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How To Make Engaging Eye Contact For A Great First Impression

How To Make Engaging Eye Contact For A Great First Impression

We look at people every single day, but we don’t always realize how important eye contact really is. We don’t realize all that can be gathered about a person by just engaging in eye contact. Unfortunately for shy people, they are at a disadvantage because they usually have difficulty holding eye contact.

For example, when you are in the middle of a job interview or you are on a date, you want to keep your focus on the person you are trying to impress. I’m sure that you’ve heard before that first impressions are everything. Although I do not agree with that statement entirely, I do think it definitely holds some truth. Imagine being on a date with someone, you’re trying to have a conversation with them, and they are looking at everything going on around them instead of paying attention to you. You’d feel pretty ignored, right? You’d feel as if the person you’re talking to is totally disinterested in what you have to say. It’s an awful feeling, even if they aren’t doing it intentionally.

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I’m talking about practicing engaging eye contact well enough so that you appear to be totally engaged, even if you aren’t. It all boils down to respect, appreciation, understanding and interest in what the other person is saying. If you’re one of those shy people who really struggles with keeping eye contact, or you’re someone who just wants some tips and techniques, we’ll teach you how to make eye contact.

4 clever tricks to make eye contact

1. Imaginary Inverted Triangle

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Portrait of handsome businessman looking at camera

    Some people find it very awkward to stare into someone else’s eyes, so here’s a little trick to help with that. Draw an imaginary triangle on the person’s face around their mouth and eyes. While holding a conversation with someone, change your gaze to another point on the triangle. This will give off the impression that you’re interested in the conversation. Sounds a little silly but it works! Give it try.

    2. Practice without leaving your couch

    Probably the easiest way for anyone to do anything, ever. I mean, you don’t even need to leave your couch. This works really well for those who are shy and aren’t ready to practice on real people just yet. I always like to recommend that taking notice of a person’s eye color is a good place to start. Especially since down the road you want to be able to have reached a point where you can look someone in the eyes and not feel uncomfortable and awkward.

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    When you’re watching a TV show or a movie, every time a new character comes on the screen up close take notice of the color of their eyes, hair, etc. Eventually when you’ve felt like you’ve had enough practice, noticing these things on real people and making eye contact with them will come naturally.

    3. Take notice of their other features

    I’ll be honest, it can be extremely intimidating when looking into a person’s eyes, especially if they’re someone of authority. I have always struggled with eye contact myself. It makes me nervous. I have found that it helps to pay close attention to their features. I take notice of freckles on their face, the color of their hair, the way their mouth moves, etc. Although you aren’t looking directly into their eyes, you’re looking in that general region so you avoid giving off the impression that you aren’t paying attention to them.

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    4. Focus on one eye at a time

    In reality, you can’t actually look at two eyes at the same time. If you try, you end up looking very laser-like. Subconsciously you most likely already have one eye, whether it be the left or right, that you typically focus on. However, it’s still recommended that you switch looking from one eye to another while having a conversation. Truthfully, it looks much more natural and shows more attention and interest.

    As a general rule, direct eye contact ranging from 30% to 60% of the time during a conversation – more when you are listening, less when you are speaking – should make for a comfortable productive atmosphere.

    As with anything, practice makes perfect and over time you’ll become much more comfortable with maintaining eye contact with someone. It’s not just about how to make eye contact with someone, it’s what you do once you have.

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    Erica Wagner

    Erica is a passionate writer who shares inspiring ideas and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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    Last Updated on July 3, 2020

    30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

    30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

    In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

    1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

    Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

    2. Focus on your breath

    Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

    3. Get organized and purge old items

    A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

    4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

    Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

    5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

    Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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    6. Smile more

    Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

    7. Don’t worry about the future

    As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

    8. Eat real food

    The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

    9. Choose being happy over being right

    Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

    10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

    Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

    11. Make use of filtering features on social media

    You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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    12. Get comfortable with silence

    When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

    13. Listen to understand, not to respond

    So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

    14. Put your troubles in a bubble

    Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

    15. Speak more slowly

    Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

    16. Don’t procrastinate

    Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

    17. Buy a coloring book

    Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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    18. Prioritize yourself

    You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

    19. Forgive others

    Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

    20. Check your expectations

    Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

    21. Engage in active play

    Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

    22. Stop criticizing yourself

    The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

    23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

    Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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    24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

    Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

    25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

    Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

    26. Manage your money

    Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

    27. Stop trying to control everything

    Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

    28. Practice affirmations

    Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

    29. Get up before sunrise

    Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

    30. Be yourself

    Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

    Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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