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5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

5 Ways To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy

You’ve often heard that you should be more assertive in life. That you should stand up for yourself and express your opinion but take into consideration what the other person wants and needs too. That you should be nice but not let people use you.

Assertiveness also means being direct when communicating, but not to a point where you’ll make someone else feel upset. Doing this right doesn’t happen overnight, though. Because assertiveness is just one of the main communication styles, the one in the middle, and it’s easy to lead astray and either be passive, or aggressive in social life. Needless to say, that can make or break a relationship, cause you all the problems at work, lower your self-esteem due to never getting what you want and judging yourself for that afterward, lead to feeling angry and starting arguments, etc.

Getting better at being assertive can save you from all this. Now, we’ll focus more on how to get your point to be heard without being pushy and hurting others in some way. Assertive communication is the solution to better relationships, higher self-esteem, recognition, respect and balance in every area of your life that includes socializing. Fortunately, it’s a skill and, as any other can be learned with practice.

Here are some tips to follow that will make you confident without being aggressive:

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1. Notice signs of aggressive communication

Notice signs of aggressive communication, and choose a lighter approach. Learn more about the types of communication, especially the 2 aggressive ones. Here’s what you should keep in mind.

Aggressive individuals are all about domination. They violate the rights of other people and feed on their energy. In the end, they feel more powerful, as if they’ve won. But that’s just an illusion and soon they end up feeling emotionally exhausted from communicating this way.

For some time, this way of socializing works. You may think you’re getting what you want, but you end up having no meaningful relationships, being surrounded by people who fear you (be it at work or in personal life) and having let fear, hatred and other negative emotions blind your judgment.

But everything changes when you become aware of this, admit it to yourself that you’ve fallen into the trap of aggression, and decide to change. Then, you’ll be able to get familiar with all these bad behaviors you’ve developed and the harmful mental patterns that dictate your actions and to actually let go of all these.

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If you recognize a sign of aggressive communication the moment it’s about to show up, you can reject it and either do nothing or act assertively.

2. Watch your tone

When stating your opinion and thus making others take you seriously, for example, you might start sounding like you’re criticizing the other person, or that your opinion is more important than his. Your intonation can do that even if you don’t mean it.

So make sure your voice is clear but calm. Speak in a respectful manner.

3. Look for the best solution

Aggressive communicators are egoistic, they’re all about winning and doing what’s right for them. But that leaves the feelings and rights of the other person behind and he ends up hurt.

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With assertiveness, however, you’re looking for the most optimal solution to a problem. You’re clearly stating how you want things to be but also listen carefully to what others need and want.

Being assertive also means being fair and empathetic. Once you get there, you’ll solve problems effortlessly and everyone will be happy with the final decision.

4. Always think before you speak

When you’re about to have a serious conversation with someone where you’ll share your opinion, want to appear self-assured and to earn respect, take some time to think it through first.

The reason why you should do it is because it’s easy to start blaming, judging, interrupting, attacking or being rude. But if you practice the dialogue in your head first, you’ll notice where you’re changing direction and being pushier than you’d like.

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We are our own best critics, so if you’re going to finally stand up for yourself, let’s do it right and without leaving the other person with negative emotions.

5. Don’t fear anger, let it be

When working on improving their communication skills, many people think anger is this bad thing they should avoid at any cost. Unfortunately, they end up burying it deep within, until it’s too much to handle and they let it out at once.

So change your approach towards anger. First, allow it to happen. Know it’s a natural emotion and denying it won’t make it disappear. Then, understand it. That will help you internalize it and see what causes it. Once you’re in peace with your anger, you’ll be able to let it go and liberate you. That’s when you’ll freely express the opinion and communicate with others without feeling the need to yell, argue or blame in any way.

Conclusion:

When you’re ready to start becoming assertive, work on one of these aspects at a time, and begin small. Don’t be in a rush to get to the end goal. The point of every journey is to develop character and gain experience during it. So make sure you enjoy it too.

Meeting new people or talking to those in your surroundings but with a stronger mindset, will allow you to learn a thing or two from everyone. Soon your relationships will improve.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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