhood experience that clearly has not been processed. But more likely than not, everyone goes through “that one” relationship that turns their world upside down and alters the way that they view relationships and themselves indefinitely. Those who have been cheated on are likely to carry the notion into future relationships that no one can be trusted, and if they didn’t answer your text in 5 seconds, then they must be cheating.

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        And yes, granted, in today’s hook up culture, it’s difficult to give people the benefit of the doubt. With the illusion of variety and adoration generated by social media outlets; the promotion of “side pieces” and “main squeezes”, there’s not much room for the die-hard romantic who wants to achieve a meaningful and monogamous relationship.

        This may surprise you, but the cheater in the relationship is typically the one with real trust issues. There are very few reasons why people cheat, and although some of the reasons may be understandable, none are excusable.[3]

        But usually people tend to cheat when they’re feeling insecure, like they don’t “have it” anymore, or they have a nagging suspicion that their partner could or is doing better than them. To avoid being the one who gets betrayed, they go ahead and cheat so that they are in control of the situation so to speak.

        There is a direct connection between the existence of trust issues and mental health.

        Perhaps some of the most tragic trust issues are those that are generated by PTSD, due to some horrifyingly traumatic event. Many adults who have underwent war and all of the experiences that come with it, often carry those experiences with them off of the battleground.

        Many of these individuals feel that they did not receive the appropriate support from their government or their peers, after offering the ultimate sacrifice. That horrific experience leaves these heroes riddled with issues, trust being the main contender.

        Often times, the presence of trust issues are often couple with a multitude of additional issues. Be it abandonment, humiliation, or a traumatic physical experience, trust issues don’t travel alone. These additional ailments are a good indication as to what has caused the trust issues to begin with.

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        Although the trust has been lost, you can still gain it back.

        Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to this problem. Trust issues are deep seeded, stemmed from an early experience, ingraining itself into your overall development. But it is not the end all. It can be mended.

        Therapy – the most direct and effective way.

        This should be your first method of attack. I know, I know.

        Going to therapy eludes to some kind of stigma, like you’re crazy or something, or can’t handle your life. But the truth is that none of that is true. You’re just a bit damaged, and you may not even be aware as to what has caused the damage. You’re battling the after effects and you deserve a rest.

        Speaking to a counselor/therapist/psychologist can be incredibly beneficial, because you end up digging deep and unveiling aspects of yourself and memories that had been suppressed. This is helpful for both the individual as well as the couple, if the trust issues are within the relationship.

        Communication – a good relationship takes two.

        Just because your previous partner did you wrong doesn’t mean that every person out there is an insatiable, insecure sex fiend.

        Talk to them. Tell them how you’re feeling. You might think that you’re coming off as needy and whiny, but those qualities are much more welcoming when you compare them to paranoia, insecurity, accusing, and eventually resentful. Tell your partner how you’re feeling, and why you think that you have these emotions. If they’re willing to work with you and get to a place where you feel more comfortable, they’re a keeper.

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        If they’re thrown by your concerns, then you need to move on. You’re sliding down a toxic path to nowhere.

        Moving On – sometimes letting go is better than holding on.

        Sometimes it’s not all in your head. Sometimes you’ve learned from your passed experiences, and although they have left you a bit jaded, they have also left you with a intuitive wisdom. Perhaps your lack of trust has left you cynical, yet observant. Regardless of whether or not your resignations stem from a very real place, you have to weigh your happiness with the satisfaction of being right.

        If you’re mind is running a million miles a minute, trying to decipher if your partner is telling you the truth; it’s time to cut it off. It is bound to run its course eventually, otherwise you’re just stuck circling in the motions.

        You deserve happiness, and eventually you will find someone who doesn’t make you question every little thing.

        Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

        Reference

        More by this author

        Jenn Beach

        Traveling vagabond, writer, & plant-based food enthusiast.

        How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation How Traveling Can Drastically Improve Your Interpersonal Skills 10 Best Lumbar Support Cushions That All Desk Workers Need One Small Action Separates Success From Mediocrity. How Not To Turn Meaningful Discussions Into Arguments By Keeping This 1 Thing In Mind.

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        Last Updated on December 10, 2019

        5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

        5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

        Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

        Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

        But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

        Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

        But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

        Journal writing.

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        Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

        Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

        Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

        1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

        By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

        Consider this:

        Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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        But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

        The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

        2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

        If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

        How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

        Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

        You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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        3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

        As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

        Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

        All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

        4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

        Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

        Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

        The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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        5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

        The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

        It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

        Kickstart Journaling

        How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

        Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

        Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

        Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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