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10 Ways Smart People Start Conversations With Anyone

10 Ways Smart People Start Conversations With Anyone

The heading is not to say that some people are smart while conversing and that others are just plain stupid. That would be a gross generalisation. But perception says that some people who converse in a smart manner are more aware and confident. And we believe that you must have a way of coming across as someone who is smart, creative and sure of themselves. These following sentences are some of the ways of starting or continuing an informed and interesting conversation that is not only a pleasure to others but of great interest to you.

1. “That is such a great pin/ring/pen/etc.”

By starting with a comment on something personal, you can often know more about the other person. This forays into the personal space without being too intrusive but at the same time its a positive note to start conversation with. And who knows you might just stumble upon a great story.

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2. “Do you know which way the bar/room/office/water cooler is?”

By asking a question, you make sure that the other person is compelled to answer. And once you start conversation, it can just flow based on how you approach it. Asking for assistance is the best option if you want someone to help you out and get to know you.

3. “Can I help you with that bag/door/dog?”

By offering to help someone, you will always come across as a friendly and kind person. Obviously, you must be aware that another person might just be wary of you initially and that you shouldn’t force your presence on them. But if someone is having a hard day, a hand is always appreciated.

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4.”What’s your reaction to that act/bill/play?”

You can start conversation by asking about the other’s opinion on things. Of this some will be of importance to them; they will care about certain things and talk more about them. If you also have a view on the topic, then the talking gets easier and easier. This method also requires you to have knowledge and opinions about things around you.

5. “Hey! Don’t you know John/my cousin/that doctor?”

In this age of Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp and Twitter, to start conversation of any kind you only need to check for mutual friends. This will not only give you an opening line, but will give you an idea about the circles the other person hangs out in. After all, often some conversations are not worth pursuing.

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6. Do you by any chance hail from (your school/town/hobby class)?

Not only mutual friends or social networks present you with a cursory glance into a persons surroundings. If you have certain similarities in your school, interests or place of belonging, you will have a wide range of topics to cover and even have the opportunity to reminisce. This can be the best to start conversation about pasts and look into the future.

7. “Your blog/music/art is really interesting.”

Without praising another to the skies, it is a good sign to show interest and communicate your opinion about their profession or hobbies. You must emotionally as well as creatively be invested in another to have a meaningful conversation about their creative bent of mind. You must make sure that your compliments are sincere and say something more than being mere exaltation.

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8. “I have a lucrative opportunity for you.”

By following up on a person’s interests and background, you can start conversation by providing an opportunity to another person. This opportunity can be something as small as asking them to teach your nephew softball or commissioning a painting from them. By feeling useful or important allows another person meet you shoulder to shoulder in the art of conversation.

9. “Something really embarrassing happened to me the other day.”

While not only asking questions, you must also offer more insight about yourself. By telling your story and trying to come across as an honest person, be it plain, exciting or just you, you will let another know that you are open to new people and new experiences.

10. “This is to toast my best friend/ boss/ new couple!”

You must hone your public speaking skills to be able to communicate with a room full of people and one single person alike. By being confident and using humour as an accompaniment, you can win not only one but every heart in the room. And we believe that that is never a bad thing.

Featured photo credit: Samuel Zeller via stocksnap.io

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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