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5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

You’ve often heard that you should be more assertive in life. That you should stand up for yourself and express your opinion but take into consideration what the other person wants and needs too. That you should be nice but not let people use you.

Assertiveness also means being direct when communicating, but not to a point where you’ll make someone else feel upset. Doing this right doesn’t happen overnight, though. Because assertiveness is just one of the main communication styles, the one in the middle, and it’s easy to lead astray and either be passive, or aggressive in social life. Needless to say, that can make or break a relationship, cause you all the problems at work, lower your self-esteem due to never getting what you want and judging yourself for that afterward, lead to feeling angry and starting arguments, etc.

Getting better at being assertive can save you from all this. Now, we’ll focus more on how to get your point to be heard without being pushy and hurting others in some way. Assertive communication is the solution to better relationships, higher self-esteem, recognition, respect and balance in every area of your life that includes socializing. Fortunately, it’s a skill and, as any other can be learned with practice.

Here are some tips to follow that will make you confident without being aggressive:

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1. Notice signs of aggressive communication

Notice signs of aggressive communication, and choose a lighter approach. Learn more about the types of communication, especially the 2 aggressive ones. Here’s what you should keep in mind.

Aggressive individuals are all about domination. They violate the rights of other people and feed on their energy. In the end, they feel more powerful, as if they’ve won. But that’s just an illusion and soon they end up feeling emotionally exhausted from communicating this way.

For some time, this way of socializing works. You may think you’re getting what you want, but you end up having no meaningful relationships, being surrounded by people who fear you (be it at work or in personal life) and having let fear, hatred and other negative emotions blind your judgment.

But everything changes when you become aware of this, admit it to yourself that you’ve fallen into the trap of aggression, and decide to change. Then, you’ll be able to get familiar with all these bad behaviors you’ve developed and the harmful mental patterns that dictate your actions and to actually let go of all these.

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If you recognize a sign of aggressive communication the moment it’s about to show up, you can reject it and either do nothing or act assertively.

2. Watch your tone

When stating your opinion and thus making others take you seriously, for example, you might start sounding like you’re criticizing the other person, or that your opinion is more important than his. Your intonation can do that even if you don’t mean it.

So make sure your voice is clear but calm. Speak in a respectful manner.

3. Look for the best solution

Aggressive communicators are egoistic, they’re all about winning and doing what’s right for them. But that leaves the feelings and rights of the other person behind and he ends up hurt.

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With assertiveness, however, you’re looking for the most optimal solution to a problem. You’re clearly stating how you want things to be but also listen carefully to what others need and want.

Being assertive also means being fair and empathetic. Once you get there, you’ll solve problems effortlessly and everyone will be happy with the final decision.

4. Always think before you speak

When you’re about to have a serious conversation with someone where you’ll share your opinion, want to appear self-assured and to earn respect, take some time to think it through first.

The reason why you should do it is because it’s easy to start blaming, judging, interrupting, attacking or being rude. But if you practice the dialogue in your head first, you’ll notice where you’re changing direction and being pushier than you’d like.

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We are our own best critics, so if you’re going to finally stand up for yourself, let’s do it right and without leaving the other person with negative emotions.

5. Don’t fear anger, let it be

When working on improving their communication skills, many people think anger is this bad thing they should avoid at any cost. Unfortunately, they end up burying it deep within, until it’s too much to handle and they let it out at once.

So change your approach towards anger. First, allow it to happen. Know it’s a natural emotion and denying it won’t make it disappear. Then, understand it. That will help you internalize it and see what causes it. Once you’re in peace with your anger, you’ll be able to let it go and liberate you. That’s when you’ll freely express the opinion and communicate with others without feeling the need to yell, argue or blame in any way.

Conclusion:

When you’re ready to start becoming assertive, work on one of these aspects at a time, and begin small. Don’t be in a rush to get to the end goal. The point of every journey is to develop character and gain experience during it. So make sure you enjoy it too.

Meeting new people or talking to those in your surroundings but with a stronger mindset, will allow you to learn a thing or two from everyone. Soon your relationships will improve.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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