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Not a People Person? You Will Be One After Reading This.

Not a People Person? You Will Be One After Reading This.

When I was in seventh grade, my parents switched me to a new school. As if middle school wasn’t hard enough, I had to start over with a whole new group of people. I was a 12-year-old introvert facing the worst thing that a 12-year-old introvert could ever face: finding friends. I was not, nor have I ever been, what you might call a “people person.” But I did my best and somehow miraculously survived those angst-filled years. Now, I’m much more social, but it’s still something I have to work hard on. Here are some of the things I do to help.

1. Remember names.

When I was younger, I was really good with names, but I always pretended that I’d forgotten someone’s name that I had just met, so as to not seem creepy. I now realize that that’s pretty dumb, but it seemed smart at the time. Now, I’m not as good with remembering names, but I use names when I can. People are usually impressed that you know their names, and it shows that you’re interested in them.

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2. Smile.

It’s surprising how effective smiling is. Just warming your face up a little bit when speaking to people really makes a lasting impression on them. You seem like a more genuinely happy and approachable person when you smile. It makes people feel good when you smile at them, so show off those pearly whites!

3. Be honest.

If someone asks what your hobbies are, don’t lie to them. Seriously, I’ve done that and it always leads to trouble. Once, in tenth grade, someone asked me if I played guitar, and I (stupidly) told them I did. In fact, I had never touched a guitar in my life, but I wanted to sound cool. Soon enough, that person wanted me to play with him sometime. I had to back out of that lie pretty quickly. Just be honest about yourself, and you’ll save everyone a lot of time and effort. People will like you for who you are.

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4. Ask questions.

People like to feel like others are interested in them. It’s just natural. Make sure you show interest in whomever you’re talking to by asking questions and acting attentive to the answers.

5. Be complimentary.

“Your house/this food/this party/your cat is great!” Whatever applies to the situation, use it. Complimenting someone on even the smallest detail will make a lasting impression and might earn you some friends by the end of the night.

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6. Stay positive.

Doing too much schmoozing can leave you feeling a little fake inside, and that’s totally normal. Just don’t overdo it on the elbow rubbing and keep positive thoughts going on in your head. You’ve got to genuinely enjoy socializing with the people you’re talking to, or there’s no point in talking to them at all. Keep a good thought.

7. Share.

People don’t just want to talk about themselves all the time (though, let’s face it, it’s fun)—they also want to hear about you! So put your two cents in every now and then. Being a people person involves giving and receiving, so don’t be afraid to let your personality come out.

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8. Put the phone down.

You’re not going to seem very social if you’re glued to your phone all the time. Put it away and don’t let it distract you. Looking at your phone too much makes you seem disinterested in talking to the people right in front of you. It’s also often a safety net, so don’t let yourself use it. I know I’m guilty of messing around on my phone when I’m bored. Don’t do that!

9. Be genuine.

Yes, you want people to like you. No, don’t do whatever it takes to make that happen. You need to make sure you’re not being a pushover, or just acting like someone you think people would like. Act naturally, and you’re much more likely to be happy with yourself and those around you.

10. Just have fun!

Meeting new people, though sometimes stressful for us not-people-persons, can be really fun. Just get in the right frame of mind and you’re good to go.

Featured photo credit: Luc De Leeuw via flickr.com

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Maggie Heath

Maggie is a passionate writer who blogs about communication and lifestyle on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on December 13, 2019

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

Are you keen to reinvent yourself this year? Or at least use the new year as a long overdue excuse to get rid of bad habits or pick up new ones?

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when we feel as if we have to turn over a new leaf. The time when we misguidedly imagine that the arrival of a new year will magically provide the catalyst, motivation and persistence we need to reinvent ourselves.

Traditionally, New Year’s Day is styled as the ideal time to kick start a new phase in your life and the time when you must make your all important new year’s resolution. Unfortunately, the beginning of the year is also one of the worst times to make a major change in your habits because it’s often a relatively stressful time, right in the middle of the party and vacation season.

