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It’s Not How You Look That Makes You Attractive, But Who You Are Inside

It’s Not How You Look That Makes You Attractive, But Who You Are Inside

We all have those days when we just don’t feel attractive. And trying to meet society’s expectations of beauty can be even more frustrating – your clothes are from last season, your hair doesn’t look right, you gained 10 pounds over winter. You start thinking, “Is this why I’m still single?” Let me just stop you right there. Resist these overwhelming feelings. Don’t allow social demands to cause you to question your self-worth.

As it turns out, your physical appearance is not what makes you attractive to other people. What matters the most is who you are on the inside.

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“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” – Kahlil Gibran

Your physical appearance is not likely to cause attraction between you and the person you’re dating. Contrary to what we are conditioned to believe, your emotional expressions are what other people find attractive. When we’re dating new people, we want to build a relationship with somebody who shares our thoughts and morals. We want to find somebody that we can understand…

A psychology study has backed this up. A professor of Social and Affective Neuroscience at the University of Lubeck in Germany, Silke Anders, conducted an experiment by having volunteers watch videos of women expressing either sadness or fear. The volunteers then rated the videos. The results indicated a positive correlation between how well the volunteers understood the woman’s feelings and how attractive they found her. The findings went beyond the volunteers’ ratings. The area of their brains responsible for the feeling of attraction were also more active when watching the women that they could understand.[1]

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Our desire to have a relationship with somebody we can understand is built into our psychology. In fact, the very attraction between two people is dependent on whether or not we share a common language. Being able to understand somebody we are dating means that we can trust them as our partner.

“I found I was more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s definition of beautiful and started being my own.” –Remington Miller

All of this worrying about how attractive we are on the outside can really bring us down, giving us insecurities and even social anxiety. We lose our confidence when we start worrying about how other will see us. And with our confidence goes our happiness.

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So what’s the answer? It’s in your communication with the rest of the world. Show them that you don’t care what you think. That’s right, stop caring and stop thinking. Thinking too much before you do something (like going out for the night) only causes you a ton of social anxiety. When you stop thinking, you get rid of that anxiety. If you’re in the dating world and get rejected, don’t think about it. Let it roll right off your shoulders; don’t feel angry and don’t feel hurt. Because you don’t care.[2]

When you stop caring, you’ll be more likely to be proactive in life, both in the professional and personal realm. And you’ll start to realize something with this new attitude. It gives you social confidence. As long as you focus on your life with confidence, people will be attracted to you.

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The psychology of attraction says that it doesn’t matter how you look. So stop worrying about getting the right shade of lipstick, going out with a bad hairdo, and putting on the right outfit. None of this makes you attractive. People are attracted to you because of your confidence, your personality, and the way you express yourself. So remember this when you’re going out there into the dating world. You are beautiful on the inside, let that person shine through.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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