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Why Complainers Are The Most Miserable Ones In The World

Why Complainers Are The Most Miserable Ones In The World

Maybe it was someone you worked with at a previous employer. Maybe it is someone you work with currently. Being around someone who always complains about everything in life can be exhausting. In fact, it is exhausting. Have you ever thought, “They have to be the most miserable person in the world?” Complainers are often very miserable, so here is why they are often the most miserable people in the world.

1. “I deserve more.”

This is often in the mindset of a complainer. They deserve more pay, more time, more this, more that. When you deal with a chronic complainer, you can bet you owe them something. You owe them stuff you never knew you owed them. They will often lack rationality and understanding of a situation. The Bottom Line: Don’t expect a complainer to be easy to please.

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2. “I deserve better.”

It may be better working conditions, better working schedules, better relationships, there is always something in the complainer’s mind that they deserve better. You could provide them with the best equipment, best cars, the best pay, the best homes, the best clothing, the best of everything, but they will always complain because they believe “they deserve better.” The Bottom Line: Don’t expect the complainers to be impressed with whatever you give them.

3. “It wasn’t my fault.”

It rarely is. In fact, it is rarely the complainers’ who have caused the issue at hand, in their minds. More times than not, the complainer never accepts responsibility for their actions or the consequences for their actions. So the copier at work suddenly quit working? Maybe the car is out of fuel. Either way, regardless of the circumstances, they will not see how it is their problem, or further more, their responsibility. The bottom line: Don’t expect a complainer to accept responsibility or own up to their mistakes.

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4. “I could have done it better.”

There are so many things to say about a chronic complainer. Can you imagine living a life with this mindset? Miserable is an understatement. Most of the time if you were to approach a complainer, you would hear them say how much better their ideas were. This may be the case, sometimes. The issue here is, they always see their ideas as the better alternatives. The Bottom Line: Don’t expect a complainer to accept the ideas of others. Their way is the only way, in their minds.

5. “If I can’t be happy, no one can be happy.”

A complainer, if not addressed promptly, can become a poisonous part of your team. Use caution and wisdom when dealing with them. The worst thing that could happen for your team, if a complainer is present, is if they infect other team members with their attitudes.

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6. “I don’t have to do that…” 

A complainer will often dictate what he/she will/will not do. They don’t abide by the rules, in their minds. When you approach someone on your staff who is constantly complaining, expect a hard, brick wall. Leadership will certainly be faced with challenges when dealing with someone who is a chronic complainer.

Did this sound negative? Maybe it sounded negative because of the mindset of those who are chronic complainers. Imagine living a life this miserable. I, as a former complainer, have found the solution to solving this major problem. Let’s face it: Complaining takes away a lot of the goodness in our lives. Grateful attitudes, contentment, and a positive outlook on life can change a complainer into a person with a great attitude.

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When dealing with a complainer, know they are miserable, first and foremost. Understand their may be some underlying issues leading up to their constant complaining.

Your attitude is contagious. Have a good attitude, display gratitude, and be positive!

Featured photo credit: Pixabay/Olichel via pixabay.com

More by this author

J. A. Davis

Founder & Owner of Enlivify Total Solutions, LLC

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

The Art of Humble Confidence

The Art of Humble Confidence

To be confident or not to be confident, that is the question. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been a bit confused about all this discussion about the subject of confidence. Do you really need to be more confident or should you try to be more humble? I think the answer is both – you just have to know where to use it.

East VS West – Confidence, It’s a Cultural Thing

In typical Western countries, the answer to the confidence debate is obvious – more is better. Our heros are rebellious, independent and shoot first, ask questions later. I think this snippet of dialog from The Matrix sums it up best:

Agent Smith – “We’re willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we’re asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.”
Neo – “Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger”
[He does]
Neo -“ …and you give me my phone call.”

In Eastern countries, the tone is often considerably different. Elders are supposed to be revered not dismissed. The words ‘guru,’ meaning a teacher, and the philosophy of dharma, loosely translated to mean ‘duty,’ come from here. In Eastern cultures humility and respect are more important than confidence.

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These perspectives are generalizations, but it shows how the confidence debate goes back deep into our culture. I think that both extremes of pure confidence or pure humility are misguided. Instead of rectifying this situation by simply blending the two: becoming somewhat humble, somewhat confident all the time, I believe the answer is to know when to be confident and when to be humble.

Humble Confidence – Know When to Use It

I’m going to make another broad generalization. I believe that virtually every relationship you are going to have is going to fit into one of two major archetypes, either master or student. In peer relationships this master/student role may switch frequently, but it is extremely rare that the relationship never leans to one side.

In the master role, you are displaying confidence to get what you want. This is public speaker, leader or seducer. Being the master has advantages. You have more control and ability to influence from this role.

The student role is the opposite. You are intentionally displaying humility. This is the student, disciple or follower. Being the student has advantages too. You can learn a lot more in this role and are more likely to win the trust of the other person.

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Know When to Shut Up and Learn

If you are a typical Westerner, you are probably already thinking about which role you prefer. Being the leader is great. You get respect and a higher status. Most of all you get a greater degree of control.

But the problem is that you can’t and shouldn’t always try to be the leader. Trying to assume that role without the skills, resources or status to back it up will lead to conflict. More importantly, there are many times when you purposely want to display humility. Some of the benefits to the student role include:

  • You learn more.
  • Smooths relationships.
  • Makes others more willing to lend a helping hand.

Knowing when taking the humble route is to your advantage. It is far easier to get mentors and advisors if you use humility rather than arrogance. A small sacrifice to your ego can open up the potential to learn a lot.

Confidence to Persuade, Humility to Learn

In reality almost no relationship is as clearly defined as master/student. Within our connections, people have overlapping areas of expertise. I might be an expert in blogging to a non-blogger, but they might be an expert in finance. In each area there are different roles to take.

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Before any interaction ask yourself what the purpose is. Are you trying to learn or persuade?

Persuasion requires confidence. If you are trying to sell, instruct or lead you need to display the confidence to match your message. But learning requires humility. You won’t learn anything if you are constantly arguing with your professors, mentors or employers. Taking a dose of humility and temporarily making yourself a student gives you the opportunity to absorb.

Persuade Less, Learn More

Persuasion is great for immediate effect, but learning matters over the long-haul. Instead of washing over all your communication with pure confidence, look for opportunities to learn. Persuading someone to follow you may give you an immediate boost of satisfaction, but it doesn’t last. Learning, however, is an investment for the future.

Whenever I make a connection with someone and realize they have a skill or understanding I want, I am careful to express humility in that area. That means listening with what they say even if I don’t immediately agree and being patient with their response. This method often drastically cuts down the time I need to spend on trial and error to learn by myself.

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Confidence/Humility Doesn’t Replace Communication Skills

This approach of selectively using confidence and humility for different purposes doesn’t replace communication skills. Humility isn’t going to work if the other person thinks you’re an irritating whiner. Confidence won’t work if the entire room thinks you are an arrogant jerk. Knowing how to display these two qualities takes practice.

The next time you are about to enter into an interaction ask yourself why you are doing it. Are you trying to persuade or learn? Depending on which you can take a completely different tact for far better results.

Featured photo credit: BBH Singapore via unsplash.com

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