Don’t set yourself up for failure this year by vowing to make huge changes that will be hard to keep. Instead follow these seven steps for successfully making a new year’s resolution you can stick to for good.

1. Just Pick One Thing

If you want to change your life or your lifestyle don’t try to change the whole thing at once. It won’t work. Instead pick one area of your life to change to begin with.

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Make it something concrete so you know exactly what change you’re planning to make. If you’re successful with the first change you can go ahead and make another change after a month or so. By making small changes one after the other, you still have the chance to be a whole new you at the end of the year and it’s a much more realistic way of doing it.

Don’t pick a New Year’s resolution that’s bound to fail either, like running a marathon if you’re 40lbs overweight and get out of breath walking upstairs. If that’s the case resolve to walk every day. When you’ve got that habit down pat you can graduate to running in short bursts, constant running by March or April and a marathon at the end of the year. What’s the one habit you most want to change?

2. Plan Ahead

To ensure success you need to research the change you’re making and plan ahead so you have the resources available when you need them. Here are a few things you should do to prepare and get all the systems in place ready to make your change.

Read up on it – Go to the library and get books on the subject. Whether it’s quitting smoking, taking up running or yoga or becoming vegan there are books to help you prepare for it. Or use the Internet. If you do enough research you should even be looking forward to making the change.

Plan for success – Get everything ready so things will run smoothly. If you’re taking up running make sure you have the trainers, clothes, hat, glasses, ipod loaded with energetic sounds at the ready. Then there can be no excuses.

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3. Anticipate Problems

There will be problems so make a list of what they’ll be. If you think about it, you’ll be able to anticipate problems at certain times of the day, with specific people or in special situations. Once you’ve identified the times that will probably be hard work out ways to cope with them when they inevitably crop up.

4. Pick a Start Date

You don’t have to make these changes on New Year’s Day. That’s the conventional wisdom, but if you truly want to make changes then pick a day when you know you’ll be well-rested, enthusiastic and surrounded by positive people. I’ll be waiting until my kids go back to school in February.

Sometimes picking a date doesn’t work. It’s better to wait until your whole mind and body are fully ready to take on the challenge. You’ll know when it is when the time comes.

5. Go for It

On the big day go for it 100%. Make a commitment and write it down on a card. You just need one short phrase you can carry in your wallet. Or keep it in your car, by your bed and on your bathroom mirror too for an extra dose of positive reinforcement.

Your commitment card will say something like:

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  • I enjoy a clean, smoke-free life.
  • I stay calm and in control even under times of stress.
  • I’m committed to learning how to run my own business.
  • I meditate daily.

6. Accept Failure

If you do fail and sneak a cigarette, miss a walk or shout at the kids one morning don’t hate yourself for it. Make a note of the triggers that caused this set back and vow to learn a lesson from them.

If you know that alcohol makes you crave cigarettes and oversleep the next day cut back on it. If you know the morning rush before school makes you shout then get up earlier or prepare things the night before to make it easier on you.

Perseverance is the key to success. Try again, keep trying and you will succeed.

7. Plan Rewards

Small rewards are great encouragement to keep you going during the hardest first days. After that you can probably reward yourself once a week with a magazine, a long-distance call to a supportive friend, a siesta, a trip to the movies or whatever makes you tick.

Later you can change the rewards to monthly and then at the end of the year you can pick an anniversary reward. Something that you’ll look forward to. You deserve it and you’ll have earned it.

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Whatever your plans and goals are for this year, I’d do wish you luck with them but remember, it’s your life and you make your own luck.

Decide what you want to do this year, plan how to get it and go for it. I’ll definitely be cheering you on.

Are you planning to make a New Year’s resolution? What is it and is it something you’ve tried to do before or something new? Why not pick one from this list: 50 New Year’s Resolution Ideas And How To Achieve Each Of Them

Featured photo credit: Ian Schneider via unsplash.com

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