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Once You Learn These 8 Hard Truths About Life, You’ll Become Much Stronger

Once You Learn These 8 Hard Truths About Life, You’ll Become Much Stronger

Life is many things. Life is beautiful and miraculous, and it’s wonderful. But there is one thing life isn’t: easy. There are times when this is more apparent than others. We don’t always make it any easier on ourselves either; we hold onto notions and habits and notions that are incorrect, ludicrous, or even harmful to us. We walk through life refusing to see simple truths because we’re worried they’ll be too hard to bare, without realizing that accepting them will actually make every day much easier and much more joyful. William Beteet’s list[1] describes perfectly some difficult truths that we need to learn to accept.

1. Everyone You Love is Going to Die

Grim as this may sound, realizing that eventually you and everyone you know won’t be around forever will enrich and deepen your relationships. So many people take their loved ones for granted and feel an unrelenting sense of regret when they’re gone. Parents, grandparents, friends — we never know when we may find out that they’re no longer with us. Have you called your parents lately? Call them now. Our relationships are the most meaningful things we have in life and should be cherished.

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2. We Give Our Lives Meaning

Buddhists believe that we create our own world with our thoughts and actions. Having a meaningful life, then, is a choice. We don’t have to go out and join the peace corps or end world hunger to have a meaningful life; a bagger at the grocery store can feel just as fulfilled as the CEO of a major company. Often times, we’re too focused on what we don’t have and what we want and this makes our lives feel empty no matter how much we’ve achieved.

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3. The Perfect Partner Doesn’t Exist

Many people dream of the perfect romance and a partner that will sweep us off of our feet and into the sunset of an eternally happy ever after. In fact, most of us are probably guilty of daydreaming about our “perfect match” sometimes. But how can it affect our real relationships when our partners don’t meet our picture perfect dreams? This doesn’t mean we should settle for someone we’re miserable with, but it does mean that we should always expect to put work into a relationship. Think of it as an artistic masterpiece; you and your partner are the tools and you have to work together to make the canvas beautiful. We can be happy and fulfilled in a relationship, but not if we expect the canvas to paint itself! Check out the article below. It highlights some key things and the basic line for a fulfilling relationship. After learning these, you’ll be less likely to go overboard.

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4. Life Is A Game

Why should we walk on eggshells our entire lives, worried about getting something terribly wrong? This life is ours to learn from and experience. We should think of it as a game; decide what it is we want to do in life, learn the rules, and level up. We can never achieve anything or be successful if we’re too afraid to play. Have you ever heard of someone becoming a pro football player without ever setting foot on a field?

5. Everything Ends

This is a lot like the first only it may be a little harder to hear. Nothing lasts forever. We’ll only be young for a little while and then we’ll be old. We’ll fall in love, we’ll fall out of love, or lose the ones we love. We’ll live and then we’ll die. So many people before us have lived, loved, succeeded, failed, and died. We need to remember that we aren’t any different. Rather than being depressed by this, however, we can feel grateful, excited, and even empowered in this life. If things lasted forever, what would make them special? Time and endings make things valuable. We need to appreciate everything.

6. Be Romantic About The Little Things

Since we know now that everything comes to an end, we also know that we need to love everything we can in life. Things can become so mundane when placed into the mundane mind of someone viewing life as “the daily grind.”  Things are beautiful when we take a moment to let it be so, though. Take a different route to work or school, lie down in the grass and watch the clouds, and look up at the stars. Be romantic and the world will always feel magical. Take a day off from the stress and enjoy life! The article below highlights some good ways to slow down and enjoy the end of your week.

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7. Be A Realist About The Big Things

Even though we shouldn’t take life too seriously, it’s important that we don’t let our right brain reign all hours of the day. There are some things in life we just need our more analytical mind for. For example, those of us wanting to become famous authors can’t just write some words and then find that, BOOM, we’re a best seller! No. We have to take the appropriate steps to edit, promote, and publish our work. Most things worth doing take time and energy. Basically, everyone has to use their head sometimes. Take a look at this  article for some tips on using your head to get things done.

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8. Figure Out A Way Or Don’t Complain

Almost everyone has met someone who does nothing but complain about how his or her life isn’t turning out the way they like it. We either tune it out or feel frustrated with them. We think why don’t they just change it if they don’t like it? But, if we’re honest with ourselves, we realize that we’re not always much better. “That teacher is too picky, her tests don’t make sense.” “I just can’t learn how to do that, I have a condition.”The truth is that complaints rarely change anything and more often than not, they hold us back. We need to be proactive and positive. We need to believe that we can figure out a way. Otherwise, we can keep our complaints to ourselves.

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    Marina Richter

    Freelance Writer

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    Last Updated on March 30, 2020

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

    Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

    You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

    This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

    What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

    According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

    Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

    There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

    How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

    When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

    Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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    1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

    One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

    The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

    Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

    2. Be Honest

    A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

    If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

    On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

    Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

    3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

    Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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    If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

    4. Succeed at Something

    When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

    Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

    5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

    Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

    Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

    If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

    If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

    Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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    6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

    Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

    You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

    On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

    You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

    7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

    Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

    Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

    Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

    When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

    Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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    In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

    Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

    It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

    Final Thoughts

    When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

    The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

    Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

    Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

    Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

    More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

    Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
    [2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
    [3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
    [4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
    [5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
    [6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
    [7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
    [8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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