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What You Need To Let Go Of In Your 30s

What You Need To Let Go Of In Your 30s

If you were to believe every Friends-like sitcom on television, you’d think that the day you hit 30 you’d automatically want to trade in your wild and crazy life to settle down and start taking life a little more seriously. While this might end up happening by the end of your 30th year on Earth, it’s more due to your biological clock than any conscious decision you’ve made on your own. Fight it as you might, time hurries on, and it takes you with it. I hope you enjoyed the ridiculousness of your 20s, because by the time you reach 31, you should have at least cut down on, or completely let go of, the following.

Let go of binging anything

Drinking. Eating. Netflix-ing. Gambling. Napping. The list goes on. In your 20s, moderation takes a backseat to excess. You only live once, right? (I refuse to refer to the acronym for that saying). By the time you’re 30, though, the novelty of binging on your favorite vice should start to wear off. You should be too busy actually doing something with your life to even have time for any of this stuff. Of course, if you get an hour here or there, you shouldn’t feel guilty indulging in one of life’s pleasures – but you should definitely stop allowing them to consume your life.

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Let go of toxic friendships

You might still have some friends from high school or college who linger in your life, and who you refuse to believe have not actually been your friends for quite some time. These are the ones who convince you to come out drinking all night, or the ones who only come around when they need something, or the ones who make excuses when you’re in need of some help and need someone to talk to. The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends will be. However, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The people you keep around should be the ones always pushing you to do better in life, and who truly care about you as a person. You don’t have to completely turn your back on the ones who are more pals than friends, but you’re under no obligation to make time for them either.

Let go of crappy jobs

In your early years of adulthood, you may have settled for any job you could get that would pay the bills. However, if you’re not happy with your current state of employment, you absolutely need to do everything in your power to change that before it’s too late. You might have been content enough working long hours for lame pay as long as you could afford a couple beers at the bar on Friday night, but you don’t want to continue that trend into your 30s. Soon enough, your 40s will come creeping around, and you definitely don’t want to be living for the weekends by then. There’s no getting around the fact that you’ll be spending 30-40 hours a week working;  so now’s the time to find a job you actually enjoy doing.

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Let go of excuses

Maybe you didn’t end up where you thought you’d be by now. Maybe things happened in your past that held you back from reaching your full potential. Maybe you wish things had turned out differently for you. I hate to be blunt, but everyone faces obstacles at different times in their life. Some make excuses and pass up opportunities when they come along, and others power through adversity and take advantage of every situation they face. Don’t be a “coulda-been.” Even if you haven’t done much with your life up until this point, you still have a long way to go. Don’t let it slip away.

Let go of caring what others think

Throughout our teenage years, we’re led to believe that people will stop being so judgmental as we get older. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. People are just as cruel as adults as they were as teenagers. While teens make fun of their peers’ clothing and haircuts, adults can actually be more cutting with their insults, pointing out a person’s true flaws and insecurities. While you can’t change the idiots who seem to exist only to put others down, you can control how you let their words affect you. As long as you’re living your life the way you want to live it, you don’t have to answer to anyone else’s comments. Who gives a #%$@ what they think, anyway?

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Let go of trying to control every little thing

When you graduated from high school and college, you were left with an empowering notion that your actions could change the world. While this notion isn’t completely wrong, it certainly is misguided. Unless you’re the next Mark Zuckerberg, you probably won’t end up accomplishing something which truly changes the entire world – no matter how great you believe your ideas are. However, your very existence changes the world ever so slightly, each and every day. By the time you hit 30, you should understand that there are things you have no control over which you’ll never be able to change, but you should also know that you do have the power within you to affect the world in some way. You should dedicate your time and effort each and every day to making this change, no matter how small it is.

Featured photo credit: GREG, MARISSA & SEAN – ALLIE WARD’S BDAY / Jared eberhardt via farm3.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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