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5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

You’ve often heard that you should be more assertive in life. That you should stand up for yourself and express your opinion but take into consideration what the other person wants and needs too. That you should be nice but not let people use you.

Assertiveness also means being direct when communicating, but not to a point where you’ll make someone else feel upset. Doing this right doesn’t happen overnight, though. Because assertiveness is just one of the main communication styles, the one in the middle, and it’s easy to lead astray and either be passive, or aggressive in social life. Needless to say, that can make or break a relationship, cause you all the problems at work, lower your self-esteem due to never getting what you want and judging yourself for that afterward, lead to feeling angry and starting arguments, etc.

Getting better at being assertive can save you from all this. Now, we’ll focus more on how to get your point to be heard without being pushy and hurting others in some way. Assertive communication is the solution to better relationships, higher self-esteem, recognition, respect and balance in every area of your life that includes socializing. Fortunately, it’s a skill and, as any other can be learned with practice.

Here are some tips to follow that will make you confident without being aggressive:

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1. Notice signs of aggressive communication

Notice signs of aggressive communication, and choose a lighter approach. Learn more about the types of communication, especially the 2 aggressive ones. Here’s what you should keep in mind.

Aggressive individuals are all about domination. They violate the rights of other people and feed on their energy. In the end, they feel more powerful, as if they’ve won. But that’s just an illusion and soon they end up feeling emotionally exhausted from communicating this way.

For some time, this way of socializing works. You may think you’re getting what you want, but you end up having no meaningful relationships, being surrounded by people who fear you (be it at work or in personal life) and having let fear, hatred and other negative emotions blind your judgment.

But everything changes when you become aware of this, admit it to yourself that you’ve fallen into the trap of aggression, and decide to change. Then, you’ll be able to get familiar with all these bad behaviors you’ve developed and the harmful mental patterns that dictate your actions and to actually let go of all these.

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If you recognize a sign of aggressive communication the moment it’s about to show up, you can reject it and either do nothing or act assertively.

2. Watch your tone

When stating your opinion and thus making others take you seriously, for example, you might start sounding like you’re criticizing the other person, or that your opinion is more important than his. Your intonation can do that even if you don’t mean it.

So make sure your voice is clear but calm. Speak in a respectful manner.

3. Look for the best solution

Aggressive communicators are egoistic, they’re all about winning and doing what’s right for them. But that leaves the feelings and rights of the other person behind and he ends up hurt.

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With assertiveness, however, you’re looking for the most optimal solution to a problem. You’re clearly stating how you want things to be but also listen carefully to what others need and want.

Being assertive also means being fair and empathetic. Once you get there, you’ll solve problems effortlessly and everyone will be happy with the final decision.

4. Always think before you speak

When you’re about to have a serious conversation with someone where you’ll share your opinion, want to appear self-assured and to earn respect, take some time to think it through first.

The reason why you should do it is because it’s easy to start blaming, judging, interrupting, attacking or being rude. But if you practice the dialogue in your head first, you’ll notice where you’re changing direction and being pushier than you’d like.

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We are our own best critics, so if you’re going to finally stand up for yourself, let’s do it right and without leaving the other person with negative emotions.

5. Don’t fear anger, let it be

When working on improving their communication skills, many people think anger is this bad thing they should avoid at any cost. Unfortunately, they end up burying it deep within, until it’s too much to handle and they let it out at once.

So change your approach towards anger. First, allow it to happen. Know it’s a natural emotion and denying it won’t make it disappear. Then, understand it. That will help you internalize it and see what causes it. Once you’re in peace with your anger, you’ll be able to let it go and liberate you. That’s when you’ll freely express the opinion and communicate with others without feeling the need to yell, argue or blame in any way.

Conclusion:

When you’re ready to start becoming assertive, work on one of these aspects at a time, and begin small. Don’t be in a rush to get to the end goal. The point of every journey is to develop character and gain experience during it. So make sure you enjoy it too.

Meeting new people or talking to those in your surroundings but with a stronger mindset, will allow you to learn a thing or two from everyone. Soon your relationships will improve.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

More Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself

Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

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