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Appearance And Common Values Are Not That Important, According To The Data Collected

Appearance And Common Values Are Not That Important, According To The Data Collected

Your image of the perfect date may go something like this: A peaceful evening with a handsome man or a beautiful woman at your favorite quaint restaurant. The food is delicious and the conversation is enjoyable. You find that you have a lot of common values and interests.

If this is your assumption, then you may want to think again. A recent article that talks about the dating website OkCupid has shown that good looks and core values don’t have any effect on one’s dating experience.

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How The Experiment Was Launched

The App: “Crazy Blind Date”

“Love is Blind Day” was launched by OkCupid on January 15, 2013; on this day all the user’s profile pictures were hidden from view. The day was held in as a promotion for a new mobile app called Crazy Blind Date. The app would send users on a blind date where the only thing they knew about their dating partners were their names.

Interesting Findings

Approximately 10,000 people used the app. As there was a post-date questionnaire interesting data about blind dates was collected. Christian Rudder, the co-founder of OKCupid and author of the book Dataclysm reveals that people generally like blind dates and, this is the interesting part, looks and how attractive a person was did not matter.

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Rudder states: “The two people’s looks had almost no effect on whether they had a good time. No matter which person was better-looking or by how much—even in cases where one blind-dater was a knockout and the other rather homely—the percent of people giving the dates a positive rating was constant.”

So the attractiveness of a person did not affect the level of enjoyment experienced by the two people on the date.

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What We Think We Like vs What We Really Like

What is not surprising is that when profile pictures are available people will choose to go on dates with good looking people. This may, however, not be doing them any favors as looks itself seems does not equate with having a good time. So what we think we will like and what we actually like may be two distinct things. This idea is explored by Rudder in his book Dataclysm.

Sam McNerney explains:
“Dataclysm is a book about a curious aspect of human behavior: the rift between what we think we’ll like, and what we actually like—what we say versus what we actually feel and do.”

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Are common core values important?

Many people, when asked, will say that for a relationship to be successful both people need to share the same core values. For example, if someone is an avid vegan they are less likely to go out with a meat eater. However, core values may play a more minor role than we think.

Rudder says that the answer to mundane icebreakers such as “Do you like scary movies?” and “Have you ever traveled alone to another country?” can indicate if a relationship will last or not. If both couples have the same answers, be it yes or no, the relationship is likely to stand the test of time.

Summation

So next time you go on a date with someone perhaps you should consider going with an unexpected choice. You may like to consider someone who, in your eyes, is ordinary looking or someone who has different values to your own. Going against your instincts may yield surprising and positive results. You may find yourself enjoying the date to a greater extent than you would have ever anticipated. As Steve Jobs said: a lot of times we don’t know what we want until we experience it.

Featured photo credit: Huffington post via huffingtonpost.ca

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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